Do you find it hard to tell your friends that you're not into their music? Or do you end up liking their music in a combination of forced bias and cognitive dissonance?

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Still a weak point of mine.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

(and now all my musician friends are all going to think I don't like their music, which is NOT TRUE! at least, most of the time... heh heh... *hides in corner*)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Probably more of the latter. However, these days I don't have too many friends who are hardcore music fans, so it doesn't come up often.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

All my friends' music is great.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

A couple of my friends are stone-cold morons when it comes to "tolerating" what I listen to, and I used to (and sometimes) respond in kind. I'm not sure if I started this gambit, or if they did - I imagine I fired the first shot - but I used to be an intolerable indie-loving fame-hating asshole when it came to music - "dude, Phish and Metallica fucking suck; listen to Soul Coughing & Tsunami to hear some Real Music!" - which made situations more difficult than necessary.

Nowadays, I love just about everything, so it's never really an issue when someone plays something I don't like (unless I feel like being a jerk, and that's only with close friends) (and they respond in kind, so it's all good). Thinking about this question, though, I just realized that music isn't that big a part of my life with this group of friends (with whom I spend most of my non-me time), excepting the QT my roomy & I occasionally share while watching VH1 Classic. Regardless, the whole "you don't like anything popular" meme comes up every so often with the idiot friends, which is funny because A) that was nearly TEN YEARS AGO, dood and B) I could drop a boxful of "popular music" releases I own on your head and break your neck and C) shut up, you like Kansas and the Guess Who, you asshat.

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I might've lost the question somewhere along the way towards formulating an answer, so I'll say this: I usually do a combo of A & B, depending on the situation, though I find myself doing a snarky schtick-heavy version of A more than I'd like.

Hey DB, you wanna expand on the question some?

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

There's nothing wrong with the Guess Who.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

...a combination of forced bias and cognitive dissonance?

You forgot Anxiety of Influence, not to mention Veiled Threats and Outright Thuggery.

― Ghost of Harold Bloom, Friday, 27 February 2004 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Barry, if there has ever been a thread where the desire to give out semantical beatdowns and distract folks from the question at hand must be sublimated, it is right here. (Even though I am right - wink!)

― David R. Has Seen A Lot of Love... (popshots75`), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry David, as a Good Canadian Boy I just couldn't let it slide :)
Plus, there wasn't much I could add to your comments, which were otm. I was an indie asshole too around 1993-6 (between the ages of 19-22, but hey, who isn't a bit of an asshole at that age). But I also hung out with a lot of like-minded people. If you're on the same page as your friends, music-wise, you can develop collective smugness, and it can be fun. Not hanging out in those kinds of circles has likely mellowed me out a bit, plus, I'd like to think I'm open and receptive to more music than I used to be, so I end up liking more music in general and disliking almost nothing.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Well before I expand the question, I'll say right now that moving to Seattle has DEFINITELY helped my ability to honestly like my friends' music, or at least not shudder when hearing a note of it.. mainly because a higher percentage of people here tend to be artists, musicians, etc... and handily, the large number of sucky musicians in Seattle happen to be the most insular, scene-based, careerist, and cliquish ones.. i.e. people I don't hang out or am not too cool to hang out with, which is much easier on my friendliness psyche than it was in Orange County, CA... where there were plenty of nice people, but all in bands that I couldn't stand.

So, David, the question is meant to be open to interpretation... but otherwise I think it's explicit enough. What I meant by the latter part is suggesting that people sometimes just trick themselves into liking their friends' music, against their "better judgement" or more to the point, against their own opinions of it; so that they won't risk bruising the egoes that are always present within any group of musicians who have the pretense to make art for public consumption, and retain those friendships. (I probably made even less sense than originally, but I can try again)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I lost half my friends by getting into house music.
They've since been replaced.

― J J Dancer, Friday, 27 February 2004 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Depends on the friend, really. By this point, most of them know better than to whip out their Best of Bread or Beyonce Sings Gospel Standards CDs out when I'm around.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 27 February 2004 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Aaaaaha, ok David, I think I now know what you meant by the clarification request..

