My mate, Lenny the Lad, right - he says he's shagged Kylie when she was 19 and I don't know if he's telling the truth. Does anyone know Kylie and if so can they ask her?

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Because if he's lying I'm going to smash a light bulb off his head and I dun't care if he was drunk last night or not, he said he'd shagged her and you if yer lying about that ye deserve a swift branin' know what I mean eh? The lad's madferit an' all but he gonna watch himself with his pish or he's gonna meet an end. You know?

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Yup, it's Calum alright.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I asked her. She said she was a virgin until a year ago - so he's probably lying. You ought to kill him. Leave no evidence.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to freaking break your legs son. I'm Nigel and was born Nigel and will always be Nigel. Got it?

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

You nutty cunt Nigel

― Patrick Kinghorn, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

still no luck on the job front, calum? keep pluggin away son, im sure it will turn good eventually, if you keep your mind focused on it...

― Stringent Stepper (Stringent), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey nigel, when's yer birthday?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm Nigel. You're cruising for a head buttin' mate. Watch yerself right.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm 37 in exactly 26 days.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I've just asked Kylie and she says no, she was in a completely monogamous relationship with Jason Donovan at that time; and what is more if she ever hears of either Lenny The Lad or yourself spreading unpleasant, hurtful, scurrilous and completely unfounded defamatory allegations like this about her ever again then she'll send several enormous, psychotic professional bastards round to rip both of your heads off and shit in your necks.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

IP check brings up: lynskey, julio, wyndham, oo look, calum robert as well. fancy that, eh?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

So which of them is supposed to be me then? That's four people there, and I'm none of them.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Go fuck yourself, calum.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Right - get up to my house now so I can smack yer teeth out with a broom you smart lipped shite. I'll not take that in a pub and I'll not take it from some goon called Pashmina. What are you? Some kind of phallic shaft monster?

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Thirty Seven?

xpost: So now C-man having worn old his old offensiveness and posted a few reasoned / considered and even committed (re:the animal experiment lab thing) posts/threads, the mask dropped and now its get a new pretend person to hide behind.

we sigh. we cry and wonder why.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You're such a pantload, Calum.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Where are your manners all of you? Why do you keep insisting that Nigel's Calum, when it's perfectly obviously he isn't? Why can't you just be nice and welcome him to the board?

Calum has gone away forever and - by pure coincidence - the very same day we have had the good fortune to be joined by Nutty Nigel - who is very clearly a fully rounded and developed personality in his own right....

So tell me, Nigel, what do you think about the Manic Street Preachers? Great aren't they? Better than that bunch of talentless fops Suede, anyway, right?

Oh and being "nutty" and a bit of a lad, I'm sure you'll agree that there's absolutely no problem whatsoever with torturing a few stupid fuckin' animals, as long as your bird gets a decent new lippy out of it, right Nigel?

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Nutty Nigel Not Yet Planked Flatter Than A Pancake Shokkah

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I only like Abba, The Bee Gees and Motorhead the best. The wife likes The Proclaimers but she made the tea late one night so I lit fire to all the records. HA! I'm nutty I am.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

More coeincidences - C-Man posted two messages TODAY on this thread :
'If you were kidnapped by a cash starved Peter Andre who locked you in a shed and would fire jelly beans at your head for amusement with his catapult, how long before you'd go insane?'

― pete s, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"cluck cluck I'm not a chicken cluck cluck"

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

oh Lenny & Lodi we miss you!

― Kingfish Funyun (Kingfish), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"cluck cluck I'm not a chicken cluck cluck"

OK, OK, you're not a chicken - can we have our eggs now please?

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

cluck. There's some over there. Nothing to do with me. cluck cluck.

― not a chicken (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)

You're absolutely not a chicken in any way whatsoever; it's just one of those strange coincidences that you happen to look like a chicken (what with that beak and all those feathers and everything; you sound exactly like a chicken; you smell exactly like a chicken; you feel exactly like a chicken; and you just happen to be the only one who knows exactly where the eggs are.

Of course since you're not chicken, you also have absolutely nothing to fear whatsoever as a I approach you stealthily from behind with an onion in one hand and a packet of Paxo in the other.

― Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno what you want with Paxo mate, I aint no chicken. I got a bull mastiff and a missus and a baseball bat. And I'm 36 an'all. cluck.

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Nutty Nigel's weekly adventures in The Beano are not to be missed.

― pete s, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

nine years pass...

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Thursday, 4 April 2013 21:44 (twelve years ago)

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