music journalists you would really punch in the face

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*bats eyelids*

― di smith (lucylurex), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Har har har har har har har har!!!!

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

m*rk beaum0nt. except i'd probably rather just piss in his beer.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Once upon a time, I used to have a list a mile long. But now I can't actually remember any of their names. I suppose that says something, really.

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on, someone pick someone. Considering how many music journos post here, it could make the next FAP very interesting. How about FAD - Fancy A Duel instead? handbags at dawn!

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Jim DeRogatis.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you dislike him cos of stuff like this?

Yeah Yeah Yeahs/Sammo Hung : London Camden Barfly NME 'On' Night

"This is OUR TIME!/OUR TIME!" chants the genetically cloned cyberchild of Souxie Sioux, Gwen Stefani, Suzi Quatro and that randy dragon out of 'Shrek'; the android sex queen of New York trash-flash named Karen O. She's bang on the money. With NYC spewing out stupendous bands like a diseased dog puking stardust, meet the next wave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They're sexier than The Strokes, more savage than The Stripes, more kick-ass than The Vines and infinitely superior to The Next Bunch Of Miserable Indie Barmen We Hype To The High Hills, but if the Yeah Yeah Yeahs were from Cardiff they'd be bollocks on toast, right? Wrong, they'd be Sammo Hung, who sing about sharks and shagging and generally make a slavering racket.

Enter the Yeah Yeah Yeahs; all kung-fu highkicks, '80s Bowie poses, searing Clash dynamics and vocals like PJ Harvey in a tumble drier. When they're not jittering through incredibly catchy juggerpop anthems like 'Bang' or 'Our Time', their songs are like rats with burning rags on their tails, restlessly darting and swerving. Metallica, The Breeders, Wire, the Jesus & Mary Chain… every immaculate alterna-rock influence is chewed up and spat in our faces. By the end of psycho-Pixies finale 'Mystery Girl' this reviewer is hoping Karen will leap from the stage and bike-chain him half to death, just to cement the legend. For the rest of your life, swear you were here, at the very epicentre of this generation's Year Zero.

The time is yours, devour every instant. Mark Beaumont

Both bands are great, Sammo Hung are too unsung, so is it his writing style you don't like?

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

calm down Kate...

though hang on a sec, if we could arrange a transporter accident then we could produce two Kates to fight each other, within the terms of two ILM threads...howzat?

― DG (D_To_The_G), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Cause I have a problm believing he means it.

I mean I've written stuff that's as enthusiastic as that before now, but it was about my really favourite bands who I LOVE LOVE LOVE.

I reckon he'll have forgotten the YYYs and SH by next week.

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate vs. Fiona - FITE!!!

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

jim's nomination makes sense

― DG (D_To_The_G), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I met Mark Beaumont once. He was wearing a white shirt, black jeans, and bad shoes and clearly wanted to be some early 80s romanticist urban poet. I think this makes him a cunt. Plus he's mates with Danny McNamara. Punch? Yeah, why not?

Alex Petridis - why? Cos I want his job.

The entire staff of PFM - why? Cos they're eejits. And reactionary little supercillious indier-than-thou eejits at that.

Steven Wells - why? Well, actually, I'd probably just point and laugh.

James Oldham - why? Cos he's a cunt.

Conor McWankface - why? LOOK AT HIM!

Probably more.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd kick yer ass you middle class twat! I'm sexier than you, too!

― fiona fletcher (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh yeah? You come here and say that, you talentless hack, you couldn't carry a conversation in a bucket.

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, well, I shagged yer boyfriend.

― fiona f (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You bitch! You cow!!!

::slug::

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark Sutherland, for ruining the Melody Maker and leading the magazine to it's publishing death by being totally unsuitable for the job. [and the person who appointed him in the first place - who was this plank !]

Mark Sutherland the most culturally despicable person of my generation.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

martian don't you have brain dead record blurbs to plagirise?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Kate and Fiona should kiss and make up.

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

what it julio, or i will improvise a punch in your direction ;-)

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, we could be like the English taTu or something. ;-)

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not snogging you! You stink like a dirty dronerock girl!

― fiona f (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

no musicians are allowed to answer this thread, there is NOTHING more boring than musicians whining about how critics don't understand

incidentally the critics do not understand me

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

If you're passionate about everything, none of it ends up meaning anything. Mr Beaumont, that means you.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

And NOT Avril fans!

