If you had the chance to body swap with Kylie Minogue for one day would you spend the full 24 hours staring at your butt in the mirror?

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I know I would.

― Calum, Friday, 9 May 2003 23:57 (twenty-two years ago)

no, I'd prolly take a gander at my other body parts, too.

― hstencil, Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd probably go pick up my royalty checks and spend them quick-like.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, after the intial bum oggling I guess you'd have to spend the next day in the shower. Or mebber chatting up your own sister. That'd be cool.

― Calum, Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd start covering G.G. Allin songs live.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I would do a marathon adult photo shoot and promptly sign over the image copyrights to a complete stranger named Michael Taylor.

― Mike Taylor (mjt), Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I would my body with the Kylie brain and sleep with it.

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 10 May 2003 00:23 (twenty-two years ago)

i already spend 24 hours a day looking at my butt in the mirror.

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 10 May 2003 01:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd stuff myself so that I would have normal body weight. Get some cellulitis so that I - or her - could no longer wear the skimpy lingerie I design.

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 10 May 2003 07:01 (twenty-two years ago)

no, my neck would hurt too much

― M Matos (M Matos), Saturday, 10 May 2003 07:03 (twenty-two years ago)

While I was doing freaky, impossible shit, I'd clone myself and lez up.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 10 May 2003 07:04 (twenty-two years ago)

If I had Calum's body for the day, I'd go fuck myself.

― sammy, Saturday, 10 May 2003 07:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's an old ditty from the inimitable Chris Bickel:

Pet owners = Nazi war Criminals
by chrisbickel, 4th March 2001.
a 30 second hardcore song about the fascism of animal ownership

This song is about how activism can be taken too far, or is this song about how activism is sometimes not taken far enough? I can't remember which it is. In either event, enjoy this brutal 200 beats per minute thrash song about the fascism of pet ownership.

Animal owner: STAND ACCUSED!
You claim you fight for animal's rights?
What is pet ownership but accepted slavery?

Confined and disciplined
told when to eat and crap
your dog should bite you
on your pimpled ass!

Free creatures forced into
the bonds of human companionship
admit yourself for what your are:

SLAVERS!

Animal lover: hypocritical bastard!

Like that fascist Bob Barker
you favor spayed and nuetered pets
taking away your pet's right to choose
what the f*ck is next?

The Nazis favored sterilization
to control mongrel populations

You force animals into painful surgical procedures
to violate their natural rights!

What's the difference between you and a vivsector?
To dogs and cats you are nothing but criminal Nazi butchers!

*BRIDGE (to the tune of "who let the dogs out?")*

Who cut my balls off? Arf Arf Arf Arf!
Who cut my balls off? Arf Arf Arf Argggghhh!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Saturday, 10 May 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, Daniel to the rescue with an irrelevant post which, it seems, is aimed at me for my anti-vivisection discussions. Daniel seems to believe that in all my reading of animal rights and animal welfare I have not come across hard right vegans that actually do believe such views as those expressed in the lyrics quoted above. Indeed, such a stance is easy to argue with but ultimately pointless as someone on the hard right of any cause is impossible to shift. I suspect Daniel thought maybe we'd all go "Oooooh maybe we should lie down and think about this crap". The more ILM fails to surprise the more ridiculous it gets.

But someone has to take offence to a thread about Kylie's butt after all, and I'm glad it happened.

― Calum, Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd run outside and have sex with a really ugly man. Just to see the look on his face.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it would be ugly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Prolly.

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm glad it happened.

Calum ist froh froh froh
Benedicamus Domino.

― Frühlingsmute (Wintermute), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I miss Chris Bickel. If he started posting here my life would be complete.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

tracking down the Kylie-you and having sex with yourself - inspired genius or sick sick psyche?

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 10 May 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

One if you can afford the "time-sharing" option.
And who's "running the Kylie 'process'" while you jump back into your own body?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Saturday, 10 May 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Believe it or not, Calum, I agree with you. Vivisection sucks. Your next post should involve something about OGRE (from Skinny Puppy) just to bulwark your beliefs. Preferably involving a naked Traci Lords slathered in honey.

