Courtesy of
"The Ludic Kid"
LUDIC LOG11.25.2003
The making of best-of lists has been a passion that has consumed music journalists since the days of Edison's wax cylinders; no sooner had it been released than Oh I'm Jumpin' and a-Singin' for My Christ Jesus by the Nine Mute Negrattoes of Vicksburg Towne was voted "Biggest Disappointment of 1892" in Melts-a-Lot Weekly Song Periodical's end-of-year issue.
Today, with the end of the year approaching and rock 'n' roll's 50th birthday only two, three, or seven years away, best-of lists are coming faster and furiouserer than ever. It seemed like a sure thing that Rolling Stone's "Top 500 Albums of All Time" list, released this week, would be the year's biggest argument-starter (it was even voted such in Conversational Magazine's "200 Biggest Potential Argument-Starters of 2003" list in late 2002). But that was before today.
Today saw the release of "50 Essentials", the simple and elegantly titled list of the best albums of each of the last 50 years. To the shock of the entire musical world, the list, which appeared in the French rock magazine Bruyant et Inpopulaire, was written by their notoriously reclusive and irascible critic-at-large, Connard Sacrebleu. Sacrebleu, with Lester Bangs, Dick Moles and Martin van Bierschwien one of the most difficult, brilliant and crude of music writers, had not been seen or heard from since 1978, when he vowed never to write again unless Magma was retroactively awarded every Grammy since the ceremony's inception.
Controversial? Without question. Provocative? Without doubt. Required reading for any informed music fan? Without cavil. We are pleased to present Connard Sacrebleu's "50 Essentials".
1. The Beatitools, "The White Peoples' Album" (1953)
2. Salon du Rourke, "Sometimes You Just Gotta Roll the Potato" (1954)
3. Reilly's Valve, "Gastr del Intestinl" (1955)
4. Providence, "Homo Variety" (1956)
5. Strawberry Shortbus, "I Can Make By Myself" (1957)
6. The Fucking Trains, "Leave" (1958)
7. Rail Dogs, "(I'm Goin' Where There's) No Anti-Depressants" (1959)
8. Milt Davis, "I Said Kreuzen-Brewed, Bitch!" (1960)
9. R.P.M., "Mumble" (1961)
10. Gloryhole Gunderson, "Snowplow Psychedelia" (1962)
11. Pear Ubu, "Sit, Ubu, Sit! Good Band" (1963)
12. Modern Advertising, "Death of the Creepy Me, Birth of the Happy Me" (1964)
13. The Dyslexic Agevners, "Bet It Lee" (1965)
14. Heroin Barbershop, "For Our Matchless Friends" (1966)
15. The Watermelon Riots, "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold My Keys" (1967)
16. Fang of Gore, "Hyperborean Enema" (1968)
17. Bill & Some Bastards, "The Turbulent Tale of the Six Offender" (1969)
18. The Raspberry Everything, "Take My Cock Out Of Bob Wall" (1970)
19. Grate Artists, "Raymillandinista!" (1971)
20. Alex Chitlin, "Mother Fuckers" (1972)
21. A Year in Surlyland, "Quiescently Frozen Confection Stuffed with Dope" (1973)
22. Hunchbacks and Monkeys, "Guitard" (1974)
23. The Diving Man Band, "Milles Didn't Ask to Be Borne" (1975)
24. The Sheppy Schenkelman Group, "Catskill or Be Killed" (1976)
25. Arnold Schoefeld Swipes, "Mousefelcher" (1977)
26. Clean Hells, "Bad Hearts of the Rodeo" (1978)
27. The Barley Mob, "Satan is Realistic" (1979)
28. The Mixed Metaphors, "Faster Than Molasses Like a Fox" (1980)
29. The Jonsson 5, "Yes, So Much Would I Like to Starting Something Be" (1981)
30. The Colonel & Chenile, "Rock Island Crinoline" (1982)
31. The Hip Replacements, "Please to Help Me" (1983)
32. Dun & Badstreet U.S.A., "Eat Your Prayers & Say Your Vegetables" (1984)
33. Slovenian Musical Club, "For Much the Rocking" (1985)
34. Funkalaibach, "One Nation Under Our Thumbs" (1986)
35. The Wet Wipes, "We Prefer to Be Called Sex Little People" (1987)
36. Small White, "Songs About Pecking" (1988)
37. The Legendary Dink's Pot, "What Was Supposed to Happen at 4:20?" (1989)
38. Y Kant Tori Akt?, "Roles for Baby" (1990)
39. Long Island X-Press, "How Ya Like My Shrill, Nasal Accent Now?" (1991)
40. Goblin Richcock, "I Often Dream of Cash" (1992)
41. Soundgarglin', "Brett Hull's Son" (1993)
42. Del Close the Funkless Homo Sapien, "I Wish Poor Yorick Was Here" (1994)
43. Linda Thompson & the Expensive Electricians, "I Didn't Mean Literally" (1995)
44. Tarmac, "Yabble Dabble: A Tribute to Babu" (1996)
45. Oafers of Larch, "Foolin' Around with Ether on Stage" (1997)
46. The Jack Tripper Jazz Implosion, "Regal Beagle Barely Legal" (1998)
47. When People Were Smarter and Lived Near the City, "Delf-Titled" (1999)
48. Ich Habe Das, "From a Tailor, Motel Khamzoil" (2000)
49. The Zyklon-Beatles, "Bigger than Beajesus" (2001)
50. Hannibal Cox, "Since When Do Fava Beans Go with Chianti?" (2002)
So what are #51 - #999?
― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)