The Greatest One Line in Hip Hop History (no rhymes allowed)

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'I'm thinking about your mom to a funky beat'

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

"Make up your mind - who you wanna pump the butt?"

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

easy is his name and the boy's comin' straight outta compton

― dan (dan), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"My pockets are so empty I can feel my testicles!"

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"I ain't ashamed!"

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Holy Shit! Hstencil posted the EXACT line I was going to!

Well, then, I'll fall back on...

"lyrics weak like clock radio speakers"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

No question about it, it was on the lastest Nas album: "Scientists claim we came from apes, but they lies, though"

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"i'm getting mad props like on a movie set"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

BOUNCE!

― nick.K (nick.K), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"so put a quarter in ya ass 'cuz ya played ya-self"

― Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"You and her ain't speakin' no more cause my dick all up in her mouth" or however it goes from "Mrs. Jackson"

I suddenly feel much more white than usual.

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm lookin' like I robbed Liberace.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"I get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis." -- Guru

― Ess, Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

That doesn't come close to the preceding line: 'Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is'

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

crash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

That doesn't come close to the preceding line: 'Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is'

I dunno. That line's so strange and non-contextual... The Bruce Willis thing has a nice, multivalent joke, but the lemonade thing just, you know, asserts the popularity of lemonade.

― ess, Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

oh I know, it was a joke since that line is regularly trotted out for its awfulness.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

FWIW, Guru was supposedly free-styling during that whole verse. Then again, I think I'd tell everyone that if I put that line on record.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I always thought that line was a reference to that old eddie murphy-as-elvis lemonade song

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

There are no good lyrics or anything in hip-hop.

― Geir H0ngr0 (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

There are no good Norwegians either, I hear.

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

(I really wish Hstencil could see the login-tag on that post.)

― anonymousish (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

heh, 'music is not supposed to be interesting'. noice one [sic]

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"How the fuck can I be white when I don't even exist?"
"I can't rap any more, I murdered the alphabet"
"This beat is my recital"
"In the 69 my Humpty nose will tickle your rear"
"I once got busy in the Burger King bathroom"

the inexplicable line in "Ain't No Half-Steppin'" by Big Daddy Kane where he goes something something something "and made him call himself Toby" -- or am I just mishearing that?

― chris herrington, Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Take it from me, parents just don't understand"

― Geir Honky, Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

'ww I'm the shit dot com'

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

screenplay pitch: irascible cracker football coach geir hongo is sentenced to 2 wks of community service - assigned as the personal trainer to fat joe, who has been ordered by an unorthodox yet wise old judge to lose 100 lbs in two weeks or lose custody of his adopted daughter (played by the breakdancing girl from the missy videos)... there's a lot of laughs along the way, but also some lessons learned: not only does fat joe lose the poundage under the tough-but-fair tactics of coach hongo but he also learns about the odd european invention called "melody" ... meanwhile, Hongo does the running man onstage with Digital Underground in the heartwarming block party scene that close the film.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I use a word that don't mean nothin'. Like "looptid."

― Evan (Evan), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"Don't, don't hurt me again."

― 4mateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a long line Fritz. Who said it?

(you forgot a 'don't' 4mat

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"Mary J. Blige, my son don't accept them type of phone calls"

― o. nate (onate), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

"If I was a Jew then I'd light a Menorah."

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"And so you'll know it's me, I drop some nonsense: hippaglopeabloobablayzneeah"

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

'Starstruck with one buck, your girl look like Donald Duck' (yeah, it's got a rhyme but it's internal so n'yah)

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Similarly: 'Gave a lady some wrinkle cream out of rat poop '

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

the inexplicable line in "Ain't No Half-Steppin'" by Big Daddy Kane where he goes something something something "and made him call himself Toby" -- or am I just mishearing that?

This is a reference to the TV series Roots, in which the African slave Kunta Kinte was renamed Toby by his white masters.

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"i don't have no problem with you fucking me, but i got a little problem with you not fucking me."

