toploader

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i propose that "magic hotel" is not only better than the 'loader's previous masterpiece "onka's big moka", it is also the best rock album since "urban hymns" (yes, you read that right). Superb, fluid bass-work, and crunching guitar riffs form a solid backing for that fantastically emotive vocal yelping. who could want for more? some critics evidently. no doubt they are too busy listening to "artier" music which us toploader fans wouldn't get. more fool them. they are missing out on a rollicking good musical treat.

― andy paltridge (andy), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This album should have been called "Cockfarmer's Jubilee."

TMFTML
http://intonation.blogspot.com

― TMFTML (TMFTML), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I used to go to school with the keyboardist's cousin. He was a cunt who played in a shit band. Must be a family trait.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

always nice to see people who can form their own opinions and aren't influenced by what they read. good work, guys!

― andy paltridge (andy), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry Andy, but you may have inadvertently stumbled upon the world's only forum dedicated with quasi-religious zeal to the TOTAL UTTER DESTRUCTION OF ALL THINGS TOPLOADER, up to and including stupid frizzy hair, self-conscious retro stylings clearly not of their own making, horribly horribly Pro-Tooled Chris Evans-friendly cack tailor-made for idiot secretaries hanging out down the Pitcher/Slug/Piano/Lettuce, and songs so mawkish and soulless even Ocean Colour Scene collaborating with Micheal Bolton would reject them for being "too naff".

You have been warned...

― Charlie (Charlie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ocean Colour Scene collaborating with Micheal Bolton would reject them for being "too naff"."

So you don't like them because they're "too naff"? Forget about the quality of the music, I'll just listen to what the NME tells me to like. good to know you've got your priorities right.

― andy paltridge (andy), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

you lot can stay wanking beside your computers, i'll be off dancing in the moonlight...

― andy paltridge (andy), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

the king harvest version(i.e. original) is sooo much better

― brains (cerybut), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

WANKIN' on a Pee-Cee

― Ferg (Ferg), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

So you don't like them because they're "too naff"? Forget about the quality of the music, I'll just listen to what the NME tells me to like. good to know you've got your priorities right.

What quality of music? Fuck, if I could find it, I'd be right there with you. But if I hear that fucking awful "Dancing In The Moonlight" song one more fucking time I swear I'll rip Joseph Washbourne's fucking head off.

I haven't listened to NME since 2001, and that was being charitable, frankly. How about instead I listen to a bunch of twunts in a glass'n'chrome style bar whose idea of music is "a little bit funky, y'know, like Jamiroquai"? Toploader is a lifestyle choice, and if you choose that lifestyle, you're a dick. Nothing personal!

― Charlie (Charlie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"Toploader is a lifestyle choice, and if you choose that lifestyle, you're a dick. Nothing personal!"

Staggeringly open-minded attitude there, 'Charlie'. "The NME tells me what to like, and anyone who forms their own opinions is a dick." Brilliant. I don't know why I'm posting on this forum, I don't know if I'm 'cool' enough for you. Maybe if I started listening to tuneless, no-name shite that the weeklies have told me to like...

― andy paltridge (andy), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't get me wrong, Andy, I absolutely love all music from everywhere, in pretty much all conceivable genres (ok, perhaps not free jazz, but give it time), it's just a pathological aversion to *shudder* Toploader that I just can't shake. Even typing their name makes me feel a little dirty, like I'm doing something wrong and bad by mentioning them in a public arena.

As I said, NME is anathema to me. Apart from the fact that I'm not in the UK, its writers have been often amusingly out of touch for a good while now. Reading matter? The occasional Jockey Slut, the odd Pulp (great Kiwi mag) and lots of online bits & bobs. But really, I couldn't give a monkey's toss which magazine likes Toploader and which doesn't - I've heard them and I loathe them with every fibre in my body.

One more thing - does "no-name" equal no-good? Never realised, that, thanks for giving the lie to my crazy idea that all bands emerge from a cocoon to be instantly famous world-beaters. Oh sorry, that only works if you've got the might of Sony's publicity & plugging empire behind you and a shonky cover of a once-great tune.

― Charlie (Charlie), Wednesday, 15 January 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Charlie, 'Andy' is surely a joke?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 16 January 2003 00:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah Andy must be a joke. "you lot can stay wanking beside your computers, i'll be off dancing in the moonlight..." makes him a good joke, too, tho I'm not sure that will last.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 16 January 2003 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

ps. do you like The Stereophonics, Andy? I think they're *great*, really honest, great songwriting, and that Kelly Jones, phwoar...

Someone's playing a cruel joke aren't they? Kate, is that you?

― Charlie (Charlie), Thursday, 16 January 2003 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Obviously a joke, as the spelling and grammar are both essentially correct, which is surely beyond the scope of a real Toploader fan's abilities.

