ILM's Worst Songs of 2015

As proven by science!

Four way tie for #11

http://i.imgur.com/NAsZl2n.png
#11 – Cee-Lo Green: “Robin Williams” – 2 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfesrob8hW4

There’s something pretty sad about trying to profit off the memory of the late Robin Williams while using his suicide for your own spiritual journey, as CeeLo does here: “We don’t know what the next man’s going through … life reminds me of Robin Williams / we’ve got to laugh the pain away.” It’s even worse when you consider that CeeLo probably hoped the song would improve his public image following last year’s egregious tweets about rape and consent.
- Time Magazine

http://i.imgur.com/pdJy9tN.png
#11 – The Prettiots: “Boys (I Dated In High School)” – 2 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfol9YlSvPc

I suspect they have the potential to make some REALLY BAD songs in the future.
- Johnny Fever

well that’s prettiotic
- Leonard Pine

http://i.imgur.com/XkPrDlu.png
#11 – Splurt: “#OMW2SYG (Swiggity Swooty)” – 2 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSam5sBjvPk

[q]SPLURT
#OMW2SYG
"The Fat Jew"
"Swiggity Swooty I'm Comin Fo Dat Booty"
pseudo-"RAPPA POM POM!"-dancehall stylez
champagne facial
sub-tim and eric video skills
"OFFICIAL MERCH"
recurring iphone framing
#SWOOTYDANCE
- Forksclovetofu

It gave me a headache and so I took an aspirin, so technically speaking I suppose I do now feel like I'm on drugs.
- Three Word Username[q]

http://i.imgur.com/w7UEH3I.png
#11 – Death Team: “Fucking Bitches In The Hood” – 3 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlC-uR7TnyM

just poking my head in this thread to say that I actually kinda like fucking bitches in the hood
-unregistered

Three way tie for #8

http://i.imgur.com/6qxv4cf.png
#8 – Drake: “Hotline Bling” – 2 votes, 2 #1 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxpDa-c-4Mc

Drake’s 'Hotline Bling' is another old-guard Drake song about longing for a nebulous time, place, and lover; Sufjan’s 'Hotline Bling' is a brilliant epilogue of survival. It’s some of our only concrete evidence, post-Carrie & Lowell, to suggest that he’s emerged from the darkness with fragments of joy intact. If Stevens can recover from his deepest valleys, swishing around onstage to a Drake song, then why can’t the rest of us?
- Pitchfork

http://i.imgur.com/cjMIpb6.png
#8 – J. Sutta: “Feline Resurrection” – 2 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ws8pbDkRzQ

oh man that J Sutta thing is like a perfect storm of stupid people watching Twigs and thinking "we can do this" plus some kind of Cats-the-musical-goes-BDSM nightmare
- the tune was space

http://i.imgur.com/SbD27du.png
#8 – Rod Stewart: “Batman Superman Spiderman” – 3 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Gxz9WsTAo

saw a band dressed as Batman, Superman, Spiderman & Aquaman tear through "Killing In The Name" in the Latin Quarter this June, & it ruled, so I voted for that
- Euler

Top seven later on.

A lot of this makes more sense as "Worst Songs" when you add the music video in. Like, Swiggity Swooty didn't really make much of an impact on me when I heard it on the Spotify list. It sounded pretty mainstream to me. I should have done more research/stayed up to date with the thread.

this death team song is really enjoyably bad, the ideal bad song

If I couldn't see them and had never read anything by/about them I would actually quite like the Death Team song too. They seem like utter cunts, though.

http://i.imgur.com/OlV51Xr.png
#7 – 3OH!3: “My Dick” – 4 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSbCOxaZIVE

It'll be very hard for me not to vote for a song by 3OH!3 called "My Dick" even if I haven't heard it.
- cryptosicko

http://i.imgur.com/T3qthcx.png
#6 – AronChupa: “I’m An Albatraoz” – 4 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0

sirius has been pushing that albatraoz song for ages but i pray we as a country can stay strong
- da croupier

http://i.imgur.com/i2XyWDu.png
#5 – Andy Grammer: “Strip No More” – 6 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_H5fhBoeJU

