Cheesiest video of all time

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Which one gets your vote? Mine goes to Eddy Murphy's Party All The Time. I wanna punch Rick James out at the end.

― Jim Reckling (Jim Reckling), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

A Split Second "Mambo Witch"

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(actually, half of the Wax Trax! roster to thread)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

The Weathermen!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Judas Priest - 'Breakin' the Law'- though I've heard it said around these parts that there are cheesier Priest videos even than that one.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:35 (twenty-two years ago)

One man's cheese is another man's mise-en-scene, let's remember.

The video for "Party All the Time" is hilarious though. As I said back in March: There's one scene of Rick staring intently through the glass, fists clenched as if watching the delicate fusion of highly volatile nuclear materials. It's brilliant, in its own unintentional way.

When I think "cheesiest" video, the ones that come to mind are the emotionally overwrought one. The ones that bludgeon you with obvious sentiments. Mariah Carey's "Butterfly" is a prime example.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:42 (twenty-two years ago)

bah my earlier post seems to have been swallowed up.. so here it is again:

Tough call:

Michael Jackson - 'Earth Song'
or
Whitesnake - 'Here I Go Again'

― retort pouch (retort pouch), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:56 (twenty-two years ago)

scandal - goodbye to you

diagonal visual bleeding

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 31 October 2003 04:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Saw the video for REO's "Can't Fight This Feeling" a few weeks back and I was on the floor! The band looks ultra-serious and the director seems determined to get all five members in every shot, no matter how awkward. Then they re-enact several metaphorical lines of the song literally.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:03 (twenty-two years ago)

the air-keyboards in journey's "separate ways" are very gouda.

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:11 (twenty-two years ago)

No, wait. Cheesiest video I've ever seen is that Sting one where he's wearing a big TinTin sweater and it's all in black and white and it's supposed to be some kind of "homage" to some French director or something but it's totally appalling and his fucking wife is in the video and it's all so godawful, yeah that's the one I pick, that's the cheesiest vid I've ever seen, yeah.

― retort pouch (retort pouch), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Thompson Twins "Lies"

― Michael Patrick Brady (Michael Patrick Brady), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Kylie Minogue, Your Disco Needs You.
(is that Sting one "An Englishman In New York"? Or has he done two shitty black-and-white videos?)

― edward o (edwardo), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:23 (twenty-two years ago)

i seem to remember that the video for Modern English's late 80s remake of their early 80s hit "Melt with You" was cheesy, but i was pretty young when that came out, so i might be remembering wrong.

― King Kobra (King Kobra), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Renee and Renata; Save yor love for me and for Rome

― Anthony Shelmerdine (MrOrangeSpangle), Friday, 31 October 2003 05:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"Losing My Mind" by Liza Minelli. If you've seen it, you know why.

― Kent Burt (lingereffect), Friday, 31 October 2003 06:00 (twenty-two years ago)

re mariah carey's "buttefly": i was innocently sitting in a diner in NYC, eating a burger when i saw that video for the first (and only) time. i was rendered speechless ... but i kept down the burger.

i think that the 2 cheesiest videos i've ever seen were zebra's "bears" (some dude in a really cheap looking bear costume stumbling around and dropping dead -- am i the ONLY ONE on ILM that remembers "bears"?) and some nina hagen video (something about carlos casteneda -- i dunno, it was on beavis and butthead and they mocked it mercilessly [and deservedly so]).

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 31 October 2003 07:43 (twenty-two years ago)

miccio said this best ... from the beavis and butthead thread:

another What Was That Video RFI: they watched some ghastly thing with thunderbolts, a little asian girl holding a flower, a guy who looked like Santana dipped in dork sauce, lots of goofy effects, five bands members walking down a hill, etc. etc. It was HORRIFICALLY cheesy.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), April 13th, 2003.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 31 October 2003 07:54 (twenty-two years ago)

David Bowie's clip for Little China Girl.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Friday, 31 October 2003 08:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Rod Stewart, "Baby Jane." I do believe there is a woman playing a saxophone, an electronic chess board with a robotic arm, and a high-heel shattering a martini glass. In fact...

