Taking sides : Mariah vs. J Lo

Ryuichi Sakamoto

I've always thought that Mariah Carey looks just like a M00MIN from her face...

That's true you know. Last time I went to the doctors with insomnia he said "You've not been singing your own songs again have you". Tsk tsk.

Hehe both Mariah and J.Lo are trash. They both think they're sooo sexy and sassy (?) and full of talent. But we all know they're not. Oh yes and Mariah does look like a moomin!

I think J. Lo has a nice ass and that Mariah has a nice rack. If I had my druthers I'd mix and match their parts and have an old school sex orgy.

Glitter may save Mariah yet, but she's been downhill since the primo remixes of Heartbreaker -- her sexuality was at its peak without verging into total trash and she played a role in the songs. Lately, she's been more of a fashion accessory than an artist. And by Glitter, I of course mean the film and not the album. Because J. Lo was never that great an actress, and Mariah might top her. On the other hand, J. Lo's latest singles have been untouchable. Go figure.

Make them both go. Shallow, fake and artificial with a strangley jumped up sense of artistic self-worth. I don't know if Mariah's yodelling or J-Lo's idiotic attempts to be 'street' ("Hey Mr DJ - play my m******* F*****' song!") are more irritating. Don't slate the Moomins - they deserve better.

Please, Mariah Carey can sing a whole lot better than Jennifer Lopez. Yes, I believe that Mariah is more talented than J.Lo in a way. They both have good looking bodies and are very sexy, but Mariah is more experienced. Also to say that Mariah is half Venezuelan so she got nothing to envy about J.Lo nor her culture because Mariah is also latin.

Mariah is about as sexy as a dead goat, thank you. J-Lo's a much better actress, but then again so is anyone besides Denise Richards.

Mmm, goats. Um, I'm sorry. *whistles idly*

Ugh, god you are so sick, Raggett. I am almost ashamed that I know you. If it wasn't for the lustrous shampoo ad hair, I would be ashamed.

All you like me for is my hair. Fine, I see, no that's no bother, none at all! *stumbles off crying and collapses in corner feeling sorry for self*

Oh, like you like me for reasons besides my hair. That's what we do.

I was going to have a pity party because I don't have any hair, but then I realized that I've got the world's greatest goatee.

Mariah was sexy for about five seconds, then slid firmly into the "nasty slut" category. (This was a category briefly inhabited by Janet Jackson during her "janet." days and Madonna circa the "Sex" book, but one has used dementia to pull herself out while the other reinvented herself as a mother. Paula Abdul was desperately trying to get into this category, but she looked and sounded too much like the goofy girl next door to pull it off.) J-Lo manages to take outfits that would be really, really nasty on almost anyone else and make them seem almost regal. (It should be noted that any of her outfits that include rhinestones do not count; it is impossible to make rhinestones regal.)

Musically, Mariah has a much stronger voice but picks almost universally inexcusable material that seems to have no purpose other than showing off her female falsetto. J-Lo can't sing nearly as well, but picks stuff that works well with the limitations of her voice, even when the songs themselves don't work.

One thing I put in Mariah's favor is that she pours all of her soul into her singing. As a singer myself, I deeply appreciate that. It's really unfortunate that 90% of the time I loathe the results she comes up with.

J-Lo, on the other hand, dances like a fiend in most of her appearances, which always makes for a good show. Again, it's really unfortunate that I dislike 85% of her material.

A greater goatee than...MY DAD'S????

Anyhow, if Mariah would A) get better music B) stop warbling for no reason, she'd be definitely bearable. I like some of her songs, but by and large she's just no good at all. J-Lo is like the least talented musical performer alive, but her L-Lo album is really good. Except J-Lo is the STUPIDEST NAME EVER.

Stupider than Nivea?

You've got me again, Raggett.

J-Lo can't sing! Mariah can't dance......and act! J-Lo is a mediocre actress but still she can act.

oh, yeah, mariah carey have a better voice. I know that. But Jennifer Lopez has been my idol since 1995 and I love her so much. Go, J. Lo!!

Mariah has a good voice, but she commits the fatal error of using a song to serve her voice, instead of using her voice to serve a song (quite popular with "divas" these days, that).

Jennifer Lopez, however, is PURE EVIL, make no mistake about it. I'll take Mariah over her. Hell, I'll take Anastacia over her...

I'd also like to say that the title "How J-Lo freaked Mariah" promises a lot more than the article delivers.