"their music" = "their songs, as made by them"... NOT "their musical tastes".

OK, just caught the vagueness in my thread now. Sorry, sorry.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

(That said, the other interpretation is an interesting question too, though personally, I clearly stay my ground and tell my friends that we'll have to agree to disagree... I originally meant talking about telling your MUSICIAN friends that the music THEY MAKE is your thing or not)

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

telling your MUSICIAN friends that the music THEY MAKE is your thing or not

Yeah, that's how I read it.

If it's something I don't like I like to figure out ways to be ambiguous about my appreciation of it yet in a detailed enough manner to show them that I am paying attention, ie saying "wow, it's like a simplistic industrial version of The Wire" instead of "even if you guys had an actual drummer and proper songs it would still be way too dire for my taste".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Not really - I mean, if I don't like it, then I do at least try to find something interesting about it (there's always something), but also say what I didn't care for. I think most serious musicians are interested in hearing your honest opinion, if they ask about it.

― dleone (dleone), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish it was most, dleone... You won't believe the amount of stories I've heard about musicians who ask their friends for serious opinions of their music, then go on total megabitch grousegripes when their friends actually tell them their honest opinions.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

(Dr C to thread!)

― the bluefox, Friday, 27 February 2004 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Basically, my alarm goes off if I know an artist or band is trying to make a career out of music, but hasn't registered on any radars yet anywhere, and then asks for an opinion... this is where one should usually tread warily (though I stress "usually".)

People can be serious about music, but serious about it being a hobby, in which case, then I trust their ability to take opinions from any angle.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Even then, there are very successful musicians who have egos with more eggshell cracks than a three year old.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Where I live, Everyone is into jam bands, the stupid bastards. I mean Deadheads, Phishers, Spreadheads, I've never seen a larger collection of people with worse taste. So they(the entire town) have learned to not mention music in my presence, or the Wrath of Speedy will put them in their place.
Honestly, the problem is not that they like this crap, it's that they insist that I like it.
And to approach this question from the other angle, the music that my friends create is by association, also crap.

― Speedy (Speedy Gonzalas), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I the only one here who shares musical tastes with my friends? I mean, you're friends with someone because you share similar attitudes/likes/dislikes/word views/politics, whatever. So by default, aren't you likely to share musical tastes as well? I know this is the case for me and my friends.

Thinking further on this, people I *used* to be friends with, but haven't kept in touch with, for the most part didn't have similar tastes in music or much of anything else with me - which is probably why we're no longer friends.

― Davlo (Davlo), Friday, 27 February 2004 22:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, sure, some of us make friends because of similar interests like musical tastes etc., but some of us make friends with co-workers too, and then there's family.

Has anyone here told their brother, sister, cousin, or whomever that their band sucked, much less their best friend's band? If so, you earn some Blunt/Honesty Frankfurter award of some kind.

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 27 February 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I no longer share any real common tastes in music with friends.

Five or more years ago we'd have been into some similiar music, but I guess my tastes keep progressing a lot whereas there's seems to stay pretty much the same.

I just don't really discuss music much with them anymore, unless they bring it up. To answer the question, I wouldn't say I end up liking the Coldplay / Ben Harper / Jack Johnson's of this world, but I've at least learned to tolerate them in their company (not everyone's life revolves around music)

― Mil, Friday, 27 February 2004 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't find it hard at all to tell one of my friends that I hate his terrible music. Sometimes, we fight about it. Or at least, I try to yell some sense into him. I love him to death, but the kid has soft rock stations programmed into his car stereo. Even his mom thinks he has bad taste in music! She was all, "Air Supply? Really? Honey, no..." We only agree on Erasure, a couple Kylie Minogue tracks, and Remix to Ignition. But, I already liked that stuff. He will never win me over to the adult contemporary dark side.

Maybe we should hate eachother, but we actually get along very well. In general, we do have similar attitudes/likes/dislikes/world views/politics. I've accepted the dentist office music as a personality quirk. In turn, he puts up with my taste in movies, which falls short of his movie nerd standards.

Besides, my taste in music is kinda shit to, if held up against music nerd standards. At least he isn't listening to nu-metal.

