Pitchfork review in not getting it SHOCKAH

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http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/b/black-box-recorder/passionoia.shtml

On black box recorder. I don't know why I'm even posting this.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

you are sick like dog

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I like the flashing advert for Forms :Icarus "fortified with Seve Albini and good for you"

― girl scout heroin (iamamonkey), Wednesday, 19 March 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

That review was unreadable. sob*

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 20 March 2003 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Good Lord.

I think BBR are about a fiftieth as good as the Auteurs (who were pathy themselves but the 4th album is excellent), not that that's relevant here really.

― Tom (Groke), Thursday, 20 March 2003 01:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Pitchfork reviews often remind me of that Simpsons where Bart is staring at his shoes and comparing Lisa's troubles to a champion knot stopping his knot-tying in the middle of tying a knot.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i still read pfork every day. it's a bit masochistic, but i can't help it. as they continue to add "new" reviewers, i can't help but think they're just the old reviews with new, made-up names.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:41 (twenty-two years ago)

typo. champion knot tier. and I too, check every day. Though I must confess I usually just read the news, the interview if I care, and only the grades of the reviews.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:44 (twenty-two years ago)

(I apologize for two of mine but that's it.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:48 (twenty-two years ago)

(One and a half, actually.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 02:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean okay I have my gripes with the general music press but I realized why pitchfork rankles -- when the music press gets things wrong generally its out of laziness, going with the hype machine, overblowing things, etc. But when pitchfork gets it wrong its like they get it absolutely wrong, like they don't just have a warmed-over slipshod approach, but some reviewer put loads of time and thought into inventing completely new and absurd ways to miss the point. Indie-centric blinkers may be part of the blame here, but there's more at work; a certain type of smarter-than-thou distrust of recieved wisdom without anything to replace it with, like these wild WHAT THE FUCK moments all explained with a twist and a flourish.

I mean The funniest thing about Black Box Recorder has always been that, embodying all things British, they end up sounding French.!!!???

Right. classic what the fuck moment there.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 05:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, I was wondering about that, but here's the thing: which half of that do you have the problem with? (I follow one half but not the other, and I'm curious if we're on the same sides of it.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Neither half makes any sense to me. Nor the rest of the review.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 07:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Weirdly, I sort of see the French thing, I just never got the impression they were "embodying all things British." (Anyway sounding French is surely as British as sounding Mexican is American.)

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe they "embody all things British" by having, you know, accents

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:36 (twenty-two years ago)

There are talented songwriters who make disdain for the listener a part of their mystique (yup, Will Oldham), but Haines must be the only one to fashion it into a persistent lyrical trope.

Frank Zappa to review!

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 08:37 (twenty-two years ago)

read the whole thing and while he does get a few things horribly wrong ("life is unfair/kill yourself or get over it" isn't an invitation, it's a mockery of someone's whining, you dumbass) it's not as bad as I thought it was. of course, I haven't heard the new album yet so maybe I'm missing things here.

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 20 March 2003 09:44 (twenty-two years ago)

well i have heard it and the reviewer is pretty well OTM. anyway, don't the majesticons do this sort of thing much better these days?

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 09:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"You are sick like dog"

Funny.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 20 March 2003 10:30 (twenty-two years ago)

the majesticons don't do anything well

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck Pitchfork up the ass. I can't stand that site. I know a lot of you ILMers here write for them. WHY???

― Evan (Evan), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Everyone in this thread writes for Pitchfork. It's all good natured ribbing, and they all love it.

― dleone (dleone), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

The other thing that rilly irked me was the Andrew Rigely bit where the "ooh! Wham! Who remembers them? haha its so funny that BBR do" aspect seems to overwhelm any greater critical understanding and then BBR's "linear narratives" are praised coz y'know nobody tells stories anymore oh and then christ what's so fucking French about BBR? I had no idea that synthpop was a purely French phenom & what about the gag on all that in "French Rock & Roll" anyway? Hello?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"Andrew Ridgeley" mocks celebrity in general by dredging up the lesser half of Wham! for exaggerated worship.

Explain how this equals "ooh! Wham! Who remembers them?" please.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

exaggerated worship.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

That presupposes that Wham! were worth worshipping in the first place, which they weren't.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

sez you

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GEEEEENIOUS THAT IS ANDREW RIDGELY, YOU DISGUSTING PHILISTINES!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 20 March 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

At least I can spell his name corretcly.

