what's so bad about coldplay?

people keep talking about how utterly amazing they are but i can't see it/don't hear it...they're no better than the Dave Matthews Band really though who seem to be the epitomy of tried and trusted but insipid conservative pop rock, minus whatever fun might lie in that - the only reason i don't mind 'Clocks' is for that extremely U2-esque bit in the middle which is crazy i know...i find DOves fulfil all my contemporary middle-of-the-blokerock needs personally, partly because they're that bit more clever and it sounds less-cliched all round, not much need for any other bands in a similar vein

It's a bit of the same problem I have with U2, where four guys are playing sort of pointless wallpaper guitar plods and yet there's this general vibe, both visual and auditory, of their spreading their arms back as if they're standing dramatically on cliffsides and the wind of change is sweeping sublimely over them, tossing back their sensitive golden locks. You can really hear it in there, and it's very, very irritating. And the chiming riff from that single ("In my Place?") is deeply wrong. I let lines repeat over 16, 20 bars in my own songs, and I still get annoyed by that riff: that riff is like being stuck in a car with a full bladder while the 90 year old driver tries to parallel park just so. The singer does that hands thing through the whole video, too, doesn't he? That whole cliffside-style leaning over with arms outstretched and swooning to the awesome power of ... umm ... strummy open chords and a melody I can't quite remember?

Then there were comparative bits re: 70s soft-rock. Also I explained why I nevertheless enjoyed "Yellow," which Mark P did not:

MARK P: Nitsuh the ultra-compressed dirge of that boneheaded shield of electric guitar in "Yellow" is 'modern rock' at its k-ugliest!

NABISCO: It had that nice understated sigh, "It was all ... yellow," and I'd always think to myself that if Harriet Wheeler were singing it it's exactly the sort of thing I would have loved when I was 13.

But I'll spare you.

Anyway Nabisco, 'Yellow' aside, I think my fondness for Coldplay is pretty well documented round these parts.

THE LYRICS.

Read them and all that is wrong, pointless, vague in motivation and mitheringly middle-class in attitude will come flooding to you. Rock bands with lyrics this piss-weak and non-commital, this close to containing all the unique insight of yer average episode of 'Cold Feet' really are clogging up the universe with yet more shit shit shit.

And that's all there is to it.

And Gwyneth Paltrow's a simpering bitch. Will that do?

and I don't know why people keep accusing me of trolling

But Neil what's wrong with that?

My only issue with them is this: if not for the constant never-ending boundless hype surrounding the group, if it was based solely on their music, I would have forgotten all about them long ago.

Why is it so hard for everyone to separate the hype from the music (likewise with Norah Jones)? It's kind of an embarrassing admission methinks.

Uh, wrong. VERY wrong. I hate them and I don't pay much attention blah blah. It's not that simple.

"Clocks" is unbearable, though.

They played the Grammys with the New York Philharmonic. The intro was for a truly innovative band, taking music in new directions.... or some such. Was very surprised when it turned out to be Coldplay. Can't figure out what's so innovative about an MOR quartet (quintet? I never bothered to count how many there were).

From the intro, I figured it had to be Radiohead... or some band that would never appear on the telecast, like G!Y!B!E! or sigur ros.

i really can't wait for the next Radiohead album to put a stop to this hehe

i.e chris peers manfully into the depths of his soul, but invites us all to sing along!

you just have to compose really great melodies that ... make lots of people happy.

WTF

I don't like Coldplay much. "Yellow" is half okay, but not my kinda thing. Nevertheless, it's obvious that they're very good at what they do. Which makes all this "genius" hairsplitting pointless. Thing that boggles my mind is the amount of attention they attract from people who supposedly don't care for them.

The beginning goes DER DER DER DER DER DER DER DER.

You are listening for the wrong things. Coldplay aren't about rhythm. They were never meant to be about rhythm. They are about other musical elements that are way more important than rhythm.

