If it was discovered the two blokes from Right Said Fred were operating an illegal dogfighting ring, how would you bust them?

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Let's say they had paid off the local police through agreeing to a few charity concerts in your area - and your only hope was to leak them to the media. Would you have the guts to enter their illegal dog fighting league where such world famous icons as Jason Orange from Take That, The Cheeky Girls, the fat one from Soul 2 Soul and members of Bananarama and Culture Club regulary meet up to socialise and make money?

― Calum, Sunday, 11 May 2003 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Your attempts at self-parody do not measure up to Dave Q's.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 11 May 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Erm... only it wasn't any sort of attempt at self-parody.

Which might be why it doesn't measure up.

Jeez, I'll make this easy. If I'm gonna self parody myself, I'll say so in explicit capital letters.

― Calum, Sunday, 11 May 2003 12:11 (twenty-two years ago)

bleh

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 11 May 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread's a little too arbitrary, Cal.

― maria b (maria b), Sunday, 11 May 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.afroken.channel.or.jp/profile/images/slice09.gif
vs.
http://home.global.co.za/~saidndun/sloth2.jpg

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Sunday, 11 May 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You people act as if this thread weren't totally awesome.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 11 May 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I misread the thread-title, in my intermittently-dyslexic way, as an "illegal defecating ring."

Now that *is* arbitrary, if both awesome and disgusting as well...

― M Specktor (M Specktor), Sunday, 11 May 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Which sick fuck abused that Koala? It looks so sad and beat up!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/10.21.99/gifs/dogfight1-9942.jpg

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"If it was discovered the two blokes from Right Said Fred were operating an illegal dogfighting ring..."
< CHEAP SHOT >Heyyyy... wouldn't the guys in Right Said Fred be doing an illegal...cock...fighting ring instead...< /CHEAP SHOT >
Okay, I'll stop now.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a sloth

― brains (cerybut), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Which sick fuck abused that Sloth? It looks so sad and beat up!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 11 May 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Now, "cock fight" I would've applauded. Cheesy double ententre trumps trying too hard anyday... well, unless you're Bobby Conn.

― maria b (maria b), Monday, 12 May 2003 00:05 (twenty-two years ago)

========================================================================
LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE!
========================================================================

AT THE MAMMOTH PUKEAPLEX COMBAT ARENA

S L O T H W A R S

See the worlds most laid-back marsupial get mideval on the sorry, matted-furred ass of some other laid-back marsupial! YOUR TICKET PAYS FOR THE WHOLE SEAT BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!

BE THERE! BE THERE! BE THERE!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.global.co.za/~saidndun/sloth2.jpg
"Huh? Whatchu lookin' at, Biped? You wanna piece of this, Primate Boy? HUH? HUH? You wait there. I'll be over in 30 minutes to kick your scrawny, hairless pick ass, Boy.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 01:43 (twenty-two years ago)

That settles it, this thread is fucking awesome.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

It's always embarassing to see that poor sloth bust her pole dance at parties.

― Hunter (Hunter), Monday, 12 May 2003 04:22 (twenty-two years ago)

It's comments like that which make Ally one of my fave ILM postees.

― Calum, Monday, 12 May 2003 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

wouldn't the guys in Right Said Fred be doing an illegal...cock...fighting ring instead...

They're brothers, for crying out loud...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

It doesn't have to be THEIR cocks, Dave Stelfox. One brother is the bouncer and the other brother is the MC and color commentator.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 10:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's more my penchant for talking about my knickers that makes me one of Calum's favorites, but that's splitting hairs!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

It doesn't have to be THEIR cocks, Dave Stelfox. One brother is the bouncer and the other brother is the MC and color commentator.

Oh well that makes it ok then... spam daggers at dawn... (aaaarrrrgh... i sound like calum on a calum thread!)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

That settles it, this thread is fucking awesome.

This is correct. Though it seems a bit odd it took THIS LONG for it to be realised.

I think it's more my penchant for talking about my knickers that makes me one of Calum's favorites, but that's splitting hairs!

This is also correct, but replace C*lum with All Males On Board.

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's more my penchant for talking about my knickers that makes me one of Calum's favorites...
but they are very nice knickers. C*lum emailed me photos of them.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

wait...did I just say that out loud...

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Except for you, Jimmy. You are unmovable. :(

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

its all about the Sloths.
The Sloths made this thread.
And they say Sloth is a Sin....pschaw!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Post the sloth again, just because...

― Brandon Welch (Brandon Welch), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.global.co.za/~saidndun/sloth2.jpg

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

at first, I thought he looked like he just got mugged, now I think I want to give him a bowl of milk and a carrot.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally hurts me in my heart.

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? You know I love you.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

ah good to see people on ilm not being nasty to one another!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

...And you know you're my Uptown Grrl.

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck you Dave.

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

: D

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

wanker...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

in answer to the thread title I would take all the members of Carcass and the big fat bolke out of Napalm Death (how do you get that big when you're a vegan) with me to one of their sporting meetings and the stand back while they sat on the offending shaven-headed novelty pop combo

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Tad Doyles big fat rump to thread...

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I like how Jimmy put that ridiculous smiley face up, it totally ruined any fite potential there!

