Annoying *musical* cliches in songs that must be stamped out NOW: Part Two -- Chart Pop

And if a male singer never says "babygirl" again, I'd be so, so happy.

and yes it would help if the people singing sounded like humans (vocoders are good once in a while though)

lyrics that have been filtered through the vocabulary of a five-year-old to ensure maximum boringness

funny funny stuff everyone has them and everyone wears the same uniform

die die die die

Keyboards with a guitarpatch (not as prominent as it was a couple of years ago, thankfully, see Britney Spears)

Opening the song with a slightly distorted spoken word part (first to come to mind = Avril Lavigne going "Uh hu.. life's like this.. ahh ha.. that's just the way it is")

that does remind me that i dont like the lyrics "that's (just) the way it is" (i'm thinking specifically of an australian country song out at the moment but there are lots more. i did like 'it's like that' by run dmc vs jason nevins tho. i guess it depends on whether i agree that 'it' actually is 'like that')

Unfortunately Plunderphonics is one-listen drywank which elicits maybe half-an-hour's artistic contemplation and half-a-second's ear pleasure. MP3s were the worst thing that could have happened to John Oswald.

Lots of what's been mentioned here is good, obviously. (Guest verses! Guitar patches! Vocoders!) BUT chart pop is far from perfect and the two things that bug me are:

- the death of the lead vocalist/backing vocalist arrangement. Everybody taking a turn means that the 'story' of the song, its potential empathy-application to a single person (from singer to listener) is ruined. The worst example is Westlife and Mariah - "Against All Odds", where a song that is about a man alone is diluted by being split five-ways AND a song that is about being dumped is sung as a DUET!!

- acoustic guitars (or electrified acoustic guitars or whatever those things are) - strum strum strum indicating 'proper song'. As used by muppets who are stupid enough to write their own (bad) material - A1, Sneddon etc.

Oh, wait, this just means that Wyclef Jean should be kept away from the producer's seat. :-)

wearing far to much lipstick in your videos. . . especially the guys!

I think the split five-ways thing is a bit of a post-Spice Girls tendency - the idea that everyone needs to contribute a certain amount to each song doesn't seem to have been as strong before that. Thinking back to Take That and East 17, it was obvious which singers carried the main load and which were there as back up. In contrast Westlife almost seem like a hive mind, and I reckon the members' essential interchangability is one of their weak points.

I tend to like it when vocal groups work out who does what well and stick to it. Blue are a good example in that their first three singles were more notable for the surprisingly clever progression and alternation of solo parts than for, say, production... although their recent material has been pretty sucky. Mis-Teeq as well, obv. (Does Su-Elise do *anything* (apart from rap like a male robot)? She's even less present than Michelle in Destiny's Child).

• To all fresh-faced pop stars: please don't try to prove how good your voice is by improvising a Mariah-style "Hmmmhmhmhm Mmmmmmaaaaaahhh, woooaahhh babayyyy, aah-ah-aahhh yeeeaahhh, wwoooo-o-o-o-oah, etc., etc." style bit all over the start of the song, just LET THE SONG START BY ITSELF AND START SINGING WHEN THE ACTUAL FLIPPING LYRICS FOR VERSE ONE STARTS!!!!
  
• To UK mainstream BritPop bands- if you really have to do a ballad, ON NO ACCOUNT USE A HAMMOND ORGAN!!!!!
  
• To all bands: If Tom Jones says he likes your stuff, he's planning another duets album- time to change your style.
  
• To all pop boy/girl bands: it doesn't matter how good your songs is, you are NOT THE SOUND OF THE UNDERGROUND!!!!

The word "baby" in rnb. And the words "little girl" in Futuresex/Lovesounds.

Great thread.

And if a male singer never says "babygirl" again, I'd be so, so happy.

-- Catherine (Catherine), Monday, May 12, 2003 10:04 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

Timbaland to thread

( M.I.A. - KALA )

Akon feat. T-pain and vice versa. One at a time please.

haha

Songs that end on the same chord as they begin.

this is the indie-est board ever.

Vocoders and that thing where they go "maaaaaaay" instead of "me"

Are you speaking ill of "Freak Like Me"? THE GALL

How about singing "stop" and then pausing the music for a second or two? That's been done a bit too often.

Everything in this thread should be compulsory.

ja mein general.

It will be a single to chart for a thousand weeks

no more hot chicks.
Neither CustosCorp Industries, Ltd nor any of its subsidiaries endorse the opinions of Horace Mann. CustosCorp has always been a "hot chick friendly" Megalocorp and we have no intention of changing this policy.
Because if we did, the terrorists will win.
-- Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, May 12, 2003 10:51 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

how could we have let him go?

love his topical use of "the terrorists will win"

Tonality. I mean come on, give it a rest already.

is anyone still doing that thing the backstreet boys did near the end of "i want it that way" where the music ramps up a notch and all of them just start yowling away with their different crescendo-bits and it's reminiscent of the part in star wars where C3PO thinks everyone in the trash compactor is dying when really they're celebrating? well?

Little snippets of vocals run through that filter that makes it sound like you're talking on the phone. This would be fine I think for parts of the song where they're specifically supposed to be talking on the phone. Otherwise, incredibly overused and dumb.

O that's a good one. How about this - that thing that Cher started on 'Believe', where they run the vocals through a synthesizer or whatever the fuck and insert two ugly synthy little notes into a syllable. Enough.

Rap parts in 90s dance songs.

Songs that end on the same chord as they begin.

Props to the fadeout cliche then? ;)