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

See? I win! I'm allowed on this thread and you're not, so HAH! I win, I win!

― fiona f (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The entire staff of PFM - why? Cos they're eejits. And reactionary little supercillious indier-than-thou eejits at that.

Okay Nick, that's it, gloves off - I don't like your "musical diary" piece from Stylus anymore!!!

― Chris Dahlen (Chris Dahlen), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

myself...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

just coz that's always funny on old black and white films... otherwise too many to mention, tho i wouldn't do it coz i'm too nice...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris Dahlen is exempt cos he also writes for Stylus... And isn't an eejit as described above...

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Critics don't understand you, John? I swear, I'm the only one who didn't lick your ass last year! You were 2002's Chuck D!

(actually, I really should listen to Talahassee again. Prepare your ass for one more tongue [who knows?])

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a lot that I'd like to dress up like Fred Durst in front of and scream "SHOW US YOUR TITS! I DO IT FOR THE NOOKIE! BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" too. They're all guys though.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, but liking and understanding are two different things, Anthony.
Anyone can be liked, but to be understood...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

The critics who did like me understood me even LESS than the ones who didn't like me. Sigh.

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm inclined to agree. Though you can't disrespect the fans!

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, you might disagree with what Mark Beaumont was saying in that Yeah Yeah Yeah article...and he was a bit hamfisted. But the mental images gave me a cheap chuckle.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Anthony DeCurtis (general principles)

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know whether I'd want to punch Everett True hard in the face. But I know I'd want to take away all his pens.

― scottjames23 (worrysome-man), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"This is OUR TIME!/OUR TIME!" chants the genetically cloned cyberchild [...] Karen O. She's bang on the money. [...]meet the next wave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Stealing lyrics from The Goonies is the next wave of rock n' roll? I need to get in on this, I can quote the whole thing in my sleep.

― fortunate hazel (f. hazel), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

the next Radiohead record will use "motifs from the soundtrack to
*batteries not included", i heard.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd like to take away all my pens too. They're sharp and they might hurt someone.

― Jerry (Jerry), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:39 (twenty-two years ago)

No one. I'm just glad Chuck Eddy hasn't punched me. He was in the Army y'know.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Chuck Eddy!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:01 (twenty-two years ago)

The entire staff of PFM - why? Cos they're eejits. And reactionary little supercillious indier-than-thou eejits at that.

Yeah, those are the first words I think of when I think of Nabisco and Mark Richardson.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:06 (twenty-two years ago)

All those Rolling Stone drones.

Everyone bitching about Pitchfork, which actually reviews music that matters, and Rolling Stone has few mentions? Haven't they had two Justin Timberlake covers in the past two months? Oh wait, isn't J.T. a'ight cuz he does that Michael Jackson groove thing that Christgau likes so much? Scratch that, then.

RS blows for reasons that probably don't even need to be said. Like if you're relying on it to discover "new" music, you're probably about two years behind the curve...

― trigger gospel, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Pitchfork reviews music that "matters?" Funniest thing I've seen all fucking day.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

trigger u must be nu here

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean if you think that 4 CDs x approx. 365 days a year = music that matters, you've got a lot more money and free time than me, that's fo' sure.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Sasha Frere-Jones appaently thinks he does. He calls you "influential." Is he picking words at random out of a bag? The evidence mounts...

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Not sure if you're trying to imply Rolling Stone is better than Pitchfork?

Sure, they could use a little more coverage of hip hop and other genres, for the love of fookin Gawd, and they are strictly indie (occasionally jazz, a la Peter Brotzmann). But really, if you want to find out about a lot of unheard music, I can't think of a better place to go (at least online). I can't stand their damn writing, since half of it is "lookit how obscure I can get, momma" shite. But as far as the music they shed light on, it shows RS writers for the industry whores they are (not that we didn't know that...). Plus they are up to date, remarkably so.

Also, Punk Planet and No Depression are quite good. The Chicago-centric issue of PP a few months ago was a godsend.

I'd also like to punch Joshua Gabriel in the face, who makes the worst of PFM look like Lester Bangs.

― trigger, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 46 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Kate! I own a pair of leather trousers! I love them. I just don't like seeing rock star tossers demeaning their inherent sexuality...

