H2G2's "Manufactured Bands and How to Avoid Them"

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Here's another one from H2G2 called "Manufactured Bands and How to Avoid Them"
which posits the following "rules" for spotting a 'manufactured' band:

Are there no actual instrumentalists among the band members? Can they dance much better than they can sing? Does one sing while the others sing 'harmonies' in the background? Do they always mime when performing 'live'? Do they appear a lot on children's TV? (A manufactured band's target audience is often children, as they are the world's most gullible consumer market.) Do their singles constantly enter the charts at number one, and then drop down to a lower position the next week, almost invariably replaced by a near-identical song by another group? Do they always get other people to write their songs for them?

Does every one of their songs have a pointless key change, usually just before the final chorus? (Okay...this one I'll agree with)
Does the name of their band have a misplaced number or letter in it? (U2, Blink-182, Alabama 3 or the sadly departed Ben Folds Five don't count, but 5ive, N'sync, Hear'Say, A1 and children's entertainers S Club 7 definitely do.)
Do they have their own children's TV series? (This is a surprisingly common one.)

Agree/Disagree? Confirm/Rebut? Boxers/Briefs?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 18 August 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

how many children bought the merzbox?

― thom west (thom w), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

custos do you have a job? if so, can we have the number to have you fired, since you're obviously wasting their money?

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

The BBC, do you have a remit? If so, can we have the number to get our licence fees back, since you're obviously wasting our money?

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, the idea that I might want to listen to the band before deciding whether to avoid them or not being too out-there to consider, I take it.

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

(A manufactured band's target audience is often children, as they are the world's most gullible consumer market.)

I thought that was homosexuals?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"world's most gullible consumer market"
http://cloud.prohosting.com/~phatso99/images/american-flag.gif

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 18 August 2003 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

custos do you have a job? if so, can we have the number to have you fired, since you're obviously wasting their money?
Strongo...no need to Hulk out. We're all friends here.
Anyhow, job/work/freetime-wise...Dude, I am soooo far ahead of my quota, there's nothing left to keep me occupied. After the next shipment comes in, I'll be too busy to post.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 18 August 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

We're all friends here.

one of the great fallacies of ilx.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 18 August 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah cuz we all hate you jess!

― nickalicious kids strongo (nickalicious), Monday, 18 August 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

jess, if you were hanging by your fingernails off the edge of a tall building, I'd be more than happy to pull you to safety.
in the end, thats all that matters.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 18 August 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

if it were you were hanging I'd only pull you up on the condition you knocked it off with the teletype already.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 18 August 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Are there no actual instrumentalists among the band members?
Does one sing while the others sing 'harmonies' in the background?
THE ENTIRE GENRE OF DOO-WOP

Do they always mime when performing 'live'?
THE RESIDENTS, SPARKS

Do their singles constantly enter the charts at number one, and then drop down to a lower position the next week, almost invariably replaced by a near-identical song by another group?
THE BEATLES

Do they always get other people to write their songs for them?
ELVIS PRESLEY, ELLA FITZGERALD

Does the name of their band have a misplaced number or letter in it?
THE BEATLES, LED ZEPPELIN, SPACEMEN 3

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Monday, 18 August 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually this thread is onto something. Why do people get famous for just 'singing' when there's no regard whatever for instrumentalists? I mean, anybody can fuckin' 'sing'. (Don't kill me Dan!)

― dave q, Tuesday, 19 August 2003 07:42 (twenty-two years ago)

dave q; please consider The Shadows.

As for the list; why would yopu want to avoid manufactured bands if they're good?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 19 August 2003 07:46 (twenty-two years ago)

My retort (similar to NDP's)

Are there no actual instrumentalists among the band members?
THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS

Can they dance much better than they can sing?
JAMES BROWN (although this is because he can REALLY dance, not because he can't sing)

Do they appear a lot on children's TV?
R.E.M., RUN-D.M.C. (both were on Sesame Street)

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Tuesday, 19 August 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hello Kiddies, and welcome to the REM Funtime Playhouse! And here's your host...Stipey the Clown!"

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 19 August 2003 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

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