Other New Entries - Dana Glover at 38, Revelation at 36, Nivea at 33, Kid Creme at 31, Puretone at 26, Killer Mike at 22 (being held down by Triple H?), Li'l Kim at 16.
Delta Goodrem has gone up one place to 19, and Leeds are staying up. It's a shitty day, and hey, here's Wes!
10) DAVID SNEDDON – Don’t Let Go
Finally I realise why I rather like this one – at no point does it ever, ever try to be subtle – straight in with the PLONK, PLONK, PLONK piano bits, and him wailing all over the top of it like the world’s most tragic man. Fantastic. Vive le Sned.
9) ROOM 5 featuring OLIVER CHEATHAM – Make Luv
Six weeks later, and this still isn’t any fun. Five places down this week, so hopefully the decline is swift. Please.
8) DMX – X Gon’ Give It To Ya
New wonderful thing about this is the way they’ve tried cutting out the fucker bit of motherfucker, i.e. they cut fucker off and segue mother into the next word that starts with ‘f’. Still utter nonsense, but it’s utter nonsense with growling. Thus, glorious.
7) 50 CENT – In Da Club
Outside the top 5 for the first time in months, and oddly appears to have more staying power than Room 5. Bullet-ridden shortarse > ancient slaphead miming slap-bass. Probably.
6) LISA MAFFIA – All Over
Decent beat, rapping a bit naff really. The ‘LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-SA!’ bit is still quite classy though.
5) KELLY ROWLAND – Can’t Nobody (NEW ENTRY)
Simply Deep – can no-one do decent album titles anymore? Her last one was a ballad, presumably this is a ‘club’ effort. It’s rubbish anyway – Neptunes sound approximated as 1984-standard drum machine, with her umming and aahing over the top like a third-rate Chaka Khan to roughly no effect. More interestingly, Chaka Khan is approved by the spellcheck on Word.
4) BUSTED – You Said No
HA! THE EMPIRE COLLAPSES!!! The Poundland edition of Sk8er Boi, yet somehow even less bearable than that would suggest. I shall delight in its peril with some orange squash, probably.
3) RONAN KEATING – The Long Goodbye (NEW ENTRY)
Wes refers to him solely as ‘Ronan’. Mr Fitzgerald is presumably over the moon. This isn’t anywhere near as good as le Sned, possibly because it’s just Ronan bloody Keating. Slow, ploddy, Phil Collins-style production, but Ronan’s playing the vocals safe to an utterly numbing extent – true, him OTT-ing it would be equally annoying… actually, this was always gonna be shit, wasn’t it?
2) CRAIG DAVID featuring FALLACY – Rise & Fall (Fallacy Yelling “BLACK-SMIFF!” Mix) (NEW ENTRY)
Right – just to be clear, this OFFICIALLY makes Fallacy better than Sting. We clear? Good. Though, actually, the original version with Sting is a better version of this particular song, cos Blacksmith is trying to be like Fusion but he’s just not quite there, and Craig’s vocals sound piss-weak over his beats. Fallacy, however, is still Fallacy, being ‘MONSTAH!’, and annoyingly this could be the closest he gets to the top 40, so, y’know… make the most of it and that.
Wes announces it as Craig David featuring Sting. Wes, you’re a cunt.
1) TOMCRAFT – Loneliness (NEW ENTRY)
As championed by Judge Jules. But none the worse for all that. Quite nice actually – very driving kind of… really, I should learn how to tell the difference between techno, trance, house and all that stuff. But, yeah, good. Best number 1 in a fair while, and it isn’t Busted, so, y’know, happy campers over here and all that.
Now One Big Rewind. Feeder have fucked up R1's cartridge system, Seven Nation Army DOES NOT WORK AS BEDDING MUSIC, and the whole thing is just like a gigantic carnival of insincerity. The Stereophonics headline. Fuck off.
― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 4 May 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)