Things You Have Learned From Don Van Vliet / Captain Beefheart

He and ILM resolved a lot of issues I had and I'm very grateful.

Originally made available

When she wears her bolero then she begin t’ dance
All the pachucos start withold’n hands
When she drives her Chevy Sissy’s don’t dare t’ glance
Yellow jackets ‘n red debbles buzzin’ round ‘er hair hive ho
She wears her past like uh present
Take her fancy in the past
Her sedan skims along the floorboard
Her two pipes hummin’ carbon cum
Got her wheel out of uh B-29 Bomber brodey knob amber
Spanish fringe ‘n talcum tazzles FOREVER AMBER
She looks like an old squaw indian
she’s 99 she won’t go down
Avocado green ‘n alfalfa yellow adorn her t’ the ground
Tatooes ‘n tarnished utenzles uh snow white bag full o’ tunes
Drives uh cartune around
Broma’ seltzer blue umbrella keeps her up off the ground
Round red sombreros wrap ‘er high tap horsey shoes
When she unfolds her umbrella pachucos got the blues
Her lovin’ makes me so happy
If I smiled I’d crack m’ chin
Her eyes are so peaceful thinks it’s heaven she been
Her skin is as smooth as the daisies
In the center where the sun shines in
Smiles as sweet as honey
Her teeth as clean as the combs where the bees go in
When she walks flowers surround her
Let their nectar come in to the air around her
She loves her love sticks out like stars
Her lovin’ sticks out like stars

Autumn's child got a loophole round her finger
Halo rings her head
Cornhusk hair makes me linger
A cat's stare meet s my dare
A man's chair greets my stare
Gonna be my wife she sang she said
Gonna be my wife gonna spice my life she said
Go back ten years ago sunbeams everywhere
Go back ten years ago sunbeams fill the air

Harvest moon be nimble
Apples bob and tremble
Fish pond streaks love kind
Found the child I have to find
Apples shine share together
Got the time to make her mine
Fish pond streaks love kind
Found the child I had to find

Autumn's child-I met her at a balloon buts picnic
She caught me with the beauty queen
With jade-green eyes buttons and bows and fancy ties
The feet of dust under trees of rust
make them sandals gambol under knees of trust
Gonna be my wife gonna spice my life she sang she said
Gonna be my wife gonna spice my life she said

Go back ten years ago sunbeams shining down
Go back ten years ago sunbeams glancin' round....
Autumn's child...............

Quietly the rain played down on last of the ashes
Quietly the light played down on her lashes
She smiled 'n twisted she smiled 'n twisted
Hideously looking back at what once was beautiful
Playing naturally magically
O' her ragged hair was shinin' red white n' blue
All 'n all the children screamin'
Why surely madam you must be dreamin'
You couldn't have done this if you knew what you were doin'
Well the gold fish 'n the bowl lay upside down bloatin'
Full in the sky 'n the plains were bleached white with skeletons
Various species grouped together according
To their past beliefs
The only way they ever all got together was
Not in love but shameful grief
It's not the way I'd like it t' get together
That's not the kind uh thoughts I'd like t' keep
The rain played lightly down down on the formaheap
O' lady look up in time o' lady look out of love
'n you should have us all
O' you should have us fall

but anyway, this gets me closer and closer to 6000 posts so its all good ;)

I almost learned:
From here to there is'nt short enough, but from here to here is too far. (Almost, because I can't remember...)

Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing

1. Listen to the birds.

That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.

Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush

Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil

Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employerin terms of who you're brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out

If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone

Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key

That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundered Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument

You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place

When you're not playin your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine

Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

It did seem to work for Don and the boys 'though, didn't it?

the end.

I dunno. I first heard it a local Beefheart tribute night. I suspect you're right though -- that has moris teper's name written all over it!

Anyway, it's up at http://www.beefheart.com/datharp/10com.htm.

What? Where? When? Who? errr..... just tell me more!