Signs that a Career will now begin its messy death throes

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

As an adjunct to the "/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=41&threadid=16882#unread">Doomed to Failure thread which talks about careers that are doomed before they start...I ask what are the unmistakable signs of a successful career right before it enters the final death spiral into oblivion.

I suspect these are the signs:

when Rolling Stone refers to your most recent record as "Mature" or "Sophisticated"
Next album is a "return to roots", but has more producers than session musicians
A christmas Album after coming out of rehab for the second or third time

What are you're examples?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 4 May 2003 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

When the new album is a "band effort."

― amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Making the cover of Spin

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Millar you win!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

1. Best of album released
2. Greatest Hits album released
3. Other artists doing a tribute
4. Award presenter at the Grammies
5. Seated judge on American Idol and/or Star Search
6. Big news is new look rather than new album
7. Old songs begin showing up in television commercials
8. Tour only Scandanavian countries
9. Former body guards have bigger name recognition
10. Old albums re-mastered and re-released with additional tracks

― Roman (Roman), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Jim Jarmusch starts hanging around.

― rumplestiltskin, Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Replace Jim Jarmusch with Wim Wenders.

― amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmm...a Jarmusch fan AND Bill Withers. Death penalty.

― rumplestiltskin, Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

specific to rock bands:

1. band records album that sucks real bad
2. lead singer gets married, moves to Portland
3. bassist trades in bass for Chapman stick, receives no special instruction on how to play Chapman stick
4. band releases album with reference to the internet in album title

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

the number of musicians required to tour mysteriously doubles

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

mookie wins too!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:58 (twenty-two years ago)

the number of musicians required to tour mysteriously doubles

... or becomes a full blown orchestra!

― Roman (Roman), Sunday, 4 May 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Can someone put up that picture of Jewel again.

― scott seward, Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

or the one of Costello and Krall...

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Huh? I like Jarmusch and Wenders, but they do have a habit of hanging around and being unduly influenced by (and vice-versa) rock stars entering their decline.

You people are spiteful. Shame on you.

― amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

you appear at Any Benefit Concert.

You make a "rare" appearance on the Jay Leno show.

Sonic Youth appear in your documentary.

― rumplestiltskin, Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:06 (twenty-two years ago)

-other artists are doing benefits for you
-you put out a cook book
-you sit in as a guest with the LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN band
-your biggest fans think you are dead until you show up on the news being arrested on child porn charges
-you are cited by Avril Lavigne as a major influence on her career
-you start selling tee shirts out of your basement and/or trunk of your car
-your phone number is listed in the white pages again

― Roman (Roman), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

-you start selling tee shirts out of your basement and/or trunk of your car

NWA sold upwards of 50,000 pieces like this though

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

you date winona ryder

― keith (keithmcl), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

bbut everybody still like soul asylum!!!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Behind the Music comes to call...

― Prude (Prude), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:44 (twenty-two years ago)

You have A Boxed Set.
You Remaster your Catalogue.
You are photographed with Eddie Vedder.
You refer to yourself in the third person.
You are interviewed by Terri Gross.
You begin to feel that Kurt Loder is the "only person" that can tell your story.
You record Any Sort of Duet Whatsoever.
You or your music appear in any shape or form on PBS.
You feel that Rock only "gets better with age, like a fine wine."
You start getting calls from CMC International.

― rumplestiltskin, Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

...Behind the Music comes to call...
and/or Cribs

― Roman (Roman), Sunday, 4 May 2003 04:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Any Sort of Duet Whatsoever. Mick Jagger & David Bowie to thread.
You or your music appear in any shape or form on PBS.the makers of Style Wars to thread
band releases album with reference to the internet in album title AYWKUBTTOD to thread
1. Best of album released
2. Greatest Hits album released Busta Rhymes to thread, also Elton John

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 4 May 2003 05:28 (twenty-two years ago)

you decide trying to rap on your new album is a good idea. this doesn't apply to rap groups obv.

― dyson (dyson), Sunday, 4 May 2003 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

They get famous and achieve recognition, but all their best songs were about craving fame and recognition. They now no longer have the combination of adolescent ambition, frustration, pathos and yearning that brought them to where they are now.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Sunday, 4 May 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You go Electroclash. May or may not apply to Electroclash groups.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Sunday, 4 May 2003 12:41 (twenty-two years ago)

the critics begin to catch on, re-evaluate you positively

― James Blount (James Blount), Sunday, 4 May 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

1. band records album that sucks real bad

Not true. After releasing 'Jazz' it looked pretty much over for Queen. Then they release 'The Game' reaffirming their position as greatest rock band on the planet. They fuck up again with 'Hot Space' and 'The Works' but then BLAAAM! 'The Miracle' comes and kills all.

― ss, Sunday, 4 May 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

you decide trying to rap on your new album is a good idea. this doesn't apply to rap groups obv.

The converse is true...

― jm (jtm), Sunday, 4 May 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You're onstage strutting your stuff when suddenly you begin involutary death throes and it gets pretty messy.

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 4 May 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Nigel Godrich

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 4 May 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

ss u r nutz, Jazz is a great album

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 4 May 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

you decide trying to rap on your new album is a good idea.

No no no, that goes under "signs that your weird 4-track album will be picked up by Geffen and make your California anti-folk ass a mega superstar".

Nigel Godrich

Er um Kid A?

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Sunday, 4 May 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

No no no Dom is OTM. "Kid A" might not have flopped (tho it certainly deserved to flop), but Nigel's destroyed both Beck and Travis. The Strokes' number is up next.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Sunday, 4 May 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Main songwriter in group releases solo album.

― William R Henderson (Cabin Essence), Sunday, 4 May 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

But since Robert Hampson is Main anyway, it doesn't really apply.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 4 May 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Die early and die often is my advice, above all never say 'die another day'.

― Momus (Momus), Sunday, 4 May 2003 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Band opens a restaurant. With a "theme."

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Monday, 5 May 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Band introduces new drummer:
http://www.lanceandeskimo.com/girl/images/johnstamos.jpg

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 May 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Nigel's destroyed both Beck and Travis

Pavement, too, though if you like SM's solo stuff as much as I do, you'll think NG did the world a favor

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 5 May 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

you decide trying to rap on your new album is a good idea. this doesn't apply to rap groups obv

But...it does!

― mclusky, Monday, 5 May 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

your debut album wins a bunch of Grammies, most notably "Best New Artist".

― Shakey Mo Collier, Monday, 5 May 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

band releases "soundtrack" music for non-existant films (bonus: album is released under pseudonym) (double bonus: pavarotti is involved)

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 5 May 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Is the above photo Shawn from "Boy Meets World"????

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

uh, that's John Stamos, famed Beach Boys drummer and sperm-dispenser for Rebecca Romjin-Stamos.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Monday, 5 May 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

and the funny thing is he's not a pump action sperm-dispenser...more of an aerosol one.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.blowingsmoke.arizona.edu/scanned_pictures/riderstrong.jpg
Shawn in question, really actor Rider String. the show was on ABC. They are both men. Can you see how I made the connection?

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

NO WAIT!!! Oh Glory!
http://www.personal.psu.edu/faculty/n/x/nxd10/transition/group25/full-house.jpg
The Kokomo connection! I must die now.

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Aaagh! The cast of that...that...show!
Where's my flamethrower?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Whenever my friend gets drunk, he pretends to be Bob Saget hosting America's Funniest Home Videos.
[picks up Monopoly house] "This looks like my producer's house. And the winner of the $10,000 video is...Dryer Pain!"

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Monday, 5 May 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.