10 questions not to ask the stars in interviews

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To Tori Amos:
You're looking hot tonight, sweetie. Would you like to follow me home afterwards?

To Ryan Adams:
How come you never play "Summer Of '69" and "Heaven" at your gigs anymore?

To Liam Gallagher?
Why don't you just skip this stupid rock'n'roll thing and start making intelligent and sophisticated music instead, like Blur?

To Morrissey or Moby:
I'd like to interview you about your new album. How about Angus Steak House tomorrow afternoon?

To Roger Waters:
Sure, I mean, nobody denies the fact that "The Division Bell" and "A Momentary Lapse Of Reason" weren't quite as good as vintage Floyd, but you gotta admit they were at least better than the pretentious wank that was "The Final Cut"?

To Ralf Hütter and Florian Schneider:
When will we get to see you guys doing "MTV Unplugged"?

To David Bowie: Recently you have revisited your past in a lot of ways. I mean, you reunited with Tony Visconti for your last album, with Brian Eno for "Outside" and with "Nile Rodgers" for "Black Tie White Noise". Is there any chance we will get to hear something in the vein of "The Laughing Gnome" anytime soon?

To Stevie Wonder:
Your music videos are a bit special to say the least. Do you actually watch other people's music videos at all?

To Cat Stevens:
Seriously, as a matter of fact, the Prophet was just a perverted pedophile, wasn't he?

To Eminem:
You're looking hot tonight, sweetie. Would you like to follow me home afterwards?

Any other suggestions...?? :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

To Jaz Coleman:
"So, you were a bit off with your doomsday prediction, eh? Ever hear the story of the 'boy who cried wolf'?" (I actually asked this,....and almost didn't live to tell about it.)

To Glen Danzig:
"What do you think of the new Misfits?"

To Nick Cave and/or Andrew Eldritch:
"So, how does it feel to be the the Patron Saint of Goth?"

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

To anyone:
"hey fuck you buddy! my ass makes sweeter noises than you after I eat a deep-fried all-bean burrito! you sack of ugly shit you!"

for obvious reasons.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

To Alison Moyet
"You ever hear of a guy called Calum?"

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

To Kathleen Hanna:
"What's it like to be in an all-girl band?"

To Paul McCartney:
"Remember when you were in the Beatles? And you had that song 'The End,' where you said 'And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make?'" follow-up: "Is that true?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

One Time, When I Was at a World Famous Ski Resort that Was Sponsoring a Celebrity Ski Tournament, I Said to William Shatner:
"Hey, you're that guy from T.J. Hooker. That show was rad. You ever do anything else?"

I didn't actually say that to him, but I tell everybody that I did. In reality I just sort of nodded my head at him, as if HE shoulda known who I was (i.e. hotel porter).

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

To Kraftwerk:
"So are you guys Nazis?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel like we're writing Stuttering John material.

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

To Elton John:

"When you did that duet with Eminem, and you guys hugged, did either of you have a hard-on? Cuz I did. That shit was hot!"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"When you did that duet with Eminem, and you guys hugged, did either of you have a hard-on? Cuz I did. That shit was hot!"

Hmmm. Seriously.. I'd rather ask Eminem that question. :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Thread-starters you never would have guessed were written by Geir, until you scrolled down.

― Sam Jeffries (samjeff), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

well, you'd probably get a better answer from Felt-im Elton

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 13 March 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

The funniest post I've read on here in a while.

Another to Morrissey:
"You're an incredibly interesting person and have been the subject of many fascinating books. Will you be collaborating with Johnny Rogan again on another book sometime in the future?"

To HearSay's Noel:
"So what paid better - being a drag queen or being in the band?"

To Martine McCutcheon:
"Now that the singing career's over, can we expect to see Tiffany back in EastEnders?"

To the Spice Girls:
"Which of your big hits is your favourite? 'Venus' or 'I Heard a Rumour'?"

― russ t, Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually know someone who asked They Might be Giants how they feel to be a "joke band."

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, another to Tori Amos:
"Your music has always inspired me greatly. Can we expect another concept album in the vein of 'Hounds of Love' some time in the future, Tori?"

― russ t, Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, another to Tori Amos:
"Your music has always inspired me greatly. Can we expect another concept album in the vein of 'Y Kant Tori Read?' some time in the future, Tori?"

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

To Henry Rollins:
"Why are you so angry? Why can't you, like, just chill?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

To Ian MacKaye:
"Do you still hate people who aren't straight edge?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

To Courtney Love:
"So, come on....did ya do it?'