― Jerry (Jerry), Thursday, 12 June 2003 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

" he was just so naked - none of meltzer's games so beloved of many of ilms more disingenuous posters"

What sort of Meltzerish game stuff do you mean Jess? You don't have to be specific - I've only read little tiny particles of Meltzer so I don't quite understand the comparison.

― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Thursday, 12 June 2003 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate! I own a pair of leather trousers! I love them. I just don't like seeing rock star tossers demeaning their inherent sexuality...

there is something a little unsubtle about leather trousers. i always hated INXS.

― stevie (stevie), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, you have your point with INXS, Mr. Chick and I let you have it grudgingly. But Mr Bobby Gillespie's leather trousers saved (or ruined depending on how you look at it) my teenage life, just remember that.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

(ho-hum-di-dum-di-dum-hm-hm. this air punchin' dissnizz 's going strong for a third day in a row? ...Don Quixote & Sancho Panza to thread!!!)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 12 June 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmm leather trousers.

1,000,000 Germans can't be wrong.

― mei (mei), Thursday, 12 June 2003 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

[insert WWII joke]

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 12 June 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

do leather trousers wipe clean?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 12 June 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I was having a talk about Meltzer the other night, and a friend pointed out Richard's biggest strength and flaw with one metaphor: Many of Meltzer's pieces are like an airplane coming down a runway. It's a huge hunk of metal and machinery, and you never think it's gonna get off the ground. But totally oblivious to this, it keeps barrelling down, and every now and then it'll start to lift off the ground -- take off -- and the pilot rushes it, tries to pull up the landing gear too soon and it falls back to the ground. Other times, the plane will just take off without any sort of momentum. Just lift straight off the ground like the U-2 plane, and you can hardly believe it. You didn't see how the hell it got from a to b, but yr so dazzled you don't care.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 12 June 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

Matos

― frumpygrumpy, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:04 (twenty years ago)

why dat

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:10 (twenty years ago)

I don't really read anything written by "music journalists" anymore!! I haven't bought a music magazine for a couple of months now. Haha! Take that, l@ym0rz!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:27 (twenty years ago)

same here

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:30 (twenty years ago)

Just kidding

― frumpygrumpy, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:43 (twenty years ago)

Ultragrrl. yuck

― hate, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:56 (twenty years ago)

Ultragrrl says in the latest SPIN that her column is over.

Maybe now Michel will get this tripe out of the magazine entirely.

― don carville weiner, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 01:41 (twenty years ago)

who is this ultragrrl and why is she so terrible?

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 01:46 (twenty years ago)

Anyone else hate the reviewers at the Washington Post? Their film critics, too.

― Richard K (Richard K), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago)

i punch myself in the face repeatedly!

― geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 03:20 (twenty years ago)

Geeta, I was in NYC this past weekend and saw some of your capsules for the Voice, which I liked!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 03:43 (twenty years ago)

I think Mark Jenkins has finally stoppe saying "art disco," Richard!!

I like Tim Page a lot though.

― Mike Ouderkirk (Mike Ouderkirk), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 03:50 (twenty years ago)

Matos seems nice if a bit brusque.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 03:50 (twenty years ago)

who is this ultragrrl and why is she so terrible?
-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), October 20th, 2004.

she's this chick with a short, inconsequential (but harmless) column in spin about her hobnobbing with cheesy bands like interpol. i guess the column's over now.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:42 (twenty years ago)

Ultragrrl was in the Oct. issue. Haven't seen the Nov. one yet.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:44 (twenty years ago)

Man I only read No Depression, fuck that mainstream shit.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:45 (twenty years ago)

haha just kiddin folks

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:45 (twenty years ago)

seriously though, Uncut needs to cover alt-country once in a blue moon

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:46 (twenty years ago)

Anyone who writes for Observer Music Monthly. Is Paul Morley actually senile now?

― Chairman ROFLMAO (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 07:01 (twenty years ago)

In good concience, I couldn't punch any of 'em, 'cause they all wear glasses! (As do I.)(But I'm not a critic, so I don't look like Elvis Costello.)(I do resemble Marshall Crenshaw somewhat, tho.)

Does Anthony DeCurtis wear glasses?

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 07:55 (twenty years ago)

OMM gave the kings of leon 5/5 this month. they're like word, cosy bedtime music reading to make 35 year olds feel up to date.

― DVD (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:03 (twenty years ago)

I'm often suspicious of the bashing that accompanies freshly hyped up bands, because in the end it's usually a knee-jerk sort of thing, a hivemind rush to condemn a band that's not too bad and sometimes very good.

