The vagaries of music criticism (article)

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Music criticism fails because critics and their listening audience lack the necessary common vocabulary to describe and comprehend music. Music crit fails because as an artform it's totally self-obsessed. And music crit fails because it generally doesn't give listeners an accurate taste of what's in store for them if they do purchase the music in question, so it doesn't adequately help them make purchasing decisions that reflect their tastes and interests. (In fairness: services like Amazon.com that offer musical snippets for the music consumer to sample definitely assist the written reviews that accompany said music).
In short, the state of contemporary music criticism is that it's a complete fucking failure.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Well yeah. But it passes the time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

phew, guess I'll be going home early today!

― Huckadelphia (Horace Mann), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

oh my gosh, that thing is long. and very dark on my computer. it hurts my eyes. and no offense to the writer, but standard practice for me is to stop reading something once i see the name Neutral Milk Hotel.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 6 February 2004 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

what is this guy talking about, everyone knows the decemberists sound like neutral milk hotel.

― Nick Sylvester, Friday, 6 February 2004 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Excellent demonstration of how typing the first 5000 words that occur to you is not the same thing as writing and editing a persuasive essay.

― ara, Friday, 6 February 2004 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

>As a rule, I tend to be a PitchforkMedia.com reader<
>Brandon Heckman writes in Madison, Wisconsin and wants to be a music critic when he grows up.<

Those seem to be the funniest parts. But I kinda just skimmed the thing.

― chuck, Friday, 6 February 2004 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

what critics liked the Cursive and Dido records?

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:16 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.stylusmagazine.com

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

standard practice for me is to stop reading something

when i see random photos labeled "fig. 1" and "fig. 2" and so on. to be fair this was in another article but that's just too mcsweeney's for me, thanks.

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

i love college so much

― Nick Sylvester, Friday, 6 February 2004 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I going to force you to agree with me that these records are bad? No. Not really. Partly because they're not that bad. And mostly because it's just my experience with the music. Yours could be totally different.
I'm pretty diplomatic that way.

Most music reviewers aren't.

maybe that's because it's NOT THEIR FUCKING JOBS to be "diplomatic"

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

So he basically wrote this article because he didn't like the Decemberists album?

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I haven't read it, but the article has too many one-sentence paragraphs for me to take seriously.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

He seems to be stuck in this eternal freshman-year thought process where you realize that everyone is an individual, with different perspectives and reference points, and therefore communication must be absolutely impossible!

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah.

I agree.

Daddino OTM.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

"Am I going to force you to agree with me?" No, you're not. Is any other music writer? Uh, NO, dumbfuck, they're not. Unless you decide to let them brainwash you.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know about you guys, but from now on I plan on incorporating Amazon.com customer ratings into my reviews

jaymc OTM --

― Nick Sylvester, Friday, 6 February 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose I agree with part of his point, since about 95% of the time when I read a review, the description of the album misled me in terms of what I'd expect it to sound like.

The rest I'm a little unclear on. Is he ultimately saying music criticism (and by extension criticism for the most part) is a failure because it doesn't take into account personal taste, the way each individual receives music, is subjective rather than objective? That just because the taste of pork makes me ill doesn't mean that another person can't find it delicious, and that both opinions are correct because they're both quite specific to our personal tastes?

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"I read reviews of Hot Hot Heat that said they exhibited hints of The Cure, but I don't hear that at all" = THE ENTIRE ENTERPRISE OF CRITICISM IS DOOMED.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm with Gear!. I read record reviews (reviews, mind you, not articles) after I've heard the record more often than beforehand. Otherwise they seldom make sense.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Incidentally, do people really find "Band X sounds like Band Y and Band Z" descriptions even the least bit useful when deciding to buy an album?

I mean, I love the Beatles, they're maybe my most favoritest band ever, but I sure the fuck do NOT want to buy a record that would prompt a reviewer to say "It kinda sounds like the Beatles." (Or Jay-Z or the Dead C or Random Indie Rock Chancers from Boston or whatever.) To me, that translates into "it sounds TOO MUCH like the Beatles in some pretty trivial ways that'll likely end up irritating you if you think about it a little."