Defend them then.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

marcello no one wants to play with you when you shift into "defend the opposite point of view at all costs" mode

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It's fun to watch, though.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

was andrew ridgeley more intelligent than george michael? invests his royalties wisely, buys a nice house on the coast, marries a bananarama, spends all his time racing cars and windsurfing...

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

ah, the "finer" things in life

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

lose those inverted commas, harvell, you know you want it...

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 March 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Compared to Victoria Beckham, Ridgely is clearly as thick as pig's poo.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Could Jess, Marcello and Lord Custos Epsilon each summarize their true feelings about Andrew Ridgeley? I need to update my scorecard.

― Mark (MarkR), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

mark, plz don't mention my name in that context anymore

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

< /SARCASM >Andrew Ridgeley == Irrelevant. "Son of Albert" wasn't even bad in a 'fun' way.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 20 March 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Sterling, I haven't heard the new one but my memory of previous BBR stuff is that I could see it as vaguely French -- spiritually more than musically -- in the sense of (a) Scott Walker's Brel stuff (okay Brel was Belgian, right? but still), or (b) Haines as a crusty disgruntled Gainsbourg type, or maybe (c) sort of in the sense of McLaren's Paris stuff or I dunno ... I haven't gotten really in touch with the BBR stuff to have a close opinion on this issue, but someone says "they sound French" and on some unimportant level I can sort of go "hahaha yeah I'll buy that."

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 20 March 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

don't playa-hate...congratulate.

― Andrew Ridgely (J0hn Darn1elle), Thursday, 20 March 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay here's the problem... "Andrew Rigely" the track has little to do with celebrity per. se and everything to do with the synthpop revolution and the reviewer is denser than dense for missing that.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 21 March 2003 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication. Both ethically and aesthetically Pitchfork is horrid.

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 March 2003 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication

but enough about ILx....

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 24 March 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I am still disappointed in nabisco for writing for such a shoddy publication. Both ethically and aesthetically Pitchfork is horrid.

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

― Mark (MarkR), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I've just realised what it is annoys me about this:

Haines even finds time to riff on his status as the band's ventriloquist...

Not one mention of John Moore. Not one single bloody mention. Him and Haines co-write all the frigging songs, for fuck's sakes. He must be one of the most ignored men in popular music, like, ever.

Grr.

Other than that, it's not too far off. But that whole overtone of BBR as being entirely "criminal mastermind Luke Haines" really fucking grates after a while.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

For one, their across-the-board holocaust denial.*

*this may not be true.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

kinda like lumping nas in with ja rule as "pretenders to his (tu pac's) throne."

― S>C>, Monday, 24 March 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually nothing like that.

[Anyone notice how long dumbfucks can harbor grudges?]

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:58 (twenty-two years ago)

What problem do have w/ Pitchfork's ethics?

Ryan Schreiber's treatment of potential writers is, at best, unprofessional and reflects poorly on Pitchfork.

At worst, it is repellent and makes the whole enterprise look abusive.

― Nicole (Nicole), Monday, 24 March 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

(oops sc I just remembered who you are. didn't mean to be that nasty to you. but honestly, dragging in unrelated things c or d?)

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 24 March 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 23 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

It's this thing called the Internet.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:00 (nineteen years ago)

Point taken. It is short for Pitchfork, though. There's only one shorter review today, at 401 words. This one is 962 words.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:01 (nineteen years ago)

Goddamn longwinded Nabisco...

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:02 (nineteen years ago)

ihttp://www.membersbenefits.nl/Pics/Branchesites/MemberBenefits/Planet%20Internet.jpg

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

Try again:

http://www.planet.nl/upload_mm/a/1/0/1987460233_1999999125_planet-logo.jpg

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:05 (nineteen years ago)

I still fear the day when Scott or Ryan shoots a review back to me with a copy of the word count guidelines attached; writing shorter definitely tops the long list of things I need to get better at.

This Magnolia thing is an EP with a previously-released album track: 425 words is pretty decent!

I mostly just posted to this thread because of the "presumably." The picking on the review seemed like a whole lot of frustration over the fact that, in the end, you don't think he interpreted the lyrics right. Which you may be right about, but I don't think there should be anything so maddening or "indefensible" about it -- he just read a line differently than you did!