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

To Michael Jackson:
"Ever seen a grown man naked?"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

The bass player from Live actually hung up on me during the first question of an interview. While he called back the next day and apologized, claiming to have been cut off, I know he was lying.
The band was promoting its Secret Samahdi album and still had yet to endure the crushing disappointment of its post-Throwing Copper career.
The question seemed innocuous enough: I just pointed out that several bands, including Hootie and Weezer (at that point), had followed up massive, career-defining albums with follow ups that were dismissed by the record-buying public. I asked this bass playing asshole if his band was different — if it would be able to maintain that connection with its expanded fanbase.
Guess it wasn't a stupid question.

― Bruce Urquhart (Bruce Urquhart), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

To Fred Durst:
"How does it feel to get played by da pop princess fe real?!"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

To anyone:
"What are your influences?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Thought of another one for the Gallagher brothers:
Considering you guys are from Manchester, I suppose you are quite happy about the success Manchester United are enjoying in the Champions League lately...

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

to Avril Lavigne:
"hello young lady, would you like a wowwypop?"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

To Jaz Coleman:
"So, you were a bit off with your doomsday prediction, eh? Ever hear the story of the 'boy who cried wolf'?" (I actually asked this,....and almost didn't live to tell about it.)

More information please alex!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

To Sinead O'Conner:

Your style has varied considerably throughout your career, when can we expect to see either a christmas or gospel record?

― christoff (christoff), Thursday, 13 March 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

To Bob Dylan:

"So, have you ever considered voice lessons?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

One of Chris Farley's finest moments.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

To Jamie Lee Curtis (sorry, I know, not music -- but can't resist):
"So, is it true that you were born a hermaphrodyte?"

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

To anyone:
"hey fuck you buddy! my ass makes sweeter noises than you after I eat a deep-fried all-bean burrito! you sack of ugly shit you!"

for obvious reasons.

It's not a question?

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

i second the stuttering john sentiment.

stuttering john, "L-l-lou Reed, ha-ha-have you ever given or gotten R-r-road head?"

i think lou tried to punch him. i can't remember.
m.

― msp, Thursday, 13 March 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

To Bono:

"So Bono, you've worked very hard to bring awareness of the AIDS epidemic in Africa to global attention...how many 15-year-olds have you banged this week?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

*suddenly realizing the grammatical foe-paw (he he) committed above by including both "awareness" and "attention" in the above question*

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

to T.A.T.U.

"...I brought a big bottle of cocoa butter and a camcorder, can you do a full naked 69 for us?"

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 13 March 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm

― T.A.T.U.69 (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

to Bruce Springsteen:
"so who died and made you The Boss?"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

And he'd smile and say "Elvis. He was the King, and he abdicated."

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Krist Novoselic - "Don't you think it's amazing that Dave Grohl not only resurrected his career but that the Foo Fighters are bigger than Nirvana ever was?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

To Tori Amos:
You're looking hot tonight, sweetie. Would you like to follow me home afterwards?

The hilarity of rape!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Another one for Neil Peart/Rush:
When did you become interested in Ayn Rand's fascist ideology?

Got one for Pete Townshend too:
Now that you've "come out" so to say, have you considered joining NAMBLA?

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"So, you were a bit off with your doomsday prediction, eh? Ever hear the story of the 'boy who cried wolf'?" (I actually asked this,....and almost didn't live to tell about it.)

What Norman said! DETAILS! You were NOT HONOURING FIRE!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Paul McCartney - "Would you agree that the Beatles attracted the most violent stalkers of any band? I mean, one was bad enough, but TWO? Also, what's the weirdest thing anyone's ever done after finding 'secret messages' in one of your songs?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

To Paul McCartney:

"Do you ever regret fucking up or squashing all of George's ideas?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Tony Banks - "Why don't you try releasing solo records? Phil and Mike seem to have done pretty well"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Bono - "Townshend, Glitter - why haven't they investigated YOU yet? Like, you know the Pope and everything"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Brian Wilson - "I find your music intensely depressing, and a lot of people tell me it affects them likewise, just what do you do to produce stuff like that?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Jackson Browne - "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Lindsey Buckingham - "Mick Fleetwood sure is ugly and funny looking, huh. I wonder how desperate some woman would have to be to go for HIM!"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Eric Clapton - "Well, enough questions about other 60s guitar greats. Speaking of silver linings, isn't it a lucky coincidence that whenever you need some creative inspiration some horrible shit happens in your life?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom Waits - "How'd you score that gig doing those Disney movies like James & the Giant Peach and Monsters Inc?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Yngwie J. Malmstein - "So when are you gonna unleash the fookin fyoory?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Morrisey - "Is it true that the Manchester average is 27 sexual partners by the age of 16?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Dr Dre - "Been tested lately? Wouldn't want you to go the way of poor Eazy. Did you guys used to room together? Also, those World Class Wreckin Cru pictures are kind of 'camp', aren't they?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Brian May - "Hello Mrs May, Brian in? I'm supposed to interview him about now"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris Stein - "When the fuck you gonna get out of bed, you lazy sack of shit?"

― dave q, Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Shane McGowan - "*ahem* Shane. It's about the teeth..."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Paul McCartney (again): So how do you feel about John and George being the true experimental forces of the Beatles? I mean, it's not like you did much besides write ditties, you know? Speaking of which, isn't it about time you and Denny Laine buried the hatchet and reformed Wings?"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

What Norman said! DETAILS! You were NOT HONOURING FIRE!
A while back Jaz Coleman has some sort of "vision of armageddon" and planned to escape to Iceland to get away from the coming horror. His madness was so contagious that he even convinced his Guitarist to run to Iceland as well.
What they didn't realize is the Apocalypse will START IN ICELAND!
Mwwuahhhahahahahahahaha!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I feel certain I've spun this particular yarn here before, but since you insist. Rewind, if you will, back to the balmy, carefree days of 1994, wherein the re-united Killing Joke (with original bass player Youth back in the fold) are gearing up to release the album, Pandemonium(not to be confused with the B2K magnum opus of the same title, mind you). I was scribbling-outside-the-lines at the time for a long-since departed and not-at-all missed "consumer guide" churlishly dubbed the New York Review Records, and managed to land an interview with my heroes. Through someone's odd judgement, the interview locale was set at the since-closed "Notell Motel" down on Avenue A, which the record company had rented out for the afternoon. I walked in to encounter Youth and guitarist Geordie K. Walker relaxing at the bar. After some banal pleasantries with the publicist hovering, I sat down with Youth, who was busily tucking into a plate of vegetarin Indian food. He was reasonably forthcoming, but exceptionally mellow and invariably stoned out of his gourd (and looked quite a bit like Neil's buddy "Warlock" from "The Young Ones"). Next up, I was to speak with Georide. Jaz had yet to arrive. Geordie, meanwhile, was a truly affable gent, who answered my questions sportingly, though spent more time watching the video monitors over the bar which showed an endless loop of vintage, black'n'white porn. (Transcribing the tape later, I found certain portions of his answers littered with utterances of "ooh err, she's got a nice one" or "Phwoar!") Jaz arrived shortly after I started chatting with Geordie....eyes as wide as you'd expect.
For my chat with Jaz, the publicist put us in the back chamber, away from the rest. While Youth and Geordie had been relaxed and bemused, Jaz came acorss as, unsurprisingly, a bit intense...but not without a sense of humour. Prone to volumous outbursts and a cackle that gave one pause, he warmed to each topic I threw at him. Trouble arrived, however, when I started to formulate a question that suggested that some of his critics express the opinion that Coleman's perpetual soothsaying and predictions of a global demise of Biblical proportions have turned out to ring a bit false, and how did he react to being peceived as a bit of a "boy who cried wolf." Before the question had even left my lips, the humour drained from Jaz's face with alarming velocity and those wild black eyes started burning a hole through my soul. With some swift verbal footwork, I backpedalled furiously, highlighting the words some of your critics repeatedly. He mellowed back out, but I'd never experienced such a swift turnaround in atmosphere in an interview before. Anyway, I left unscathed, though a bit humbler...and feeling like a bit of a schmuck for not defending my question and engaging the man in a discussion about it, but the intimidation factor coupled with my inherent urge not to anger the man whose work I truly admire prevented me from accomplishing the task.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:53 (twenty-two years ago)

to P Diddy
"yo Pop n' Fresh, when you gonna get those teeth fixed?"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 13 March 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Yep. Jaz Coleman: The ORIGINAL "End is Nigh" Guy.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

geir are you carl?