― TMFTML (TMFTML), Thursday, 16 January 2003 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

POO shit bands the Melody Maker went apeshit over in their dying months: Toploader, Kittie, King Adora.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 16 January 2003 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

well, can't speak for the rest of the staff, but in MM's dying months I was busy going apeshit over Lambchop, Magnetic Fields, Teenage Fanclub, Schneider TM and, uh, Ciccone...halcyon days, Dom, halcyon days.

― Charlie (Charlie), Thursday, 16 January 2003 01:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"The occasional Jockey Slut, the odd Pulp."

Oh, so THOSE are the magazines that tell you what to like.

"'Andy' is surely a joke?"

I come on here and express valid opinions about one of the great British acts of this generation, and I am a 'joke'? Hardly. The only 'joke' here is the laughable opinions expressed by you lot. I will bid you good day.

And yes, I do love Stereophonics, and they do write good honest songs. But, hey, who needs honesty?

― andy paltridge (andy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 07:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, Toploader dropped this week for failing to sell any more records. Still I suppose if they want cash there's always Gail's baps.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 08:48 (twenty-two years ago)

B-b-but the name Toploader is just so BAD, so dull, so nothing (a bit like Stereophonics, really, or Oasis).
Rule of thumb: any band whose name is one word, ending in "-er" are rubbish. The 'Loader (I hope their fans call them this) being kings.

― bham, Thursday, 16 January 2003 09:13 (twenty-two years ago)

They are mates with Jamie Oliver. I think their place in Hell is pretty much sorted.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 16 January 2003 09:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Why would you be sent to hell for that?

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 16 January 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Toploader - thank fuck Sony dropped them.
Tedious pub rock. We can do well without. Shamefully bad.

― russ t, Thursday, 16 January 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

jeez, i agree w/ russ t!

― michael wells (michael w.), Thursday, 16 January 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

toploader = non-Bristolians

― andy paltridge (andy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

...but I choose to forgive them, even though they're heathen non-Brizzles. In fact, no, it's fucking Toploader. Die!!!!!

In fact, Andy, I'm Welsh.

But don't hold that against me.

― russ t, Thursday, 16 January 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

''Don't get me wrong, Andy, I absolutely love all music from everywhere, in pretty much all conceivable genres (ok, perhaps not free jazz, but give it time)''

dammit charlie get cecil taylor's always a pleasure on FMP and LEARN to love it!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I love this idea - and even if 'andy' isnt real its one you see a lot - that if you dislike music it must be because youve read about it not, oh i dont know, heard it maybe.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sure ANYONE who listened to Toploader WITHOUT BIAS would adore them. There is no reason why this should not be so. I think Toploader put it best themselves, when they said:

"Society breeds hatred in your heart, but baby
It's time to make a brand new start
Life's everchanging in your eyes
But the time for rearranging will arise"

Toploader's day in the sun will come, and you'll be re-arranging your opinions then!

You were saying, Tom...

― andy paltridge (andy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, that pretty much settles it.

― TMFTML (TMFTML), Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"And yes, I do love Stereophonics, and they do write good honest songs."
I agree. They are shit and their songs honestly express that. Well done them.

― Nick H, Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, honest songs like the one that says:

"Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

And then you go home
With you on your own
What do you even know?"

You were saying, Nick H...

― andy paltridge (andy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyway, I hated Toploader around the time of the first release of "Athlete's Foot", must have been... early 1999? They were NME single of the week then, anyway.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 16 January 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

me thinks 'andy' is an ILXOR.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 16 January 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember a funny thread on a messageboard once about the twat who fronts Ploploader. Apparently, he was standing next to this guy in the urinals and the guy, seeing who it was, had a quick glimpse down - famous cock and all that stuff I suppose.
Anyway - like a mushroom apparently.
Still, I s'pose he makes up for his small cock with his exceedingly big hair.
Once again, well done, Sony. Dancing in the moonlight, my arse.....

― russ t, Thursday, 16 January 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Biggest comedian: alan partridge Vs andy paltridge

i bet Alan Partridge would spin the singalong MOR slop of Toploader on his radio programme.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Thursday, 16 January 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sure ANYONE who listened to Toploader WITHOUT BIAS would adore them.

Marcello, you scamp!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 16 January 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that first message real?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 16 January 2003 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

It's hard not to feel deeply empassioned against the music press after reading such forceful lyrics. Shame about the aural-quagmire which backs it.

― Nick H, Thursday, 16 January 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Being Canadian and all, just curious, who the fuck is Toploader?

― Bruce Urquhart (Bruce Urquhart), Thursday, 16 January 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Now you come to mention it Andy I can feel the Toploader vibe.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 16 January 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm not sure why i'm responding to what i suspect is a wind-up thread, but first time i heard toploader was when i played the promo 'onka' cd that my art teacher/radio dj suggested i borrow. i didn't think it wasn't very good at all.

