Drinkers take note: I am entering your world!!!

As the modem dials, I realize I am into a completely new world.
I will share this special moment with the ILX/ILM community. Laugh or
cherish as you will, this moment enters my history.
I am entering your clube. I am drunk, truly drunk, for the first time.
I have been slightly drunk on many occasions, including the 4th of July,
but now I am entering your club. I am a mild pothead, having experienced that
on many occasions, but although I am not really interested in experiencing
everything there is, it is interesting to be impaired like this. It is a true
impairment, as opposed to being stoned, which is simply a change of scenery.
I recognize that my brain is being pummelled by an outside force, as opposed
to weed, which seems to reinforce and contribute to existing thought processes.
Don't get me wrong; this feels SO DAMN GOOD. It's an incredible feeling. If
I could feel like this for the rest of my life I would be happy, truly happy.
Yet I recognize intellectually that drunks are not happy. Alcoholics leave
sad little lives, and have chronic health problems perhaps leading to their
death.
But for RIGHT NOW; DAMN. I have NEVER felt this messed up. I have smoked
big loads of weed and felt totally unworldly; but this is like being a
different person; I'm not myself. When I type words, they just come into
being, without a thought process creating them. It's like my actions no
longer have a basis in reality.

But it feels so good. My legs are warm and my eyes feel soothing.
I'm listening to Steve Hackett, progressive guitar god, _Voyage of
the Acolyte_ and it sounds like God's plan for earth. There's really no
other way to explain the mix of happiness, otherworldliness, and
true insight that I feel right now. It's like I'm entering a world that's
alien and frightening yet totally inviting and special.

I cannot control my actions! It's a new experience. Each word that I
type seems to create itself out of it's own volition. When I look at the
beginning of this post, I do not remember typing what I just typed.
Being totally drunk is something that everyone should experience - right?
I'm just glad I'm in the safety of my own home. I'm a U.S resident, and not
21, and this is definitely not kosher according to the laws. I am looking
back over this post and I can BARELY remember writing the last paragraph.
It's truly educational to not recognize your own words. It means that you
have achieved a state of dementia. I am backspacing and retyping half
of these words, mind you, most of them are misspelled, I cannot control
myself, as I have already sad.

This music is so perfect. I am going to stop trying to correct my sepelling.
It's important that I get out everything that I think write now. I am so
unusually demented that I just want to have a record of this.
It is 5.28 AM and I feel like I want someone to listen to this, someone to
understand this.

ILE/ILM: I love you.

Let that be an example of how truly drunk I am. I had no idea alcohol was
like this. I had better learn to control myself or I will be an alcoholic.
Because i am so drunk I now realize just how wonderful is the life of
alcoholics. They live not in our world but in a world of dreams and
shadows. A world where every human being is connected, by chemicals.
And even as their world is shattered by health problems (kidneys, liver,
respiratory system, whatever) they are connected with each other by the
magic of alcohol.

WOW!

I cannot believe what is happening. I hope you are all not annoyed by
hearing this. I hope you are amused, at the very least, or even touched.
What I feel now is total emotional attachment to everything. Be it anal
sex, puppies, mormonism, happy smurfs, or punk, i am completely in love
with everything. I had no idea it could be this way. I no longer will have
disdain or disrespect towards alcoholics. I now understand their way of
life, although I do not condone it.

This message could go on forever, but for now let me say this:
I LOVE YOU

I feel love towards every human being on the earth, Hutu, Tutsi,
Serbian, Albanian, whatever. I have to go to bed soon, or at least to
my room, so the people living with me won't realize how drunk I am.
But for right now - RIGHT NOW - I feel totally in love with everything
and everyone. This is not a bullshit comeon - I really do love you right
now.

I just scratched my face and could barely feel it.

Okay. I am modifying this email for ILM. I am listening to
Steve Hackett, as I said. I hope I will not pass out, that
would be embarassing. Anyway, I think it is just the booze,
but I am so in love with Steve Hckett right now. I can see
his face, his mustachioed happy 70s face, playing silly
guitar.

He is silly! He plays complex happy guitar lines like a
complete amateur! I have a feeling that he just plays one
string up and down - like a learner, but with more
facility. I used to play like Steve Hackett but I feel that
I've grown a bit more; electrically. Acoustically, he is
still a master.

Anyway, I'm entering the last track, "Shadow Of The
Hierophant," I am so drunk I do not know what life is.
I do not recognize simple things. If my mom appeared, I would
questin who this strange woman is. But I know 1 thing:
God exists. I know that god is real and regret that anyone
doubts this. If this is getting too far from music, remember
Geroge Harrison's "MY SWEET LORD."