If You Started A Band...

Everyone else would hate it, but I think it would be fun.

If I were to start a band it'd probably consist of myself, two girls from work, and my friend Adi, and we'd sound like All Saints, which would be horribly boring.

The best review of Take That I ever heard of was the description of their early videos as all seeming like the opening five minutes of the world's most glorious fist-fucking extravaganza ever.

damn, someone's going to pinch that no aren't they..

Take That had Robbie Williams in it. That's basically their saving grace to me.

I sang it a couple bands in high school, and it was really awful; the main problem being I have no musical talent. I mean I can sort of cary a tune, but not so's you'd want to listen, and I can't write music. But nowadays I sort of fancy myself a crooner in the Nick Cave/Tindersticks variety. I look good in shabby suits.

After our indie release goes lead at sales of 10, we could be signed to Interscope and tour with Limp Bisquick, their tragical last tour where fred Durst's little red hat explodes mid show one night in Boise Idaho.

If I were to start a band...hmmm...I think I'd just make really simple music about everyday stuff. But, I would ask J Mascis to provide a 15 minute guitar solo on one song.

The anticlimactic "band" that I've gotten people signed up for consists, however, of one guitar, one singer (who is very good, at least), and one triangle player, and one violinist who is coming UNDER COMPULSION because he hates rock music.

maria in prog rock shocker! ;)

i still don't know what prog rock is. i am paralyzed with dread. is it done already, my lovely dream? ah well i will do it better.

nah, i was just kidding. whatever you do will be much better than prog rock becuz you are a GURL (which is good), whereas prog rock is mostly made by boys who carried 12 sided dice to school and have fantasies about the lusty maidens of the rennaisance faire (which is oh so bad.) plus we all know il* LURVES a good sea shanty. arrrrrr. :)

I'm fucking serious. Have you ever heard Wire do 5/10 on Document:Eyewitness..? genious.

I would have 3 foxy backup singers. guitar, bass, and drums. would also have 1 or 2 multi-taskers to add some horns or turntable accents where needed.

the sound I want:

the strokes
+
martha & the vandellas
+
Ian Svenonius' The Make-Up
+
the Stones' "I Just Want To See His Face"

like supercollider only girls would like it. i'd be on "beats".

http://www.dexys.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/.pond/dont_stand_me_down.jpg.w300h300.jpg

wouldn't be scruffs, neither

my band would ideally have two guitarists, two keyboardists, one of whom is a computer whizz, a drummer, a bassist, a singer/frontman/songwriter (me), three specialist backing singers, a woodwind multi-instrumentalist, and some guy who can't really play anything but occasionally grabs an instrument belonging to one of the others and does something inspired. in the live show he would be equipped with an electric violin hooked up to a massively overdriven noise amp and an effects-pedalled drum machine.

high energy rock & roll

The ideal band is a one man band consisting of one, preferrably male, mega-genius. Preferrably a control freak with a perfect pitch, who plays all of the instruments, sings all the lead and backing vocals (needs a voice that is able to sing both baritone and tenor to be able to sing those backing vocals properly), writes all of the material and also knows enough about engineering to be able to produce and engineer the material himself. The instruments he needs to know are guitar and keyboards. Some knowledge of bass guitar or drums is also an advantage although those may also be programmed using synth technology (not the most important instruments anyway - they are there for no other reason than to fill the "bottom" and keep the pulse).
The more of a virtuoso he is as a guitar player and keyboard player, the better.

While synths are able to reproduce most sounds these days, it would still ideally be an advance if he owned a mellotron, a Rhodes piano and a grand piano besides all the synth equipment.

To reproduce the keyboard dominated music live onstage, he would need one guitar player, one bass player, one drummer and at least two keyboardist.

"so nice w/his hands he don't need no band"

Some knowledge of bass guitar or drums is also an advantage although those may also be programmed using synth technology (not the most important instruments anyway - they are there for no other reason than to fill the "bottom" and keep the pulse).

Oh, come on!!!

I would have the drums from Bo Diddley's late 50's singles. A bass player that plays jazz parts through a fuzz pedal. Minimal clean tone accent stab guitar parts ala motown. Nasty distorted organ from the first couple Soft Machine Lp's.

We would do 20 minute instrumental dance jams with no lyrics except for dual weirdo cut-up spoken word parts ala VU's Murder Mystery or lofi found sound radio samples run though tape echo and phase.

When we gig, we would play behind a wall of 10 foot high mirrors and the audience would be bathed in very low yellow and orange lights. Above the mirrors are projectors that play directly at the audience.

You can only buy our records at gigs or direct through a post office box and we don't give names, take photos, or do press.

