Worst Rhyming Lyrics Ever...

"Generals Gathered in their Masses/Just like Witches at Black Masses..."

Rhyming "Masses" with...er..."Masses"? Crap!

Though that horrible, horrible, vile, vile 7" you were listening to, the one about the boy who wanted the Leonard Cohen fangirl outside the Chelsea Hotel to give him head- god, that had some utterly appalling offenses against the English language, but I'm not going to dignify it by listening to it again. What *is* this horrible cartoon image of NYC that Rough Trade seems to be obsessed with at the moment?

'And Madonna, she still has not showed/ We see this empty cage now corrode/ Where her cape of the stage once had flowed/ The fiddler, he now steps to the road/ He writes ev'rything's been returned which was owed/ On the back of the fish truck that loads/ While my conscience explodes' (Visions Of Johanna)

'Now your dancing child with his Chinese suit/ He spoke to me, I took his flute/ No, I wasn't very cute to him/ Was I?' (I Want You)

Easily the worst EVER.

How about Sonny Bono's "The Beat Goes On" (from memory, forgive me):

"soldiers keep marching off to war/ electrically, they keep a baseball score"

This line was meant to imply that things were getting crazy in this modern world, with all these wars and now electrical scoring of baseball games. I guess.

Jackson Browne. Jesus wept.

"It's no use, he sees her/

He starts to shake and cough/

just like the old man in/

The book by nabokov..."

"don't stand so close to me" by the police.

I can't remember the lyrics to "Don't Look Back in Anger" By Oasis, but IIRC they could probably match the above.

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One of the weakest rhymes in hip hop from one of the best lyricists.

That Madonna rap-thing in Vogue was pretty funny..."Grace Kelly, Harlow,Jean/Picture of a movie queen".

My favorite is Haysi Fantaysee in "Shiny Shiny" - "I'm a hot retard/Marquis de Sade!"

But I have to say that I really love all these lyrics. So I don't know if that's what you're looking for.

The lyrics to PIL's "Religion" are truly awful and cringeworthy, though. "A liar on the altar! Sermon never falter! A bitch spelled backwards is DOG!" Can't remember the rhyme for that line, but I'm sure it's terrible. Even as a 16 year old at Catholic High School I found these lyrics laughable.

I know it doesn't really count given the subject, but there are some fantastic non-rhymes in a couple of David Devant songs, where they specifically set up a rubbish-rhyme opportunity and then deliberately side-step it.

In particular "My old uncle thinks I'm barmy/Because I don't pack my bags and join the Navy"

Or, not quite so good: "I woke up this morning, my head was full of rocks/I couldn't remember the night before, I'd lost a pair of shoes"

ABC from 'that was then but this is now.'

New Order have done some howlers. There's one from a track off Lowlife that rhymes "reasonable" with "seasonable"

"I like biscuits and grits on the sausage

And so you know it's me, I wrote some nonsense

Hova glova nivlan blizman glaze niull...

The return of the crazy one"

I'm always disappointed by Shyne's lyric on "Get Out":

"Shyne - by any means necessary

Kidnap your mom and your pops if it's necessary"

Actually I just want to mention this one, also from "The Return Of The Crazy One":

"If you missed me I was laying in the cut

Wrecking big butts

And scratching my... knees"

Nice.

"Every day, a little sadder, a little madder... will someone get me a ladder!!" - ELP, "Still You Turn Me On"

"Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas, you know he knows exactly what the facts is, He's not going to let these two escape justice, He makes his living off of the people's taxes..." (Yikes.) - Steve Miller Band, "Take the Money and Run"

"Hey mighty brontosaurus/Don't you have a lesson for us" -- "Walking in Your Footsteps"

"My sisters and I/Have one wish before we die/And it may sound strange/As if our minds are deranged/Please don't ask us why/Beneath the sheltering sky/We have this strange obsession/You have the means in your possession" -- "Tea in the Sahara"

It's so transparently obvious that the words "the sheltering sky" are in there solely so that Sting can make an allusion to the book of the same name, thus demonstrating what a learned man he is; the problem is that the reference makes precious little sense within the context (nor does it make any more sense when he repeats it later). Sting is often guilty of gratuitous namedropping/conceptdropping -- Nabokov, "The Sheltering Sky", synchronicity -- and not backing it up with anything but half-baked rhymes ("minds are deranged"? Bleech). When he's not trying to show off his supposed erudition, he's an OK lyricist, and once he went solo even some of his "socially conscious" tracks (usually the kiss of death, as in "Footsteps" above) are tolerable -- I remember liking the first track of The Soul Cages. And of course, I quite like about two-thirds of the Police's stuff, especially the first three albums. They sure could play.

