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For Cher's LOVE HURTS:
"Yeah, but not this bad."

For George Michael's LISTEN WITHOUT PREJUDICE:
"Listen without purchasing.:

For Steve Howe/Steve Hacket prog "supergroup," G-T-R:
"S-H-T"

Any others?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 21 November 2002 00:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Bull's This Is Bull:
Speak for yourself, Ferdinand. D

Robert Christgau

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 21 November 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Didn't some guy review Iggy Pop's The Idiot by simply saying:

"Apt title, that."

― Lord Custos Omega (Lord Custos Omega), Thursday, 21 November 2002 01:03 (twenty-three years ago)

For the HSAS (Hagar Schon Aronson Shrieve) album:
"Fred Zeppelin"

― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Thursday, 21 November 2002 01:08 (twenty-three years ago)

bill hicks' fatal attraction review - "piece of shit piece of shit piece of shit"

― dan (dan), Thursday, 21 November 2002 01:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Not exactly one sentence, but a mere eight letters:

"Yes? Maybe." -Lester Bangs

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 21 November 2002 01:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Think it was Lenny Kravitz...

"You are Paul Young. You are worthless."

― nebbesh (nebbesh), Thursday, 21 November 2002 02:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Lee Hazlewood's Poet, Fool or Bum one word review in Rolling Stone was apparently: Bum.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 21 November 2002 02:31 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm cheating here, but it's still sort of relevant: god-waful horror flick Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare elicited the response "Freddie's Dead? Good." from The Independent's critic. Lovely.

― Charlie (Charlie), Thursday, 21 November 2002 02:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you Alex for bringing up the immortal J.D. Considine, who used that GTR review in Musician Magazine. He used to do this monthly column in that rag called "Short Takes" or something of such. Is that where that HSAS review came from? That "GTR -SHT" review is forever burned into my pea brain. I think there were several other nuggets from Considine's days at Musician that were nearly as good but I've forgotten them.

― Dandy Don Weiner, Thursday, 21 November 2002 03:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Lamest one sentence review: from (I think) Guitar Player, for one of Johnny Hates Jazz's albums, "We hate Johnny."

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 21 November 2002 04:38 (twenty-three years ago)

review of U2's Rattle & Hum movie: "Ho Hum".

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 21 November 2002 05:18 (twenty-three years ago)

I've got two suggestions, neither of which are strictly one sentence, but hey:

1) a live review of a band that shall remain nameless, playing in Cardiff:

"Xxx? Boring. Next!"

2) a friend of mine reviewed a show where three bands played and he went into some detail about the openers and headliners but deliberately missed out any reference to the middle band who were quite big at the time. I think that was quite cruel. Funny, but cruel.

― meirion john lewis (mei), Thursday, 21 November 2002 07:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Indeedy that was J.D. Considine. The other one that sticks in my mind from "Short Takes" was a review of Pink Floyd's Delicate Sound Of Thunder that went something like "Proof that you can't make an audio recording of a light show".

― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Thursday, 21 November 2002 08:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Wired once reviewed the Warrant best of collection by saying "Best of? Did they splice all the three second pauses between songs together?"

― Arjun Mendiratta, Thursday, 21 November 2002 08:47 (twenty-three years ago)

ooh wired brings the fire, i guess it cant live up to the lofty standards of zero 7 and rae & christian

― s trife (simon_tr), Thursday, 21 November 2002 08:51 (twenty-three years ago)

this thread wd be better if any of the reviews posted were actually funny

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 21 November 2002 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Pitchfork's header to the Andrew WK album review was great, when it just read

SHIT!

Unfortunately, the effect was ruined by them following it up with an actual review.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 21 November 2002 10:38 (twenty-three years ago)

That reminds me, Bryan. Considine's review of "Johnny Hates Jazz" was "J.D. hates Johnny." I think.

― Delicious Don Weiner, Thursday, 21 November 2002 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Buddyheads review of Kid Rock: "He should take the dildo out of his ass."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 21 November 2002 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

dan that was 'basic instict'
'fatal attraction' is f-ing ace !

― piscesboy, Thursday, 21 November 2002 14:57 (twenty-three years ago)

The NME ran this Shakatak review: "Shakatak lakatak." I thought that was pretty good, esp since the byline was The Pacamac Bacharach.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 21 November 2002 17:03 (twenty-three years ago)

I seem to remember another Johnny Hates Jazz review that read, simply:
"Why, because it actually takes some talent to play it, unlike this drivel?"

I laughed.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 21 November 2002 17:53 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember Chritgaus had a short review for an ELP record (does it matter which one?) The first two sentences were filler & I don't remember what they said .. but the final sentence was the crux of the review:
"I can almost hear the gism dripping from the microphone."

― dave225 (Dave225), Thursday, 21 November 2002 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I think Rolling Stone said of Get the Knack something like "Found in the grooves of this record are 12 convincing arguments against the capitalist system."

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Thursday, 21 November 2002 18:22 (twenty-three years ago)

I read a review of some U2 album once that just went: "Wooohooo. Not."

― Callum (Callum), Thursday, 21 November 2002 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Julian Lennon: "At least he got his father's looks."

OUCH!!!

― kate, Thursday, 21 November 2002 19:22 (twenty-three years ago)

The moral of the story = one line reviews suxor.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 21 November 2002 19:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Review of a bad version of the play "The Diary of Anne Frank"...........shes in the attic!

― PaulK, Thursday, 21 November 2002 19:35 (twenty-three years ago)

"Yes, Please? No, thanks." - Happy Mondays asking for it in 1992

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Thursday, 21 November 2002 19:53 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

Artist: El-P.
Album: Fantastic Damage.

Review: I quite like it.

― dwh (dwh), Sunday, 5 January 2003 09:19 (twenty-three years ago)

(FWIW: the bang!bang! ten-character line of "YES? Maybe." - attributed to Bangs on this thread in Nov.'02 - is really by Charles Shaar Murray/ Oz 33, 1971)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 5 January 2003 11:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Really? Isn't it in Psychotic Reactions etc.?

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Sunday, 5 January 2003 16:11 (twenty-three years ago)

well i have CSM's 'Shots From The Hip' opened on page 1 -- and there it is
i did have my doubts, though, and looked in 'Psychotic Reactions's Index too -- curiously enough, under Y there is no "Yes" at all...! and i'm kinda not inclined to start searching for the Yes-word all through the Bangs book right now ;-)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Sunday, 5 January 2003 16:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Considine rules this thread, I think. I'm bringing these out of memory so forgive if they're inaccurate:

L.A. Guns - Cocked and Loaded
...and shooting blanks.

Bryan Adams - Waking up the Neighbors
If this is Canada's idea of a musical superstar, it's no wonder that Quebec wants out.

I just realized that I've typed some of this here before.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Sunday, 5 January 2003 16:39 (twenty-three years ago)

it's def CSM not bangs (haha lester bangs writes one-word review shockah!!)

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 5 January 2003 16:53 (twenty-three years ago)

It's not a review, but it's pretty apt anyway:

An old acquaintance of mine was once rifling through a deep-discount cut-out bin and came across a Peter Frampton CD entitled Where I Belong.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 5 January 2003 17:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I seem to remember some review of some album by Kingmaker (Remember them?) which went: "It's about as forced as the third wank of the day."

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Sunday, 5 January 2003 19:15 (twenty-three years ago)

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"Shit Sandwich": Funniest/Meanest 1 sentence Reviews

SHIT!