r kelly - a woman's threat

in bed, with blankets over my lower half, wearing a t-shirt and stretched burgundy underwear, with my laptop (heavy, warm) on my chest, playing minesweeper and listening to cbc overnight on radio 1 (hourlong chops of public radio world service feeds from around the world from midnight to four thirty so soothing foreign accents and always about coral reefs or german parliamentary politics or the united nations and israel)-- switch on the lamp and take out my retainer and turn off the radio and get my headphones from beside my bed and roll back into position and switch the lamp off and plug the headphones in and. jerk off to one of ten movies i've been jerking off to for six months, a year, headphones and in the dark-- mostly watching, not jerking off, the actual masturbation part is over quick and against the wall (get as little on the sheets as possible)(try to remember not to roll against it later). already have winamp ready and song selected (this one). because there is one minute after the whole thing, where i'm in a special state, where i have a feeling i never have, which is a mix between being really thirsty, like i just ate a bunch of pringles and my mouth is really dry and salty, and wanting, sort of, to be hugged. hard to describe. and i usually listen to whatever my favorite song then is but now it's only the ones i have on my laptop righ then but now it's only a woman's threat. there is no sadder song in the world. i lie in the dark, with my laptop screen folded down as low as it will go (if you close it all the way, it turns off or goes into some kind of standby mode) and just feeling my face crack like an egg and it's so relentless, so many beautiful, heartbreaking details. i think it's about a woman saying to a man that if he keeps fucking around, he's going to lose all of these things about her, all of these little things that -- i'm listening to it right now and crying out of my right eye i just soaked up the tears with a kleenex that was on the bed the chair is right beside a bed i'm in the spare bedroom -- are her and like it's just her life. but it just feels like so hopeless kind of but so happy too and how i feel i can't describe it fuck. i just wanted to see people write aboutit this song is so important to me. i didn't hear it a long time ago