I have a sad story to tell you

It may hurt your feelings a bit

(I think I see where this is going)

last night when i walked in my bathroom

that doesn't seem so bad, i do that on most nights. your bathroom is fine!

i stepped in a big pile of

shaving cream

No, parmesan cheese

shave every day and you'll look like....John Cleese?

This is the saddest story every told.

greatly exceeding Where the Red Fern Grows, which is like Christmas morning compared to where this story is going,

this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told, this is the saddest story ever told, it goes on and on i'm told, neanderthal started writing it not know how it would be told, and now he'll keep telling it because it must be told!

goddammit

i fucked up the song like 15 times

(John Cleese's family name used to be Cheese; his father changed it.)

(Meanwhile:)

Our baby fell out of the window!