Listening to music enjoyed by people you're dating: C/D?

80s goth rock production, you mean. Says the wibbling Pumpkins fan. ;-)

Crab that I am, I don't force myself to like something which I don't already enjoy that my s.o. does -- if it's something I haven't heard, though, I'll give it an ear like I would anything else. Jane the Wonderful enjoys the Red Hot Chili Peppers a lot, I hate 'em; I am as mentioned a raving Pumpkins fanatic and outside of a couple of album Jane would happily see them boiled in oil and killed. It's far more fun to engagingly disagree, actually. ;-)

My most recent ex loved Ricky Martin and dance-pop ("big-hair Guidette music," I called it). For her part, she hated just about everything I liked, but she especially hated Zappa, Radiohead, and My Bloody Valentine.

Somehow, it lasted 2 years.

Maybe you should have reconsidered playing them all to her at the same time. Even I would wonder about a song like "Uncle, Meat My Iron Lung Soon."

My experience was good and bad. It was good in that my girlfriend was heavy into the indie pop, which was a pleasant change of pace from the agressive indie rock I was bouncing off my head. However, she also had a weakness for the occassional Top 40 ditty, and usually the most annoying ones - Len's "Steal My Sunshine", for instance. And she was a bit kitschy and of-the-fleeting-moment with certain things - I called her a "trend whore" once, which probably wasn't the smartest thing I ever did. And, then, after she got back from London, she was into house music (as she went through UK withdrawal), and I will be a happy, happy man if I never have to hear Armand Van Helden's "U Don't Know Me" ever again. But, even there, it was stuff I never would've listened to otherwise, so it's good that I can at least say why I hate that specific song (for instance).

I have some vague emotional associations with music that we used to "share", but most of the things I associate with her are the songs I loathe (including this "love" mix tape she made, which included "Black Metallic", which is - all apologies to Jack Rabid & other Wheel fannies - fetid bombastic crap). That's fine by me, since I have little to do with her anymore.

And I'm very thankful that the music I loved that became "ours" doesn't sour my stomach as much as it does for other folks. I've heard too many stories of people being unable to listen to bands anymore because of associations with previous lovers, which is a damn shame.

Complete DUD if your lover forces you to listen to their music after you've given it a chance. Complete DUD if they enforce their tastes over yours. Complete DUD if they take offense at your dislike of their music.

I'm all for giving things a try - my boyfriend currently has my copy of the Holy Bible, and I'll be damned but I really tried to understand what was so great about Turbonegro (thank god that phase ended). But sometimes they just don't get the hint that you hate their music, and you have to get nasty towards them.

Dud. I have an exboyfriend who listened to nothing but Mudvayne, Limp Bizkit, ICP, all that mean-suburban-boy rubbish. He also listened to Paul Simon's Graceland quite a bit (yea I'm puzzled how that one got in there too). I can't handle that, just because we were spending time with eachother didn't mean we should have spent time with eachother's music. Yick. Dud.

i got a new appreciation for joplin and buckley from my last one - they got patti, lou, joy division and shellac - unbalanced trade, but still dealable. when they take yr cds - now hta's fucked.

I really tried to understand what was so great about Turbonegro (thank god that phase ended)

Ally, this is the most offensive thing you're ever said. We listen to Turbonegro every day. It's no phase.

Listening to music enjoyed by people you're dating is a total dud, it's subversive and detrimental to your very soul. I always hate my girlfriend's music, even if it's music I like.

David had the most boring taste in music before we met, if he ever listented to it all. I listen to music almost 24/7 and i work at expanding my taste. The only thing we agreed on in the beginning was Divas . Now he listens to everything from country to noise to 20th century opera !

she got me into mates of state. and i thank her for that =)

My old boyfriend Victor showed me that there was more to Soft Cell than just "Tainted Love", so that's very classic indeed. He also pointed out that nearly all the cheesy dance records that we loved were produced by the same guy, this Stock Aitken Waterman dude. Pop epiphany! Then he tried to get me into Flesh for Lulu and I had to draw the line.

I somehow got my classical music/Rat Pack loving gf into the Ramones. I thought she was pulling my leg until I got an email from her brother thanking me.