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 15 December 2005 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

nabisco, you're right that his interpretation of a line is the crux of my argument, but it's more than that. He interpretted the entire song wrong, not just one line. And then he used his interpretation as the way of analyzing the song's instrumentation in a way that doesn't even make sense. And that's about half the review, completely off the mark. As to the other half of the review, well, I haven't heard the EP yet.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

one dude having a different interpretation without hearing the EP = 13 (now 14) posts = another irreplaceable chunk of a finite and rapidly dwindling lifetime

SHOCKAH

― marc h. (marc h.), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

Animal Collective
Who Could Win a Rabbit (single)
[Fat-Cat; 2004]
Rating: 9.2

The Animal Collective sings, "you can win a rabbit, you can rabbit or the fast track or (something something)." Presumably the line refers to the new McDonalds Happy Meals in which one possible toy is a stuffed rabbit. Like the McDonalds Big Mac, the song is a delicious mixture acoustic guitar and percussion, making the most high satured fat song in his recent history. The layers of acoustic guitar are smothered in specail sauce, lettuce, and tomatoes.

-Ryan Schreiber, December 15, 2005

xpost
marc, that song is on the last album. I've heard that particular song many many times.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:24 (nineteen years ago)

They give singles star ratings, not points, dumbass.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

Hey, look who's back: it's the hate thread about the first review I ever wrote for Pitchfork! Awwwww!

I'll celebrate by answering one of these almost three-year-old charges:

I just never got the impression they were "embodying all things British."

Mr. Matos, I cordially invite you on a leisurely stroll through some BBR song titles: England Made Me, The English Motorway System, British Racing Green, The New Diana, When Britain Refused To Sing... Not to mention Haines's England Vs. America, The South Will Rise Again, "Oh to be in England on a Sunday," etc.

OK, and another one, about how I (horrors) snubbed John Moore: People deluding themselves into thinking that Moore has significant songwriting input in BBR are encouraged to compare How I Learned To Love The Bootboys (The Auteurs, with no Moore in sight), The Facts Of Life (BBR, with Moore) and The Oliver Twist Manifesto (Haines solo): all three albums are completely consistent, all three utilize the same production techniques, the same songwriting tricks (last verses keep getting transposed up a tone), the same instrumentation, the same lyrical obsessions. All three are clearly written by the same man.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:25 (nineteen years ago)

owned :(

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF SHIT BIRDS

THE BOSS OF THIS SITE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF!

- Bob

http://www.zangerbob.nl

― MICKEY IS RIGHT, Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

Finally, something to raise the level of discussion around here.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:37 (nineteen years ago)

haha I promise that wasn't me

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:38 (nineteen years ago)

Americans in thinking Britian and England are totally interchangable terms non-shocker!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:38 (nineteen years ago)

Oh for God's sake. I'm not even American.

Fine, let's go:

"Do you know the history / Of the British Isles? We are born to be servile / Would you die for your country?"

Is Haines talking about England specifically? Or is he positioning "England" more in relation to the rest of the world (say, France - "French Rock'N'Roll," "New French Girlfriend," those "continental cigarettes" in "Johnny & The Hurricanes," "There were real Europeans in bars across the land" etc), as opposed to, say, England vs Wales?

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 20:45 (nineteen years ago)

Here's a relevant interview snippet, too:

[Haines is] at pains to express his oblique liking for England - the country which, after all, made him. But with Black Box Recorder's debut album England Made Me, he reckons the press got it all wrong. "They got this angle that somehow it was a critique of New Labour, but really it was just an affectionate look at the rotten aspects of England that John (Moore) and myself enjoy," he explains. "We would have a game of good thing, bad thing. Lord Lucan? Good thing. Jeffrey Archer? Definitely good thing. You can simplify most things in life and it straddles some areas of bad taste. But we have an affection for the rotten-ness of England that we remember growing up in. I can remember those sorts of things more than anything to do with popular culture."

The kind of incident that influences Haines' writing is certainly not whether Posh'n'Becks have new hairstyles. "I remember the whole Jeremy Thorpe incident with some fondness. And the John Stonehouse disappearance. Those are the kind of things that informed my childhood and they came back on England Made Me," he says. "I'm sure there are other incidences on that album - on Hated Sunday: 'Oh to be in England on a Sunday, dear old dismal England on a Sunday...' That's said meaning we'd rather be here than anywhere else. There are references to English things, but they're affectionate. And if not affectionate then observational."

So it's official - Luke Haines likes Blighty after all. "And the older I get the more I dislike foreign travel anyway. Travel narrows the mind," he offers.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Thursday, 15 December 2005 21:01 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.thephoenix.com/article_ektid37404.aspx

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:16 (eighteen years ago)

Ryan Pitchfork: sexier than Scooter Libby.