They are about other musical elements that are way more important than rhythm.

1. rapping
2. xenomania

Thing that boggles my mind is the amount of attention they attract from people who supposedly don't care for them.

Exactly. In the early 90s when rap and dance dominated, rap and dance fans couldn't care less about more traditional musical styles and what was going on there. But once verse-chorus based "white guys with guitars" got back into the mainstream it was amazing how it was SOOO important to rap or dance fans to hate them. It must have been about fear. Fear of proper music taking over the mainstream again, fear of actual musicians becoming more popular than DJs once more.

Coldplay aren't about rhythm. They were never meant to be about rhythm.

Melodies have rhythm, you know. Otherwise they'd be chords.

fear of actual musicians

Melodies have rhythm, you know. Otherwise they'd be chords.

This is a very good point.

the worrying thing is that all sounds are made up of vibrations, the same vibrations

I don't disagree. But they aren't mainly about it still.

http://www.hoofprints.com/images/whoa-sign.jpeg

Fear of proper music

http://www.hoofprints.com/images/whoa-sign.jpeg

guys there's like a 15-year precedent of Geir doing this schtick and nothing he's saying is a surprise

You are listening for the wrong things. Coldplay aren't about rhythm. They were never meant to be about rhythm. They are about other musical elements that are way more important than rhythm.

Interesting, because after "Yellow" I probably would've written off Coldplay altogether, but then they came out with this awesome song called "Clocks" where at least half the appeal is the propulsive 1-2-3-1-2-3-1-2 beat. If I ignored that, I probably wouldn't like Coldplay.

In 2005 I accidentally saw Coldplay on pills in Glastonbury. Which is to say, the plan was MDMA -> New Order -> more MDMA -> The Go! Team, but due to delays and mishaps, it turned into... all the yokes in one go -> the last 10 mins of New Order -> a lost 30 mins -> Coldplay. Said substance let my regular high-falutin' snooty guard down, and my thoughts at the time were a mixture of:

* "wow, the better songs from the first two albums are really good at what they do - those big, slow hooks are genetically engineered to be played in front of these huge festival crowds"
* "even on pills, I don't feel like dancing to Coldplay"
* "hang on, God Put A Smile and Everything's Not Lost are pretty good songs"
* "man, I wish they'd play Shiver"
* "man, I wish Jeff Buckley was here instead"
* "why is that man hopping up and down on one leg?"
* "what would happen if, like, Coldplay had sex with Funkadelic and they somehow had a band baby"
* "I love everything"

More tellingly, even in our messed up, everything is great state, we completely ignored a good 50% of the set and just talked amongst ourselves, as if the band weren't there at all. The footage from said gig is up at:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3935387732711613750

and in retrospect the performance seems quite a bit more anaemic than I remembered (apologies to sufferers of anaemia). In summary, I've seen better, I've seen worse, but I can't for the life of me figure out how such a band elicits such strong reactions (good and bad) in so many people.

Coldplay will make the first single from their new album available as a free download to fans who visit the English band's Web site.

"Violet Hill," the first single from Viva La Vida, will be available on http://www.coldplay.com from 7:15 a.m. EDT Tuesday, one week before it goes on sale at digital retailers. It will be available as a free download from the Web site for one week.

I wonder how many of the tunes on the new album will consist of a two-minute half-song played twice in a row to make it four minutes long?

For a second I misread the title of the first single as "Vince Hill" and that cheered me up immensely, if temporarily.

They sound like Radiohead.

every coldplay messageboard ever:

radiohead with tunes hyuk hyuk

Well, they have sounded like (90s) Radiohead since 2000 anyway.

hyuk hyuk

This is such a weak single. Wow. I mean, I am actually shocked at how weak it is - it is so plodding.

