Last night I went to thiz gig in Newcastle, and I arranged to meet thee friend I ws going with at this bar near the venue. Whilst there I heard this track that sounded a whole lot like Stereolab, but which I didn't recognise, tho I have loads ov Stereolab rekkids & I can tell them all apart quite easily. There were drone organ chords, a motoriky beat etc. I asked the barman what it was, thinking that it must be some 'lab produkt I do not yet 0w|\|, and was told it was d34th !|\| \/3g4s. Not for the first time it occurred to me that D!V quite possibly do not have a single original thought in their heads. Had the track been by Stereolab, quite possibly I would have thought it was ok. However, the knowledge that it was by D!V meant that it immediately = TEH K-SUX0R3ST.
On the radio, I often hear D!V'z new single, which appears to be basickally thee verse from Donovan's "Hurdy Gurdy Man" repeated over and over, with Liam Gallagher, he, o destroyer of German policemen haha, singing some quite terrible scribbled-on-the-back-ov-a-beermat cod-psychedelic lyrix0rz over thee top. It's crap, really, astonishingly awful, & not as good as the cover ov "Hurdy Gurdy Man" as performed by thee Steve Hillage group in the 1970's. (It is easy {& [to me, anyway] phun} to knock Mr Hillage's hippy-dippy manner &c, but his band used to party after gigs by playing Funkadelic & Parliament thru their prototype Turbosound PA system, so they at least had some idea about "the one" & how to deploy it {I digress}.} Actually it occurs to me that it might be thee verse from Status Quo's "Pictures of Matchstick Men", but the point is valid I think. Substitute Camper Van Beethoven for Steve Hillage in this case. Anyway, each time I hear D1V, it just sounds like a crap knock-off of something else, usually done in a manner so fukcing dreary, 1/2 assed & sluggish, that to listen to it is to hear yer heartbeat getting slower & slower...
ger-dunk.
Ger - dunk.
Ger - dunk.
Ger - dunk.
Ger - dunk.
Ger - dunk
G-e-r - d-u-|\|-k (etc)
As well as this, they are another lot ov L4YM0RZ wh0 seem to be all about pheeling the k3wln3ss ov all 0ur k-r4d influences, and our EPOCHALLY K-K3WL guest vocal artistes, never mind whether the actual rekkid is any good or not. Thiz = one ov my least favourite things in the whole world ever, EG the single as referred to above, which is called "Scorpio Rising", IE named after this k-c00l u/g philm that just about no-one has ever seen, so no-one knows if it's any good or not. Perfect, no? PAH. If they'd have been really hardcore, they'd have called their single "Salo", & taken it on the chin when the shit came down. (or possibly eaten the shit har har a little joke for those ov u who have seen "Salo") Or possibly they could have called it "Morgan - a Suitable Case for Treatment" if they actually wanted to name-check something that almost no-one has heard ov or seen, or even cares about but which is actually really good. Quite possibly they are lovely people, but I think their act is macho rubbish, & therefore I wish they'd fukc off.
Anyway, I went to the gig, which was Hawkwind, and it was awesome. That's the joke, tho' isn't it. No-one ever namechex0rz Hawkind, b/c they are obv. risible old hippie farts who only know one chord & don't they love to play it over & over & over again hahaha. Nevertheless, listening to Hawkwind play live last night was like sitting on a enormous steamroller, that's going down a hill, & the brakes don't work. This time around, they pheatured Tim Blake, who used to play synthesisers with Gong. He looks like this raddled old tart, and sings songs about avalon and laser-beams, and lighthouses in space, and appears to actually mean every word he sez. He straddles this boundary between cataclysmick terribleness, and utter gr34tness in a similar manner to Jon Anderson of Yes. You kind ov pheel really, REALLY embarrased for him, but at the same time, you really, REALLY admire the fakt that he has the nerve to go out & sing this deranged shit w/o a trace of IroNY. His old '70's album "New Jerusalem" is one ov my very favourite electronic musick rekords. They also featured Huw Lloyd Langton, their original guitarist from 1969, who now appears as this scary crow-like apparition of absolute rock&roll dissoluteness. It looked like he could barely stand up, yet he played fukcing great lead guitar throughout the gig. The bassist Alan Davey played this earthshaking Rickenbacker bass through a big fender stack. The drummer knew how to korrecktly utilise the motorik beat. Guest vocal artiste was Arthur Brown, who must be nearly 60 at least, and has rocky-horror-riffraff long-hair-but-also-bald, as well as a BEARD, but who is quite possibly one ov thee most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on even better looking than Peter Hammill drool rowr etc etc. U can prob. Guess that I like Hawkwind quite a lot better than D!V. What amuses me though is that D!V come across as some kind ov u/g act, but they are really k0rp0rate wh0rez, just as much as Shakira or Avril, both ov whom are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 x bett0r. Hawkwind are actually really u/g, but no-one gives a shit. D!V try to come across as r&r badass mother fukcerz. Huw Lloyd Langton is actually what they wish they looked like. Arthur Brown is the guest vokalizt D!V would employ if they had a fukcing clue abt anything, like. Oh, blah blah blah, you get thee general idea. If it comes down to a choice between a bunch ov glowering fux0rz dressed in black, or the sort ov people who would paint fluorescent spaceshipz on their amp stax, it's a no-brainer for me, anyway.
Tell me abt teh cool guest vocalist phenom. IE thiz individual made really awesome/r0x0r357 rekkids back in, uh, 1971, therefore if we feature him on our rekkid in 2002, our record will become awesome/r0x0r357 by association, plus he's really k3wl, so that must make us k3wl as well, by some process of osmosis or something like that anyway. HAHAHA OUR RECORD COMPANY IS RICH AND CAN AFFORD TO HIRE IGGY LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLLOL J00 R 0\/\/|\|3D L@M3RZ!@#!@#!@#!@#
Tell me about people who are cool & promoted as straight outta thee underground, but who really are k0rporate CACK.
Tell me about people who are konsidered rizible & old, but who really RUUL like AMON DUUL.
― Pashmina, Thursday, 5 December 2002 21:00 (twenty-three years ago)