Punk Rock Brawl-off!

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It's been a long day, both bands are fucked up on something, totally sick of each other's bullshit, and want badly to kick each other's asses. Who wins, and by how much?

TITLE BOUT: The Germs vs. The Circle Jerks: This fight happens when Darby Crash is still alive, naturally. Both sides get knives and meth.

The Sex Pistols vs. The Clash: No weapons, no holds barred, no assistance from the government.

The Stooges vs. The Ramones

Minor Threat (1980) vs. Fugazi (1990)

Wire vs. Buzzcocks

Henry Rollins vs. Tad Doyle: Henry has had way too much to drink. However, there is an enormous spaghetti dinner inside of Tad.

Bad Religion vs. NOFX: Not sure who wins this one but I hope and pray there are lots of casualities.

Avril Lavigne vs. 18 year-old Courtney Love. The handicap in this match is that the roles are reversed: Courtney has already sold 5 million records but Avril is still fighting to establish her name. More fire in Avril here, but Courtney still has a good 30-40 lbs. on her.

Green Day vs. The Vines. Sike! Tre Cool could take every single Vine and still have enough left over to pistol-whip Billie Joe a few times and scare up some leftover cardiac arrythmia in Mike Dirnt (who once got schooled like a misbehaving niece by the bass player from THIRD EYE BLIND for Jehovah's sake).

― Famous Athlete, Sunday, 2 March 2003 01:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Lightning Bolt vs. Hella vs. Ruins vs. Eloe Omoe vs. Boredoms

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Sunday, 2 March 2003 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

(OBVIOUSLY A STEEL CAGE ROYAL RUMBLE)

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Sunday, 2 March 2003 02:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Dropdead versus Anal Cunt. Oh, wait...

― Dave Fischer, Sunday, 2 March 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Arab on Radar versus the Oath!

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Sunday, 2 March 2003 03:09 (twenty-two years ago)

snore vs zzzzzz
yawn vs snooze

― chaki (chaki), Sunday, 2 March 2003 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I FORGOT TO INCLUDE ORTHRELM.

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Sunday, 2 March 2003 03:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Nirvana vs. the Wesley Willis Fiasco

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 2 March 2003 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Shellac vs. Beck

― Justin Price, Sunday, 2 March 2003 07:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Only one of these has actually happened.

― Dave Fischer, Sunday, 2 March 2003 08:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Henry Rollins doesn't drink.

On a funny side note, my friend Frank saw Ian MacKaye drinking a beer at a bar, so he walked up to him and bumped into him really really hard, and then said, "Oh, Excuse Me, Ian!" ANd Ian said, "oh, hey, no problem", which isn't as funny.

― Helltime Producto (Pavlik), Sunday, 2 March 2003 08:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Also...

Stooges era Iggy VS 83 Jello. There'd be an entertaining rumble.

― Helltime Producto (Pavlik), Sunday, 2 March 2003 08:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Blood Brothers vs Rye Coalition.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Sunday, 2 March 2003 09:09 (twenty-two years ago)

New Order rulez, u r all gaye.

― hstencil, Sunday, 2 March 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

minuteman vs the clash

(minuteman no contest)

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 2 March 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

on the one that occurred, stolen from Sethputnam.com (in, obviously, the words of Seth himself);

"we played a show with drop dead on halloween, 2000. i've know them for a while, and i knew the drummer long before they even were together. i found some photos of drop dead from when we played with them in 1993 at gilman street in california, and since i didn't have any reason to have drop dead photos, i brought them to the show and gave them to them, and chatted with brian and bob for a while before we went on. during our set, some faggot punk rocker was spitting on josh, so i went out and punched him in the face a few times. i guess he was friends with drop dead or something. also during the set, i was making fun of drop dead and their gay lyrics. after constantly making fun of them, their pussy singer came while my back was turned and pushed me off the stage, and i got kicked repeatedly by a bunch of faggot punk rockers. the crybaby punks were mad that i was making fun of towelheads, and just about everyone else. the gay guitarist for drop dead unplugged josh's amp, so josh took his glasses. if there was a mild fight,it lasted a couple seconds between other people, and everything got broken up and the cops came. after this show drop dead went around saying they beat us up, but it's all bullshit. they are a bunch of fags. p.s., this show was sold out, and the promoter only gave us $100. what a fucking jew."

-
Alan

― Alan Conceicao, Sunday, 2 March 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Descendents vs. Sum 41

― Jon Williams (ex machina), Sunday, 2 March 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Busted vs GG Allin

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Sunday, 2 March 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

The Germs vs. The Circle Jerks: Despite having the secret wearpon of reckless Darby Crash, the Germs were otherwise wimps! Lucky Leherson, drummer for the `Jerks, would easily make hash of them, while Keith Morriss and Handsom' Greg Hetson stand off to the side sayin' "Yeah!"

The Sex Pistols vs. The Clash: Simonon wipes the floor with the lot of them, and never messes up his quiff.

The Stooges vs. The Ramones The Stooges were completely deranged and reckless. My money'd be on them.

Minor Threat (1980) vs. Fugazi (1990) They wouldn't.

Wire vs. Buzzcocks The Buzzcocks were lovers, not fighters. Wire would clean up.

Henry Rollins vs. Tad Doyle: Henry has had way too much to drink. Henry doesn't drink. Tad would be toast.

Bad Religion vs. NOFX, Avril Lavigne vs. 18 year-old Courtney Love, Green Day vs. The Vines. Who cares?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 2 March 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

TSOL would mop up both the Germs AND the Circle Jerks (seriously, these people are as ants to the giants in TSOL) in one sitting.

― matt riedl (veal), Monday, 3 March 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh c'mon, have you ever seen Suburbia ? TSOL are a bunch of FOPS ! The `Jerks would slay'em all.

Actually, FEAR would undoubtedly be the real winners in an early-to-mid 80's Cali hardcore brawl.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 3 March 2003 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

The Anal Cunt account skips over the fact that they went crying to the police.

― Dave Fischer, Monday, 3 March 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate the punk rock threads. I don't know why.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 3 March 2003 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

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