You're in a time machine and you have to do rude things with 10 rock chicks, who do you pick?

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You get a dildo shaped big phaser gun which makes the person go 'Hey babe, what about some sweet lovin' when aimed at their bum and lots of riotous wild and wet sexual escapades follow. The God of shagging gives you this when you discover it hidden in an old abandoned locker in the local train station. Given a time machine, a new haircut and an electric libido which makes you stand to attention, Sting like, for 18 straight days you are told to go forth and bone 10 dastardly ladies from times past and present.

1) Britney Spears
2) Andrea Corr
3) Hilary Woods
4) Shakira
5) Susanna Hoffs
6) Christine Aguilera
7) Sarah Nixey
8) Belinda Carlisle from circa 'Heaven is a Place on Earth'
9) Rachael from S Club 7
10) Louise Wener

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay, ILM reinstated the thread.

You guys are cool after all! The free beer is on me.

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Even if you're clothes will get all wet and sticky and smelly and drunk?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe we can drown him in it

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Nah, I think you need a stake in the heart or something

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Does Calum n33d a shag or something?

― Steve.n. (sjkirk), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I would plant my seed in Calum's mom.

― Some, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Steve: We were talking more along the lines of a terminal disease.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh come on, it's a fun thread! Cheer up.

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I originally misread this and thought it said "10 rock critics." Now that's a fun thread.

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate fun

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

We all hate fun

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

haha better than hating women though i suppose.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

If I post that pic of Belinda Carlisle's bare bum will more people actually make an effort for this thread?

Heh heh!

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Argghhhh, this censorshit has got to stop!

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

You haven't been censored, bro

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, WTF's going on in here?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing...move along please

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I would do rude things to Young Calum. Bahahah!

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno man, this is getting freaky.

Oh - I'd probably replace Belinda Carlisle with Avril Lavigne if anyone's interested.

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

This is clever and funny, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not! I have just about resisted the temptation to stop it.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

THIS IS LIKE SPY INK.

― , Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

No, no one's interested

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://members.aol.com/dubplatestyle/mase.jpg

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Lemme see the picture, I wanna see the picture. This is like the 'No Calums' club. SIGH.

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, let Calum play with ILX again. This is no fair. And no fun.

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Why can't I see most of the pictures?

― Evan (Evan), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

http://a932.g.akamaitech.net/7/932/34/b077b33d0546b4/tlc.discovery.com/fansites/babystory/articles/gallery/bs_article_whine.jpg

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum is like the kid at school who has lice.

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Whichever one of you HTML wizards did this...I kiss you!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, don't talk about kid's with lice like that

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum come back. We are sorry for whatever we've done. Whose going to put up the missing posters??

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

There are no missing posters...unless you were referring to Calum himself

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd pick any random passing rock chicks and we'd go round to Callum's and do rude things to him.

If I didn't think he'd enjoy it.

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. We love you Calum. Come back. *strums Runaway Train on my acoustic* Runaway train ain't ever coming back...

― Sonny Tremaine (Sonny), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

HTML 3.2 Final//EN">

You're in a time machine and you have to do rude things with 10 rock chicks, who do you pick?

You're in a time machine and you have to do rude things with 10 rock chicks, who do you pick?

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ilXor.com | >ILE

You get a dildo shaped big phaser gun which makes the person go 'Hey babe, what about some sweet lovin' when aimed at their bum and lots of riotous wild and wet sexual escapades follow. The God of shagging gives you this when you discover it hidden in an old abandoned locker in the local train station. Given a time machine, a new haircut and an electric libido which makes you stand to attention, Sting like, for 18 straight days you are told to go forth and bone 10 dastardly ladies from times past and present.
1) Britney Spears
2) Andrea Corr
3) Hilary Woods
4) Shakira
5) Susanna Hoffs
6) Christine Aguilera
7) Sarah Nixey
8) Belinda Carlisle from circa 'Heaven is a Place on Earth'
9) Rachael from S Club 7
10) Louise Wener
-- Calum (calum@yeahIknow.com), April 1st, 2003.

Answers

Yay, ILM reinstated the thread.
You guys are cool after all! The free beer is on me.
-- Calum (calum@yaaay.com), April 1st, 2003.

Even if you're clothes will get all wet and sticky and smelly and drunk?
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

maybe we can drown him in it
-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Nah, I think you need a stake in the heart or something
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Does Calum n33d a shag or something?
-- Steve.n. (pseudonym7867@yahoo.co.uk), April 1st, 2003.

I would plant my seed in Calum's mom.
-- Some (Horny@Some.body), April 1st, 2003.

Steve: We were talking more along the lines of a terminal disease.
-- Sterling Clover (s_clover@empty.org), April 1st, 2003.

Oh come on, it's a fun thread! Cheer up.
-- Calum (calum@havinfunonILM.com), April 1st, 2003.

I originally misread this and thought it said "10 rock critics." Now that's a fun thread.
-- Keith Harris (kharris31@earthlink.net), April 1st, 2003.

I hate fun
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

We all hate fun
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

haha better than hating women though i suppose.
-- Sterling Clover (s_clover@empty.org), April 1st, 2003.

.
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

If I post that pic of Belinda Carlisle's bare bum will more people actually make an effort for this thread?
Heh heh!
-- Calum (calum@bums.com), April 1st, 2003.

