In all seriousness: How can I be a better music writer?

Keep up the good work.

Boy, did someone take a wrong turn at Albequerque.

"To all the qualifications I have already suggested, I must insist on this further one - an independent income, and sufficient belief in the value of music criticism to sustain you in doing it for its own sake whilst its pecuniary profits are enjoyed by others."

- George Bernard Shaw, How To Become A Music Critic, first published December 1894

ditch authenticity

The hardest part for me, I have to say. I'm usually fired up to write, but damned if I can think of an article topic offhand. Usually everyone seems to know more than I do!

Don't worry about what everyone else knows...you can't know it all. You'll spend your whole life intimidated if you try to know everything. You can't.

What's more, you will find out that most people don't know as much as you think they know. Read nearly any feature or any review in any publication critically, and you can probably develop a list of questions or intellectual avenues that weren't taken in the story. Since you can't possibly know everything, your most competitive angle is going to be your intellectual curiousity.

Also, if you think someone else knows more than you, make them prove it. Consider alternate perspectives. Challenge the mainstream with a reasoned, disciplined assault. Don't confuse the value of being first on the bandwagon with the value of a thoughful evaluation of a trend. A contrary position is not always a good idea for a pitch, but it often leads to one.

I always remember my first year in journalism school where I had to take this basic reporting class. My professor was waaay old school, this was back in 1987 where almost no one had computers at college. Anyway, one of the first assignments in the first week was to bring back five story ideas, but they all had to be related to the university and they had to be fresh. My class of 25 yielded about 75, and then the professor added about 50 more during class. We were all amazed that he saw so many things to write about that we had all missed, and his ideas were so much more compelling. We had all walked the same sidewalks but this guy had seen so much more going on.

That's why great ideas will generally carry you farther than your style will. Let your curiousity get the best of you.

to be semi-flippant:

just use the word "zeitgeist" a bunch of times. you'll be alright.

First and foremost, be honest with what you write. Don't waste your time trying to write what you "think" everyone wants to hear about the album. If you don't like it, then you don't like it. That's fine. Just make sure you explain WHY you don't like it (or why you like it, if you like it).

Don't try to write for other music reviewers - as you've undoubtedly noticed by being a reader of this group, no matter what you write someone is going to say you are wrong and full of shit.

In addition, make sure you write for your audience. People who come to my site are generally more of a layperson, so my writers and I write more toward that audience. We don't bother with too much backstory on the band, unless it's necessary. We don't try to impress everyone with how much we know about the band, instead when we write a review we write the review about the cd as it stands on its own.

Of course that's just my site, but you can use these recommendations anywhere. Just make sure you don't bullshit, you keep your audience in mind, and you listen to a shitload of music. Because if you don't, you won't have a starting place.

Ned, are you talking about articles as in long pieces over wide subjects? Cuz I'll admit one of the reasons I try to focus on album reviews and not longer articles is that the more the article covers, the less confident I become about my ability to capture everything. This may well be part of why I so prefer Christgau's consumer guide to Marcus's The History Of All That Is Cool And Rebellious. A single album (or two) is much easier for me to focus on and feel confident that I'm dealing mainly with what my reaction is to the work (and what in it is making me react). I really want to read an article in regards to the schism between New Yorkers and other Americans in regards to 9/11's alleged influence on our tastes (this shows up a lot in music criticism, possibly since so many critics live in New York), but I'm way too green journalistically to even go there.

Thinking of writing something, but I've no idea where to start. I've written about other stuff, but never music, for some reason. My associations and thoughts about music revolve purely around the pleasure and gratification of listening.

So, what's the secret? What's your M.O.? Do you listen to a record and write stuff down as you go? What do you think makes a "good" writer?

But I DO have an idea for something I'd like to try and write, just for myself. Too often I feel like I'm writing like someone other than myself, and I don't like this person, or their words and opinions. I guess that's what you're alluding to.

As someone who copy edits music writing all day long, the best advice I can give is learn how to be a good self-editor. Good writing -- not just about music -- is about becoming good at the process of writing. What you say doesn't necessarily have to be profound or unique or novel, but if you can express your ideas in a compelling way, than you're 99% of the way there. That said, practice, practice, practice.

If I were to advise someone on a place to start, it would be to write regularly without worrying about if anyone will anyone will ever read it or not. Just start doing it and get into the habit and rhythm of writing. You'll learn a lot about your strengths and weaknesses and areas you want to explore. Eventually when you feel comfortable and build up some confidence, take the best of what you have and start pitching yourself to mags/newspapers. But do the work beforehand so that when you actually get an editor's attention you're putting your best foot forward. I think too many people try to go about music writing the other way around.

That said, I don't do any actual writing because I don't really enjoy it, so I could be completely full of shit (wouldn't be the first time!)

Also, don't fall back on cliches ("pop sensibilities," "sounds like x on acid," every new album being "the best thing x has ever done"). And don't be afraid to go off on tangents if it serves the greater purpose of illustrating the music in question.

