Great albums Robert Christgau hates

If it ain't broke, etc. Leave Home and Nation of Millions didn't fuck with the sound too much either.

Evil Empire [Epic, 1996]
Three years late, it's the militant rap-metal everybody knew was the next big thing. Zack de la Rocha will never be Linton Kwesi Johnson. But collegiate leftism beats collegiate lots of other things, not to mention high school misogyny, and it takes natural aesthetes like these to pound home such a sledgehammer analysis. A-

No it's not. Jello doesn't sound a damn thing like Tiny Tim - he sounds like Ethel Merman, har! And basing half the review on a "I'm not sure what his background is but I am GUESSING he's a punk-come-lately" sort of thesis is stupid. And how can you even review that album without mentioning the lyrics?

The Daft Punk review isn't nearly as dismissive as what the Avalanches said (while being a lot funnier)

Well, this is more of a "this is one of the greatest albums I've heard and Rob just shat on it" thread than anything - "dumb crap"? "smart crap"? "ecological"? And what's with the jingoistic bullshit in the Daft Punk piece? Talk about butts being plugged...

dissing Christgau for dissing Clinton is like saying Joe Torre can't win in the postseason becuz he lost to the Angels (Christgau did list George Clinton as one of his best artist of the 70s, alongside Al Green and Neil Young, something not too many critics, nevertheless white critics, would have done at the time).

Yeah, but when did he name Clinton to that list? I'm pretty sure he wouldn't've based solely on the early acid-rock Funkadelic (which I admit to liking more than is probably recommended); he didn't give any Funkadelic record higher than a "B+" until 1975 ("But at this point I'm inclined to trust the music, which is tough-minded, outlandish, very danceable, and finally, I think (and hope), liberating"). I still think he's mostly wrong about their early stuff.

Walking With Thee has disappointed me more than any other album this year [...] so regurgitations that seemed really fresh the first time round merely seem regurgitated the second time out.

Yeah, it's disappointed lots of people, which leads me to wonder what the hell they were expecting - 12-minute free-jazz freakouts? It's their second full-length! The more people complain about how disappointing it is, the more I look for the great things about it, the more they stand out, and the higher it climbs onto my Best of 2002 list.
(I probably should have chosen less "revolutionary" examples and more examples of ordinary bands who continued to Not Suck when following up acclaimed albums with similar efforts. The Replacements' Hootenanny, maybe.)

Am I to assume you basically agree with his opinion of Abba?

I have better reasons for ignoring them besides "those fucking filthy evil Europeans like them".

Boy [Island, 1980]
Their youth, their serious air, and their guitar sound are setting a small world on fire, and I fear the worst. No matter where they're starting off--not as big as Zep, maybe, but not exactly on the grunge circuit either--their echoey vocals already teeter on the edge (in-joke) of grandiosity, so how are they going to sound by the time they reach the Garden? What kind of Christian idealists lift their best riff from PIL (or from anywhere at all)? As bubble-headed as the teen-telos lyrics at best. As dumb as Uriah Heep at worst. C+

Niggaz4life [Ruthless, 1991]
This is supposed to be where they finally slam nonstop. In fact, however, the music's just like the lyrics--market-ready. Catchy, yes, and funky in its laid-back electro way, but never hard enough to scare off the novelty audience. Which might be fun if they didn't outpig the LAPD in the bargain. Can Chuck D really believe they mean what they say? Sure they really hate women, and anybody else who looks at them funny. But unless they're even sicker than they seem, they're too greedy to murder anybody as long as they can make so much money fronting about it. And so they've calculated every rhyme to push somebody's button--to serve up the thrill of transgression to ghettobound and merely ghettocentric young-black-males, and also to the big score, culturally deprived white boys seeking exotic role models. That kids will take them at their word obviously doesn't concern niggaz who'll be hard-pressed to contain their pent-up hostility after the bubble bursts. It'd be nice to think they'll off each other when that great day comes, but I doubt they have the balls. So in the interests of public safety, pray they don't get taken by their investment advisors. C-

Just kidding. Means "on the money" (though I recently thought it meant "on the mark" - and originally "of the moment")

"Once there was a sensitive, conceited young fellow named Jonsi Birgisson who lived on a permafrost island surrounded by a cold, dark sea. Jonsi was a well-meaning person who loved music, and he yearned to put more warmth in the world even though he wasn't exactly sure what warmth was. Not just "throwing an electric blanket on the corpse of electronica," that he knew. Jonsi longed to blaze "inspired new avenues in sonic landscapes," to deliver "shamelessly tear-stained epics" in "the falsetto cadence of angels," to turn "4AD-styled, sepia-toned instrumental passages" into "awe-inspiring new-religious mantras." Stuff like that. He did all this and more on a thematically linked work where some of the sonic landscapes were entrancing (although not warm). Because he was conceited, sometimes he would announce that these soundscapes were destined to change musical history, and then sometimes mean people would make fun of him. But he always had the perfect retort. "You have to admit I'm smarter than Enya," he would say. And about that he was certainly right. B"

Hard to top that, really.