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't like musc critics because when i was in 6th grade this one wote in rolling stone that silverchair's frogstom was horrible but it was my favorite album it pissed me off a very much.

― panda (latebloomer), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I might have ben spin insted but im not sure.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I might have steve ben but im not sure.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 6 February 2004 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"He seems to be stuck in this eternal freshman-year thought process where you realize that everyone is an individual, with different perspectives and reference points, and therefore communication must be absolutely impossible!"

That's so, so, so perfect.

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Part of the problem with the internet is that it has encouraged precisely this kind of scenario: someone puts a number of hours into writing a long article (which, whatever you think of it, at least contains a few interesting ideas), and then every smartass on the planet puts about 5 seconds into a witty one-liner dissing it.

― Rick Spence (spencerman), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone puts in countless days and months to record an album and then people listen to it and say it sucks. OH MY HEART BLEEDS.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

War & Peace blows.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Part of the problem with the internet is that it has encouraged precisely this kind of scenario: someone puts a number of hours into writing a long article.

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Heh.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

the moral is: if you are gonna do something that sucks, do it quick.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

This is why the makers of Battlefield Earth are not to be pitied.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i dunno... i feel like people fail to understand the scope of what they're actually reading. depending on the writer/mag, a review can be 1) a recommendation for potential buyers 2) an actual criticism of the work 3) a simple explanation of what's going on, often taking in outside factors... Like, we don't call news journalism 'social criticism,' do we? why does music journalism necessarily have to criticize every record/artist that it's about? some people just need an explanation. others just wanna know 'does this band fucking suck, or what?'

― ken taylrr, Friday, 6 February 2004 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Battlefield Earth lived by the other maxim: If you are gonna suck, suck big! which i can appreciate.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I can do. And the DVD is worth it (at, say, $2) for the delusions of the commentary track.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

that's something that a lot of people don't get. if you are gonna be sucky, be really really sucky. be the suckiest ever at whatever you are doing. there is honor in that. otherwise, you are just boring and that's a lot worse.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"I sure the fuck do NOT want to buy a record that would prompt a reviewer to say "It kinda sounds like the Beatles."

Beatlesque = "White people with guitars and melodies and maybe a French horn or harpsichord or something on one of the tracks"

Dylanesque = "I don't understand the lyrics"

Bowiesque = "British"

― Keith Harris (kharris1128), Friday, 6 February 2004 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know about you guys, but from now on I plan on incorporating Amazon.com customer ratings into my reviews

This article is terrible (but I agree with whomever guessed it was probably written by someone pretty young - we all start out somewhere) - however, amazon customer reviews (especially ones that are like 2 or 3 stars, usually meaning someone actually thought about what they were writing instead of just giving 5 stars to their fave band) are often very good, at least to someone who is a fan and wants to know how a record fits in with other ones by the artist, and whether they should buy it.

― dleone (dleone), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah amazon.com customer reviews are terrific if only for the huge gamut of styles you get, from really considered multi-para deals to pure drunken OMG!!!!! ness.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

if you are gonna be sucky, be really really sucky. be the suckiest ever at whatever you are doing. there is honor in that.

Ha, Scott! It's true.

Music crit fails because as an artform it's totally self-obsessed.

Yah, yah, Rock Kritik ist der Sieg und
Saint Cough-syrup hu akbar.

Couldn't we all just [sob] have more jokes, plee-ee-ze?

― George Smith, Friday, 6 February 2004 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Like most pop music, most rock crit just ain't worth the time.

― ben welsh (benwelsh), Saturday, 7 February 2004 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

It is when it pays for Space Ghost DVDs

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 7 February 2004 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Awwww, snap! Holla!

― Playa Hata, Saturday, 7 February 2004 06:13 (twenty-two years ago)

at least he doesn't write for Uncut

― queen G (nee Onassis), Saturday, 7 February 2004 09:35 (twenty-two years ago)

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