But when he gets infatuated with a new author or theory and starts namedropping, run away as fast as possible...

Not only that, but he mispronounced Nabokov's last name. Its proper pronunciation is "nuh-BOH'-kawf" and Mr. Nabokov was very sensitive about Anglophones getting it right. One of my undergrad English professors spent about half a class drilling us on this and all the while cursing Sting for corrupting an entire generation of American college students.

Had Sting pronounced Nabokov correctly, of course, the world would have been spared a silly rhyme and Mr. Sumner would have had to inflate his ego some other way.

He can keep going for hours, you know. We know this because he told us so.

I remembered the terrible Oasis lyric:

"Please don't put your life in the hand/

...of a rock 'n' roll band"

That's awful, isn't it?

x0x0

Someone from America please put my mind at rest: DO dope men in America really wear corduroy, or . . . did they force this rhyme? Surely not. I like this, and other, silly forced rhymes, including all the others in the question except Des'ree. Oasis and the Police write TRULY bad lyrics: Sting 'quoted' Shakespeare in contemporary English - multiple lines!

Every second counts when I am with you/I think you are a pig, you should be in a zoo/even though you're stupid, I still follow you...

"And now she's two years older Her mother's with a soldier She left me when my drinking Became a proper stinging"

"i'm your worst nightmare squared/that's times two for those who aren't mathematically aware" - common featuring canibus "makin' a name for ourselves"

(this and other all-time hip hop lyrical faux pas are detailed in "ego trips' book of rap lists" which i'd highly recommend to anyone who's not already seen it.)

and wot about twisting the pronounciation? Antichrist/Anarchaist, of course, and the bloody awful Eurythmics Theess/Bleess - this and bliss rhyme anyway, if you say them properly!

Sorry. I wuv Squeeze. They understood from the outset the divisive cruelty sedimented into the word "cool" (which they were NOT, hurrah!!) and wrote thru the middle of the guts of that facts.

Good one, but I think it's from "pass the mic".

"I wanna devise a virus/To bring dire straits to your environment/Crush your corporations with a mild touch/Trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus/I want to make a super virus/Strong enough to cause blackouts in every single metropolis/Cause they dont wanna unify us/So fuck it total anarchy and can't nobody stop us"

Del the Funkee Homosapien, Deltron3030, "Virus"

and file under It Happens to the Best of Them:

"Ooh, if you knew how I felt now/You wouldn't act so adelt (adult) now"

Replacements, "Kiss Me on the Bus"

"Or at play while she's still slightly wet / Or at play while she is dripping wet"

and

"I'll admit I was unfaithful / But from now I'll be more faithful"

two rhymes very close to my heart, from Sparks's "Propaganda".

The worst ever must be "what the heck / kissed my neck" from Bobby Goldsboro's parody-defyingly icky "Honey".

And Mark S is right about "Up The Junction".

I'm not from America, but the lyric is probably referring to Carrhart corduroy 'work pants' - very popular at the time in the hip hop world.

I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid I use a word that don't mean nuttin' -- like "looptid"

i have the pe album. i think that line is great. what's wrong with it? the rest i'm not familiar with but they look damn fine in print.

"...and I want you NOW. Megan...

...she don't eat bacon...

...she's one o' them vegans..."

It makes me weep and cringe all at the same time. I can't tell if it's clever or merely foolish anymore, really.

"She was in The Omen with Gregory Peck/ She got killed, but what the heck..."

My favourite bad rhyme of all time is by The Las from I.O.U.:

"On the streets of knowledge/ You must eat your porridge..."

er.... right lads....

"You don't have to read my mind/ To know what I have in mind"
From "Hot Blooded," by Foreigner

2) Yes, it would, except that you got the lyric wrong. It's "in this ever-changing world IN WHICH WE'RE LIVING". You misunderstanding made it sound redundant. It's not.
>>can't remember the following rhyme but "in these ever-changing >>times in which we live in" fom "Live & let Die" always struck me as >>one of the dumbest lines in rock
>>-- Fritz Wollner (FritzWollner5...), June 15th, 2001.

-- Slappy Wilson (slapp...), April 21st, 2004.

It's not even that, because that would still be redundant (with two "in"s).

It's "But if this ever-changing world in which we're living/ Makes you give in and cry/ Say live and let die."

