Techno: The Nuremburg Trials

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Apparently, you were going to take over the world, and every other form of music past and present merited nothing more than eyeballs rolled skyward. Forget Year Zero - from now on there wouldn't be 'years' even, just an endless repetitive-beat present! Strange, for the being next step of evolution (demonstrated by your disdain to communicate to us subhumans - any non-drug-related conversation consisted of some variation of "sniff"/"ehhhhh"w/squint), you weren't too overjoyed about it - you didn't even like your own music that much! Everything was obsolete after 20 minutes, or too commercial or conversely too "up it's own arse", too "disco"(or "mental") or else too "white" (odd, as all of you were almost albino). With so much stuff blacklisted, no wonder your silly hole-in-the-wall shops with space alien marquees usually had an inventory of 3 items, which were unlabelled of course to trap the unwary (i.e., anybody who entered). In fact, any mutations of your music that gave any pleasure whatever (from gabba to big beat to UK garage) were ruthlessly shunned, but then, so was anything deemed too challenging a listen as well.

Maybe your world-domination plans have taken root elsewhere for the moment. Big in America! This is the first time in history that such a quintessentially British cult-of-nothing would resort to POINTING TO SUCCESS IN AMERICA for validation! How low have you sunk?

No need to shave your heads - you already ALL look like them out of Orbital (ironically, you held them in special loathing as being 'studenty' and having blatant song forms) - except bearing the facial expression of a crusading lawyer in a straight-to-video about tobacco firms. (We won't mention the few of you clinging to Nu-Skool Breakz, we want to preserve some of your dignity.) In light of such technoid bon mots I will quote verbatim ("You've GOT to join us", "Even the worst techno is better than any example of any other so-called 'music'", "Why don't you listen to people banging on logs then, Luddite", "It's got to have da fonk"[yeah, that's why you're into progressive trance, eh?], "Ehhhhhh...""(sniff)"), I want to hear what you have to say for yourselves now!

dave q, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, and those of you who say things like "You HAD to be there in the Summer of Love to understand, we had these convoys and..." Get a job, will you? You must be in your thirties by now, and you still talk about it!

dave q, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Bad day at work, yeah? Quit smoking? Hungover? Yr footie team lost 5- 0? I understand. :)

Omar, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A very very funny question...but I think techno was always more Calvinist than evangelical. Sure the believers knew it was and remains the purest, greatest, form of music of all time but if you're strictly talking about techno then they were incredibly exclusionary: they didn't want it to 'conquer the world', it's always been the music of a particular sect and hostile to outsiders claiming to get it. And if you mean 'dance music' in general...well, it's doing pretty well for itself, I think.

Anyway you could say that messianism isn't a bad attitude for a music fan to have, much better than the even-handed faux-eclecticism a lot of people pretend to (which a quick look at their record collections would swiftly disprove).

Tom, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Strictly techno. Ever see any of the chrome-domes actually dance?

dave q, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hmmmm what an empty rant. Can't recall any techno-afficianado thinking it was going to 'take over the world', do recall hostile rock-fans dismissing it as a temporary fad 10 years ago though- how wrong they were. And all this British-wanting-success-in-US stuff, wierd considering Techno IS American by origin. The only rock band whose remotely interested me lately is Radiohead and thats largely due to their willingness to explore and engage other sounds, particularly Techno. Besides its a bit difficult to take seriously anyone who puts gabba and UK Garage in one pigeonhole.

stevo, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dave Q exposed as hollow 'controversy'-monger? Surely not?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

DG, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Mmm, this does remind me of that obsolete NME applies The Sun's little Englander spiel to the world of music. How did it go week-in- week-out? "Right you weak Indie boys! Pay attention: Kylie/Manics/Mr.Blobby is the future of music I says. Now burn all your pathetic Smiths records otherwise you're all a bunch of fascistic little cunts!"

On a serious note though. I don't buy the techno-as-Calvinism thing. Even if you look at the original Detroit producers, you'll find too much joy in Derrick May/Kevin Saunderson records to fit in a true pleasure-denying philosophy. Although certainly there have been some Calvinistic techno records (thinking of some Underground Resistance things, but esp. Plastikman's 'Consumed'). But even puritans like Mills and Surgeon will at times produce pure blissed-out pleasure machines.

Now I'll grant that a lot of techno-producers have an almost puritanical ethic in re. of drugs. And there are indeed pockets of techno fans that are fiercly protective of the purity of techno, but you'll find their type in Garage, Hip-Hop, Punk, Soul, Jazz, etc. I know them personally because most people I know who are into techno are 6 feet tall women, who obviously don't shave their heads. :)

Omar, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

damn, must read "I don't know their type personally because...".

Omar, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I do remember a lot of the evangelistic guff abt club music in the days when it first took off - the whole vibe of "you don't need any of that old shit, this is the only music you need". It was pretty fucking lame - you'd see some dance music fest advertising itself as having all "kinds of music", well fux0r me, where's the folk tent then. Also the tendency to on the one hand bang on abt how this music is completely new, replaces all old music, get rid of it etc, whilst propping up EG kraftwerk as "godfathers of techno". I think what was the worst was NO-ONE @ NME, MM etc ever actually pointed any of this out - too scared of missing the new wave, just like they did in '76 is my cynical theory. The forget all your old music attitude does seem seem to hold out a bit here & there over here in brit-land to this day. Why, I don't know. Even at the time, it was crap. 13 (?) years on, it just seems silly.

