"Of course! Ring Of Fire would make the perfect jingle for a hemorrhoids ad!"

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NEW YORK - Advertising writers in Florida were planning to pitch hemorrhoid-relief products with a commercial featuring the Johnny Cash (news) classic "Ring of Fire," but Cash's family said there's no way they will let it happen.

"We would never allow the song to be demeaned like that," Cash's daughter, Rosanne, told the Tennessean of Nashville, Tenn.

The hit was written by Cash's wife, June Carter Cash (news), and Merle Kilgore, who now is Hank Williams (news) Jr.'s manager. Both Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash died in 2003.

TV producer Sula Miller of Big Grin Productions in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., said she thought of the idea when she heard the song on the radio while struggling with the uncomfortable condition.

Kilgore said at first he thought the idea was funny, and that he often joked about hemorrhoids onstage whenever he'd introduce Ring of Fire.

But Cash's family is not laughing.

"He (Merle) started talking about this moronic tie-in without talking to any of us," she told the Tennessean. "The song is about the transformative power of love and that's what it has always meant to me and that's what it will always mean to the Cash children."

Kilgore said it was not his intention to upset the family.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

They should just get someone to write a jingle.

"Ooh feel the cooling
Relive your itch"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

i think "ring of fire" a little too literal for hemorrhoid-relief ads.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"jingle"? What the fuck is that? Can't they just steal some other song?

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oh my god, how my asshole burns!" was unavailable.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sure Kiss would let them use "Heaven's On Fire."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It's about the transformative power of love sure but it was also about the transformative power of jeans, as worn by cowboys in a Levi's Ad in the early 90s.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe they could refinagle, swiff-it style, that Abba song into "Super Pooper" about how good you feel after applying the ointment.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"The Heat Is On"? "Hotter Than Hell"?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hot Pants"

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Finally, here's a perfect opportunity for Mr. Bungle's "My Ass Is On Fire"!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"Burning From The Inside"?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Steely Dan might hire out "Fire In The Hole".

― Nom De Plume (Nom De Plume), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"Doctor, Doctor/
Can't you see I'm Burnin'/ Burnin'"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

BÖC "Burnin' For You"

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

How about Polly Brown's "Up in a Puff of Smoke" for Cialis ads? "Up, up, up in a puff of smoke, and it ain't no joke..."

Caution: Prescription drug-mediated erection lasting longer than four hours, while rare, must be attended to by a physician.

― George Smith, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"Goin' up, goin' up, goin' up, up, up..."

Caution sex movie industry workers and fluffers: Prescription drug-mediated erection lasting longer than four hours, while rare, must be attended to by a physician.

― George Smith, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Rose Falcon: "Up, Up, Up" for Cialis

along those lines: Use Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday" for 'roids, do a before (oh god my butt), apply ointment, then the chorus comes up the next day as our hero/heroine is totally asspain-free

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Caution to men in The Darkness or attending public functions in tight pants: Prescription drug-mediated erection lasting longer than four hours, while rare, must be attended to by a physician.

― George Smith, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Somewhere on CampChaos.com there's a brilliant flash animation about Iggy Pop chatting with some marketing/advertising drones.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

but, uh, there was already an ad that did this joke: it was curry flavoured crisps or something, but it had a guy squatting on toilet and this song, and uh oh nevermind.

― tom west (thomp), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Good on the Cash family!! If that was in a commercial, it'd be fucking ruined forever. I hate it when songs are used in commercials. I mean, can anyone listen to Motown songs seriously anymore???

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Only when I'm eating Twizzlers!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

B-b-but it's been in a commercial.

I can listen to Motown songs. I only listened to the serious ones seriously though.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"I Feel Good" by James Brown is really a great song. I hope I never hear it again in my life!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

this idea has already been done (though not in a commercial). see frank zappa's the best band you've never heard in your life.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Eisbar otm - more than 15 years ago, no less

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:36 (twenty-two years ago)

What about ProBot does a song called "We like Probot!!!"- and then a leading bumhole ointment procurer rename their condiments brandname "ProBot"!!!! Then everyone's a winner!!!!

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

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