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 31 October 2003 09:03 (twenty-two years ago)

There's that bit in China Girl where David stretches his eyes with his fingers, 'Hey look! I'm Chinese!' and him and the haplessly co-opted Geeling have a little lovers' chuckle.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Friday, 31 October 2003 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

how bout the Billy Squier clip, Was it "Everybody One Shoe" {Wants You} where he squirms around like a porn queen. Even he said that it ruined his career. (Thank You Jesus!) Said that the director told him to go "over the top". Yeah, Baby, now your gone. 2nd choice, Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me".

― Speedy Gonzalas (Speedy Gonzalas), Friday, 31 October 2003 09:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Dire Straits - Tunnel Of Love. Especially when certain lines of the song are acted out.

― Damian (Damian), Friday, 31 October 2003 09:34 (twenty-two years ago)

No competiton: Modern Talking - You Can Win If You Want

― Siegbran (eofor), Friday, 31 October 2003 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

DANCING IN THE STREET FFS

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Friday, 31 October 2003 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

there's this english group, i think they're called busted - some song about these students falling in love with a teacher. *rendered speechless*.

― elizabeth (elizabeth), Friday, 31 October 2003 10:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Call Me Al".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 31 October 2003 10:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Lionel Richie "Hello" owns this thread...

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 31 October 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It *has* to be David Bowie and Mick Jagger's "Dancing In The Steet". Post-coital bliss attitude aside, that is a painful thing to watch with the dancing and the outfits and the $10 budget.

― Miggie (Miggie), Friday, 31 October 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

the cures 'charlotte sometimes' is particularly cringeworthy.

― joni, Friday, 31 October 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I have just learned that VH1 voted Bobby Conn's wonderful clip for 'Never Get Ahead' the worst video of all time in their 100 Worst Videos weekend, or whatever it was. Congratulations, you witless point-missing turdfondlers.

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Friday, 31 October 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Radiohead - Pop Is Dead

When the director suggested Thom get in a coffin, the band should have clued in to the fact that the video was going to be shit.

― Jonathan (Jonathan), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, and Lionel Richie's Hello video is GREAT!!! I love the part where the song fades and they actually start talking (though it's been awhile since I've seen the video, so maybe I'm thinking of another one).

― Jonathan (Jonathan), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

other contenders:

Big Brovaz 'Baby Boy'
A-Teens 'Best Friend'
Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman 'Somethin' Stupid'
Michael Jackson 'U Rock My World'
Britney Spears ft Madonna 'Me Against The Music'
Kylie Minogue 'I Should Be So Lucky'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy"!!!! The act is basically like one of Butlins redcoat types doing a "discotheque" type song for all the old dears on the ballroom dancefloor, but they've put it through 80s Quantel overkill with the screen split into 4 with each quadrant doing some sort of zappy digital picture-in-picture plus hue/saturation colour effect, to the point where the machine overloads and goes into flippo-vision with a framerate of about 4 per seconds, like some wonky stop-motion animation!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh shit, yes "Tarzan Boy"!

― Siegbran (eofor), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i concur

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 31 October 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

(I'm not going by the whole video thing here, but I think you'll enjoy anyhow.)

http://www.chocodog.com/chocodog/ween/ween_new/cheese.mp3

http://www.chocodog.com/chocodog/ween/ween_new/cheese2.mp3

― Helltime Producto (Pavlik), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I've thought of another one- Ryan Paris and his little gramophone "Dolce Vita"!!!!! Actually, I don't mind the tune too much, especially the "long" version with that intrumental bit from the B-side, but I could do without the visuals in that video!!!! Especially that very-70/80s dance move where he points directly at the camera during the "nobody else but YOU!!!" bit!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, Cliff Richard's "Wired For Sound"!!!!! The tune's not aged gracefully, but it's more sprightly than the video, which looks like it was shot for Pebble Mill at One!!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Friday, 31 October 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Rush - "Time Stands Still"

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"Cherry Pie" by...um...Warrant? Winger? White Lion?
or
"Safety Dance" by Men without Hats. (aka Bring a video camera into the local rennaisance faire for no readily understandable reason.)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Hello: Twinkle

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

And, yes, "Poison" by Alice Cooper too...

