The Jaw-Droppingly Bizarre "Streets of Heaven"

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To summarize: The narrator is a country-western singer and the mother of a dying seven-year-old girl. Addressing God directly (in prayer, I suppose), she asks that when her daughter dies, He "makes sure she looks both ways" and "holds her hand when she crosses the streets of heaven." "You lost a son once, too," she reminds him.

This song has been around for a while, but I don't listen to popular country music very often, so it's managed to fly under my radar until recently. (If you haven't heard it, you must download it immediately.)

My questions (and in the spirit of the song, I'll address them directly to God, but feel free to chime in even if you aren't God) are as follows:

Dear God:

1. How about if you just make the kid well again, rather than letting her die and then holding her hand while she crosses the streets of Heaven?

2. Why are there streets in Heaven?

3. What if she does get hit by a car on the streets of Heaven? I mean, she's already dead, right? What's the worst that could happen at that point?

4. Are you more or less likely to answer a prayer if it's stated in the form of a country-western song?

Thanks!

― Salmon Pink (Salmon Pink), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

David Cross notes on his Shut Up, You Fucking Baby! album some article in an Atlanta newspaper about how there are paved roads in heaven and that angels drive buses. If this is true, than it would seem likely that you could need help crossing streets in heaven.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

And though I'm perfectly aware that this isn't really the case or what the fuck ever I'd just like to note that we shouldn't be surprised that some really ignorant absurd shit is being played on country radio.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I have this song on a Rounder compilation!

― Huckadelphia (Horace Mann), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

4.) I think that God is much, much more likely to answer a prayer that has been phrased in the form of a country song.

― High Cholesterol (bastarda), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

He likes the scent of burning livestock in his nostrils, and the sound of a steel guitar in his ears.

(And he has nostrils & ears for the same reason that Heaven has streets.)

― High Cholesterol (bastarda), Friday, 6 February 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

And dollar long-necks all night long every night. "MmmmHmmm, I love this bar." "This bar is called Heaven."

― Salmon Pink (Salmon Pink), Friday, 6 February 2004 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

She’s much too young to be on her own
Barely just turned seven
So who will hold her hand
when she crosses the streets of heaven

Lord don’t you know
She’s my angel
You’ve got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
but she’s already got a home

i think it's fairly clear if you read the lyrics *carefully* that making the kid well again is *exactly* what she wants. also i don't think that there necessarily are streets or cars in heaven - positing an earthlike heaven is probably just the set-up (there's a better word for this but i forget what it is) to giving god the sort of angry, protective maternal attitude she might give the crosswalk attendant at her daughter's public school.

defeated by the lyrical complexities!!

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

if you find this jaw-dropping, you should come to my office where a coworker just said she disagrees with the MA state court decision on gay marriage because "it brings us one step closer to the rapture".

america, dude. you live in it! shouldn't you be used to it by now?

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

if you heal my daughter, that'd be swell
or I'll fuck your ass in heaven and hell
Slaughter those who preach your name
on the chair it's you I'll blame

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Please ask your coworker if in fact she shouldn't be AGREEING with it precisely so she can be closer to the rapture. Please feel free to imply she is a grotesque smugfuck who believes she is going to be saved automatically just because she thinks so.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, that's what i was thinking, too!! but i guess she still has more of the lord's good work to do and doesn't want to be rushed!! (the fucked thing is that she's like the nicest person in the office in every other respect!)

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

how can you let my baby die
when abortionists and gays don't fry?
50 Cent can beat the bullet
but my daughter's life is shorter than a mullet?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't think we've invested enough in the military to ensure proper rapturousness

― tricky disco (disco stu), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:18 (twenty-two years ago)

(the fucked thing is
that she's like the nicest person in the office in every other respect!)

Hm.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:19 (twenty-two years ago)

aren't we about four months late for a turkey shoot??

x-post ned: this is the first time in the five months i've been here that she's brought up politics. and i suppose i should add that we STILL have the "crying eagle" 9/11 tribute placemat tacked up in the lunchroom so that should give you an idea of the political bent of this place.

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You're in San Diego, dude, I would expect that decoration anyway.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:22 (twenty-two years ago)

exactly. there are people here who are married to apache helicopter pilots and shit. which makes it tough to feel ok about doing anything but nodding and going "yeah...." when people say idiotic pro-war pro-military shit. (how did we get on this?)

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

...and then there's that jaw-droppingly bizarre song about "buying the stairway to Heaven."

1. Why does Heaven have stairs?

2. Etc.

3. Etc.

4. Etc.

― High Cholesterol (bastarda), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd just like to note that we shouldn't be surprised that some really ignorant absurd shit is being played on country radio.

as opposed to the really enlightened, clearheaded, logically sound that's being played on all the other radio stations?

and why is it ignorant to pray for a dying girl?

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

and why is it ignorant to pray for a dying girl?
well if your reasoning is that she might get run over in heaven, I'd say that's pretty fucking ignorant and absurd.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

why is it ignorant to pray for a dying girl?

because she's an ignorant hick!!

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

and I prefaced that statement with some "yeah I knows." Have you forgotten?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

surely where the streets have no name fits in somewhere here?

― tricky disco (disco stu), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i ignored your "yeah i knows" because i too am ignorant turd.

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

mashup!!

and then the streets can remix it.

xpost

― tricky disco (disco stu), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drf800/f816/f81653u7yyi.jpg

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Friday, 6 February 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

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