I don't drink or smoke ain't into dope
Won't try no coke, ask me how I do it, I cope
My only addiction has to do with the female species
I eat 'em raw like sushi

No me gustan ternos, mi estilo es moderno
Si me enterno, you me enfermo
Mi apariencia es dura, vivo en la locura
No me vengan con ternuras

So please don't judge a book by its cover
There's more to being a latin lover
You got to know how to deal with a woman
That won't let go
The price you pay for being a gigolo

There's not a woman that can handle
A man like me
That's why I juggle two or three
I ain't one to commit, you can omit that bit
You pop the question that's it
Haber uno, dos, tres, cuatro mujeres
Y la situaci?all?no muere
No es un delito calmo mi apetito
Con un llanto o un grito

So again don't let my lyrics mislead you
I don't love you but I need you
Would you rather have me lie
Take a piece of your pie and say bye
Or be honest and rub your thighs

Well, it's ten o'clock and I'm two hours late
I never said I was a prompt date
But you kept persisting that I meet your parents
Huh, they're going to love my appearance

Ding dong el timbre suena
Tu madre abre, que vieja mas buena
Le digo ¡Hola! Pero no para bola
Que se ha creido vieja chola

Go and serve the food mom
Que tengo ambre
If you don't hurry, me va a dar un calambre
Y usted señor? Why's your chin on the floor?
Sierra la boca por favor

What's this amor, these little huevos?
que yo no pruebo

I'm used to good ol' fashioned
Homestyle Spanish cooking
If i try that I'll be puking
Well it's been a pleasure but we got to go
Regresaremos temprano
Cinco, seis, o siete de la mañana
Su hija esta en buenas manos

But Gerardo's follow-up, "We Want The Funk," runs a close second:

Excuse me, where have I seen you?
They tend to ask me
A humble answer I give them
As we start to get closer
But then even more so
They all persist on rubbing my torso
I'm Latin but I ain't wrapping in satin
No, that old disco look just ain't happening
I'm fresh and new and making my debut
So let me run this information by you
It's true we outdo, it has become an issue
Love 'em and leave 'em fast we won't miss you
It's tradition we're well conditioned
We outlast the competition, so listen
We don't care too much about kissing
No, we know just what you've been missing
We're straight out and blunt
We don't put up with stunts
Baby, you know what we want

Don't play shy, don't expect long good-byes
These are some of the rules that we go by
No demands and forget holding hands
Please, not around our friends
We intend to hold on to our image
Don't try to cross that line of scrimmage
Don't say you weren't aware, so have yourself prepared
And beware, this is a one-time love affair
See, that's as far as it goes, it's our motto
And you thought you won the Lotto
Waiting to claim your prize you go unrecognized
Huh! How's that for a surprise?
So save yourself from confusion and sorrow
Don't even think about tomorrow
Tonight's the night, enjoy!
We're here to make some noise
Let me hear the pitch in your voice

Smoother than James Bond you wake and we're gone
So you wonder what you did wrong
Huh! Don't be blaming yourself, it's a must that we vanish
Here's the scoop straight to you, but in Spanish . . .
Oye nena, rubia o morena, mi excusa esta en mis venas
Soy un simple mujeriego no lo niego ni miento
Soy latino cien por ciento
Asi que piensa lo bien si no es conmigo con quien es?
Responds de una vez
No te me hagas la importante la dificil o atorrante
Al cabo tengo mas amantes
No te prometo nada saldrias por donde entrastes
Yo no pienso molestarte
Asi que no me busques, me sigas, me asustes
Busca otro que te la ajuste

Now there it is laid out plain and simple
In Spanish but on tempo
Can't comprehend at all, confused or in a hole?
What's the matter? No habla espanol?
If that's the case then no need to worry
Bust out the dictionary
You want some inside info
Wanna know what you're in for
Look up right under "nympho"

Anyone who rhymes 'table' with 'able' needs a smack.

Gang Of Four - I Found That Essence Rare

Great song, but that one grates REALLY badly.

"I have never seen a ghost/ I'd rather have a piece of toast"

"I'm afraid of the dark/Especially when I'm in a park"

Marvellous.

It's the way he says "awfully."

"You talk too much, you worry me to death
You talk too much, you even worry my pet"

Awesomely awful! It took two guys to write the song. Wonder which one took credit for that rhyme.

"No more heroes anymore"

The next line is that line repeated. But can you imagine how many bad rhymes they tried first?

