On Your Own In The Pub

I usually start a somewhat bemused conversation with my glass... Sometimes it aswers too!

Lately I've been giving pithy one-line responses, but now I have two, so I'll share them both...

1) Alone in a pub? You should be drinking. Heavily.

2) I would imagine the best thing would be to get UN-alone as quickly as possible.

I'll be here all the week.

By looking angrily at watches, clocks, dates on newspapers etc, then shaking one's head in a bemused (and WRY) fashion, you can give the impression that you are waiting for someone you know to turn up, who is a bit eccentric. This tells people around you that you are NOT desperately sadly sitting in a pub on your own, but are in fact a SMASHING social person who consorts with people On The Edge, and would probably be really interesting to talk to, if it weren't for the fact that you are now putting your coat on, shaking your head resignedly (a dark smile flitting across yr handsome face) and leaving for pastures new.

OR staring dully at other customers, and SCARING them.

No no no, MJ, that is a disasterous ploy! All that will happen is people will think you have been stood up and will consider you UGLY AS A MONKEY for that reason.

Um. Is reading in pubs still socially acceptable? Newspapers, certainly... Only real danger of being in pub alone (especially when you _are_ actually waiting for someone), leaving aside the nutters who will talk to you, is that you will drink far more quickly, as hefting the pint will give you something to do, and after about fifteen seconds of doing nothing you will want to do something again, and up goes the glass. A slippery slope indeed. Mind you, I once spent a miserable two hours on my own in a pub in Brighton waiting for my friends to turn up, but I was able to watch TV, since it was during the world cup. Usually wouldn't be too bad a thing, but of course, the key fact here is that it was my birthday. Better shut up now, eh?