― The Reverend, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:18 (eighteen years ago)

oh come on, there's no way he's uglier than kim jong-il

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:19 (eighteen years ago)

THAT is even more hater-y than Dr. Morbius on the Tarantino thread

― Dimension 5ive, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:21 (eighteen years ago)

i shudder to think where i'd end up in a similar list

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

somewhere between donal logue and the giant king mask from the burger king ads

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

enuf with the sexual fantasies dammit

― Dimension 5ive, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:26 (eighteen years ago)

ok someone do a parody one for jess

― deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:29 (eighteen years ago)

~~PEREZ HILTON~~JESS HARVELL
Bloggist

Exponentially overhyped gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his actual contribution to society. And, oh yeah, he’s gross, too.

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:34 (eighteen years ago)

Jokes, bruv.

― Dom Passantino, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:34 (eighteen years ago)

lol ronaldinho is #55

― deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:37 (eighteen years ago)

[55] RONALDINHO
Goal getter

The world’s greatest soccer player is so ugly, even his action figure has buck teeth. Kissing him must be like getting kicked in the face by a donkey.

― deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:37 (eighteen years ago)

jess what about writing for an altweekly makes people want to create articles this meanspirited

― deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

“It’s like he’s got a lazy eye, only it’s his whole face.”

^^^thats a pretty funny one re: jay-z

― deej, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:38 (eighteen years ago)

lack of pay? self-loathing? alcoholism?

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:39 (eighteen years ago)

just hitting the basics here

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:41 (eighteen years ago)

C'mon, Jess, you know alt-weekies are our last lines of defense against tyranny, corporate oppression, mass-culture conformism, not really caring what the owners of random websites look like, and having to book escorts through Craiglist like we don't have telephones or something.

― nabisco, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:49 (eighteen years ago)

i pay my rent on those tranny hookers, damn you

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:51 (eighteen years ago)

hi, i'm relatively new to the whole pitchfork sucks thing, so if someone could gimme like a quick breakdown as to why it gets so much flack, i'd really appreciate it! thanks!

― Surmounter, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:52 (eighteen years ago)

BRING BACK BRENT D

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 21:53 (eighteen years ago)

STRONGO HULKINGTON RATES THE PITCHFORK SUPERHUNKS

Editor-in-Chief/Publisher

Ryan Schreiber - more shemp than curly joe

Associate Editor-in-Chief

Scott Plagenhoef - young warren beatty/late ned beatty

Senior News Editor

Amy Phillips - 80s mary lou retton

News Editor

Matthew Solarski - tommy chong circa that 70s show

Associate Editors

Jessica Suarez - free to be you and me-era marlo thomas

Catherine Lewis - that girl-era marlo thomas

Mark Richardson - martha quinn/colin quinn mash-up

Assistant Editor

Tyler Grisham - george wendt in mj's "black or white" video

Senior Contributor

Mark Richardson - didn't we already do this guy?

Lead Reporters

Paul Thompson - lead character in big johnson t-shirt line

Dave Maher - reese witherspoon circa election

Senior Photographer

Catherine Lewis - brandy and monica shoved through conan o'brien "if they mated" machine

Associate Publisher

Chris Kaskie - max weinberg

General Manager

Megan Davey - dave foley as man servant hecubus

Senior Account Manager

Nate Hileman - dave foley shilling for espn poker

Contributing Writers

Nitsuh Abebe - martin landau circa ed wood
Zach Baron - jelly roll morton on his death bed
Tom Breihan - manute bol just after blowing 91 playoffs
Stuart Berman - chuck close painting
D. Shawn Bosler - mayor mccheese after inauguration
William Bowers - tv's matlock
Sam Chennault - salacious crumb
Martin Clark - pete best
Liz Colville - kennedy after getting chewed out at mtv movie awards by ed wood-era martin landau
Jason Crock - lil jon in that infamous high school yearbook photo
Grayson Currin - sly stone on 2006 grammys
Chris Dahlen - mr. peanut
Drew Daniel - august "kid creole" darnell
Stephen M. Deusner -
Ryan Dombal - flashman from megaman 2
Tom Ewing - orson welles as harry lime
Tim Finney - george clooney
Jess Harvell - the mother in what's eating gilbert grape
Eric Harvey - dave mustaine
Marc Hogan - orko from he-man
Brian Howe - mel gibson mugshot
Joshua Klein - burgess meredith as the penguin
Matt LeMay - drunk brandon frasier
Dominique Leone - natasha leone
Marc Masters - amy winehouse pre-coke
Rob Mitchum - amy winehouse post-coke
Adam Moerder - turbo teen
Matthew Murphy - jeff koons painting where he's fucking his wife
J. Niimi - bun e. carlos
Nate Patrin - one of the soggies from 1985 cap'n crunch ad
Amanda Petrusich - justin timberlake in nipplegate photo
Mark Pytlik - dave thomas (pere ubu)
David Raposa - dave thomas (wendy's)
Julianne Shepherd - dave thomas (sctv)
Philip Sherburne - michael anthony from van halen
Dave Stelfox - david yow's penis
Brandon Stosuy - post-op genesis p-orridge
Joe Tangari - joe tangari
Stephen Troussé - the evil pieman from strawberry shortcake
Carl Wilson - dr. fad
Douglas Wolk - too $hort

