Fake Classified Ads (post yours here)

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Are you an established musician about to release a new album? Is your batch of songs okay but not up to the usual snuff? I can help! See my work on Jayhawks' Smile and Jane's Addiction's Strays for proof. Serious inquiries only. Contact Bob Ezrin at Box PF4516.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

for sale : piano riff that goes chink chinkachinkachinka in a vaguely beach boys way. forever. i've made a career out of it, now so can you!
contact s. o'hagan, box HL1234

― joni, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I SAW YOU: Our eyes met at big outdoor hackey-sack party. You were wearing tye-dye, I was wearing J-Crew. Let's have couscous sometime. M. Linner, box CST123

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, the thread just calls for fake, not funny or pointed or related to anything.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Ladeez fo me to puts my babies up in. All bitches hit me up...Contact Ol' Dirty Bastard at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

For sale: white latex prosthetic bodysuit, makes wearers gender unknowable, size 2 waist with 40 in legs. Slightly okay, okay, okay....Heavily "soiled"; Serious inquiries only, no freaks. Contact B. Warner at box 6669.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Lost: "Cuttlefish"; Fleshy pink, very poisonous. Answers to "rrraaargh"; Must be violently apprehended, considered tentacled and very dangerous. Contact O.Orungus@AntarcticHQ.org if found. ― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Lost: "Funk"; Contact D. Funkenstein at Mothership

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Lost: dignity, self-respect, common sense. If found, please return to D. MacManus, c/o Bad Piano Lounge Act, Nanaimo BC

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

elbow macaroni seeks google.com to eep! eep! in time to tour locust legs. i have no amp. influences are your mom and tibetan momos.
m.

― msp, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I will now hire msp for all my future musical projects. He meshes with my pocahontas sex change holder perfectly. Though the gromits might require re-shaving.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Found: dignity, self respect and common sense. Most portions are heavily soiled (rating: Fair to Poor); Tag reads "Property of N. Dynamite"; answers to "Hey! Four-eyes!"; Not house-trained. Come collect it, please. It keeps giving my family dirty looks."

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

lord c.e.... sounds great! when do i start?
m.

― msp, Tuesday, 22 July 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

wanted: a nimble-handed back-scrtacher with a good sense of rhythm, experienced in improvisation, for forming a mutual back-scratching appreciation duo to go and mutually back-scratch happily ever after on the "who is your most favourite il* poster" thread.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

shamelessly scracthes t\'\'t's back.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

ain't t'is a pity t'was just a fake ad, eh? *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigghhhhhhhhhhhh*

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Room for Custos and t\'\\t. Contact the management.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

WANTED: Early morning typing skillz. Please contact Sean at email address below.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

(this being a fake ad, which skills are you really looking for,
Sean you scoundrel you?)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I was actually just seeking your pity and forgiveness. But now my cover is blown.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"NOT WANTED: ANYONE. FOR I'M BETTER THAN YOU! DO NOT BOTHER TO CONTACT ME. gareth "

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, Sean...come join our reindeer games. Theres always room fer a threesum. Ho ho ho.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 23 July 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

'Desperately Seeking Richey' Lost! Guitarist who couldn't actually play. Strangely though every record we've released since his dissappearance has been utter dogshit. Please, please help. N. Wire

― N. Wire, Thursday, 24 July 2003 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Make money. Learn how: 1-900-YOU-RICH (this is not a toll free call).

― Scaredy cat (Natola), Thursday, 24 July 2003 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"AUCTIONED! The heavily head-banged desk on which the venerable ILM-poster Mr.N.R. banged his head, and cried, whilst refusing to take sides on I Love Music's 'The Beatles VS The Stones thread. Desk still in one piece. (Not for long!)
Contact: The Rock'N'Roll Hall Of Fame."

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 24 July 2003 06:45 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

wanted: spam filters. pls contact ilm.

― maxreax (maxreax), Tuesday, 9 May 2006 02:01 (nineteen years ago)

Desperately seeking Herman Rarebell! Local Scorpions tribute act is in search of a drummer. Qualified candidates should have weekends free, own a pro-quality kit (minimum 15 pieces), working knowledge of the albums Lovedrive, Animal Magnetism, Virgin Killers and Best of Rockers and Ballads, be rumored to have a 14-inch penis, and ready to rock.

― Mike Dixn (Mike Dixon), Tuesday, 9 May 2006 09:53 (nineteen years ago)

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