― justin s., Saturday, 10 May 2003 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Her neck would be SO SORE after 24 hours of craning it backwards for the mirror. Why would you do that to the poor body of Kylie?

I always thought it was funny how AMG calls her "the diminutive Australian" in almost every review.

― Fivvy (Fivvy), Saturday, 10 May 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

its to remind us Brits she's not one of us no matter how hard we pretend.

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 10 May 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I most certainly would NOT.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 10 May 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i like nathalie's answer.

― di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 10 May 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

...Preferably involving a naked Traci Lords slathered in honey.
I second that motion. Go ahead and start the thread, Calum...you know you want to.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Saturday, 10 May 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

tracking down the Kylie-you and having sex with yourself - inspired genius or sick sick psyche?

I prefer to think of myself as a genius obv., though public opinion and the U.S. legal sytem may differ.

― Jordan (Jordan), Saturday, 10 May 2003 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Traci Lords is pretty hot, but I can't be bothered with that thread.

Anyhoo... yeah, if you body swap with Kylie I guess your brain is either on leave for 24 hours (which for someone like Kenan or russ_t shouldn't be a problem)or Kylie is inhabiting your body (which for someone like Kenan or russ_t is probably akin to torture for the poor girl!). But you can make your own conclusions.

― Calum, Sunday, 11 May 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahahaha, Calum thought my post was about his opinons on vivisection (?????) Hahahahahaha, that's fucking CLASSIK!

I miss Chris Bickel. If he started posting here my life would be complete.

Well, invite him over! You guys are still in touch, no?

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Sunday, 11 May 2003 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i would first cash royalty checks, then spend the rest of the day going, 'damn, i'm short.'

― praying mantis (praying mantis), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, invite him over! You guys are still in touch, no?

Yeah, but he's very busy these days, between jobs and bands and girlfriend. Otherwise I think he'd be totally into this place.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum i can't believe you fell totally for Russ and Kenan's wind up

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

five years pass...

are your sentiments the same 5 years later, or would you now be ashamed at the shape of things...

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:13 (seventeen years ago)

ixnay on the alumkay eddsthray easeplay

― J0hn D., Saturday, 2 August 2008 18:36 (seventeen years ago)

are your sentiments the same 5 years later, or would you now be ashamed at the shape of things...

-- Bo Jackson Overdrive, Saturday, 2 August 2008 19:13 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

Is this a cancer gag?

― The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Saturday, 2 August 2008 19:35 (seventeen years ago)

not at all,strictly an age bab. does she have cancer? if so, i need to read the news more...

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Saturday, 2 August 2008 19:36 (seventeen years ago)

bab=barb

― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Saturday, 2 August 2008 19:37 (seventeen years ago)

She HAD cancer yes, breast cancer.

― daavid, Saturday, 2 August 2008 19:42 (seventeen years ago)

Believe it or not, Calum, I agree with you. Vivisection sucks.

ahahaha olde ILX was so retarded

― DJ Mencap, Sunday, 3 August 2008 12:59 (seventeen years ago)

I'd run outside and have sex with a really ugly man. Just to see the look on his face.

-- Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Saturday, 10 May 2003 13:49 (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

lol

― Just got offed, Sunday, 3 August 2008 13:05 (seventeen years ago)

I imagine I'd be quite freaked out, really. I mean, waking up in Kylie Minogue's body! Cripes.

― Niles Caulder, Sunday, 3 August 2008 14:13 (seventeen years ago)

If you were in Kylie Minogue's body, would you fall asleep in the first place?

― Just got offed, Sunday, 3 August 2008 14:15 (seventeen years ago)

I tired myself out the night beforehand, ahawhaw

― Niles Caulder, Sunday, 3 August 2008 14:16 (seventeen years ago)

actuly, dis happened to me and i landed kylie (me) a pretty sweet part in BIODOME

― tramp steamer, Monday, 4 August 2008 05:00 (seventeen years ago)

ten years pass...

Id record lotsa weird music under the Minogue moniker

― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Sunday, 27 January 2019 17:05 (seven years ago)

You could do that anyway!

― Mark G, Sunday, 27 January 2019 19:31 (seven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTri4UI99Dc

― You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Sunday, 27 January 2019 19:50 (seven years ago)

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