Gimmicky tracks that were clearly intended to be big hits but weren't

Efua's Somewhere. Smoky garage house tune in which a future fitness trainer playfully gives a offbeat lecture on how to find satisfying love or something. I see it called Soul II Soul-ish, maybe because she's married to Jazzie B. Ends very abruptly because she gets bored and then she flushes a toilet (oh yeah this all apparently takes place in the ladies room?)

It appeared, pre-emptively, on Now 25. Apparently Radio 1 played it a lot, and Simon Bates thought it would go to number one. She even performed it on the Radio 1 Roadshow. But it only reached number 42. In Australia it was no. 26 on the Triple J Hottest 100 1993 but I gather it's just as obscure there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uvahxS3dPQ

In execution there was a not dissimilar track, Stan's Suntan, that reached no. 40 around the same time. I don't think there was as much visible huffing and puffing to make it a hit though (at least I hope not)

Remember when the singers from the ubiquitous Sheilas' Wheels car insurance adverts released a single (written and produced by Mike Stock and Pete Waterman)? Perhaps not, as it only reached number 91.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGqBHctnEzk

See also: Samanda feat. Honey Monster - Honey Love (didn't chart), both early 2010s Yeo Valley adverts (reached no. 71 and 94), and when the reactionary prick from the Halifax adverts covered Barry White (did pretty well, made the top 20)

I owned Now 25 and remember that Efua song well, if only for how odd it was. The video got shown on the ITV Chart Show at least once but I had no idea there was such a push behind it! LOL Simon Bates, that figures. I remember 'Suntan' as well, terrible times.

that lil nas x song

I wonder how many of these were prompted by The Manual by the KLF?
Also in the OP, “Brock Landars” is clearly trying to knock off the character from Boogie Nights, adding to the overall air of effort.

That would explain the laboured press release (i've never seen the film)

https://www.discogs.com/release/144070-Brock-Landars-SMDU-Smack-My-Dick-Up/image/SW1hZ2U6MzkyMDQyMTA=

I wonder how many of these were prompted by The Manual by the KLF?

my first thought with this thread was "every single by Scooter", some of which *do* become big hits, though which ones do and which ones don't is anyone's guess. Scooter have been pretty open about taking "The Manual" seriously.