Oh, and don't compare records to other records/bands you haven't actually heard. I speak from experience on that one. ;)

plug away.

writing classes can greatly help you... especially if you take a class where everybody's writing samples are critiqued... people are ruthless, but it's necessary. put your thick skin on. just remember that even with the negativity, you aren't learning and aren't improving if you aren't making mistakes. at very least, some of the nonsense phrases and so on that you might use will get weeded out.

don't try for profound. just love. get in there and spend time with it. cherish it. flip your gourd. be revelatory.

that's my approach at least... it may make me a one trick pony, but at very least, i've had a good time expressing my love for something. i want excitement and that's what's gonna pull me out and get me onto good lovin.

writing about something i dislike turns me into a computer displaying status reports and balance sheets,
m.

I think this will be my mantra. Thanks, everyone-I'm thinking of trying out my idea over the weekend. Will let you know how it pans out.

1) Don't use words like "almost," "sort of," "nearly" and the like. If you're going to say something, say it straight.

2) Nouns should never have more than one adjective to describe them. Use two adjectives to describe one thing either rarely or never.

3) Adverbs are not your friend. Only use if it's absolutely neccessary.

4) Every sentence should sound like something Raymond Chandler might say.

5) Even if you are writing out of obligation (i.e. an assignment you have zero interest in), force yourself to think overwise.

6) ENERGY ENERGY ENERGY! By avoiding most of the things listed above, your writing will automatically become MUCH more energetic. In the past year I've found my voice, and I owe a lot of that to the things listed above. I am by no means a great writer (adequate at best), but my pieces have at least started to become consistently lively, energetic and easy to read.

7) Watch out for parentheticals (I don't, but I should)

8) If you find yourself struggling to say anything, and you read your own pieces and shrug your shoulders, maybe you shouldn't be a writer at all!

ELMORE LEONARD'S RULES OF FICTION WRITING: 
 
1. Never open a book with weather. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. 
 
2. Avoid prologues. They can be annoying. 

3. Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialogue. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his/her nose in. 
 
4. Never use an adverb to modify "said." It can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange. 
 
5. Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. 
 
6. Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose." 
 
7. Use regional dialect or patois sparingly. Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won't be able to stop. 
 
8. Avoid detailed description of characters. 
 
9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things, unless you're Margaret Atwood. 
 
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. 
 
11. If it sounds like writing, rewrite it. If proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go. 

Yes, you are a groupie' and 35 more things every rock critic should know 
By Michael Corcoran and Robert Wilonsky 
Austin American-Statesman 
Thursday, March 14, 2002 

Nearly 700 music critics, several of whom don't have a record review in the new Blender, will be scouring our town for information this week. Here's a heapin' helpin' of the truth all at once. 

1. Writing for rollingstone.com isn't the same as writing for Rolling Stone. But then, these days writing for Rolling Stone isn't the same as writing for Rolling Stone. 
2. Guitars do not "ring" or "chime." Bells do. 
3. Go ahead and admit it: You don't get the Velvet Underground. 
4. Using rap slang in your reviews only makes you come off more like a white kid from the suburbs. 
5. The first person is not the First Amendment. It's a privilege, not a right.  
6. Ryan Adams has no talent. 
7. It's a record review, not a term paper. 
8. Three of the most frightening words ever: "The American MOJO." 
9. Your band stinks. 
10. Alejandro Escovedo doesn't really like you -- he's using you. 
11. Lou Reed doesn't really hate you -- he's just using you. 
12. Dressing like a rock star doesn't make you look like a rock star: It only reinforces the stereotype that critics are musician wannabes (Boy, that's three David Fricke refs in a row.) 
13. Stop trying to make Richard Thompson famous. Ain't gonna happen. 
14. Dude, I can't believe we went to the same concert. 
15. Do not quote other rock critics. Hanging out with them is pathetic enough.  
16. Lester Bangs is dead. What's your excuse? 
17. Saying you like Radiohead's "difficult" albums will only encourage them. 
18. You can't have a "benefit concert" for millionaires, no matter what Don Henley says.  
19. You don't really like heavy metal. So stop writing about it already. 
20. Three more of the most frightening words ever: "Robert Christgau protege."  
21. If you've ever received a rejection from No Depression, you might want to consider another career path. 
22. Don't you dare cross the street to avoid Mojo Nixon. Five years ago you were sucking up to him. 
23. If you receive a sex tape featuring a prominent R&B artist and don't dub copies for friends, then you deserve the Chicago Sun-Times. 
24. If you've ever shared a hot tub with a rock star, please keep it to yourself.  
25. "Yo La Tengo" is Spanish for "Critics Can't Rock." 
26. Before you take a job with Rolling Stone you should know that the name on Jann Wenner's business card is "Charles Foster Kane." (This is not a joke.)  
27. Let's see if you can write a concert review without using any of these words: pulsating, pounding, post-(something). 
28. Greil Marcus has earned the right to not make sense. You haven't. 
29. Having Courtney Love hit on you during an interview is as special as a free coffee refill. 
30. Go ahead and give Willie Nelson a bad review. You know you want to. 
31. Would you please stop that incessant, jerky, head-bobbing? Standing behind you at a show is like staring at a strobe light. 
32. Don't ask. Don't tell. (If you're from out of town, Cheapo buys everything.)  
33. Who the heck is encouraging all those telemarketers posing aspublicists?  
34. Three things you know nothing about: dance music, hip-hop and jazz. 
35. Re: the Strokes. Make up your mind already. 
 