'strip no more' is staggeringly bad, i felt the need to listen to it all but had to pause a few times to gather myself
- Merdeyeux

whoops that should be lukas graham of course, not andy grammer.
imagine the dark power of an unbridled lukas andy grahammer

oh you want a spotify list? well any old reason to make one i guess.
ILM's Worst Song of the Year - 2015 Spotify Playlist
"Strip No More" isn't on spotify but "Mama Said" is and it's horrible so that's standing in.

imagine the dark power of an unbridled lukas andy grahammer

lolllll

also, display name

I played the Albatoaz doubt ay home the other day, fron the noms Playlist. My kid piped his head out of his room "God I hate that song! Why are you playing that song?" I kinda like it and b thanks for giving me the ammo kid.

Albatraoz song at home

anyway, speak of the devil:

http://i.imgur.com/TvotZIR.png
#4 – Andy Grammer: “Honey, I’m Good” – 8 votes, 3 #1 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go7gn6dugu0

"rude" is a fucking incredibly rich song compared to "honey i'm good"
- BradNelson

Two way tie for points on second worst

http://i.imgur.com/28D0QQS.png
#2 – Meghan Trainor: “Dear Future Husband” – 8 votes, 2 #1 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShlW5plD_40

"dear future husband" seems a pathetic misstep - what an unappealing persona to emphasize as she's building her identity. i guess it overlaps with the impish/"sassy" thing that people went for on her hit, but i feel like at least some portion of people that liked or shared that song did so because they felt like it stood for some kind of vaguely progressive, sisters-are-butting-it-for-themselves kinda idea if not a very nuanced or thought-out one. but this hands us a much much more conventional "am i right, girls?" spree of lame cliches that i imagine those same people won't actually relate to at all. OTOH doubling down on a 'novelty' sound might be the right business decision since she doesn't seem to have much else to sustain a career on. the thing is i'd just rather hear dion and the belmonts than this insulting drivel. the carnival scene in the video made me hope we were headed in the direction of a "dead zone" plot but no such luck.
- Doctor Casino

http://i.imgur.com/meST0Jp.png
#2 – Halsey: “New Americana” – 11 votes, 1 #1 vote

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-eYbUVZedY

i have not heard halsey's song on the radio censored or uncensored and i hope it remains that way
- dyl

and of course it wasn't even that close really

http://i.imgur.com/kIhC03p.png
#1 – Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor: “Marvin Gaye” – 8 votes, 4 #1 votes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igNVdlXhKcI

gaye estate should be fighting the real enemy imo
- Maura

Thankfully that didn't make much of an impression here in the US. Awful

I would have voted for New Americana though. That chorus is just cringeworthy.

it was my no. 1. hideous song

I forgot about 'New Americana'. Eesh. The two Trainors were my #1 and #2, in the opposite order to their appearance here. I didn't even hate 'All About That Bass' as much as a lot of people (okay, I did hate it, but it barely scratches the surface of the badness she has since achieved).

I haven't heard any of these except #1 and I can safely say it's one of the most toe-curlingly bad bits of music I've ever heard in my life.

I genuinely 100% believe that Marvin Gaye might be the least bad thing here

And I've just listened to all of them, sequentially

i honestly don't think the prettiots should be in this company at all but hey

holy shit, props to 'strip no more' for its plot twist 1:20 in. i thought the song was merely going to be mawkish and patriarchal

oh wait, all is explained

Lukas grew up in a small community in the center of Copenhagen called Christiania.

After spending six months in Buenos Aires to clear his head and get away from the darker side of his hometown, Lukas brought that sound back to Christiania in 2010 where he joined forces with his writing team Future Animals [Don Stefano and Rissi Royall]. Writing lyrics first and telling stories, the style felt alive.