I am using OTM in this instance to mean I dislike the album, am annoyed by its good rep, and am glad Christgau slams it.

Certainly doesn't have a good rep on ILM...

And what's with the jingoistic bullshit in the Daft Punk piece?

Remember Nate, we are at CULCHER WAR! The American underdog must defend himself from the hordes of evil Europeans trying to shove Cliff Richard, Heino and Johnny Hallyday down his throat!

Hey, so when that kind of thing happens with various celebrities, do we assume that they find the reference of them using google? and since that type of response is relatively prompt more often than not, does that mean that they're googling their own names, like, almost every day!?

also he is unphased by Luomo's Vocalcity and DJ DB's History of Our World Pt. 1 and he is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

What, you DON'T?

Because he wrote or co-wrote the standard critical lines on the Stones, the New York Dolls, Al Green, the Clash, Public Enemy and any number of lesser-known artists of a similar level of achievement... More importantly, he and Greil Marcus brought SLEATER-KINNEY to the world's attention and thus is one of the greatest Americans not named Corin, Carrie or Janet.

The cultural war thing doesn't interest me much though, mainly because I don't listen to much self-consciously American music.

american music club -- falco -- the wipers -- screaming trees -- mudhoney -- the verlaines -- the proclaimers -- flaming lips -- the misfits -- swell maps -- pop will eat itself -- durutti column -- the primitives -- henry rollins -- the chameleons -- band of susans -- skinny puppy -- christmas -- social distortion -- talk talk -- squirrel bait -- felt -- everything but the girl -- gene loves jezebel -- swing out sister -- nitzer ebb -- the shaggs -- 24-7 spyz -- modern english

James : Assuming I know what you're getting at, given that in England an onion is a vegetable. The British use the word comes with an attmosphere of patrionizing derision (as opposed to "cunt" which comes with straight out agression)

B.Rad : This intrigues me. What are the "standard" lines on these artists? Is he famous because he invented lines everyone agrees with?

Tim : "Often when I'm listening to something and I'm struggling to articulate my reaction, I'll just read the relevant Consumer Guide entry and borrow Christgau's opinion wholesale." This is irony, right?

The man is not to be taken seriously.

As far as xgau and nas/rap generally are concerned, arctic noon auk ... Otm

I've gone through a period where I've really disliked this guy; so many albums I've loved or were important to me have been dismissed with just a bomb or a scissors, kind of the equivalent of a guy rolling his eyes and going, "meh". And yes, his writing often makes no sense or makes you question whether or not he's actually heard the album. I only know him through the guides, which (similar to Allmusic) makes his grading system look silly, there are a lot of "really? you like this album and not that one?" moments when the reality is that it's more about how he's feeling on a particular day. But even I can't deny that he's a great writer who sort of conquered the concise-but-deep-and-thoughtful style of reviewing that nobody else I know of has done (now I think we'd call that 'Twitter-esque'). I'll still read what he has to say.

oh wow is Dirty Dancing up for rehab now too?

man, remember when frogbs was our raccoon tanuki

I've gone through a period where I've really disliked this guy; so many albums I've loved or were important to me have been dismissed with just a bomb or a scissors, kind of the equivalent of a guy rolling his eyes and going, "meh". And yes, his writing often makes no sense or makes you question whether or not he's actually heard the album. I only know him through the guides, which (similar to Allmusic) makes his grading system look silly, there are a lot of "really? you like this album and not that one?" moments when the reality is that it's more about how he's feeling on a particular day. But even I can't deny that he's a great writer who sort of conquered the concise-but-deep-and-thoughtful style of reviewing that nobody else I know of has done (now I think we'd call that 'Twitter-esque'). I'll still read what he has to say.

