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A List of Some of the Worst Cliches in Rock Music by BuckGS71

Being in a band will get you laid, no matter how ugly you are, and therefore make you cool. Fred Durst of Limp Banana Bread Pudding Bizkit is a perfect example: the entire female population at the Playboy Mansion could bed him down and he would still be uncool. "Creative Differences": This is code for "I'm leaving the band/I was canned from the band because I can't stand those sons of bitches". I swear, if I hear another musician say that after they've bolted or been booted out of a band, I'm taking hostages. Despite those "creative differences", you will most certainly jump at the opportunity to get back together with the band at the sign of a huge cash payday. This means "sure, I still can't stand those sons of bitches, but I've got a ridiculously expensive lifestyle that just can't be maintained through royalties alone." Guitar solos are meant to be long and fast and full of notes: You know what the best solo ever was? "Cinnamon Girl", by Neil Young. Three seconds, one note, played super fast. Now that was a solo! "It's just a solo album. The band is still together, going strong." Examples of musicians who have said this, rather incorrectly, are Paul McCartney, Sting, David Lee Roth, and David Byrne, just to name a few. It doesn't matter how bad you play, as long as you look cool playing your guitar: Umm...no. Wrong. It helps if you can at least play a few chords. You'll look even cooler. Bic lighters flicked during a ballad: Someone needs to pass legislation banning this ridiculous act, don't you agree?

Agree? Disagree? Discuss.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Friday, 16 May 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I went to see John Prine recently and I used a keychain penlight instead of a Bic lighter. Is that OK?

― Jazzbo (jmcgaw), Friday, 16 May 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

the cinnamon girl solo is:

a) not 3 seconds
b) not one note
c) not played superfast...

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 16 May 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

When was the last time anyone outside of a James Taylor concert lit a bic? Do people still do that?

And you don't need to know any chords..

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 16 May 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

This is meant to be a meta-ironic comment on cliches in rock criticism, right?

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Friday, 16 May 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

1) Fred Durst is cool. Stop playahatin'.
2) "creative differences" actually means "none of your fucking business."
3) you're both wrong. The best solo of all time is Brian May's in Queen's "Dancer." Technical mastery done over dance beats is best.
4) this one is sort of true. though they can always change their mind.
5) this one sorta contradicts no. 3 don't it?
6) they're holding up cellphones now. I wouldn't mind it if people responded to playing filler with a sea of middle fingers.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 16 May 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

1) Anthony, PUT THE CRACK PIPE DOWN.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 May 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

He's been sucking on it too long, Dan. Rehab is the only way.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 May 2003 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I agree with the first point and can vouch for it.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Friday, 16 May 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Number One I don't get: who cares about "being cool" (whatever da fuck that means) if you're getting laid by the entire female population of the Playboy Mansion?

Cool + laid = best case scenario

but still, nonetheless,

[Uncool + laid] > [cool + unlaid]

― David A. (Davant), Saturday, 17 May 2003 03:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmmm. Interesting point. But theres one thing you overlooked.
If you're laid, you're laid for only 15-20 minutes*
If you're uncool, you're uncool for the rest of your life.

* This does not apply if you happen to be Sting. Then you're not laid at all.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Saturday, 17 May 2003 03:56 (twenty-two years ago)

But aren't we talking serial laid? Like a whole string of 15-20 minutes?

Plus, a state of permanent uncoolness is liberating. And the paradox is: when you cease to care, you actually become kind of cool.

― David A. (Davant), Saturday, 17 May 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Who gets the blame? You get the blame and I get the blame. Who gets the blame? You get the blame And I get the blame. But do you think we can fly? Do you think we can fly? Do you thing we can fly? Well I do, I do. Fly!

http://www.limpbizkit.com/uploaded_media/Limpa5.jpg

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 17 May 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Fred on why new album won't be coming out till September: "sometimes you just have to go with the flow of creativity and we're doing just fucking that!! the new band is exploding at the seems. you're not gonna comprehend where we took this one. on the other hand, you will fully understand where are our heads are at."

I think he's pushed it back so he's fresh in critic's heads for the top ten lists and pazz & jop.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 17 May 2003 19:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I like how that photo makes him look like he has a withered, short left leg and he's about to fall over on his ugly mug of a face.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 17 May 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

But aren't we talking serial laid? Like a whole string of 15-20 minutes?
Nope, I mean one session with one woman. If it takes less than a minute, its a medical condition; if it takes more than 20 minutes, then you either aren't being aroused enough, or you're practicing Tantric Yoga and you don't plan on stopping for at least another 6 hours.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Saturday, 17 May 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

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