alright so music journalist are musicians. So what kind of musician are you, music journalist?

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are you the kind whose songs exist solely to flaunt the obscurity or eclecticism of your record collection? Are you the kind who realizes that your look is as important as your songs? Are you the kind who really should enunciate better? Are you more like the Minutemen? More like Zappa? More like Corey Hart?

And what about other critics? Do they seem to be using the same chords over and over again? Do they do really fast, short covers that only are fun if you've heard the originals (that's what I think of Xgau's Honorable Mentions, personally)? Are they sell outs?

Enough of this defensive B.S.! Let's get metaphorical on this!

And musicians! What kind of music critic are you?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i am one that doesn't come on-stage until 7 or 8 months after the starting time advertised, plays something that sounds like 9/10s of it is missing and then goes and does something else instead

on the plus side, i work for free mostly

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I... what?!?!?

::sputters::

::EXPLODES::

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm like, uh, shit, Woody Allen? No, not as a musician.
But I'm like, uh, Royal Trux, yeah. My influences (ie who I'm ripping off) are pretty obvious, but sometimes I manage to do it in a pretty exciting/great/surprising way. I also put out a lot, with varying degrees of quality. Every now and then I'll get on a particularly hot streak, as I did in May.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I'll be an ARCHITECT for the purposes of this thread.

I make buildings that are very very pretty. They are also extremely comfortable. But they are totally impractical and highly expensive.

― kate (kate), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

And sometimes, you can tell that I'm just doing what I feel is expected of me.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

bet chuck eddy sings like albert ayler.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

>>bet chuck eddy sings like albert ayler.<<

only in the shower. and only when i'm not singing like smokey robinson in the shower instead.

― chuck, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

the cassette-only release of my band The Chronic Masturbators, entitled Spider Veins, consisted of vocals, bongo drums, acoustic gutiar, casio keyboard, A.M. radio, and a jar filled with marbles. All the songs were about sandwiches, haircuts, and love. If you go to www.Bunnybrains.com i think you can still download my contribution to the Bunnybrains 10 inch release Beach Bunny Bingo that appeared on the Now Sound label. It is called "Bring Me The Head Of Trent Resnor(The Chuck Eddy Mix) and it is me on drums, vocals, and guitar. It is soothing and moldy. If you come to my house you will hear me singing to the baby. That goes like this: "You are mister baby and your name is crazy. You are mister Rufus and you ain't got no toothus. You are crazy baby and you look just like a baby. Crazy Rufus you are cool, please be prudent when you drool. on the cat." And more along those lines. I also make sound collages that are pieced together from the audio of old sally jesse raphael shows.

― scott seward, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i used to be well known for a rendition of heartbreak hotel w/ solo piano based on the john cale version(s) [a cross between the guitar shredder on Guts and the piano figure from Fragments]

also some springsteen, some cole porter, some beefheart (the pirate shanty one.. "and a man wears a peg leg... FOREVER") and some early and simple morton feldman pieces.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

the one album i made was a rip off of the who sellout only i didn't know it. i was 16 and made a record that was a radio show with me doing a dj voice and writing commercial jingles for fake products and playing my own songs. i felt REALLY proud of it at the time but i listened to it just a couple of weeks ago for the first time in ages and i couldn't get through it.

i think this makes me conor oberst.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm one of those indie bands in the mid-90s whose major label debut curbed my previous excesses and improved my songwriting but was deemed shallow and commercial by longtime fans while failing to attract a larger mainstream audience. I made a self-released comeback record several years later with a new rhythm section.

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

haha!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

jean-luc godard to thread eventually

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"Damn you Blount!"

http://www.ananova.com/images/entertainment/patrickstewart300x492.jpg

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Ahab!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

is his head shaped like the big rock in the lion king or is he wearing a hat?

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"Number two, set coordinates for the Xeneon galaxy."

"Yes, Captain Picard."

― NA. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

he's wearing a skullcap or something.

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I am a minor jazz/improv musician who somehow ends up playing on a lot of very good records, but rarely if ever solos--my playing is relatively anonymous. Among other musicians, I am known as the guy who can reliably be called in at the last minute and do a solid job.

― Douglas (Douglas), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Unsurprisingly I'm like Fred Durst. Throwing out insane raps (possibly more memorable than one would want to admit, at least I - being Fred Durst - think so), tendency to reference my own pathetic obsessions over and over, revealing surprising affections for bands in genres I seem to dismiss otherwise, pretending I don't know better than to say dumb shit in all caps. Big sucker for the overproduced and melodramatic.

If I like your band I'm suddenly all up in your video, writing wierd webposts about how we might be dating, trying to tell you how you should change your sound, acting like I'm really an Interscope V.P. or something, claiming affection for the "kids," sitting next to you while you sing your acoustic ballad for no obvious reason whatsoever, wishing we'd collabo, being mistaken for a wifebeater when really I'm just a crybaby wimp. And completely unapologetic about all of it.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm like Russell Crowe, so you better not give me a bad review if you know what's good for you

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

i can also be found on the Hat City Intuitive track, "Seward's Folly". Or at least that is what they tell me. I was drunk at the time.

― scott seward, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck if I know.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

wait a minute, i change my answer. as a critic, i want to be THIS guy:

http://ws64.com/cabin/2002/Street%20Music.jpg

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i saw a woman today put money in his boot. and when she got back up she rubbed her face against his thigh. this confirms that you are him, tracer.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Valerie Solanas, except unintentionally

― dave q, Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

does that guy have KFC written on his tightie whities?

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

no, afc. it's brian bosworth.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha! watch out for bo!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

also the seahawks are in the nfc now! the dream is over boz!

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"America's response to Momus"

― James Blount (James Blount), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm the guy who knows someone in the band, so every now and then I get to hop on stage and shake a tambourine or something. My tambourine-shaking is well-meaning and enthusiastic, if not particularly skilled. Occasionally someone asks me to sit in on guitar and I say "oof, I dunno, I'm not that good, but I'll give it a shot."

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I AM DAIMO SUZUKI.

― Mike Taylor (mjt), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I am Steely Dan. Strict, formal, edited to the detriment of visceral impact, but never meaningless.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

if i was a music journalist, i'd be dead.

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 01:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Valerie Solanas, except unintentionally
-- dave q (@hotmail.com), June 10th, 2003.

Was she a musician?

I thought she was just a bad shot.

― mei (mei), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

she was a member of the fifth dimension briefly

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 05:38 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm every member of the patti smith group except patti smith

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

haha JBR you are so OTM about yrself!

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Except you like Blue Oyster Cult.

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I am a shapeshifting droid, a composite of all things stolen and poorly mimicked from Neil Young and Jandek in equal measure, filtered thru the kind of magickal modernity that inexplicably wins fans

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 11 June 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

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