Let's discuss the video to Holly Valance's "Naughty Girl"

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I've not posted a thread on this before!

Classic or classic? Seriously folks, Holly Valance in that black dress is my ideal woman. She looks hotter in black than she does in virtually nothing in the video to 'Kiss Kiss'. It's a better song as well.

― Calum, Sunday, 4 May 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I've not posted a thread on this before!

Glad to know yr keeping track

― jm (jtm), Sunday, 4 May 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

The guy that dates Holly Valance could probably make a sly fortune through auctioning off her undies on ebay. So you'd be rich as well as lucky.

― Calum, Sunday, 4 May 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

calum who do you think is listening to you?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 4 May 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Well you are obviously Tracer Handjob.

I mean, duh...

― Calum, Sunday, 4 May 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

ok, good point

it's just weird that you would want to talk to people who you think are "handjobs" (i'm guessing that being a "handjob" is bad)

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 4 May 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

tracer not you too.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 4 May 2003 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

being a handjob is bad? Shit! What if you're a rimjob? Does this make calum a robertjob? Julio Desouzajob! I like this game!!

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 4 May 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

this is "feeding" isn't it

oh well

it's odd, it reminds me of this guy i used to work with, he was the new technology director of my company. we'd meet w/an important client, and in the cab on the way back to our office he'd talk about what the client would look like under her skirt, whether or not she had a wedding ring, etc. and just ignore ALL the warning signs: the quick look away, the tight smile, changing the subject. i'm sure with a lot of guys it was cool fee and easy banter, but his obliviousness was just striking. i've always wished i could have laid it out for him, told him how irritating and puerile and, given his lack of concern for the reaction he caused, how inconsiderate he was—but no one wins that game

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 4 May 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

you're ''feeding'' again

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 4 May 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

This would be the best thread evah if Tracer, Julio and the rest of the male ILMers (those that are straight before someone jumps on my back about such a sweeping comment, jeez) just admitted that they'd drag their scrotum through two miles of broken glass to share a bubble bath with Ms Valance...

'Specially if she turned up in the black number. Which was what this thread was about.

Though the song is kinda catchy.

― Calum, Sunday, 4 May 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't be surprised to find that calum was an aspiring feeder.

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 4 May 2003 23:55 (twenty-two years ago)

how do you figure?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 5 May 2003 00:00 (twenty-two years ago)

OK. he don't like fat bitches.
but otherwise.

well, maybe he'd be a starver.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 5 May 2003 00:02 (twenty-two years ago)

my friend otto on holly valance : "i like that song ("kiss kiss")! i don't like the part where she's naked tho."
he is only 7 years old tho.

― duane, Monday, 5 May 2003 09:01 (twenty-two years ago)

duane: you mean ''she'' right.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 5 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd be mortified if I knew a 7 year old girl named Otto

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 May 2003 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Not so fast Steve - what if it were short for, say, Ottoline? Now there's a very distinguished name. Lady Ottoline Morrell was Bertrand Russell's paramour, you know. Except that she wouldn't sleep with him, because he had halitosis.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 May 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyone else hope Holly Valance gets nekkid for a role in Basic Instinct 2 or something? Wowweee!

― Calum, Monday, 5 May 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

duane,
don't ever letoOtto choose the next record/tape/cd -- it's just not worth it

― george gosset (gegoss), Monday, 5 May 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm in fucking hysterics over that Ottoline thing, what the hell?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 5 May 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Ottoline sounds like something I'd use to clean the sink

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 May 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

or a kind of fabric. or a trucking company.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 5 May 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Or the name of a Nick Cave song.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 5 May 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

...sounds like a Cocteau Twins album track to me.

Calum - how old are you again?

― russ t, Tuesday, 6 May 2003 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.humanities.mcmaster.ca/~bertrand/friends.html

Screw Calum, let's talk about philosophy and philandering in the Bloomsbury era. Where' that later Wittgenstein guy who doesn't think all electro artists are high functioning autists? Get to the thread muthafucka.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

quite a big thread in itself and there's enough Bloomsbury Group philandering to keep even Calum rapt for a while...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 12:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd prefer to keep Calum wrapped

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

well, they did all put it about a bit...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Holly actually lives/d in my suburb here in Australia. Saw here in the local pub one night a few years ago and she got kicked out for being underage. Seriously. She also picked up my best mate's little brother at the same pub another night...

