If you were really, really drunk would you dance to the following songs

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You're in a club and really, really drunk and there is a member of the opposite sex nearby who seems to have noticed you. You dance up to her as The Bee Gees play in the background but suddenly the music stops and 'I'm so Sexy' by Right Said Fred comes on. Would you dance to this number and if so, how?

How much alcohol would you need to shake your ass to the following:

*Superman by Black Lace
*The Lion Sleeps Tonight - Tight Fit
*Look at Me - Geri Halliwell
*Don't Talk Just Kiss - Right Said Fred
*I am the one and Only - Chesney Hawkes
*Boys, Boys, Boys - Sinita
*Touch Me - Sam Fox
*Yellow - Coldplay

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd never dance to any of those songs, no matter how drunk, with the sole exception of "Don't Talk Just Kiss," which is a Jager-of-a-song if I ever heard one. Okay, Samantha Fox as well, although that would be more of a straight gin shooter trip.

― maria b (maria b), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Calum, did you see this photo of Lisa Bonet's puckering delicately bushed vagina online?

http://www.demon.co.uk/momus/dailyphoto280403.html

I mean, I'm not a lesbian, but.... I'd do 'er.

― maria b (maria b), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Replace 'her' with 'him' if you're a girl or gay. I'm sure there are some other nightmare songs I could add as well -

*The Ketchup Song
*Cottoneye Joe - Rednex

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I already saw that pic. Nice vagina!

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

get me drunk enough and I'll dance to anything.

(cf. last Saturday, Doobie Brothers "What a Fool Believes")

― hstencil, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I LOVE that song!

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"What a Fool Believes" - absolute CLASSIC!

― maria b (maria b), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd dance to all of those songs, even if I was not drunk! Except Yellow, how do you dance to Yellow?

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

...the question is, Calum, if you would dance to any of the above with a ...eek... member of the same sex.

Personally, I'd rather have a boogie to the Frog Chorus.Or There's No-one Quite Like Grandma.

With a bloke or a bird.

― russ t, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

If there's sex involved, I'd dance to 4'33".

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Except Yellow, how do you dance to Yellow?

You swing Chris Martin around and around and around and then let go.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

No I wouldn't dance with a member of the same sex Russ, I'm not gay. I don't see what you're trying to prove with a question like that. I say 'no' and you say 'you're a homophobe' right? Something daft like that?

What next? Would you kiss a member of the same sex? Well no, I'm not gay Russ. Oh you're such a homophobe etc etc

Silly bugger. I mean, really.

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I haven't heard a single song on that first list! But I'd probably dance to the Ketchup Song; it's kinda cute.

― Sean (Sean), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I have danced with and kissed men, and I'm not gay. Or bi.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

That's lame, Hstencil. You're bi. We're all bi.

The first time I ever got drunk, I knew I was drunk because I was in a pub in Edinburgh and a band was doing a cover of The Proclaimers' "500 Miles," and it sounded like the best song in the world. So I hoisted my glass and started singing.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

What do you want an award?

But if you're straight my friend then you simply would not kiss a man. Time to maybe look inward methinks. And no 'we're not all bi'. I fucking the sight of the male body.

Not kissing a man = being a homophobe (on ILE). I love ILE. Being straight and wanting to see Sarah Nixey naked = misogynist. I LOVE ILE.

Keep them jokes comin'.

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I fucking the sight of the male body.

that's more than I've done, Calum.

And no, I've never called you a homophobe.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

If I'm "really, really drunk," there's a spanking good chance I'll dance to fuckin' anything.....and I'll even make it cool to do so too, dammit!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

*Superman by Black Lace - YES
*The Lion Sleeps Tonight - Tight Fit - NO
*Look at Me - Geri Halliwell - NO
*Don't Talk Just Kiss - Right Said Fred - NO
*I am the one and Only - Chesney Hawkes - NO
*Boys, Boys, Boys - Sinita - actually by Sabrina, but NO anyway
*Touch Me - Sam Fox - NO
*Yellow - Coldplay - NO

to conclude, Black Lace are the shit.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum likes girls? blimey. anyway, dancing with someone of the same sex doesn't mean you're gay...you should give it a try sometime - in fact, its urgent and - yes - key

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeh, I meant I hate the sight of the male body. I really do, it's so fucking yeauch! Not my thing at all.

― Calum, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

do you look in a mirror then?

― hstencil, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

who's got the better body - David Beckham or Jo Brand?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Honestly people, come on. The idea that everybody is a little bit gay or a little bit bi is such a hackneyed 60's concept that I'm amazed that grown-ups today still think that. Puh-leeeze.