"Home in" with "Abdomen", and they pronounce abdomen so it rhymes.....classic

What's great is that it's not even like they're buying time for you to get to the GOOD rhymes, because immediately after comes:

Trouble in his HEART
Laughing at the THOUGHT
Comin' as he GOES
Into overDOSE

'We prune in June and plant in October
And complain to the Council when a sign gets knocked over'

Both from Oz band Redgum's 'The Long Run'.

the lyrics below are truely bad. they are purposely vague and sound like they were written by a pimple-ridden 14 yr old who is pissed off all the time cause girls don't like him. can you guess the writer...

the sewers belch me up
the heavens spit me out
from ethers tragic i am born again
and now i'm with you now
inside your world of wow

...

i've got the tremor to stay
because you are
i scar the stranger, betrayed
all of my senses ashamed
i will deny all that i am afraid
lies will disguise
rules of time and endgames

...

may i walk beside your shadow, softly
bless the ground you walk upon so easy
innocence, come to me
squandered in anarchy

...

welcome to nowhere fast
nothing here ever lasts
nothing but memories
of what never was

...

farewell goodnight last one out turn out the lights
and let me be, let me die inside
let me know the way from of this world of hate in you
cause the dye is cast, and the bitch is back
and we're all dead yeah we're all dead
inside the future of a shattered past
i lie just to be real, and i'd die just to feel
why do the same old things keep on happening?
because beyond my hopes there are no feelings

...

Bleed in your own light
Dream of your own life
I miss me
I miss everything I'll never be
And on, and on

...

Bye June
I'm going to the moon
It better be by June
'Cause I'm going to the moon

guessed who it is yet?

my vote for worst lyricist who is popular despite how awful and boring his lyrics really are... billy corgan (of the smashing pumpkins)

certainly it can be enjoyable (just like loathing and pain can be enjoyable), but who wants to be in such a state of mind that they find pretentious-ness enjoyable?

I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore!

Take your baby by the hair
And pull her close and there there there
Take your baby by the ears
And play upon her darkest fears

"Try to figure out, they wonder what next you'll pull
You don't understand anything sexual"
-Replacements

"I like hot-dogs, franks and beans
I grew up in forrest hills queens"
-Dee Dee King

This is like a Kool Keith lyric.

Three main problems:
1) Was Ice Cube even considered the ultimate tough guy following Straight Outta Compton? He always gave the vibe that he's more of a storyteller than an actual gangster.
2) Referring to an earlier thought. Lazy.
3) Abruptly ending the story two lines later.

You're Dirty, like that BASTard
It's gettin drastic.

And Leo Sayer:

There was ham and there was turkey,
there was caviar
And long tall glasses
with wine up to.. yar.

(really love the song)

The Gift Horses - learning to bring yourself down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty8zDqpdkmo

this song, from a great, great movie called a swedish love story, has among the worst english-language lyrics i've ever heard:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfABswxUztA

sample:

would you like to know / everything you show
would you like to show / everything you know
well there's lots of information
there's a great deal places to see
there's a lot body people
'twould be so nice to meet

no, those aren't typos.

'Abdul's not seen Cleopatra, it's been almost now a year/ And I wonder where she's atra...' - Jonathan Richman

these lyrics are great imho

uh yeah those are fantastic.

the swedish song is terrifically catchy btw, it just has impossibly bad lyrics.

Really a huge fan of "Romeo" / "his own-e-oh" mentioned upthread, makes the song IMO.

'Abdul's not seen Cleopatra, it's been almost now a year/ And I wonder where she's atra...' - Jonathan Richman
these lyrics are great imho
― the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 21:10 (1 year ago) . Great performance here too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU_WvyhJuyE

http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG

this song, from a great, great movie called a swedish love story, has among the worst english-language lyrics i've ever heard:

Funny, I've seen that movie a dozen times and never noticed the lyrics. It was once explained to me that Swedes sing in English with a deliberate simplicity, meant to create an effect of "English = the language of effervescent fun"

I don't know about worst, but I heard the Animals' "When I Was Young" in the car today, and the passive inversion for the sake of a rhyme on "I smoked my first cigarette at ten/And for girls, I had a bad yen" is pure camp.

Came to post exactly the same lyric! Heard "When I Was Young" in the car yesterday. It actually has a second lyric that's almost as bad: "I met my first love at thirteen/She was brown, and I was pretty green."

Eric Burdon sang a lot of clunky shit

“What’s it like to be a loon?
I liken it to a balloon”

I like the way that T. Rex lyric plays with alliteration and assonance, it's sort of charming.

the passive inversion for the sake of a rhyme on "I smoked my first cigarette at ten/And for girls, I had a bad yen"

^this reminds me of one of my all-time it’s-so-bad faves:

I laughed at all of your jokes
My love you didn't need to coax

(“Maggie May”)

Beatles are about the worst offenders

Father Mackenzie
saying hello to a friend as he walks from the grave
his name is Dave

sheesh

Re: Rod Stewart, there's a Greil Marcus article where he says that his love of "Every Picture Tells a Story" isn't damaged by the line "My body stunk but I kept my funk".