What a desperate lot of perishers.

saxophone players: 5
trumpet players: 4
trombone players: 4
tuba players: 2
cellist: 1
violinists: 2
violist: 1
bassist (electric and double/upright): 1
drummer (basic trap kit): 1
percussionists (kitchen sink): 2
pianist: 1
moogist: 1
vocalists: 4 female, 4 male

Mic all and run into 2-bus mixer with A and B routes each patched through separate but identically outfitted fx chains capable of all the following:
* ring modulation
* resonant filter
* analog delay
* flange
* phaser
* chorus
* reverb
* digital (looping) delay

knob twiddler: 1

laptop

singer

2 turntables n a microphone

2 turntables n a microphone

Sounds OK as long as there is no MC :)

Dick Destiny & the Highway Kings cover band

"bands" are so passé

file another one under impossible:

a drummer who was a serious jaki leibezeit disciple, a tantric soul singer, a gay dad doing whatever, a serious tambourine player, a drummer who was a serious tony allen disciple, and me waving from the side like vanna white

but i'd just be happy if i could play some riffs with some other dudes who could play some licks and maybe we could do a decent cover of 'supernaut.' and then 'not in love' by talking heads.

ok file that under impossible too

Anal Cunt/GG Allin cover band

Brass pop-rock with lots of trumpets and percussion and backing vocals. Lighthouse + Grass Roots + Earth Wind & Fire, touring in the Partridge Family's Mondrian school bus.

mellotron, crumhorn & bouzouki

I want a band that plays serious doom/slude metal guitar like Moss, Wobbly/Dubby bass lines, percussion similar to Liquid, Liquid, and Charles Bukowski ranting over top.

36 drum machines run through "grunge" guitar pedals with the grunge effect turned all the way up, on fire, a singer, and a guy who turns on one of those horns that are inside of trains that you can hear from miles away.

That or like 4 drummers on drum sets, and 4 drummers on midi drum pads, and 3 people on samplers.

OR: A room full of contact mics run through delay pedals. Anyone who comes to the show is automatically in the band.

The ideal band is a one man band consisting of one, preferrably male, mega-genius. Preferrably a control freak with a perfect pitch, who plays all of the instruments, sings all the lead and backing vocals (needs a voice that is able to sing both baritone and tenor to be able to sing those backing vocals properly), writes all of the material and also knows enough about engineering to be able to produce and engineer the material himself. The instruments he needs to know are guitar and keyboards. Some knowledge of bass guitar or drums is also an advantage although those may also be programmed using synth technology (not the most important instruments anyway - they are there for no other reason than to fill the "bottom" and keep the pulse).
The more of a virtuoso he is as a guitar player and keyboard player, the better.

While synths are able to reproduce most sounds these days, it would still ideally be an advance if he owned a mellotron, a Rhodes piano and a grand piano besides all the synth equipment.

To reproduce the keyboard dominated music live onstage, he would need one guitar player, one bass player, one drummer and at least two keyboardist.

― Geir Hongro,

i can picture geir stroking a rabbit on his lap while he posted all that

a 'preferrably male' rabbit

a drummer who was a serious jaki leibezeit disciple, a tantric soul singer, a gay dad doing whatever, a serious tambourine player, a drummer who was a serious tony allen disciple, and me waving from the side like vanna white

this i like

xp: geir just wants todd rundgren to make all the music now.

or Prince?

worst band ever: todd rundgren, prince, and david bowie all jamming out. they'd kill each other before the first rehearsal was over.

I already have a made-up band. We're called Wilderness of Hatred, and we're going for the teen metal market. We've written two songs - 'Catastrophic Event' and 'Tear Out Your Eyes'.

Two-guitar band with extremely percussive, relatively unmelodic approach to guitar. Possibly prepared guitar involved. Lots of movement on stage.

That's actually a band I'm trying to start though.

haa. these days i'd say singer/songwriter or a folk band. something with a fiddle player or maybe like a hammer dulcimer player. the other band members would have to be ~wise souls~ is my only other requirement. xxxxxpost

my real answer:

robert wyatt and yoshimi on double drum duty. merzbow on "roxy music-era eno" duty. nels cline making guitar noise. process of weeding out-era kira on bass. don van vliet can say some shit on top while i make vocalizations in the background.

merzbeno

A cover band, no original material -- by disposition (not necessarily material), some mashup of Miles' 2nd quintet, the Fleshtones and the Free Design.

i would see this band

I have daydreamed my way through a lot of sets by this band.

we'd be a mix of industrial, rap, reggaeton, and death metal

JBR, I would see your band too. That sounds like a ton of fun.

i would also have brix smith on rhythm guitar and fashion coordination.

i can picture geir stroking a rabbit on his lap while he posted all that

― pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname)

a 'preferrably male' rabbit

― former moderator, please give generously (DG)

You guys can't do this to me, the coffee almost came out of my nose!!