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

why no mention of F.R. David's "Words"? that's the cheesiest of all 80s Eurovids, I think (admittedly, the Modern Talking one cited by Siegbran, like all but one of their singles, was not a UK Top 40 hit), especially when the title flashes up on the screen ...

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Rod Stewart, "Baby Jane." I do believe there is a woman playing a saxophone, an electronic chess board with a robotic arm, and a high-heel shattering
a martini glass. In fact...

You forgot the lurking demon eyes in the doghouse or whatever that was.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't get why anyone is saying anything but "Hello", it works on every level.

More recently, Nelly & Kelly - "Dilemma"

― Nick H, Friday, 31 October 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Rush-"Subdivisions"

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Friday, 31 October 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

the cars "you might think"

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 31 October 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That one WASP video where they are in Texas in basically an old cowboy shoot 'em up setup (although if I remember correctly, that didn't stop them from wearing the cod peice), with a truely strange cameo by ZZ Top, wherein they do their signature point move, and then disapear like ghosts or something.

― David Allen, Friday, 31 October 2003 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

gygax has a point. "You Might Think" IS cheesy...but it's also brilliant!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Pat Benatar - "Love Is A Battlefield"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 31 October 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

It should come as no surprise its Elton John's "Are Your Ready For Love?"

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"Radiohead - Pop Is Dead
When the director suggested Thom get in a coffin, the band should have clued in to the fact that the video was going to be shit. "
is this a joke or something? never heard of it.

― Felcher (Felcher), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Most of the SST roster had cheesy videos, but they were all entertaining and great, for the intended reasons. (exception: Henry Rollins "Family Man")

Wax Trax! videos were also mostly entertainig, cheesy, and great but usually for unintended reasons. (exception: TGT, Meat Beat Manifesto, Fini Tribe)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

That Billy Squier vid mentioned upthread is "Rock You Tonite". He gets his prance on fah real in that one. Definitely a winner there in the cheese sweepstakes.

Second place goes to Adrian Belew's "I'm Down". It's WACKY!!!!!!!!!1 Lots of costumes and flailing and things flying about and oh god. At one point someone dumps goose down on him from above in the ultimate "DO YOU SEE?!?!?!" moment. Oy.

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Did A.R.E. Weapons want to look totally 80s Eurotrash in a recent video?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, the Modern Talking videos are to be released on DVD soon. Those videos were the shit. Smoke on the floor: check. Portable keyboards: check. Tight 80s jumpers: check. Turning around and cracking a smile into the camera in unison: check. Hue/saturation effects: check. That sparkling effect in the 4 corners of the screen: check. All courtesy of the singing tanning salon that was Modern Talking!

― Siegbran (eofor), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i second earth song...
so unbelievably over the top

― robin (robin), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

but robert smith is beautiful in charlotte sometimes.

― keith (keithmcl), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:23 (twenty-two years ago)

So far "Hello" is winning for me.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 October 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

One cliché of 80s videos that absolutely must be resurrected - bands playing in the snow, in the style of U2's New Year's Day and some Ultravox one I've forgotten.

― Damian (Damian), Saturday, 1 November 2003 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

It should come as no surprise its Elton John's "Are Your Ready For Love?"
Is it worse than his vid for "I'm Still Standing"?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 2 November 2003 03:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeez, people, the U2 one that's got Boyzone and elephants and that in it which is a huge fuck-off apology from Bono to Mrs Bono for forgetting her birthday. That is truly hideous.

Dancing in the Streets is classic beyond all belief. Really. They are surely taking the piss.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 2 November 2003 23:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Darling Cruel - "Everything's Over"
Danzig - "It's Coming Down"
Billy Idol - "Rock The Cradle Of Love" (Idol unable to star in his own video whilst recouperating from a motorcycle accident).