― Long Bong Silver, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 07:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Lucky fella.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

he must be very light

*dodges old boots*

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha! Steve, some of us like a really weak pun and our time is not yet over.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow! Someone got picked up by Holly Valance? I'd cut off one of my toes for that opportunity.

― Calum, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 10:57 (twenty-two years ago)

...would the toe be discernable from your penis, Calum? Roughly the same size?

― russ t, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow. I think that's checkmate.

― jm (jtm), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not checkmate as long as Russ's sister continues to double as his dad's wife.

― Calum, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

...that's my BROTHER, Calum, he looks rather fetching in a wig and a frock.....and my Dad assures me his penis is WAY bigger than your own.

And it's been used in the past 15 years.......

― russ t, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Yawn.

Russ, your insults are the fodder of a frustrated monkey licker.

― Calum, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Well played, Calum. Well played.

― jm (jtm), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"fodder of a frustrated monkey licker" - calum's da, surely?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

feed not, old son!

(funny tho!!)

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you ever shined shoes for money, Calum?
Have you ever been on safari, Calum?
Have you ever drunk bong water, Calum?
What time is it, Calum?
Who won the war, Calum?
Is it safe, Calum?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you do The Hustle?
Or the Funky Chicken?

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Where are your parents NerDICKhead?
Will it ever grow big NerDICKhead?
Why are you eating your own poo for entertainment NerDICKhead?
Why do you smell like an old man's diaper NerDICKhead?
Why do you vomit after your chicken McNuggets NerDICKhead?
Why does Elton John's phone number keep appearing whenever you dial 1471 NerDICKhead?
Can you go out the door without someone throwing bricks at you NerDICKhead?

And why did someone with such a knobby name hi-jack my lovely Holly thread?

― Calum, Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, hey Telephonmann. Dau du dau du... Hey, rock n roll!

Das Telephon schellt und ich steh im Keller,
vielleicht nur verwählt doch ich bin schneller!

Ich bin der Telephonmann,
ich geh ans Telephon ran.
Ich bin der Telephonmann,
ich geh ans Telephon ran.

Es macht dideldi, es macht düdeldü.
Es macht ring-ring-ring, haha.

Ich bin der Telephonmann,
ich gehe immer dran.
Ich bin immer parat,
am Telphonapparat!

Ich steh in der Küche und koch mir was schönes,
da geht das Telephon.
Ich lass den Löffel falln!

Ich bin der Telephonmann,
ich geh ans Telephon ran.
Ich steh immer parat,
am Telephonapparillo!

Plötzlich klopft es an der Tür,
da ist doch jemand der klopft.

Ich bin der Türenmann,
geh zu der Türe dran.
Ich mach die Türe auf,
draußen steht jemand.

Er sagt dingel-dingel,
er sagt dongel-dongel.
Er sagt düdlü-dü,
er sagt dudlu-du!

Er wär der Telephonmann.
Ich - ich nehme immer ab,
von 60 auf 55 Kilo.

Lalala, der Text vergessen. Scheißegal,
dab dabe de de deludu.
Rock rock rocke me Baby!
Buddy Casino come on!
Telephonmann!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Which one of us has the knobby name? Oh, we all do.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 7 May 2003 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum - time to own up (shouldn't Callum have 2 x L's?).

You're 14 years of age, aren't you?

No adult could have come up with that unadulterated tosh you posted in that 'dickhead' thread.

Excruciating.

― russ t, Thursday, 8 May 2003 09:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Can we just all pitch together and buy Calum the Har Mar Superstar album and be done with it?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Thursday, 8 May 2003 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

ENOUGH WITH THE AEGISM! :P

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 8 May 2003 09:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Shouldn't 'russ' be spelt with an O?

Your ignorance belies anything I could possibly write. Pig-ignorant cock rockets such as yourself really do need taken behind the bike shed and hit in the face with a dead squirrel.

― Calum, Thursday, 8 May 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

...just stick with the 'taken behind the bikesheds', Calum.... thank you.

p.s..... wouldn't Russ become Russo with an 'o'? I quite like it......
pps.... "Your ignorance belies anything I could possibly write."...do you have any Oscar Wilde in you, Calum...? Maybe I should rephrase that, I know how you get offended.....

― russ t, Thursday, 8 May 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

bleh

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 8 May 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

If that's the best comeback you can muster then you're an even bigger constipated baboon's fart than I initially thought.

― Calum, Thursday, 8 May 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

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