The NME "new brit pack "

Is it just me, or are all ten of those descriptions violently unappealing?

I could make a really good joke here, but libel law forbids me from doing it.

PUNCTUM
Alex Harvey fronts Scooter backed by Brotherhood of Breath perverted by Lieutenant Pigeon via George Crumb, with dance routines and ventriloquism on skates.

(nb: this is actually happening. more news to come)

This year's Terris anyone?

The Capital Stereo Conspiracy
http://www.drownedinsound.com/bands.php?id=4015

...last i heard they had alot of record company interest/ relocated to Manchester [from Sunderland], but all has been quiet now for a number of months.

If I remember right then Keane are on at least the C-List on Radio 1.

i don't like saying bad things about music made by nice chaps who give me lifts to work, so i will say nothing more on this thread.

NME astutely uses "British Isles" instead of "Britain", as Hal (and possibly others) are from the Republic of Ireland. Excellent attention to detail!

All 3 bands on his latest 6 Music : In the City [from the trailers] are generic rubbish.

What for, number 40?

i.e. the NME thinks Hal are the new The Thrills.

Now I just feel old. 'Classic English pop' - I suppose ten years ago that might've sounded halfway enticing. Now it sounds like a free CD with the Telegraph or something, suspect; and in any case Jam and Blur were ripping the same sources which returns us to: Why are the mid-Sixties still referred to as the 'classic' era after so long?

Two World Wars And One World Cup! And one British invasion!

There are no guitars in Keane, Scott...

The possibility of a band called "The Open" with a description scares me more than the thought of nuclear war.

BAND B
Sound a bit like Band A, but in addition to lacking Nabokov, also lack Captain Beefheart.

BAND C
Sound a bit like that band from 1994, but a bit less interesting.

BAND D
Like Slavoj Zizek if he suddenly looked, sounded and danced exactly like The Verve.

BAND E
Like the Verve if Slavoj Zizek did a fantastic impersonation of Richard Ashcroft. Crossed with The Datsuns.

BAND F
Their songs recount the history of cray fishing on the Sbrenski Peninsula of Kamchatka from the perspective of a precocious, sentimental seagull.

BAND G
If the band we told you to like in 1991 made babies with the band we told you to like in 1996.

BAND H
Band S and Band T fronted by a delicate singing vole, but -- genius! -- without the vole.

BAND I
Exactly the kind of boys you drink with down the student union of a Friday, except with guitars instead of beer and songs instead of more beer.

BAND J
Their eyes are all bulgy and just... wrong.

Because of its classic music. :-)

B-b-but Franz Ferdinand sound nothing like The Strokes!

True, but that fails to stop them from being drearily appaling. They really remind me of some other lame band, but I'm not going to waste any more brain cells trying to figure out whom. I've already wasted £2.99 on the 'Darts of Pleasure' 12"

Q - Does the signings of both Franz Ferdinand and the equally dismal Blueskins mean that Domino is losing the plot?

BTT - 10 bands, 40 sorry-looking fuckers and not a woman amongst them. Oh dear.

A nonsense in the first place.

Ambulance and The Static Waves are my main two contenders.

Blob:
Heavily influenced by Kinks, XTC, Squeeze, Madness, Elvis Costello, Petula Clark, Peter Sellers and The Temperance Seven.

MC High
Combining hip-hop with complex 20-30 minute suites influenced by classical music and late 60s English psychedelic pop.

The Rapers
Influences: Rolling Stones, Animals, Them, early Kinks - combined with state-of-the-art 00s R&B production.

Crap:
Sort of a cross-in-between Modern Talking, Sabrina, Boney M, Village People, Goombay Dance Band, Los Del Rio, Black Lace, Samantha Fox and Scooter

Darkness:
Death metal band heavily influenced by "Wake Up!"-era Boo Radleys, Matt Bianco and mid 60s Motown.

The Classic:
Manchester band claiming they are the best band ever, proudly listing My Life Story, Ether, Menswe@r, Ruth, Shed Seven, Marion, Nothern Uproar and Longpigs as their main musical influences.

George W. Bush:
Another Manchester band, this one proudly listing Pearl Jam, Matchbox 20, Blink 182, Dave Matthews Band and Third Eye Blind as their main influences.

Scally:
Yet another Manchester band, citing The Beatles, Gerry & The Pacemakers, The Searchers, Echo & The Bunnymen, The Teardrop Explodes, OMD, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, The Farm, Jesus Jones and The Coral their main influences.

Scouse:
Liverpool band, citing The Hollies, Herman's Hermits, The Mindbenders, Bee Gees, 10cc, Joy Division, New Order, The Smiths, The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, 808 State, The Charlatans and Oasis their main influences.

Yellow:
Teenybopper boy band, citing Burzum and Mayhem their main musical influences.

lawrence (denim) actually did this some years back, if not in the nme, then in a 'record collector' magazine article

Gosh do we look silly now, now that Keane, Ordinary Boys and the Glitterati are soing so well.

Obviously, we're still waiting for the first single by MC High. But it will soon come...

Having heard every act in that list, which I hadn't at the time, I can't believe how they've managed to pick such unerring mediocrity at every turn... yeah yeah I know, but it's like someone's trying to make someone else look stupid... and doing a pretty good job. Eastern Lane are the best band on that list, which really is saying something