News Team

Matt Amis - pele
Mairead Case - miles davis circa 1972
Kavitha Chekuru - the members of the bay city rollers in aggregate
Jonah Flicker - burl ives
James Gregory - frances bean cobain
David Nadelle - lala telletubby
Zach Vowell - professor griff

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:25 (eighteen years ago)

(with all due deference and respect to nitsuh, who first figured out how much fun it is to write nonsense after the pitchfork staff list)

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:26 (eighteen years ago)

manute bol otm

― rps, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:27 (eighteen years ago)

nitsuh otm. i could do that all over again.

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:30 (eighteen years ago)

Ryan Schreiber - male
Scott Plagenhoef - male
Amy Phillips - female
Catherine Lewis - female
Nick Sylvester - furry
Kristin Sage Rockermann - genderless ancient wiseperson
Mark Richardson - regulation-size football
Jonah Flicker - online picture-hosting service
Kati Llewellyn - female (sex change following "People's Court" stint)
Catherine Lewis - female (though "Lewis, Catherine" is male)
Nitsuh Abebe - turtle (unsexed)
Zach Baron - royalty
Tom Breihan - tall
William Bowers - woodsman, scholar
Cory D. Byrom - female
Martin Clark - fake
Jason Crock - fake
Chris Dahlen - Marissa Marchant
Drew Daniel - robot
Stephen M. Deusner - hermaphrodite
Brent DiCrescenzo - fake
Ryan Dombal - anthropomorphic tooth
Will Dukes - royalty
Sean Fennessey - single-malt
Jess Harvell - female
Marc Hogan - male
Brian Howe - shortstop
Michael Idov - entrepreneur
Rachel Khong - "makes no sense"
Matt LeMay - cannibal
Dominique Leone - hot French chick with big tits
Alex Linhardt - fake
Johnny Loftus - James Dean in hiding
Peter Macia - barn
Rob Mitchum - kind of like that evil brain-thing the Ninja Turtles fought
Adam Moerder - orc
Matthew Murphy - colorless, odorless liquid
Amanda Petrusich - "world's tallest woman" of internet fame
Mark Pytlik - Canadian
David Raposa - Connecticutian
Julianne Shepherd - superintelligent bangs with opposable thumbs
Philip Sherburne - eunuch
Dave Stelfox - fox
Brandon Stosuy - collaborative
Joe Tangari - bioluminescent sea creature
Sam Ubl - female, nee Maselli
Jonathan Zwickel - male, former editor of The Onion

-- nabisco (nabisco), Monday, January 9, 2006 1:46 PM (1 year ago)

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:31 (eighteen years ago)

can you believe that's not the first google response for "superintelligent bangs with opposable thumbs"?

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

Jess, I'm pretty sure the last list was on the same thread where we decided Richardson was the official hunk of Pitchfork.

― nabisco, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

i have never actually seen any of these people

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

Ghosts in the machine.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:34 (eighteen years ago)

i'm in a pretty good mood today! i might be talking to tommy lee!

-- cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, January 9, 2006

i never did u_u

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:37 (eighteen years ago)

alright, now that i've successfully wasted the last hour of work, i'm going to get drunk y'all. peace out.

― strongohulkington, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:39 (eighteen years ago)

[85] JOHN BASEDOW
Fitness atrocity

Gross man-boobs are usually confined to fat guys. But Basedow, the freakishly shaped workout guru familiar to late-night channel surfers through his “Fitness Made Simple” infomercials, is in a league of his own. It’s as if someone took Lou Ferigno’s pecks and stapled them to a Ken doll — a sight that never fails to send us groping for the remote in mid retch.

― rps, Friday, 13 April 2007 22:40 (eighteen years ago)

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