A Sound and Convincing Reason for the Cancellation of X-mas...

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

...can be found here:

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/dre300/e324/e32408oibak.jpg

Went to have my hair cut yesterday, and during the process of this needlessly lengthy and inexplicably meticulous excercise, a club dance mix of "The Christmas Song" (i.e. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire....) by Christina Aguilera came on the sound system (replete with her shrill, overzealous trilling). In all candor, I cannot express how close to spontaneous combustion I came out of utter, abject disdain for my fellow human being. Nevermind "Helter Skelter" or JD Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye", this dreadful bit of sound sincerely made me want to slay every other human being in the room.

Has anyone else heard this? And can you defend it?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

And Gawd bless us, every one!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

alex tonight you will be visited by three ghosts.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i heard rare groove/easy-soul versions of Christmas carols in a shop the other day - horrible

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

tidings of comfort and joy to you too etc. etc.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

A Very Merry Pop Idol Christmas will solve your problem, Alex.

I am still shocked they are pretending the nerdy one is cool when obv HE HAS ONLY TAKEN HIS GLASSES OFF! We don't fall for that Superman shtick anymore! We've got Smallville! He is still a weedy nerd!! I feel like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS ect ect.

― Sarah (starry), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Ho' Ho' Ho'

― may pang (maypang), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

alex tonight you will be visited by three ghosts.

-- fiddo centington (dubplatestyl...), December 8th, 2003.

C-mas Past:
http://www.mistletunes.com/art/jinglcat.jpg

C-mas Present:
http://www.mistletunes.com/art/vandals.jpg

C-mas Future:
http://www.halwillis.com/images/christmas_album.jpg

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

The Paul McCartney "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" over the backing of "When I'm Sixty-Four" and "Honey Pie" is another recent nausea-inducing holiday turd.

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't read the small print on the sleeve.. Is it "The Smell of Christmas?" And would you think Christina's armpit smells more like Scotch Pine or more like nutmeg?

― dave225 (Dave225), Monday, 8 December 2003 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.buy.com/retail/music/product.asp?sku=60569762&loc=109&sp=1

alex, you need this instead. if only for "Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas" and the really really wrong "Merry Christmas Allah".

― scott seward, Monday, 8 December 2003 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas"

-How could anyone be so unkind, to bill 68 grand
for pills that made me go blind?-

― George Smith, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

really really wrong "Merry Christmas Allah".

Does this actually exist?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex did you know there's now a DJ Sammy-esque euro-trance version of "Love Like Blood"? It might even be DJ Sammy, I heard it at a hairdresser's.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm more put out by alex's disdain for haircuts! have some respect for a skilled service worker man! doing her best to make a grouch look hot, no easy feat

― g--ff (gcannon), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have disdain for haircuts. It's just that this particular haircut seemed to last a year and a fuckin' day. He also put a fuckin' jar of goop in it. Coupled with the soundtrack, it was a most trying experience. The wife liked the haircut, though.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone should hear the Michael Bolton version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". It's hott. Now that's MY kind of Christmas.

― Blood and sparkles (bloodandsparkles), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" is my favorite Christmas song ever. It's so bittersweetly happy, it's really beautiful in its simplicity. But its simplicity is really the heart of the song, and, as I waited for my dad to finish using the bathroom at Arby's, I realized that this song just could not hold the weight of Christina Aguilera belting out every note way too loud way too long for god's sake woman rein it in, would ya?

― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Monday, 8 December 2003 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for the warning. I need no further reasons to hate xmas, and I never, never, never want to hear this song.

But what the Hell do you have against Catcher in the Rye?

― Salmon Pink (Salmon Pink), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I have absolutely nothing against "Catcher in the Rye," and count it as one of my fave books of all time, but it has a reputation as being a instigator for killers (both Mark David Chapman and David Hinkley cited it as a primary motivator in their respective missions).

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, and there's that other book you also book you always hear quoted by lunatic psychonut killer types... What's it called it called again- oh yes, "The Bible", whatever that is!!!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, the Bible ain't nothin' but a doorstop, if you press me on that subject. The Old Testament -- rife with sodomy and bloodletting, however -- makes for entertaining reading.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

Speaking of sodomy, I recall when Street Fighter 'Alpha' was released and a friend refused to use the character 'Sodom' because he 'represented faggotry'. Which led to this observation: are there any queer video games? There's queer everything else. I just posted about Ghostface's Killah's "Thrilla" but since I regret making such a boring topic, I'll mention here how the song's sampling of the Final Fantasy theme at least one talking point for hip-hop guys that view the song as 'gay techno' otherwise. Maybe I can't bring any videogame + homosexuality connection to mind because videogaming is such a 'guy thing'.

― DarrensCoq (DarrenK), Thursday, 25 December 2003 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

EXTERMINATE XMAS AND SORRY XMAS MUSAK!!!

― DaleK, Thursday, 25 December 2003 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=38

I hope this answers your question, Darren!!!

― lonenutnate, Thursday, 25 December 2003 06:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I have nothing to contribute here, other than to point out that virtually every sentence is improved by adding the phrase "Speaking of sodomy . . ." to the beginning of it.

Off to download some Sammy Davis Jr. tunes for the Kwanzanukkah party . . .

― Salmon Pink (Salmon Pink), Friday, 26 December 2003 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Salmon OTM. A favorite and often used phrase of mine is "good old-fashioned sodomy."

― sucka (sucka), Friday, 26 December 2003 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.