kelis milkshake

"You're not old enough to wear a bra/You got nothing to hold it up..."

These, apparently

This might have been covered somewhere else on these boards 10 years ago or whatever, but I heard this song yesterday and had a moment where I realized I don't actually know what the chorus of the song means. Not what 'milkshake' is referring to, but the actual conversation that is happening.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours
I can teach you
But I'd have to charge

Is the idea that Kelis is speaking to another woman, and saying to her that the boys who come to her yard prefer her milkshake to the milkshake of the woman that Kelis is speaking to?

It seems weird that the boys would show up in Kelis' yard and draw comparisons to another woman's milkshake out of nowhere (is the second woman also in the yard?)

So I guess my question is: What is she talking about, but more importantly, who is she talking to?

Seriously though

She's talking to everyone. Her blowjobs are better than everyone else's. You wanna learn how she performs these miracle blowjobs? Pay her.

Wait, "Milkshake" is about blowjobs? Huh. I didn't know that. I always thought "milkshake" referred to her tits.

brb gonna have to rethink a lotta things

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/news/stories/20040119/localnews/253368.html

Kelis: A milkshake is the thing that makes women special. It's what gives us our confidence and what makes us exciting.

That's a PG-13 lie she told to sound polite. Everyone knows the song is about oral.

milksplaining

Blowjobs?! Weird.

Either way, the "They're like / it's better than yours" still doesn't make sense with your explanation

But then, I don't think there's any way she's talking about blowjobs. Definitely boobs

but you can't teach someone boobs

^^

Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses." Rollie Pemberton of Pitchfork called the song "brilliant", and said: "Equal parts cantina gyration and future-funk, Kelis plays the coquette, enticing the entire American male populace with rhythmic coos while simultaneously providing an apt tutorial for aspiring temptresses."

Blowjobs? I assumed handjobs, you use your hand to shake no?

but you can't teach someone boobs

― horseshoe, Tuesday, March 25, 2014 4:48 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A fair point, but I think it's more about the way she shakes it/them than about their shape/size. And I don't think the men are literally telling her that her "milkshake" is better than some other lady's, it's more that they're showing it, by coming to her "yard" instead of to other ladies' "yards"

also I think it's partly a metaphor more generally for her sexy mojo/steez/womanly way.

i was just gonna say, milkshake is like curves+female version of mojo

think of the qualities of an actual milkshake

like, a really good one. like from tom's dinner on the UWS

DINER

this isn't that difficult to figure out. here, if you have a milkshake, and kelis has a milkshake, and kelis has a straw. there it is, that's a straw, you see? you watching? and say kelis' straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake ... kelis ... drinks... your ... milkshake.

I don't see why it's so hard to get:

The other girls are inside with their boys +
Kelis appears to their yard(s) +
she shakes her milk +
the boys leave the girls inside and go to the yard to see Kelis shake +
the girls are envious +
but said trick can be taught
=
PROFIT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2sAZB_c4Lg

kelis was twerking when twerking wasn't cool

also you know sexual entendre/metaphor thrives on multivalence

v cool job overexplaining itt

amateurist otm

I was just warming up

her "milkshake" has indeed brought all the "boys" (amateur literary theorists) to the "yard" (text) in which we can engage in the "play" of interpretation

but you can't teach someone boobs

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 25 March 2014 20:48 (59 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

<3

well, maybe you could...

but you'd have to charge

Au contraire, I took a summer course in boobs when I was 23.

(xxpost)

v cool job overexplaining itt

― The Reverend, Tuesday, March 25, 2014 4:41 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

v cool job being a pointless scold itt

seconding the scolding, kmt at this entire revival

(especially when she has an excellent new album out)

i've done an excellent job fplaining itt

kmt = kuomintang? kiss my tits?

new album not on spotify in the US yet

xp: probably the best explanation

yeah it's hard to actually describe but clearly none of you have ever talked to any caribbean women, lol

― lex lex lex lex lex on the track BOW (lex pretend), Tuesday, November 30, 2010 4:23 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wine your body gal to thread

i think the scolds are maybe assuming that we're not being tongue in cheek here. i know i am.

yup. i have nothing but love for kelis, and her milkshake.

you can take the woman out of the milkshake, but you can't take the milkshake out of the woman

Overexplaining! FFS my questions still aren't about the titular lyrical MacGuffin, but about the super weird syntax.