But don't read this thread. Apart from this bit.

And write. Read. And write.

Prescriptive rules such as Yanc3y's or Leonard's will probably get you writing Yanc3y or Leonard.

"dude, are you being ironic?"
"i don't even know anymore."

2. One 'e' in 'she'.

3. Avoid spelling out the number '11' if possible; if editor's style guide dictates so, change number to '12'.

4. Never quote living presidents.

5. When mentioning a person for the first time, describe them in terms of what kind of animal they look like.

6. 1, 3, or 7 adjectives to describe a noun but 2, 5, or 6. 4 is okay if article is to be read on a Tuesday, otherwise no.

7. When writing chili recipes it is not okay the abbreviation 'cps' for 'cups' should be avoided.

8. Gossip is a virtue.

9. When trying to be persuasive end every sentence with 'am I right? Am I right?'

10. Spelled out sound affects can add verve and energy to your story and take inches off your waistline. Zing!

And in the end Nate (I don't reckon Nate is looking for this advice any longer) is going to have to find his own voice and not yours. I was wrong upthread when I said following Yanc3y will get you writing like Yanc3y. Most probably it will get you writing within the same ballpark as him but then you'll learn yourself what things to take and what to leave, a good thing about Yanc3y's list was that it wasn't normative, like I said above, just things that have helped him.

I'm all for help, I'm all for originality, and I'm all for reading new writing.

Don't be afraid to piss people off. Obv.

As for No. 4, the Chandler one: I don't try to make every sentence sound like The Big Sleep. I would never do that (unless the piece somehow warranted it), but I've found it particularly helpful to think that way when writing ledes and closing sentences (in fact, a few months ago I decided that if my lede and closer were to be put together, they should sum up the entire album/artist/idea in a succinct and hopefully funny way). Admittedly, I'm not a fan of flowery writing unless it's done extraordinarily well, but brevity, succinctness and directness are all key components of good writing -- whether it be fiction, nonfiction or journalism -- in my mind. Of course there are many exceptions to this, but, especially as a young writer, it's better to start out with these ideas and then move on to broader, rougher stuff (remember: Hunter Thompson started as a sports writer!).

As for the Chandler one - my problem is with the Ed Casual approach to writing. The jaded, the cool, the affected, the disaffected. Not so much Ed Casual as James Crumley. Note: I love Crumley but I don't want every review to read like him. The "rattlesnakes, cocaine, speed, it's better if you can be really specific with your drug names (Klonopyn, Prozac, Ketamin)" school of writing. (I know you're not espousing this.)

I have a problem with the shrug and pout of the Rock Voice too.

I'm not a fan of flowery writing either. And I would agree with your 'verb-adjective modifying rules' - it all gets too much and meaningless all too quick with this sort of writing (heads up Bang Magazine). Brevity, succinctness, and directness are some of the key components of good writing. "Honesty is over-rated."

(Is Hunter Thompson a writer?)

Structure is important but remember it's not an essay. Unless it is. Then it is.

I don't wanna sound jaded or cool when I write either. I wanna sound like I care. But without sounding like I wanna care. Ya know?

Great advice.

:o)

< /snotty joke>

sleep with your editor.

Hell's Angels ruled. You were just frightened.

Considering he wrote some amazing stuff.

'Frightened'. But you like Hemingway, Sonny, and I like Fitzgerald. So.

(Has anyone a really good link to a good article about Bangs? Sinker's 'Noise' piece is excellent, but not so distinctly focussed.)

I like some Bangs, but give me Nick Tosches (Hellfire = best book ever), Meltzer (Gulcher makes me cry with envy) and Stanley Booth (True Adventures of the Rolling Stones = 2nd best book ever) anyday.

If my writing read the way I wanted it to, it would combine Tosches' prose heavy with history and larger implications, Meltzer's desire to refute that history while making you laugh, Booth's ability to write about musicians as people and music as a social function and Ira Robbins' divisive tone that would dismiss half of it outright. I would be the least popular writer ever!

Again, great advice. Read these words over very carefully. They are full of wisdom!

I'm beginning to see lists like these (and maybe threads like this one) as a sort of rock-critic hazing ritual. Here are all the young writers, lets line 'em up and make 'em feel bad for all the things that they do wrong -- hell, that we do wrong. If that doesn't crush their spirit, they can stay in the club.

I'm with Horace on this one. I'd rather let people speak through me, although I'm not discounting the effects of a heavy dollop of editorial slant. Really, seriously, why should anyone care what I think of the latest batch of Human League remixes?

Now I've said that I'm parying no one who reads my singles reveiws reads this.

I've only read Hunter's Fear and Loathing in LA and Songs of the Doomed, but the latter is all over the shop stylistically. Seems like very different writers in different places.

Again, kind of uneasy about asking these questions, but...