― frogbs, Thursday, April 23, 2015 3:05 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That's just style over substance. No great connoisseur gets so much wrong in the way of taste as he does. It's like those art critics who dismissed Monet, turns out they were wrong, and clueless, and didn't get what they were seeing. The good ones get it. Xgau doesn't.

but what exactly is getting it "wrong" w/r/t musical taste? I agree that album to album he's weird, he loves the Beastie Boys (especially Licensed to Ill) and gives all their albums A's, except for Check Your Head which is a big ol' bomb

he actually gave check your head a "neither" not a bomb. dude loved jokey pop culture cut-ups, had several meters albums and didn't need one by these guys, though he grew to accept their noodling, judging by later reviews

there's basically a check your head review in the ill communication review

Ill Communication [Grand Royal, 1994]
Another you-gotta-believe record, just like Check Your Head--only less so, thank God, whose appearances herein are frequent and auspicious. Although once again it's short on dynamite, at least it starts with a bang. Two bangs, actually, one hip hop and one hardcore--their loyalty to their roots closely resembles an enlightened acceptance of their limitations. With each boy having evolved into his own particular man, the rhymes are rich and the synthesis is complex. You-gotta-love the way the ecological paean/threnody emits from a machine that crosses a vocoder and the p.a. at a taco drive-through, but their collective spiritual gains peak in the instrumentals, which instead of tripping up the Meters evoke the unschooled funk of a prerap garage band. If they've never run across Mer-Da's Long Burn the Fire, on Janus, maybe I could tape them one? A-

like, whether or not you agree, i don't think it's hard to get why someone who experienced the 70s as an adult dug licensed to ill and paul's boutique wouldn't have been happy when check your head showed up

so the frowny face is "indifferent"? didn't know that and yeah it makes more sense that way. and yes I get why, I just find it weird to praise that they've 'grown up' or that they're accepting their limitations here, when Check Your Head was basically where all that started, right? they're very similar records imo

well sometimes things take time to process - xgau def strikes me as the kind of writer where the grade for one album is sometimes a corrective for the previous

compared to say, a rolling stone album guide entry, consumer guide takes are mostly in the moment, though occasionally amended in hindsight for one of the books, but only in really egregious cases

I think that (correction of earlier grade) too --- the other explanation is that he is unusually considerate to late-career / post hotness offerings.

One of his more endearing qualities, although it messes with reliability (which, frankly, get a life critic-critics....write your own damn reviews, be better than what you complain about).

the other explanation is that he is unusually considerate to late-career / post hotness offerings.

haha yeah he's got a lot of "these old people are still full of life and just as vital as ever!" glances into the mirror imo

dude went out from the voice giving that first new york dolls reunion album (which is a decent new david johansen album even if the band sounds like paul schaffer's in it) an a+

he did it recently with Jay Z – reevaluated everything he'd underrated and missed.

Yeah his A+ just doesn't carry the same oomph later than the 70s book or at the very latest the 80s.

The time we had our first chat I gave him shit about the Dolls album and he got defensive ("What's the matter? It speaks to me!" or something).

yeah i never assume this shit is disingenuous - dude seems enough of an unrepentant screwball that his "and they mentioned Gore by name. A." shit represents an earnest salute to the cd player

Hey anybody who mentions Lesley Gore gets an A in my book.

oh come on, i clearly meant Martin.

exactly. I enjoy reading him even if I wouldn't take a music recommendation

" Like a lot of young black pop artists, Missy deals in aural aura rather than song, which means that even after you connect--as I did with "Izzy Izzy Ahh" well before "The Rain" hit MTV--she can take awhile to absorb."

I like that

Reminder that Christgau gave To Pimp a Butterfly the same score as Rae Strummond in the same week https://medium.com/cuepoint/robert-christgau-expert-witness-9fa87a06ebde

utter fool.

which of those two scores are you complaining about?

hehehe

That A- he gave Kendrick feels a little low for the review he wrote

Rob Unkut has been posting his reviews of classic hip hop stuff, just awful

SCHOOLLY-D (Schoolly-D) From the beginning, rap has been a music of aggressive, expansive possibility, claiming the world on beat and boast alone. This Philadelphia street tough claims only his turf. His powerful scratch rhythms are as oppressive and constricted as his neighborhood, and his sullen slur conveys no more hope or humor than the hostile egotism of his raps themselves. I'm not saying he isn't realer than all the cheerful liars the biz has thrown back to the projects, or that his integrity doesn't pack a mean punch. But he's still an ignorant thug, and he's cheating both his audience and himself by choosing to remain that way. B PLUS

Expensive Shit/He Miss Road [MCA, 2000] Dud

What a weird dude

I thought Damaged was the only studio album he liked from Black Flag, but he actually vouches for Loose Nut and In My Head in a later entry - he just never bothered to review them and admits he overlooked them. Seems far from the first time where he admits a lapse but you wouldn't know it if you were trying to look up a particular album.

jesus, that fela "review" if you can call it that.