Kings of Leon, however, are ass.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:11 (twenty years ago)

From this month's OMM Top 10 (Worst Covers), here's a writer I'd like to punch extremely hard:

7. Johnny Cash 'Danny Boy'

Criticising Cash these days is akin to dissing Gandhi, but truthfully, the Man in Black only ever had two songs: the fast one and the slow one. Towards the end, producer Rick Rubin would shamelessly prop Cash in front of material which explicitly referenced his desperately failing health. His tuneless stab at 'Danny Boy' is awful: as saccharine and cynical as any Westlife Christmas single.

ITEM: Rubin did NOT prop Cash, shamelessly or otherwise, in front of any material. Cash recorded these songs of his own volition. The guy was dying. What did you expect him to sing? "Some Girls"? Is "Delia's Gone" from 1994 cynical because Cash was in relatively good health when he recorded it?

OK, if it comes to enjoying an artist in his prime rather than in his decline, then I'll take the JC of Live At San Quentin - sparking with life, sex and attitude - any day. But this ignoramus knows nothing about the circumstances which led to these recordings being made (he should look at the excellent extended feature in this month's Mojo to learn more about them).

The worst thing is the idiot who wrote this has just been appointed editor of Time Out, so strictly speaking he's now one of my bosses.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:11 (twenty years ago)

not sure if i would post things like that about this 'idiot' on a public forum in that case......

― DVD (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:15 (twenty years ago)

It's not as if I need the money, DVD...

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:18 (twenty years ago)

youre a more fortunate man than i in that case.......

― DVD (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:22 (twenty years ago)

In any case, my immediate boss at TO is John Lewis, a splendid writer and even more splendid fellow with whom I've had probably the best relationship I've had with any reviews editor to date.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:32 (twenty years ago)

He's also never knowingly undersold.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:44 (twenty years ago)

Hi Marcello,
that OMM piece is by the new TO editor's brother, not the editor himself.

― Pete W (peterw), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:46 (twenty years ago)

Marcello you didn't write the review of Suck My Deck by Ivan Smagghe for Timeout did you? there were huge quotes from it on ads for him DJing.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:47 (twenty years ago)

i'd like to pull Neds hair. in a friendly way.

― bulbs (bulbs), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 08:59 (twenty years ago)

i rather have a bad writer with a heart, than greil marcus. the man needs to put his *emotions* in his writings. now i can't relate to him at all.

― jesus nathalie (nathalie), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:01 (twenty years ago)

i think GM's writing is quite emotional, though not in an especially showy way.

i don't think i've ever read an "end of the year" type column that didn't make me want to at least kick the writer.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:12 (twenty years ago)

Marcello, thanks for putting the boot in over that OMM thing. Fair enough, Cash's Danny Boy isn't too hot, but it's hardly criminal. His comments about Rubin exploiting Cash are really off and totally ignorant. The Cash stuff in Mojo was superb. Hats off to Sylvie Simmons once again.

The 5 stars for King of Leon is daft (new single is underwhelming) and all the more depressing when they're awarded by Ben Thompson, who is usually OTM. His two books are great.

― Stew S (stew s), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:15 (twenty years ago)

Oh right, Peter, thanks for putting me straight on that.

No I didn't do the Smaggle write-up; last things I did for TO were album reviews of D Rascal and F Furnaces.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:56 (twenty years ago)

i'd like to pull Neds hair. in a friendly way.

Sweetie darling.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 13:14 (twenty years ago)

i don't think i've ever read an "end of the year" type column that didn't make me want to at least kick the writer. .

OTM OTM OTM OTM OTM.

(btw, I totally did turn around on the Mountain Goats as I hinted I might upthread)

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:17 (twenty years ago)

(though I still think Talahassee is overrated)

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:18 (twenty years ago)

:-(

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:26 (twenty years ago)

i just think it sounds really tentative and half-formed compared to we shall all be healed. it's not bad and the high points are astounding, i just can't go with xgau giving both 4ad albums a's. i haven't heard any of the earlier stuff aside from the 3 rarities albums (ghana's my fave) so i can't speak about that.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:33 (twenty years ago)

i just think it sounds really tentative and half-formed compared to we shall all be healed.

my feelings exactly...we shall all be healed is the better record IMO....it seems like it got worse reviews on the whole, though....

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:40 (twenty years ago)

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