I owe my love of Looper to my ex.

Well if it's no phase then you need to talk to your friend because he's all about listening to goth music these days, "Norway is done", that kind of ridiculousness. He took my copy of The Holy Bible! Do me a favor and remind him to bring it with him to NYC, I'm going thru withdrawal.

But Ally, I would have thought you had emergency copies of that around the house in case of such situations. ;-)

My past girlfriends have been musical parasites... copying all of my music, then playing my favorite songs repeatedly until I just can't take them anymore. A few have hated my music, also, but at least that didn't affect how I felt about the music. It's a total DUD, either way.

Well technically I do - the entire thing is burnt to my computer, but you can't listen to that on the discman, damnit! Plus no liner which means no photos of Richey.

Um. Am I the only person here who couldn't stand to be 'going out with'/'seeing'/whatever somebody who didn't at least have an understanding of music?

It's as basic to me as asking if you'd mind if your girlfriend/boyfriend was a vehement Neo-Nazi when you're an ANL member...

My social life is based in its entirety around music. I go out to the pub, but they tend to be pubs where, uh, there's a gig on [or, ok, at least a pub with Harmonia on the jukebox]. I see my friends at gigs, I meet new friends at gigs. I spend evenings in obsessing over records with them.

But then, that may simply be because I am too fucking dull to think of anything else to talk about. You decide...

It's not a matter of not appreciating music at all, it's a matter of having dissimilar tastes and trying to fit into each other's tastes. The question, I think, assumes both are big music fans...?

Though I really don't care whether or not my S.O. is a music fan. I've dated both music obsessives and music ignorants and it never really made a difference to me, as long as they weren't thought Nazis about the stereo.

My first boyfriend listened to the Grateful Dead and the Allman Brothers, and I kind of got into that. He was also a crack addict, and stole a lot of my CDs to buy drugs (good thing most of my collection is on LP). I guess this part could also go under that other question about people who steal your stuff.

My second boyfriend was into death metal, and we didn't really listen to or discuss music together much.

My third boyfriend was into a lot of the same music as I am, and I managed to turn him on to a bunch of other stuff. We listened to and discussed music together all the time, went to concerts, and went record shopping. My verdict is that being into similar music makes a big difference, IF music is important to you to begin with. Its also my verdict that while I'm probably going to be alone and miserable most of my life, at least I've got a big fucking record collection.

Absolutely right, of course. I have no problem with people liking different things to me, but there has to be some common ground, else (being The Arbiter Of Taste, natch) it feels like they have nothing to show me at all, other than wilful stupidity.

The best kind of relationships are the ones where you can build on each others knowledge.

Ach, for God's sakes, I'm the kind of person who obsessively makes tapes for people they fancy rather than actually having to talk to them about it. I'm a hopeless case.

Without wanting to sound like too much of a whinging asshole, but being slightly too drunk to care- Sean, I'm not only going to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life, but I'm too fucking poor to buy that many records.

Crapola.

Sometimes I feel like the most judgemental person on earth. I was shattered when I heard D'Este listening to recent Annie Lennox while she was sheetrocking her room. I mean, the sheetrocking CLEARLY absolves her of that particular aesthetic trangression but I was too up my own ass to realize.

(So I wuz all, what the hell is shee-trocking, for first read-thru?)

Without getting too up-with-ppl, I always like that the "other" likes stuff I haven't got with. Love lets you decongeal yr judgments, swirl em around a bit: love = when you free yrself from being bored w.yourself anyway. When it goes sour, what I haf so far enjoyed being left with is the idea of the records they like, and (If I evah worked it out) why. Love of my life so far, [xXx], had GRATE TASTE in rekkids; irrelevant to how things panned out (yes I probably assumed more was there than wuz, but that really really really wasn't based on both us being up-for- it fandogs of "Lust for Life").

Tadeusz, that's beautiful. Chuck Eddy's wife had some really good suggestions for people who can't stand their partners music. 1) you must NEVER admit that you don't like the music. 2) you must pretend to LOVE it. 3) you must select the worst song from the hated album, and then turn it up really loudly every time it comes on, and play it over and over again.

emil y - are you a cousin of hanle y's?

Crunchy owls in Istanbul!