I've found it immeasurably easier to dismiss Christgau's opinions about everything since he made the Moldy Peaches his #2 album of last year.

― Michael White, Saturday, December 7, 2002

I wonder what about that particular Fela album he disliked?

His recent appreciation of Louis Jordan on his substack was astute and informative.

Yeah, he can still do that sometimes. Also, George Smith---ilx alum, music writer, and muso (see Dick Destiny and the Highway Kings, in Stairway To Hell) said that the lower xgau rates something, the more likely George is to dig it. I wonder how low George goes? I haven't seen an F in there, but there are some Ds, also Es, I think (you can look stuff up by letter grades on his site).

No idea if they've been mentioned, but of the mere three Low releases he covers, he gives both "Things We Lost in the Fire" and "The Great Destroyer" the bomb graphic. "Christmas" gets an asterisk. His "Christmas" quip is "beats committing suicide, if that's your holiday fancy."

at least we were spared any sexual fantasies about Mimi

I wonder what about that particular Fela album he disliked?

Someone actually asked him this on the old Expert Witness site -- long gone and not completely archived, so this is coming from memory -- specifically because 2 of the 4 or 5 songs on the original reissue showed up on The Best of the Black President 2, which he gave an A-. He agreed it should not have been rated a bomb, and his response was something along the lines of, when you're reviewing a dozen reissues by an artist at the same time, these kind of slips-ups happen.

I haven't seen an F in there, but there are some Ds, also Es, I think (you can look stuff up by letter grades on his site).

He doesn't go as low as F, lowest is E- which I think he only used once (on a Kim Fowley record, that he claimed had no actual music on it, a la those old novelty "Wit & Wisdom of President Nixon" gag books where you open them up and the pages are all blank?).

The lowest grade I've seen him give was for GNR's "Lies," which got an E.

WtF, Bob, “patience” alone should bumped it up to a D

The review more or less says the EP is a C, but the, you know, racism and homophobia bump it down a few grades. Iirc he also more or less says they should kill themselves.

Axl's voice is a power tool with attachments, Slash's guitar a hype, the groove potent "hard rock," and the songwriting not without its virtues. So figure musical quality at around C plus and take the grade as a call to boycott, a reminder to clean livers who yearn for the wild side that the necessary link between sex-and-drugs and rock-and-roll is a Hollywood fantasy. Anyway, this band isn't even sex and drugs--it's dicking her ass before you smack up with her hatpin. (No wonder they want to do an AIDS benefit.) "One in a Million"--"Immigrants and faggots/They make no sense to me/They come to our country/And think they'll do as they please/Like start some mini-Iran/Or spread some fucking disease/They talk so many goddamn ways/It's all Greek to me"--is disgusting because it's heartfelt and disgusting again because it's a grandstand play. It gives away the "joke" (to quote the chickenshit "apologies" on the cover) about the offed girlfriend the way "Turn around bitch I've got a use for you" gives away "Sweet Child o' Mine." Back when they hit the racks, these posers talked a lot of guff about suicide. I'm still betting they don't have it in them to jump. E

Ok Bob you got it

Axl's voice is a power tool with attachments, Slash's guitar a hype, the groove potent "hard rock," and the songwriting not without its virtues.

I found "Sweet Child O' Mine" a more thrilling and frightening record than "God Save the Queen" but then I was 14. Still hasn't lost the power to thrill and frighten either.

Guns N' Roses might as well have been grown in a vat for Christgau to hate. They are the antithesis of everything he responds to and values in pop/rock music.

Well, there was this, unexpected by me, even before geezer POV curveball at end:

Dazed and Confused [Medicine, 1993]
But it's really great junk. Seventies AOR as hard-rock utopia, with all the El Lay wimp-out, boogie dumb-ass, and metal drudge-trudge surreptitiously excised, enabling the escapist to bask in history without actually encountering any Montrose or Outlaws records. A few of the selections are ringers--unjustly, neither the Sweet's "Fox on the Run" (too pop) nor the Runaways' "Cherry Bomb" (too chick) ever gained much stoner credibility. Most are by major artists (Skynyrd, War, Alice Cooper, ZZ Top) or indisputable legends (Sabbath, Kiss, Deep Purple, Ted Nugent). But only someone who suffered his first nocturnal emission between 1970 and 1975 will be motivated to collect the catalogue it implies. For the rest of humanity, this is an ideal way to enjoy what for all its high volume, guitar excess, and muddled longueurs remained a pop sensibility that harked back to the '50s. Jim Dandy to the rescue indeed. A-

The first two Montrose albums > Wussy's entire catalog