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Excellent story alex!! (i don't recall you mentioning this one before) when I saw kj live, many years ago (it was not long after they put out "Ha!") I got right up to the front and I saw Jaz' scary look that you describe close up. This little tit of a skinhead was gobbing on him, which is not smart, right? The first time, Jaz fixed him with the look, which was actually quite frightening to see. the second time, Jaz shook his fist at him. The third time, he cracked him over the head, *really* hard with the mic. Bam! this huge noise came out of the PA, the skin staggered off. It was actually pretty impressive. A friend was at the gig standing next to the desk, and he saw the sound guy frantically reach for the mich channel fader, but he wasn't quick enough. I had ringing ears for a couple of days afterwards, not from the noise of the mic hitting the skin's head, but from their general racket, which was really good actually. Typing this, I'm getting thee urge to go and get CDs of "Ha!" and "What's This For?"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Di I emailed you to apologise for derailing the cute indie chick thread, but the message bounced, so I'll apologise here instead!! sorry!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

geir are you carl?

I don't think so. :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

its okay norman, i was more pissed off by nekkid belinda carlisle than the ensuing porn discussion. geir: i asked because i know someone called carl who has always wanted to ask that very question of david bowie, hehe.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

The look up-close:

http://www.an-irrational-domain.net/images/jaz/jaz140.JPG

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

geir: i asked because i know someone called carl who has always wanted to ask that very question of david bowie, hehe.

When Bowie did his "Changes" Tour in 1990, he said he would let the fans decide which songs he'd play, by voting. There was a major campaign to get him to play "The Laughing Gnome".

The song received a lot of votes, but he didn't play it. :-)

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 13 March 2003 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Syd Barrett : "Your flowery painting's lovely. What made you attempt this still-life without pink?"

― Dr. Annabel Lies (Michael Kelly), Thursday, 13 March 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Rick Allen (drummer for Def Leppard) : "Why not give yourself a round of applause for your dedication?"

― Dr. Annabel Lies (Michael Kelly), Thursday, 13 March 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

to Mayhem:
So what's going on in Dead's head lately?

― Andrzej B. (Andrzej B.), Friday, 14 March 2003 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

To Mark E. Smith:

"I've typed up the lyrics here (hands MES a typewritten sheet) to Grotesque--I was wondering if you could explicate 'New Face in Hell' for your devoted fans."

― Amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 14 March 2003 04:43 (twenty-two years ago)

To ILM:

"Did you know that we're way past 10 questions now?"

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 14 March 2003 05:27 (twenty-two years ago)

dear killing joke what does fremme neppa venette mean

― geeta (geeta), Friday, 14 March 2003 05:48 (twenty-two years ago)

oh wait that doesn't make any sense

― geeta (geeta), Friday, 14 March 2003 05:48 (twenty-two years ago)

so which one of you is Arcturus?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 14 March 2003 06:28 (twenty-two years ago)

[Ringo voice]:He's the 'bright' one

― oops (Oops), Friday, 14 March 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

To P.McCartney: So wheres the real Paul ?
To D. Bowie : So, Why CANT we give love ?
To B.Dylan : Now that we know WHERE the answer is, what exactly is it ?
To Brian Wilson : And how are you feeling today Mr. Wilson ?

― kevin brady (groeuvre), Friday, 14 March 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

To Rush/Neil Peart:
30 years ago, you realised "2012", a concept album that was largely based upon the ideas of ultra righ-wing writer Ayn Rand. Do you still support fascism?

To Robert Smith:
What is your take on the Iraqi war? I guess you love how the American soldiers are literaly killing a lot of Arabs.

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Saturday, 4 November 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

To Sufjan Stevens:

To the writer of Illinoise, I have an idea concerning your stupid extended song titles, a round of applause for non-masturbatory editing at major labels or How to demolish an entire interview but still feel good about yourself in the morning or we apologise for the inconvenience but your going to have to leave now

― white heat (white heat), Saturday, 4 November 2006 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

To JoJo:
2 years, 1 month, 16 days, 3 hours, 27 minutes, and 3 seconds. 2 years, 1 month, 16 days, 3 hours, 26 minutes, and 56 seconds...

― King-a-Ling (King-a-Ling), Saturday, 4 November 2006 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

To Sufjan Stevens:

To the writer of Illinoise...

roffles

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Saturday, 4 November 2006 23:19 (nineteen years ago)

no longer relevant, i suppose, but...

to sleater-kinney:

do you guys need a bass player, 'cause i totally play bass.

― chris plus plus (chris++), Sunday, 5 November 2006 01:37 (nineteen years ago)

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