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 16 January 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

u + k: wasn't = was!

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 16 January 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

which i should've written as "was (not wasn't)".

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 16 January 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

of course it's a wind-up.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 16 January 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"the first release of "Athlete's Foot","

Achilles Heel. I suppose you pride yourself on your knowledge of music, yet have scant knowledge of Toploader. And evidently, all your 'knowledge' doesn't enable you to recognise greatness when you see it.

Congratulations to you all on being so hospitable to a newcomer. I'm heading to the exit, and I'm taking my copy of "Magic Hotel" with me. Don't come begging for a listen when it's "back in fashion", please.

― andy paltridge (andy), Thursday, 16 January 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

oh come on, Andy, you *must* be made up! Your grasp of irony is truly astonishing. Keep your copy of Magic Hotel (great name btw) under your pillow in case somebody steals it. Actually don't - the tooth fairy doesn't deserve such torture.

No, I haven't heard it, and no, I don't feel bad about slagging it off nonetheless. Fucksake, it's *Toploader*. Even Sony realised that after they'd bled "DITM" dry - and "Athlete's Foot", natch - nobody'd be in the slightest bit interested in Joseph & His "Vintage" Corduroy Jacket. It's nothing to do with fashion, honestly - do you believe everything you read? Or everything you hear? Very odd indeed.

― Charlie (Charlie), Thursday, 16 January 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is truly brilliantly funny. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. What makes it funniest is, I really don't think it's someone trolling. I think he *means* it.

I know how uppity I get when someone disses, say, Spacemen 3 or something. I'm just really trying to get my head around the idea that someone could feel that way about Toploader. I suppose, it really does take all types.

It's really easy to get so cynical about music, and assume that anyone who likes, say, Toploader, is one of those "12 CD Office People". It's just strange to see someone get so *passionate* about a band like that.

― kate, Tuesday, 28 January 2003 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I'm gonna start all my sentences with "Society breeds hatred in your heart, but baby..." now.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

It's just strange to see someone get so *passionate* about a band like that.

Exactly! That's what made me totally convinced it was in fact Kate taking the piss, Kate being the only ILMer I actually *know* and me being the only idiot stoopid enough to rise to "Andy"'s bait.

But frankly, I think I'm more scared at the prospect of Andy actually existing than I am at the chance that I might hear another T******** song again. Gah.

― Charlie (Charlie), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I swear to god it wasn't me! I'm too busy gushing about "Hilton" over on IlE to bother trolling anyone...

― kate, Tuesday, 28 January 2003 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...

"With its keyboard-driven, funk-tinged anthems, Toploader's first album references in equal measures of the honky-tonk of the Rolling Stones and the Faces, the soul of early Elton John, and the infectious funk of Stevie Wonder in the '70s. In fact, the entire album sounds as though it could have been recorded in that decade, and that's not a bad thing. Joseph Washbourne's keyboards take center stage throughout the album, while his gravelly vocals, by turns joyful and melancholy, are well-suited to the band's brand of dance-oriented
rock. The rhythm section establishes a solid groove, the guitars wail and soar, and the keyboards act as the guide and foundation. "Let the People Know," an exceptionally catchy dance track in the style of Jamiroquai, features a string section on loan from the Bee Gees; "Achilles Heel" rolls along tunefully, the intensity building until the song ends in a chaotic wall of noise. "Dancing in the
Moonlight" is another album standout, a laid-back party anthem that could have been recorded by Rod Stewart when he still had a rooster-cut. All in all, Onka's Big Monka is a supremely enjoyable record, an album that evokes some of the best musical trends of the 1970s and blends them all together admirably"

My thoughts exactly...

― andy paltridge (andy), Monday, 17 February 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh God, Toploader.
Thank God Sony have dropped them.

I despise pub rock. Especially pub rock aimed at middle aged blokes with beer bellies.

Utter shite. Anyone who actually buys and appreciates a Toploader record should have their ears cut off.

― russ t, Monday, 17 February 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Still only gets three stars though. Damning with faint praise if ever I saw it.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 17 February 2003 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Jealousy is an ugly trait, Nick.

― andy paltridge (andy), Monday, 17 February 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

What exactly am I jealous of?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 17 February 2003 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

i can tell it sticks in your throat that toploader are winning deserved acclaim, while your music will be forgotten when it goes out of fashion.

"Dancin' in the moonlight...!"

― andy paltridge (andy), Monday, 17 February 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop it Marcello.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 17 February 2003 13:19 (twenty-two years ago)

eight years pass...

toploader are back

― conrad, Saturday, 25 June 2011 22:20 (thirteen years ago)

This album should have been called "Cockfarmer's Jubilee."

― Roberto Spiralli, Saturday, 25 June 2011 22:24 (thirteen years ago)

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