They've been on a downward spiral since Parachutes. They sound so much better when they are not trying to be wannabe rawkstahs. They are at their best when they are playing "Sparks," "Shiver," "Don't Panic," etc.

i can actually enjoy widescreen melodrama indie from time to time.
but this is pretty bad.
bet Guy H is sweating if this is the best they have to offer.

parachutes was a nice little album. suitably unambitious and very tuneful in places
the records that followed carried some ridiculous, pretentious stigma that rock n roll was being reinvented and that we were all witnessing the rise of an extremely important band. people were actually listening to those mediocre tracks and crying genius, when in fact from the sophomore release onwards, coldplay were suffering from a premature rut in the idea stakes

i kinda like the new song "violet hill"

i like songs with that stompy piano thing. reminds me of lennon solo.

anyway it's decent.

I couldn't believe the free download the band sent out of their new song was only good for 6 bloody hours. It took too long for them to send it anyway and then what with Time Zones/work/having a life...6 hours was not going to give me even half a chance to listen to that thing. Makes me wanna steal the album, it does. Though it's probably crap anyway. Fuck 'em.

i'm gonna assume he's yet again repeating the same formula. maybe when i accidentally hear it i'll be proven wrong, who knows.

The very first review is in! Coldplay's new album is EPIC . . . THE BIGGEST ALBUM OF THE DECADE.

Wow. Must be good.

Original idea:

"Lovers In Japan/Reign Of Love is a classic. Parts are slightly U2-esque and you could almost imagine BONO singing it."

I also like how parts of the review are in italics for no reason. It reminds me of a hilarious website about dinosaurs attacking Noah's Arc that I was perusing earlier today.

The clip of the single playing in the iTunes ad is good.

i'm gonna assume he's yet again repeating the same formula. maybe when i accidentally hear it i'll be proven wrong, who knows.

-- Charlie Howard, Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:43 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Link

Actually new single kinda made me go "ok so they did U2 already, now they've moved on to blandifying Phil Collins." Mildly interesting just cause it's a slight departure for them, but obv not much of one.

They set out to make a musical equivalent of a work of art

lolol

haha i'd actually probably be more interested in hearing the band channel phil collins than the U2 ride they were on before.

Okay I paid for the Viva La Vida song on iTunes and I gotta say...I'm impressed. I'm actually impressed.

So is Eno really on this thing or what?

Imagining Bono singing and lots of religious lyrics? I hope they didn't tell Eno to do "The Joshua Tree" once more. Chris Martin is a better songwriter than Bono has ever been after all.

I heard that Violent Hill song. Forgot it a few seconds later. Haven't thought about it since.

I think you mean Violet Hill. But I like Violent Hill better.
Coldplay are obscenely flat and lifeless, they have NO soul, they are dead grass chomping lazy musicians who could be better but fuck effort they'd rather just sell millions upon millions of offensively bland rock music to confused masses who are like; 'but...I...don't get it?'.

One of the great things about Coldplay is that they are cool, calm and collected. Exaggerated emotions in music are never a good thing. Emotions should be kept in the melody and chords alone, and as little as possible in the performance.

Emotions should be kept in the melody and chords alone, and as little as possible in the performance.

Phooey.

Geir, explain again why you don't exclusively listen to baroque harpsichord music?

Too rhythmic.

coldplay, with king creosotes's producer. don't forget about him. not just eno.

I really like "Violet Hill," having just heard it for the first time. I like the way he sings "de-CEM-beh" / "re-MEM-beh."

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1593941/20080902/coldplay.jhtml

Coldplay will issue EP of Viva La Vida leftovers in December, new LP in 2009.

It (Viva La Vida) has become the best-selling rock record of 2008, cementing Coldplay's position as one of the world's biggest rock bands. To date, that record has sold more than 1.6 million units and remains one of the year's best sellers.

too bad it reeks more than the depths of the new york sewage system

still diggin' the title track

This fuckin' guy.

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/coldplay-charlie-kirk-wembley-shoutout-chris-martin-b1247569.html

O_O

what a maroon