That's what I think, who gives a fux0r.

xoxo

Norman fay, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The only rock band whose remotely interested me lately is Radiohead and thats largely due to their willingness to explore and engage other sounds, particularly Techno."

Isn't that a bit like "the only band I like outside of my genre is the band that's trying to sound like my genre?"

Not that I'm Mr. Eclecticism, or anything, but that seems like a pretty patronizing approach to rock music's ability to be great on its own. Unless you're honestly saying that "Rock is Dead" and can only be good when it's drawing on techno ... :)

Nitsuh, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well, what did rock do during the 1990's?

it ripped off the last 30 years of rock and tried to put a new label on it with a handsome fellow wearing nice trowsers. Autechre did not have a 1960's antecedant. Electronic music in the 1990's was the place to be.

As for the characterization of techno, I think it is misinformed at best, or trolling at worst. I dont think techno is a 5 minute mentality. When you look at the sheer volume of different music that came out across the planet over the 15 years it is amazing. And no, it does not all sound the same, look at the stuff that came out on Sahko in Finland, Basic Channel in Berlin, Transmat in Detroit, Axis in Chi/NYC, Kompakt in Cologne, Communique in Minneapolis, Missle in London, Ifac in Britain, 21/22 Corp in Colombus, Eevolute in Netherlands... No it does not last for 5 minutes, there are gems that are a decade old and have not dated whatsoever. The real, educated techno underground does exist, and it does not forget its history.

Michael Taylor, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Autechre did not have a 1960's antecedant. Electronic music in the 1990's was the place to be."

Not that I necessarily disagree with the former statement, but the latter... Autechre may not have had many 60s (or pre-60's, for that matter) references (although I thought of four just off the top of my head: Raymond Scott, Morton Subotnick, "Williams Mix", and Louis and Bebe Barron), but they sure as fuck have plenty of 80s ones: Mantronix, Davey DMX, basically any electro record...

I think what Dave was trying to say is that all of what really *mooooooooved* me (maaan) (and I think him as well) in 90s "dance music" (jungle, gabba, garridge) fell into a range somewhere between snooty disdain to outright derision from Detroit-ophiles and their Euro counterparts. When really...has "techno" moved forward all that much? Whenever you're having a revival of something...someone was telling me bout the "electro revival" (Ectomorph, et al) a couple years back and I said somehting to the effect "what revival? where did it go?" Electro has been all around us since the 80s in one form or another. "Techno" is just one mutation of the strand. The only way I would disagree with Dave's post is that proper techno is a music which evolves by degrees...there haven't been any massive, mind- altering shifts of consciousness from that camp in a decade (Basic Channel/Chain Reaction being a notable exception.) Listening to "Strings of Life" who could have predicted "Dred Bass," "We Have Arrived," or "Destiny"? Whereas the stuff that's coming out on the most forward-thinking techno labels (Kompakt for instance) seems more of an obvious descendant.

(And I would still argue that "proper house" has evolved more than "proper techno" over the last two decades, within an even narrower rhythmic framework.)

jess, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Whoops. That should obviously be: "Not that I disagree with the latter statement, but the former..."

jess, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

And wow...that was a remarkably disjointed and obtuse post. We're just gonna blame the codeine again for that one...

jess, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As mentioned, you're a drug fiend. Freak. ;-)

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dammit Ned! Reply to the topic at hand, not my personal failings! ;)

jess, Saturday, 8 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Q: What do you call a DJ who can't scratch?

A: A techno DJ!

Tracer Hand, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wind 'em up, watch 'em go. "Cowards! Murderers! History will prove we were right!" etc etc etc

dave q, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Q: What do you call a DJ who can't scratch?

Ohhh I dunno, so this makes Claude Young and Jeff Mills hip-hop DJ's?

C'mon I move for a mistrial here. Obviously the prosecutor didn't have a clue what he was talking about and only presented false witnesses. Also judge, we will file for damages around 1.56 billion Euro as compensation for the emotional damage done to all techno fans, producers and DJ's :)

Omar, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I move the defense be dismissed on grounds of using the words "real", "proper", and "educated techno underground"(!), as it appears they are attempting to sabotage their own case and force a mistrial.

dave q, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If we take the case to Gowachin jurisdiction, then once the double-negative innocence requirement is satisfied, we must proceed with criminal accusation against the prosecutor...

mark s, Sunday, 9 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...
A very very funny question...but I think techno was always more Calvinist than evangelical.

Irresistible tangent (like irresistible grace?): these two aren't contradictory, from a Biblical perspective. God may have already chosen an elect, but he also commanded believers to go and preach the gospel. You don't second guess God. My sister's Calvinist husband is the pastor of an "Evangelical Free" denomination.

rs, Wednesday, 30 October 2002 20:25 (twenty-three years ago)

god, i never should have revived this thread. another simultaneously longwinded and twee old-skool jess post.

jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 30 October 2002 20:37 (twenty-three years ago)


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.