People who have obviously written their own Wikipedia entry, S/D C/D

yeah unless something bizarre comes out of left field a little further in than i got, like something totally egregious like she also dated a boy who was hispanic and she hates all hispanic people and wants to deport them, i mean, it's kinda inoffensive

my #1 didn't place? aw man. Also, was figuring that I wouldn't even need to vote for the chris holmes born work die fiasco.

my ballot:

Charlie Puth feat. Meghan Trainor - Marvin Gaye
Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do
The Weeknd - The Hills
Truth - Left Swipe Dat
Who Is Fancy feat. Meghan Trainor and Ariana Grande - Boys Like You

1. Mister Traumatik - I Love Females
2. Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband
3. Elle King - My Neck, My Back
4. Nate Ruess - AhHa
5. Andy Grammar - Honey I’m Good

never forget man alive's abortive duplicate thread: Let's Marvin Gaye Get Appalled: Rolling Worst Songs of 2015

fuck this thread for getting andy grammer in my head

fair complaint

j sutra got robbed, shoulda won this

others receiving multiple votes at different levels:
Nick Bean - Wifi Wifey (3)
Uncle Ezra Ray - B.Y.H.B (2)
Nate Ruess - Ah Ha (2)
Sam Hunt - Take Your Time (2)
Black Eyed Peas with David Guetta - Awesome (2)
Truth - Left Swipe Dat (2)

all but the last two added to the playlist.

fuck this thread for getting andy grammer in my head

― qualx, Monday, January 4, 2016 11:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well, i just woke up at 1:30 am overthinking the Marvin Gaye song.

my #1 didn't place? aw man. Also, was figuring that I wouldn't even need to vote for the chris holmes born work die fiasco.

Gotta vote for it – only Trainor has the power to make songs that elect themselves.

Something about "Born Work Die" that makes it a bit different from these choices – the incompetent performance. If it were more in tune, it would've been a fairly unremarkable song (about a sexist tax-avoider). Whereas most of these top 14 songs are fairly well performed, but with terrible material. But since I tend towards the "unintentional comedy record" end of the thread, being out-of-tune is a big plus. Although I'll be avoiding Holmes's song about his ding-a-ling.

Mister Traumatik is worse and more depressing than any of this, but probably belongs on a poll that isn't a music one. Maybe some kind of register.

My ballot:

1. J Sutta - Feline Resurrection
2. Death Team - Fucking Bitches in the Hood
3. Splurt - #OMW2SYG (Swiggity Swooty)
4. AronChupa - I’m an Albatraoz
5. GIRLI - So You Think You Can Fuck With Me Do Ya

Voting for Chris Holmes would have been like hating on GG Allin: I feel more pity than hate, and turning on them would only add to the power of their self-delusion.

Mine:

1. Andy Grammar - Honey I’m Good
2. Halsey - New Americana
3. MIKA - Good Guys
4. AronChupa - I’m an Albatraoz
5. Sam Hunt - Take Your Time

I ended up coming around on "This Is My Hair"
it's kinda fun!

"this is my hair" is awesome

I've just realized what song Charlie and Meghan were trying to emulate.. https://youtu.be/BoEKWtgJQAU (It's "Otis".) Whether they truly achieved their aim, who knows.

xxxp Hate doesn't have to come into it - lots of music is really bad and also entertaining, even endearing. Most of the stuff I 'hate' is just unambitious. AFAIK Chris Holmes has got his life in order and wouldn't want or need anyone's pity. I wouldn't call him likeable, but his attempted singing is... well, definitely the opposite of unambitious.

On the grounds that this poll is a large backhanded compliment to the biggest button-pushers, congratulations to Halsey for pissing off so many voters. Looks like Trump has found his campaign song. ("Born Work Die" equally likely at this stage.)

^ Woulda actually said "He seems like a jerk" but can't tell if we're being extra nice or not

lukas graham is apparently getting (a minor amount of) us airplay which seems ominous

my ballot:

Drake - Hotline Bling
Cee Lo Green - Robin Williams
Nate Ruess - AhHa
Sam Hunt - Take Your Time
Ariana Grande - Focus

i never noticed "Feline Resurrection" on the noms list and stumbled across the song by myself a few days ago, it really is awful!

y'all

someone should put out a warning for that 3OH!3 song