Argghhhh, this censorshit has got to stop!
-- Calum (calum@yawn.com), April 1st, 2003.

You haven't been censored, bro
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Dude, WTF's going on in here?
-- nickalicious (nza23420@yahoo.com), April 1st, 2003.

Nothing...move along please
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

I would do rude things to Young Calum. Bahahah!
-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremaine@aol.com), April 1st, 2003.

I dunno man, this is getting freaky.
Oh - I'd probably replace Belinda Carlisle with Avril Lavigne if anyone's interested.
-- Calum (calum@yawn.com), April 1st, 2003.

This is clever and funny, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not! I have just about resisted the temptation to stop it.
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmores@btinternet.com), April 1st, 2003.

THIS IS LIKE SPY INK.
-- (EM@IL.COM), April 1st, 2003.

No, no one's interested
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

http://members.aol.com/dubplatestyle/mase.jpg
-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Lemme see the picture, I wanna see the picture. This is like the 'No Calums' club. SIGH.
-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremaine@aol.com), April 1st, 2003.

Ah, let Calum play with ILX again. This is no fair. And no fun.
-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremaine@aol.com), April 1st, 2003.

Why can't I see most of the pictures?
-- Evan (savage1561@juno.com), April 1st, 2003.

http://a932.g.akamaitech.net/7/932/34/b077b33d0546b4/tlc.discovery.com/fansites/babystory/articles/gallery/bs_article_whine.jpg
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Calum is like the kid at school who has lice.
-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremaine@aol.com), April 1st, 2003.

Whichever one of you HTML wizards did this...I kiss you!!!
-- nickalicious (nza23420@yahoo.com), April 1st, 2003.

Hey, don't talk about kid's with lice like that
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

Calum come back. We are sorry for whatever we've done. Whose going to put up the missing posters??
-- Sonny Tremaine (sonnytremaine@aol.com), April 1st, 2003.

There are no missing posters...unless you were referring to Calum himself
-- oops (buttch99@hotmail.com), April 1st, 2003.

I'd pick any random passing rock chicks and we'd go round to Callum's and do rude things to him.
If I didn't think he'd enjoy it.
-- mei (meirion.lewis@btinternet.com), April 1st, 2003.

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― mei (mei), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Did that work???

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Did it?

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, looks like it did.

Back to the pointless discussion.

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Talk about throwing out the baby w/the bathwater...

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:36 (twenty-two years ago)

So...who's hotter, Nick Kent or Greg Shaw?

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

If you had a time machine, and used it to have sex with various celebrities, it would probably get boring pretty quickly. So you'd move on to various crimes, starting with petty larceny and moving up to killings and assassinations, looking for a bigger and bigger thrill. You would tire of that too, turn to drugs, and gradually become miserable and lonely. All of your friends and lovers would have abandoned you due to your philandering ways. Suicide would be the only answer. So go for it, Calum!

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Nick, how is having a time machine different from not having a time machine?

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

No time machine = no sex with celebrities, esp. for Calum. It's all he's got.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Whereas if you had a time machine, you could just say "Hey, Kylie...fancy a shag in my DeLorean?"

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Bah, it's boring now.

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

"If you had a time machine, and used it to have sex with various celebrities, it would probably get boring pretty quickly."

I'm sure Hugh Hefner, Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger, Jack Nicholson et al would disagree, but - hey - each to their own eh?

― Calum, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to willfully misinterpret "rude things" and pretend the rest of this thread doesn't exist.

1. 1992: Toilet-papering Charles Thompson's house with Kim Deal
2. 1988: Cow-tipping with Kristin Hersh
3. 1997: Dine-n-dashing with Carrie Brownstein
4. 1993: Prank calling Calvin Johnson with Lois Maffeo
5. 1986: Shoplifting cigarettes with Kim Gordon
6. 1993: Having twenty pizzas delivered to Jim DeRogatis with Liz Phair
7. 1985: Dipping a sleeping Henry Rollins' hand into warm water with Kira Roessler
8. 1994: Spiking Mac MacCaughan's coffee with Ex-Lax with Laura Ballance
9. 1989: Pantsing Dean Wareham on stage with Naomi Yang
10. 1991: Kicking the shit out of Billy Corgan with D'Arcy Wretsky

― Nick Mirov (nick), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

No! Don't put pants on Dean Wareham!!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I alone in thinking this thread was too honest for ILM?

― Calum, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum, yet again, mistaking "crude" for "honest".

Please remember that there is a ONE THREAD A DAY posting rule around here? Thanks.

― kate, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Zieg Heil Kate!

― Calum, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd fuckin blank Joan Jett, just walk right past her.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah Calum, one thread a day, you can't just use this board to obsess about sex incessantly.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Whaaaaaaaaat?

You can't say fanny fart on ILM?!?!?

Seriously, I mentioned 'I might just start a thread on fanny farts' and they removed it.

That's mad that is!

― Calum, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Oops my fault. I never refreshed my browser - it's still on the Mick Hucknall thread after all and still as deliriously unfunny as all my posts usually are.

Sorry chaps and chapettes. I made myself look silly (oh go on... you know you want to answer that).

― Calum, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

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