Hey, did we ever resolve the dogfite/Right Said Fred issue, anyway?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I like how Jimmy put that ridiculous smiley face up, it totally ruined any fite potential there!

no it didn't i still want to hit him! and no we didn't resolve the issue... suggestions...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Behold the magic of Emoticons: :P

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

That's my new, easier to write equiv. of the

*makes yacking fingers motion*

That's started so many a fight in my day...

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Cunt we all just git along?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Who would want to hit Jimmy? You should be hitting Right Said Fred, filthy fucking dog torturers.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Well...here's your chance to bust them, turn them in and have them spend the next 20 years getting the high hard one from a guy named Bubba.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Though, how this differs from their normal day to day routine right now eludes me at the moment.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I really liked that one song. You know. That one about how they're too sexy. "I'm Too Sexy". Yeah, it's good.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Creepy ass song.
"...I'm too sexy for my cat"
I mean, WTF!? How did they TEST that theory?

...wait...don't answer that.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

:P
Who would want to hit Jimmy? You should be hitting Right Said Fred, filthy fucking dog torturers.

Who was that pulling faces at me there? Anyway, I'm not gonna hit Jimmy I don't even know where he lives! (And wouldn't even if I did.) Leaving the violence to the fat guy from Napalm Death...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry dear, I'm not in a position to rebut with images. But if I was...

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I *heart* Dave

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Wot you mean, who was that? Why are we all so full of love AND hate today?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Bi-polar.

― jm (jtm), Monday, 12 May 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally - I have no idea about your other threads. It's just coz you're one of the ILM regulars who hasn't attacked me for preposterous threads such as this (which far too many tossers take seriously as some sort of inditement of my personality in real life).

As for the issue - no one has answered the question. Though I'd maybe like to see if the birds from Bananarama are still fit.

― Calum, Monday, 12 May 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

clicked on the link and got someone doing emoticon faces :-P for real. was wondering if there was a range of photographs I could paste into emails rather than the usual :-) / ;-) / :-/ as i'm a bit bored w/ them! nah, just don't know who it was... should i know? and i'm not full of hate at all, only for Richard and Fred Fairbrass, as you said Ally, coz they're nasty to dogs...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 12 May 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

It was me!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Right Said Fred WERE A THREE-PIECE.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 12 May 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

They're too sexy for their Three Piece.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

They're too sexy for their dog kennel.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

They're too sexy for their collection of rare Hummel figurines...

c'mon people, this might be the only C*lum thread in existence that deserves to continue!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Too sexy for pop trends.

― jm (jtm), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Too sexy for their self tanner?

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Peaches is too shirty for her sex.

SORRY.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum, you should come to ILE. These kind of insane threads are much more the welcome over there. Personally I think this shit is great.

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

solution: you send craig logan from bros in there to expose them and their sick pop has-been pals, as by this point he will have changed careers and be working as a roger cook-style, maverick TV journalist.

downside: a major Sunday tabloid will then print pictures of "the former I'm Too Sexy stars" under the headline "Evil Freds' Ring Exposed". An expert opinion piece by Graham Sutton out of Bark Psychosis will call for a national register alerting all dog owners to failed novelty pop stars living in their area. As a result vigilante groups will run amok, attacking bald men in the street and random people called Fred, Private Eye will run a satirical cartoon strip about it and the Daily Mail will print a piece about "Old Compton Street's shameful secret history of illegal dog fighting", thus validating and reinforcing the latent homophobia of animal-loving Middle England, leading to a massive decline in liberal values and tolerance across the nation. All of which begs the question, are you sure you really want to bust them Calum, or is it better to leave them to it?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 09:40 (twenty-two years ago)

does anybody have anymore cutesy "abused sloth" photos to post, so we can kick this thread up to the next level?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Well Dave I agree - but I'd still want their sick ring smashed!

I wonder if Carol Decker from T'Pau might be there. I used to work with a fellow who had a mate that once dated Carol Decker and apparently she loves it, ahem, up the "other" hole. Draw your own conclusions, but the guy wasn't a liar, and the video to China in your Hand is never the same now.

― Calum, Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, for the love of god Calum...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

He's so cheeky.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I keep seeing this and thinking "Said Fred" is an Arabic name (pronounced "Sayeed Fred").

― Rockist Scientist, Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

He's so cheeky.

who is, calum?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

No, Said Fred.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

we still need your suggestions as to how the dogfighting ring will be exposed or even if it should be, though, Ally...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, honestly, I don't really like dogs anyway.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i do and they still don't deserve to die in any case especially not for the gratification of one-time pop stars!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:52 (twenty-two years ago)

where my dogs at?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think Right Said Fred are involved anyway, I think it's the Baha Men.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.dreamers.com/vyf/cerberus/cerberus.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's the Baha Men.Who Let the Sloths Out? (Gwerb. Gwerb-Gwerb-Gwerb*) Who Let the Sloths Out? (Gwerb. Gwerb-Gwerb-Gwerb*)

* = How the hell should I know what noise Sloths make?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.vynsane.com/rup.html

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 18:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember reading something exactly like this, but it was about Ninjas.
Fuck...what if there were NINJA SLOTHS!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 13 May 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

six months pass...

I'm depressed.
There's only one thing for it.
ILM must post more pics of Sloths doing strip club dances.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Whatever happent to Hasselsloth?

― Sonny A. (Keiko), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:37 (twenty-two years ago)

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