― s>c>, Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:57 (twenty-two years ago)

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

― Evan (Evan), Thursday, 24 April 2003 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

certainly the winner in the economy-of-expression contest has gotta go to Humpty: "both how I'm living and my nose is large" -- it's like a koan, f'r chrissakes

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I am overjoyed to see that Humpty's got the most lines cited on this thread.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 24 April 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Let us not forget "You look like MC Hammer on crack, Humpty!"

― mike a (mike a), Thursday, 24 April 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"Homegirls, for once, forget you got class--see a guy you like, just grab him in the biscuits."
(Not a rhyme--!)

― Douglas (Douglas), Thursday, 24 April 2003 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

My sword is an axe - GZA

― brains (cerybut), Thursday, 24 April 2003 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I like my beats hard like 2 day old shit.

― JasonD (JasonD), Thursday, 24 April 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm wearing a dookie rope and some oven mitts!"
"My daughter scribbled over that rhyme, I couldn't read it"
"I love you like a fat kid love cake"
"My favorite New York Knick was Hawthorne Wingo"
"She was Superfly, Curtis May-feel her ass"

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 24 April 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

That second one (Eminem, "Any Man") is probably funnier with the preceding line ("somethin' somethin' somethin', somethin' I get weeded") but I like the insinuation that he can't remember it even though he wrote it down.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 24 April 2003 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"i'm hittin switches on bitches like i been fixed with hydraulics"

"how do you want it" - tupac feat k-ci & jo-jo

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 April 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"you know you're ghetto when you best clothes is dress clothes, and dress clothes is paco jeans and jelly slippers, na'mean??"

"ur ghetto 2000", kardinal

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 April 2003 00:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"radio stations i question their blackness, they say that they're black but let's see if they play this"

"bring the noise", public enemy

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 25 April 2003 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 105 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

like the bullfighters with two ears and the tail with two balls and the phallus

― semenentarro, Sunday, 9 November 2003 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

from "The House" by Ice-T

Voice: "But what can they do about it, man, they're only children!"
Ice-T: "You ain't no kid! Act like you give a damn! Somebody do something! Call a Cop!"
(*music stops. long pause*)
Ice-T: "Last Night I heard Gunshots."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 9 November 2003 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, my all time favourite hip hop, nay, musical lyric has to be "Smoking and drinking on a Tuesday night".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 9 November 2003 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm losing patience faster than Harold Shipman."

Or is that just too far?

― Nick H, Sunday, 9 November 2003 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

"I never prayed to God, I prayed to Gotti"
and
"Call me Jay-Hova because the flow is religious"

― Shmuel (shmuel), Monday, 10 November 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm far from god but I work god damn hard."
-Jay-Z

― ddrake, Monday, 10 November 2003 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Go ask Beavis - I get nothing but head! - Big L

― paulhw (paulhw), Monday, 10 November 2003 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"Fuck a car, I'll do a muthafuckin' walk-by."
-Eazy E

― ddrake, Monday, 10 November 2003 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

why oh why did I get cappucino

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Monday, 10 November 2003 04:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Ludacris' "Coming 2 America" is the greatest song evah for one liners. The Delta Airlines line and the Danny de Vito lines are done to death but what about:

"You got rims on your truck? I got rims on my skates!"

― Nick H, Monday, 10 November 2003 11:40 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

"If I had a baby I might go broke" - Spoonie Gee

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Monday, 5 January 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hotel, motel, Holiday Inn" - Sugarhill Gang

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Monday, 5 January 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"How ya like me now, punk?" - Natalie Maines

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Monday, 5 January 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm like Che Guevara with bling on, I'm complex

― sym (shmuel), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 02:20 (twenty-one years ago)

She got a white-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson, got a dark-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 02:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"If it were a sandwich I'd serve it with ham"

- censored version for a school's year six performance of 'Ice Ice Baby'

Real line is something like "If it were a drug I'd sell it by the gram"

― Sasha (sgh), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 02:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm more necessary than violence on the Amistad" - Jean Grae

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"And you can't spit nigga so you obviously must swallow" - Masta Ace

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 03:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck the world. Stick my dick in the ground.

