critics: what do you want in a one-sheet?

a quote from me

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go.to/stevek

brutal honesty.

haha "i've never heard of you or your magazine", [8 x 10 glossy], [bank statement].

does anyone who doesn't liberally pad their reviews with them even read these things?

"Drawing on influences ranging from Sunny Day Real Estate..."

(note: this is only helpful in matters of letting me completely avoid said CD entirely)

If I ever finish the next print edition of Last Plane to Jakarta, it'll feature a one-sheet for a grind-metal band.

I want my one sheets to be filled w/ as much useless bullshit rhetoric as possible, so I can write more reviews like this one, where I don't actually write a damn thing.

This only applies to crappy bands, of course.

I'm not a reviewer. I'm not even associated with the press.

But as a former college radio program director who went through several hundreds each week, the most informative press releases accompanying music for inclusion into playlists of any sort usually had the following three attributes:

1. Definite/non-waffly(waffley?) statement of genre/category RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING so I know who to pass it off to if need be. Try to do this without using the dreaded 'influences' list.
2. Other bands you've played out with or are related to (not just a list of other bands from the same town, for chrissakes) (basically, should I have already heard about you?)
3. Track-by-track one-liners - this way I don't assume the first three are the whole of your stylistic range and might be inclined to FFWD to some standouts. If you don't include this I might very well just listen to part of the first three or four and then make my judgement based on that.

Understand that TIME IS OF THE DAMN ESSENCE for program directors, music directors and journos. For some reason or another it often happens that OTHER BANDS ALSO SENT US PROMOS TODAY. Quite a few of them, actually. And chances are one or two are albums we want to get to right away, from established artists.

Just like a resume, you want to be BRIEF, GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, FREE OF SPELING ERORS, and INFORMATIVE regarding what your target audience needs to know to do their job. NOT a little story about how you got started and why your band is so much better than those other guys, breaking new ground, etc. vomit.

If your press release is full of long-winded hyperbole of any sort it's quite likely I'll never even unwrap the record.

Yes, we're bastards. But we want to get home on time just like everybody else.

tm,

Your post is probably the most worthwhile thing I have read on ILM in a long while.

Press releases are excellent kindling, all told.

You see what Tom did up there (cf. "erors")? Tricky!

Were I not feeling peckish or puckish, I'd go w/ his answer - proper grammar, pertinent info, no thesaurus-humping hyperbole. Showing a sense of humor (or humanity! - oh, the humanity!) works, too - Cory Brown (the head of Absolutely Kosher Records) included this cover letter w/ some promos which downplayed the whole promo / writer rush thing quite nicely.

Tom is OTM. I'll add: never send a glossy to radio, never use the word fusion, never use the phrase "unique sound." Point people to the best three tracks IN ORDER and don't think like you, think like the critic/program director.

I wish bands would include not only a one-sheet (which, BTW, is called a ONE-sheet for a reason), but also include the most important points from that sheet in a little card that would fit inside the CD. Have a website with further press materials if we want to find out more about you.