Related:
From SXSW last week:

@chris__richards
Kelis performing "Milkshake" as a sorta broken Afro-beat jam. Bold and strangely killer.
https://vine.co/v/MbeQKdVhWb6

Actually Tuomas probably came pretty close to nailing it, I guess.

Everyone can relax and go kick it in Lex's thread about her new album now

blowjobs? have I really misinterpreted this song for a decade?

If Kelis has a straw to drink the milkshake then it isn't really her milkshake but the boys' milkshake, she's just drinking it. The oral sex interpretation seems nasty I'd rather just stick with the handjob interpretation: cum as milk and kelis as the one who shakes it in extraordinary fashion.

But Toumas" interpretation is the most pg13 and apt I think.

v cool job being a pointless scold itt

― espring (amateurist), Tuesday, March 25, 2014 2:51 PM Bookmark

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=82861

"bold and strangely killer" is one of the worst descriptions of anything I've ever read.

I always thought she was talking about fanny (UK fanny).

10 years later, this song still sounds so weird and radical for a top 10 hit. I miss 2003

In what way can a milkshake be said to stand as metaphorical placeholder for fanny (uk fanny)?

dunno, both taste good. that makes more sense to me than it being about blowies.

From The Believer

A soft pool of light falls across a corner of the stage. Enter KELIS, slow but matronly, rubbing her arthritic hands and staring off into the distance.

KELIS: It was … how long ago? No matter. The recipe is now public domain. Bananas, vanilla ice cream, pumpkin-seed butter—yes, that was the mystic green hue, the aftertaste of autumn, the chill beyond the tongue. Despite the hubris of my youth, I honestly don’t know if my results were better. Yes, I’ve had my challengers. Is preference inherited? Is it desired? What I do know is this: the grass is flattened out with the shapes of tents, and, simply, there is no more room in my yard. So it is with regret that I ask you boys to now leave.

Go on now. Please. I can no longer tolerate your patience, and the icebox is on the fritz. Perhaps—and it sounds callous, but I don’t know your intentions—perhaps this is what you were waiting for: Raymond passed on two months ago. You know something? He was lactose intolerant. That’s true, no, that is indeed true. Shame, shame, shame.

Do I teach? What do you mean, do I … oh. Oh, no, I could never live up to that promise, either. The milkshake is not learned. The milkshake is the cultivation of a suffering given way to risk—to pick up all that remains, stuff it down with a wooden spoon, and blend. This is why no one can re-create my lure. Now that I think of it, there was also this—there was the prayer I murmured as I held down the cover and pressed that button: Lord, please make my yard a beacon, make my yard a crosshatch of clover and grace, a place where those boys gone crazy over my milkshake may come to find shade. Amen.

And they came. Yes, Daniel, you were the first one to come in search of my milkshake. Still thirsty after all these years. But I appreciate that, I do. And then there’s … oh, Lawrence, I’ll never forget when you came to my doorstep with that bouquet of plastic straws. Oh! How I blushed. Yet you, too, went without a taste. Remember how I said, I said, “Once you get involved, everyone will look this way”? I was talking about you, Clarence, and you, Mitch, and Frank, Henry, Jack, Trevor, William—all of you got involved, like it or not.

And now, like it or not, you must find another yard. You must stop drinking from the hose and climbing the poplar tree. I have stopped charging, for I never really charged in the first place, and nothing I promised was ever mine to offer. So why? Why the promises? Sometimes I’d ask myself the same thing. Sometimes I’d push my hand into the blender before the shaking was done, dangle my fingers near the blades, then stop.

This song and "Hollaback Girl" are the nadir of peak Neptunes imo