Beckham beats Brand, but to be honest, I don't particularly want to see either of them naked.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

When I'm absolutely hammered to some wedding or birthday party way out in the country, where I'm sure that nobody, whose verbal skills I'm afraid of, can se me, I sometimes dance to Santana's 'Smooth'. Which I hate. Normally. Erm ...

― Jay K (Jay K), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

People, you guys aren't taking into account the "really, really drunk" part of the question.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Johnney B -- I don't want to get into it (I probably have a lot to say about sexuality), but I was mostly just teasing Hstencil for being so quick to affirm his heterosexuality after admitting to kissing men.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

jaymc, you're such a tease.

― hstencil, Wednesday, 30 April 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

A song that totally annoys me but I know would inspire me into a fit of half-ironic dance fever if I was drunk would be Todd Rundgren's "Bang On The Drum All Day." But it would be crazy dad-rock dancing, Homer Simpson-style.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

People, you guys aren't taking into account the "really, really drunk" part of the question.

I did.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Now listen, if I had to make exclusionary comments every time I used the generalization of "people", there'd be huge troubles reading my posts. But I apologize sincerely, because you're totally right and I totally ignored your cool obliterated dancing! It probably rivals mine except I bet you don't fall down stairs doing it (FACT! And it makes it better!)

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

so i've heard get busy a few times sobre at various house parties and have tried to dance to the ting. its got no disernable beat to follow on the floor for me. but once i finished that bottle of jack daniels saturday night, it clicked! thank you mr. daniels.

― Brock K. (Brock K.), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm a rhythm slut; if there's a beat, it doesn't have to be a song I like, I don't have to be drunk, my body is going to move to it...I HAVETH NO CHOICE.

However, when I'm DRUNK, I sing along with EVERYTHING. If I don't know the words, I make up my own. I AM ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH FUN.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally and nickalicious mindmeld shockah. I do this all the time. I just walk around, blatantly belting out the wrong words and stripper-dancing to really inappropriate songs for stripper-dancing, like for example "Wild Horses".

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 30 April 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum -
if you weren't so hysterically funny, I'd swear you were born minus a brain, I really would.

― russ t, Thursday, 1 May 2003 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

If properly lubricated I will dance to anything. Otherwise, I don't dance, because until I'm real real gone, I maintain my sense of shame.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 1 May 2003 13:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I danced to the entirety of Queen's Greatest Hits One in my underpants and sang every word whilst pouting at the really gay vocal inflections.

― ss, Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

....at you local rugby club, ss?

I bet Fat Bottomed Girls was a revelation....

― russ t, Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, I've gotsta come to NYC for a karaoke FAP with Ally now. We would 0wnZ da karaoke!

BTW, (because I'm sure you're all DYING to hear this anecdote) I've been caught stripping (as in "actually taking off my clothes" - thanks tequila for making me INSANE!) to The Cranberries' "Dreams". It was meant to only be seen by one, but that tequila, hooboy...

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

-- nickalicious

Best post evah IF it had been Gabrielle's Dreams rather than Teh Cranberries' (not that it being Delores & co. makes it a good thing, nickalicious!).

And Calum; I have kissed men in the past, several men in fact, and a little more than that on occasion, and yet now am in a happy long-term relationship with a girl. Am I a freak?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

stripper-dancing to really inappropriate songs for stripper-dancing, like for example "Wild Horses"

V good work Ally and how did the falling down the stairs thing happen?!!! I have never stripperdanced, but have fallen down stairs on several occasions, and provided you can get up after it's probably the best laugh you'll get any evening - instantly turns you into a genius of physical comedy to rival peak-period Steve Martin...
Sabrina definitely and have done to Sam Fox, too, Tight Fit possibly... actually all the above apart from Yeallow, that would make me fight...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I never said men that kissed men are freaks you dipshit! I'd say you probably harbour some longing towards the same sex - but don't fucking ask me, I'm not a psychologist!!!

Stop putting words in my mouth you rancid cunt bubble.

― Calum, Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

rancid cunt bubble

Oh my.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

And don't ask me anything - this aint agony aunt hour with Uncle Calum you know. I don't care.

― Calum, Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

oh how delightful calum... however, i have to say that i don't think anyone here is enhancing dicourse about gender/sexuality. let's get back to falling down stairs... Ally back to thread!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 1 May 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum's not gay, he just doesn't get laid.

― maria b (maria b), Thursday, 1 May 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

Those... were...the...days my friend, we thought they'd never end...

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

I wouldn't need any alcohol to dance to that one!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

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