this is the thread where we list off songs that provoke us to violence

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not necessarily songs about violence, mind. and not necessarily songs that sound violent.

sometimes it's hearing a song one too many times that ties five kiloton boulders to one's ankles and pushes them screaming over the edge.

sometimes it's a song that grates heavily from the very first note.

so what does it to you? what songs make you violent?

i'll start.

"Sometimes When We Touch." i seriously am going to smack the living crap out of someone next time i hear it. either that or dig my own eyeballs out with sporks, preferably rubber ones. :P

(apologies if this thread has been done before; i've got a dejavu-all-over-again feeling about it but couldn't find it when searching the archives...)

― janni (janni), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, this might be a good time to mention that I'm Dan Seals's son.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that song about his relationship with you or something?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

The only two people who I would unprovokedly hit if I saw them in real life are my old headmaster, and that useless cunt from the New Radicals. I seriously think I would rather hear my collective family flatlining as one rather than hear "Get What You Give" again.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, fuck you AiSF. Daddy has spent the last 20 years trying to get out from under that song. You should see him weep. No really, you should. Come over around ten-thirty, bring some beer.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"American Pie" by Don McLean

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

He tried so hard he even changed his name to Dan Seals.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm shitty with Dans today. Hill, Seals, Rather, Rathers, who cares. I'm a fraud.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"Sometimes When We Touch." i seriously am going to smack the living crap out of someone next time i hear it. either that or dig my own eyeballs out with sporks, preferably rubber ones. :P

Oh man. I hear soft '70s crap like that in stores all the time, and it always makes me want to pull out a gun and shoot out the sound system.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I have no father.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry.

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

but I am taking applications for a father-figure, oh sorry one.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan the Automator might adopt you if you ask nicely, HM. ;)

― janni (janni), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"Pulling Mussels from a Shell" once led me to invade Wisconsin, annihilating all who stood before me, leaving behind a civilian catastrophe the likes of which have naught been seen again.

― autovac (autovac), Friday, 9 May 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan the Automator might adopt you if you ask nicely, HM. ;)

I was expelled from his prep school. That's why I'm only handsomISH.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"I Love You Period". That fucking song gets me. I haven't heard it in like, oh, 12 years, mind you, but sometimes I think about it, and it pisses me off.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this thread about sappy songs that make you want to hurt the asshole who played it? (Like all Elton John songs...) Or is it about songs that make you want to hurl yourself against a wall because you don't know what else to do? (Like all Stooges songs...)

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"When A Man Loves A Woman"

― Kris (aqueduct), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

HM: well, there's always Dan Fogelberg if you're finding yourself particularly hard up for Daddy Dannys... ;)

Dave: yes. it's about songs that make you wish to do violence, either to yourself or to others. so both might qualify as far as you're concerned.

― janni (janni), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"I Will Always Love You" (the Whitney one)

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

One day "Thong Song" will set me off on a killing spree, I shit you not.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex in NYC is OTM. I can't stand "American Pie." Simple Plan, American Hi-Fi, Ja Rule and Jay-Z songs piss me off too, but their more likely to inspire violent fits of laughter and incredulity.

also, "If U C Jordan" by Something Corporate is enough to make me wish Ben Folds was never born.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Nothing provokes me to violence like "It's A Small World" from the Disney World ride. I was once stuck on the ride with the music playing for a rediculous amount of time. People started wading out, but I think I just started holding my ears and rocking like an autistic child. I think the song may cause me to develop pyrokenisis or something equally destructive.

― Mike Salmo (salmo), Friday, 9 May 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

i love that fucking song.

― JP Albin (John Paul Albin), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

For someone who LOVES hip-hop like I do, I'm amazed at how irked the following songs can make me:

"Make Ya Say Ugh" = first I'm gonna take yr nuts, right, just yr nuts
that "Roll Out" song = and set them shits on a dresser
"Can I Get A" = and bang dem shits wit a spiked bat...BLAGGOW!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"Welcome to Our World of Toys" - when you walk into FAO Schwarz

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"Welcome to Our World of Toys" - when you walk into FAO Schwarz

Hahahahahaha.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

but what about the fact that "The Thong Song" spawned such wonders as "The Schlong Song," featuring such genius lyrics as "make my bologna go OOOH-ahh!"? ;)

"Rhythm Is A Dancer." Snap.

i swear i can envision a line of dancers gracefully wielding chainsaws every single time...

― janni (janni), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, I've heard an instrumental version of it ("Thong Song" that is) that didn't bother me at all...in fact I kinda liked it. But I swear to Jeebus every time I hear "thong-tha-thong-thong-thong" that little part of me that holds my inner demons in check says "get away from this song now, or I let 'em loose...and you do own a chainsaw".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

We Built This City - Starship

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 9 May 2003 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I did toss a boombox off a twenty story college dorm when "Paradise By The Dasboard Light" came on the radio.

― brg30 (brg30), Friday, 9 May 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone mentioned Elton John. The other day, I started singing "Daniel" out of nowhere. Weirdly, I knew all the words, even though I swear I haven't heard the song in over a decade, longer even. Then, I noticed that my usually crap voice sounded kinda... nice. It was like I was channeling Elton or something (doesn't the channelee need to be dead first, though?). I'm still a little unnerved by the experience.

Anyway, next time I get dragged to one of those community hall type "dances" (yes, I'm talking rural) and someone plays Bob Seger's "That Old Time Rock 'n Roll" I'm pretty sure I'll sneak out back, hotwire someone's combine harvester and raze the entire fucking place to the ground.

― David A. (Davant), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

For me, it's that Randy Newman song "I Love L.A." Urrgggghh...

― Sam J. (samjeff), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"put de lime in de coconut"

put de coconut through de face

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

There was some hip hop track a buncha years back which had the singularly irritating refrain of "dat's jus' my baby daddy" that made me want to violently slay everyone on the continent in a ritualistic, neverending bloodbath.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

anything Geir Hongro likes

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Just kidding Geir... would have to be bewond all doubt Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader and absolutely anything involving Morrissey

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Friday, 9 May 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

ilm in listing dozens of good songs on a "doesnt this suck??" thread non-shockah

anyway, "no scrubs" inexplicably drives me insane

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 9 May 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't know you were such a fan of "I Love You Period", jess, I'm sorry.

― Ally (mlescaut), Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Mambo fucking Number 5, a song pooped out of the asshole of the universe onto lame party dj playlists of the world, inevitably spattering innocent bystanders like myself.

― Hunter (Hunter), Sunday, 11 May 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I was volunteering in a homeless shelter when Built This City came on the radio right as two residents got into a fight. I totally understood.
I have fortunately been able to put my least favorite/most likely to excite violence songs out of mind. I'm leaving this thread now, before someone posts one and I flail wildly.

― Brandon Welch (Brandon Welch), Sunday, 11 May 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't believe Tracer doesn't like "Coconut". I thought he was like all hip and shit.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Sunday, 11 May 2003 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"Wouldn't It Be Nice" -The Beach Boys
I like this song, but it makes me want to throw things... bitter, bitter, bitter...

― The Man they call Dan (The Man they call Dan), Sunday, 11 May 2003 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, there's a Beach Boys track that makes me want to kick people in their tracheas...."I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" is that it? God I fuckin' hate that. Brian Wilson needs to finally be taken out to the pasture and swiftly euthanized at last.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 11 May 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Really? :-( Man, even more than "Student Demonstration Time"?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 11 May 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

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