And I have had other people (not said friend) win me over to music I normally wouldn't have listened to or didn't start out liking. It wasn't a matter of relieving my cognitive disssonace, they just gave me a new perspective on it.

― amandaslaughter, Saturday, 28 February 2004 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll totally tell them but I usually self-deprecate when I do, saying they should ignore me cuz I'm just a cranky asshole who likes Good Charlotte. This came up last night when a guy asked me if I liked the Kings Of Leon. Actually, I got way awkward when someone once asked me if I dug Jim DeRogatis reviews rather than any band.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 28 February 2004 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

who says my friends have bad taste? i do not befriend people who have mediocre, let alone bad, taste in music. (note the irony)

― nathalie (nathalie), Saturday, 28 February 2004 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Friends have definitely affected my tastes too. If you're cool with somebody usually realizing WHY they like something will make you appreciate unless you think that positive quality can be found moreso in music you already enjoy.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 28 February 2004 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

(argh I need to write "proofread your posts" on my hand so I don't forget)

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 28 February 2004 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe i just have talented friends, but it's been rare for one of my musician friends to make music i outright dislike. i'm sure the music i make isn't exactly what all of my friends are into but most of them seem to honestly enjoy it.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Sunday, 29 February 2004 00:21 (twenty-two years ago)

NO,I DONT REALY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT MY FRIENDS LISTEN TO, ITS KINDA LIKE THE CLIK THAT U HANG WITH USUALLY LISTENS TO THE SAME MUSIC BUT SOME TIMES I THINK SOME PEOPLE GO TO FAR INTO THEIR MUSIC. IF I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT I JUST TRY TO DEAL WITH IT AND RECOMEND SOME OF MY MUSIC TO THEM

― CODY BACHINSKI, Sunday, 29 February 2004 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

i just regard it as a mega bonus if my friends like the same stuff as i do. having the same music taste is certainly not a prerequisite of mine for devoting time to people, as a lot of people who claim to like the music that i do are certified bores. with a lot of my friends, i'll tread around the topic of music because it doesn't contribute to what i value in them.

― Charlie Howard (the sphinx), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 14:32 (nineteen years ago)

You are answering the wrong question, twenty-nine months too late.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 15:02 (nineteen years ago)

Solution: have more talented friends!

I think I'm lucky in this respect.

On the rare occasion that I really don't like a friend's musical project, I'll usually be honest and say "it's not really my kind of thing" but then try to think of some positive thing to say about an aspect of it that I do like.

But I haven't had to do this in a while.

― Breaking Under The Crush (kate), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

My only friends who make music with much seriousness are my brother, who makes pretty good liquid funk-style dnb, and my friend Justin who makes HAPPY FUCKING HARDCORE* YEAH! So no problems there.

*He says it's 'breakbeat hardcore'.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 16:34 (nineteen years ago)

i have a full supply of lines to say to musician friends after their shows.

for example:
"GREAT CROWD!!"
"THE SOUND IN HERE IS AMAZING!!!"
"THIS PLACE IS INCREDIBLE!!!"
"THAT SOUNDGUY WAS ALL OVER THE BASS!!!"
etc.

lines that are sufficiently enthusiastic, but completely avoid the question of the MUSIC.

― nerve pylon (flat_of_angles), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 19:36 (nineteen years ago)

it's pretty easy to say exactly what I think of friends' music tastes, no problem

my girlfriend though, she's another story... you don't fuck with that

― Stephen Bush (Stephen B.), Tuesday, 21 November 2006 19:41 (nineteen years ago)

ill break it down for any of my friends who ask me. they all know how hyper critical i am of music, and they know i cant hide my true feelings.

― pipecock (pipecock), Wednesday, 22 November 2006 03:39 (nineteen years ago)

I am completely honest with musicians I respect. If a friend has produced
music that I love, they know it, and they can deal with me saying that
their latest project/performance "sucked".
Friends that haven't produced anything worthwhile are harder to be honest
with. I try to be diplomatic with the "constructive criticism" in that case.

― shieldforyoureyes (shieldforyoureyes), Wednesday, 22 November 2006 08:55 (nineteen years ago)

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