Nate, the Billy Squier video is for the song "Rock Me Tonight". Squier later sued the director for making him look girly in said promotional clip and wrecking his career. Presumably Billy's parents were not sued.

― Gerard Cosloy, Monday, 3 November 2003 00:27 (twenty-two years ago)

pronoun trouble

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Monday, 3 November 2003 01:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Billy Idol - "Rock The Cradle Of Love" (Idol unable to star in his own video whilst recouperating from a motorcycle accident).

Yeah, it's silly, but is it cheesey? I don't think so. Like I said above, cheese is a relative term.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 3 November 2003 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Rico Suave by whomever...

(I saw him being interviewed for one of those retro shows and he seemed like a nice guy who allowed himself to be used as "beefcake"....was it Geraldo?)

― ed dill (eddill), Monday, 3 November 2003 07:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm asking how it can't be the Billy Squier clip? I didn't know that HE SUED THE DIRECTOR!!??!! That's gotta make it the winner. Although the "cheesiest" moniker vs the "worst" may be a factor.

― Speedy Gonzalas (Speedy Gonzalas), Monday, 3 November 2003 08:00 (twenty-two years ago)

What no Richard Marx? Gloria Estefan? Paula Abdul featuring MC Skat Kat?

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 3 November 2003 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)

no wait the true answer to this thread is Van Halen - 'Right Now'

― geeta (geeta), Monday, 3 November 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i respectfully nominate A-Ha - "Take On Me". Sketchy = sexy?

― Dave M. (rotten03), Monday, 3 November 2003 09:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I sense a "Hello" vs "Opposites Attract" THROWDOWN!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

All of these responses, and still no mention of "Barbie Girl"?

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 29 January 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Lou Reed "No Money Down" brings cheese to a new robo-level.

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Thursday, 29 January 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"Barbie GIrl" was awesome. Campy != cheesy.

― anode (anode), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I would definitely say "Barbie Girl" was campy. In a fun way, maybe, but still campy.

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

No competiton: Modern Talking - You Can Win If You Want

Never saw this, but I can imagine your being OTM....

― Geir Hongro (GeirHong), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Most recent cheesy video.. that awful awful Limp Bizkit video with Halle Barry in it. the ballad one. Blue Eyes something... Durst couldn't act his way out of a stuffed toilet.

(and I'm not a Limp Bizkit detractor!)

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Sly Fox - Let's Go All The Way
Madonna - Papa Don't Preach

― Shooz (shooz), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"...Blue Eyes something"
the Who cover debacle? lordy, that Durst is skankariffic

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Was that meant to be a compliment? (If so, that's fine! Just asking earnestly. If you haven't noticed already, Bizkit has a few rabid fans on this board)

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm afraid I'm not on the side of Durst generally, though he does have a sort of compelling "jolie laide" thing going on (sorry, I'm a neo-Luddite and I haven't figured out italics or anything helpful). Which dovetails with my whole "I wanna do Mark E. Smith real bad" thing, I guess :)

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

if by "chessiest" you mean "best" then november rain!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 29 January 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Murray Head's "One Night in Bangkok" is undoubtedly the "chess-iest" video of all time.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 29 January 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

*puts gun to head*

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 29 January 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Donna, you wouldn't by chance be the girl who was grinding to the Fall's live set @ Graceland in Seattle last year?

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 29 January 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

(Haha, even if you were, it was rather rude of me to ask that in public. Apologies)

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 29 January 2004 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

no! there was an EVIL threesome blocking my view of MES, thus destroying any chance of grinding I may have had :(!

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 30 January 2004 06:25 (twenty-one years ago)

stop the presses:

WTF?!? did he also sue the parachute-pants industry?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 30 January 2004 06:36 (twenty-one years ago)

somebody has to!

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 30 January 2004 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

has anyone seen the styx video for "rock and roll feeling?" that's GOT to be it.

― el sabor de gene (yournullfame), Friday, 30 January 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"allentown" possibly

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 30 January 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

no mention of billy ocean's "loverboy"?!? OMGWTF WHAT IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE?!?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 26 April 2004 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

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