― JaXoN (JasonD), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

"No hip-hop connection between us and Janet Reno!"

Man, how I still miss that skate game.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

slavery's a motherfucker, like slave masters fucking my mother.

― tom cleveland (tom cleveland), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:32 (twenty-one years ago)

that was blueprint on ICU. and on the same track by...im not quite sure right now:
"to jump on my dick you need a trampoline, a bungie cord, a life jacket, a pastor, and funeral arrangements"

― tom cleveland (tom cleveland), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm makin the dough but don't call me Doughboy" - Ice Cube

― Scott Bloomfield, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"I wouldn't fuck her with yo dick, she ain't got nothin to give me"
-Mac Mall

"Forget Oreos, try Cool J cookies"
-LL Cool J

"better get yourself a lyric-proof vest"
-Mc Dynamite

and my favorit hook:

"I got a mirror in my pocket and I practice lookin' hard
Mirror, mirror make the call
Who's the hardest of them all
I got a mirror in my pocket and I practice lookin' hard
Right before I go to bed
I make sure that my mirror's there"
-E-40 featuring The Click

― Jacky Tran (waxyjax), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

four weeks pass...

"My rottweilers drink Moet"-Lil Wayne

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 5 February 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

"And on the radio, they're playin' Thin Lizzy" (Original Concept, "Here Come the 5-Oh!")

― Begs2Differ, Thursday, 5 February 2004 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"+ with your wrinkled pussy,i can't be your loveeeer!"-slick rick

― sirus (sirus), Thursday, 5 February 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Musta been a white guy that started all that

― angel duster, Thursday, 5 February 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"...jerkin off to gay porn while wearin your girl's blouse" -- akrobatik, "internet mc's"

― Nick Sylvester, Friday, 6 February 2004 00:30 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

"I kick niggas in the ass, reboot them like laptops." Ludacris "Cry Babies"

― Bill Smith, Tuesday, 2 March 2004 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

are these half a couplet or an actual solitary line

― asfdzxc (asfdzxc), Tuesday, 2 March 2004 05:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"i don't have a problem with you fuckin me
but i got a little problem with you not fuckin me" ODB

― umop apisdn (umop apisdn), Tuesday, 2 March 2004 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

gimme ANY microphone and god DAMMIT I'll WRECK it

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 2 March 2004 07:17 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies - big

― DF Logo, Thursday, 20 May 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"you are now about to witness the strength.. of street knowledge"

― don (don), Thursday, 20 May 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"ridin' on the train with no dough...sucks."

― mike a, Thursday, 20 May 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"Keep my breath smellin like shit so I can get funky"

"Beatin' motherfuckers like Ike beat Tina"

― Graeme (Graeme), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Bisexuals on stage eating fruit loops"

― Graeme (Graeme), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"Your mom's in my business"

― Barima (Barima), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I see a tape recorder and I grab it
No you can't have it back silly rabbit

Genius.

― Jamie Fake (the pirate king), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Obviously it rhymes, but who cares?

― Jamie Fake (the pirate king), Thursday, 20 May 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Me! I didn't want rhyming to be a factor here, cause then mundane statements like the above get put on the same stage as truly genius ones.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

i got beat on the ol' dirty "i ain't got no problem with you fuckin' me..." so here's:
"i'm the cunt breathed asshole eater and if you let me physically eat it, it only gets BEEEELLLCH"

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Thursday, 20 May 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

"BOTH MODEL AND ACTRESS LOOK GOOD ON MY MATTRESS."

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:24 (nineteen years ago)

"nobody listens to techno"

― , Monday, 10 October 2005 23:28 (nineteen years ago)

"no more fishin' for your fish"

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:30 (nineteen years ago)

honeeze feel it deep in they placentas

― Ian John50n (orion), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:31 (nineteen years ago)

Forty ounce in my lap and it's freezing my balls

― joygoat (joygoat), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:50 (nineteen years ago)

I don't rap, I explain things real good.

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 09:20 (nineteen years ago)

Show no shame, feel no pity

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 11:17 (nineteen years ago)

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