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okay, look, i know starting threads about batshit pitchfork reviews is so 2002, but, like, what the fuck?

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http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/b/blechdom_kevin/bitches-without-britches.shtml

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

haha this record makes peaches look like kraftwerk

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 5 March 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

haha this is seriously what i imagine 90% of the submissions matos gets read like

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

(i dont think i disagree with the basic thesis [if i could, you know, actually work out what it was admist all the misused academic speak, forced humor, and clever-cleverness], but wtf.)

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

though i am glad that someone who writes a song with a title like "boo-b-q" (someone call cracked magazine) is finally presenting an "intellectually honest take on kylie minogue"

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Strongo, did you ever get that job?

― cracked mag, Friday, 5 March 2004 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"at subway stops and bodegas between Lorimer and Canarsie"

eeeeeeeek

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"deconstructs the consumerist/hygiene nexus, each new product or surgery relieving the user/recipient of certain duties and concerns, and further complicating the crux of the postmodern condition ("Binaca"). "

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

this is the fanciest way to say nothing yet.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

"Having morphed from a diminutive pupa into a full-grown, sex-positive gadfly since her first recordings with Blectum from Blechdom, she's now spreading her wings (and legs) and confidently striking out on her own"

This may possibly be the corniest line I've ever read in a music review.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

oh come now.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

is Cracked still going ? damn. i had huge collection when i was early teens. never see that in UK these days. lent the fraggers to an old school friend. never to be seen again. b*stards.

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

cracked is still going! i'm constantly amazed when i go to the drug store.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The review read like he had something he really wanted to say about electroclash and was waiting for a record he could say it about, but it's about as accurate as reviewing the Shins album to write about garage rock.

― Brian Miller (Brian Miller), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.crackedmag.com well i never. its like a 20 year timewarp in front of my own eyes.

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

What about Crazy magazine? That was the underground shit.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck that. Gimme some Fred Hembeck.

― Diminutive Gadfly (popshots75`), Friday, 5 March 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Blevin got custody of the talent in the Blechdom divorce.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

sex-positive gadfly

Ruth Westheimer and Joan Rivers merge and create A NEW BEING

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

a suicide incurring unconsciousness without fatality

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Pretty Girl Conspiracy Academy

this is the name of my new straightedge band

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

we're ready to sign you vahid

― gerard c. (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't bring myself to post this shit

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

yep, that killed it

― vahid (vahid), Friday, 5 March 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Well done.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 5 March 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It was sometime after reading the 31st consecutive three syllable word that I stopped trying to decide if that review was trying to be sarcastic or not.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Friday, 5 March 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

WHAT IS THE CRUX OF THE POSTMODRN CONDITION

― THE AMAZING DERRIDA (diamond), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:02 (twenty-one years ago)

It's an r. kelly song -- I Like The Crux On You!

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

the crux of the biscuit

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Blevin got custody of the talent in the Blechdom divorce.
-- Colin Meeder (amisrau...), March 5th, 2004.

apparently so. couldnt stand the blectums, but chanced across blevin's new group sagan opening for country teasers at the hemlock last month and was blown away.

― my name is limitless, Friday, 5 March 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.russianny.com/newdesign/custompages/Delacqua/nexus.jpg

The "consumerist/hygiene nexus"?

― little john (MarkR), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

intellectually honest take on Kylie Minogue??!

If the writer actually knows what that means, I'd be startled. wtf

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

it means kevin doesnt shave her legs

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Wouldn't an intellectually honest take on Kylie Minogue be...Kylie Minogue?

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

obviously this writer's never heard "Impossible Princess"

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.filmfestivals.com/berlin_2000/images/img_ampsycho.jpg

― Broheems (diamond), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

thank god my college paper didn't run music reviews like this

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Friday, 5 March 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

they don't pay people at pitchfork though, right? Like editors. and they run like 40 new reviews a day. so if you look at it like that...

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 5 March 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I was Kevin's replacement at my last job. I moved right into her cubicle before it had even been cleaned out. It was grimey! I didn't realize who she was until I found all the post-its with her passwords and they were ALL "Blechdom"

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Friday, 5 March 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Unusually terrible review. There's definitely an audience for this record, but this writer doesn't help any of them find it by mentioning 'electroclash'. Bizarre rockabilly / hoedown / C&W rockers & ballads through a Jad Fair / Residents / noisy techno prism is closer.

the junior high sense of humor leaves many people cold, but anyone claiming that she isn't talented should check out her Max/MSP patches, the klardoscopic remedy patch was used on back cover of the Max/MSP box for a while. I once again rabidly recommend her instrumental ep "The Inside Story"; she needed help to do the pop stuff but I think her most interesting music was the stuff she did all on her own.

― (Jon L), Friday, 5 March 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

it looks it went through the post-modern generator website.

― keith m (keithmcl), Saturday, 6 March 2004 01:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Society is part of the futility of truth," says Sartre; however, according to Long[2] , it is not so much society that is part of the futility of truth, but rather the absurdity, and subsequent failure, of society. Thus, Lyotard's critique of socialist realism holds that the collective is capable of significance. The example of textual desituationism intrinsic to Fellini's Satyricon emerges again in Amarcord.

If one examines neodialectic socialism, one is faced with a choice: either accept Marxist socialism or conclude that sexual identity, surprisingly, has significance, but only if the premise of socialist realism is invalid; if that is not the case, sexuality is used to exploit the Other. However, Sartre uses the term 'neodialectic socialism' to denote not materialism, as Foucault would have it, but postmaterialism. The characteristic theme of Cameron's[3] analysis of Marxist socialism is the bridge between narrativity and class.

In a sense, Sartre uses the term 'neodialectic socialism' to denote the genre of cultural art. Baudrillard suggests the use of the neodialectic paradigm of expression to read and analyse society.

But Derrida uses the term 'neodialectic socialism' to denote not, in fact, deconstructivism, but subdeconstructivism. Marxist socialism states that sexuality has objective value.

It could be said that the primary theme of the works of Fellini is the stasis, and subsequent meaninglessness, of semioticist society. Sontag uses the term 'socialist realism' to denote not discourse, as Marxist socialism suggests, but neodiscourse.

― keith m (keithmcl), Saturday, 6 March 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

i request that pitchfork use smaller words that convey some sort of meaning.

― Ryan WS (fffv), Saturday, 6 March 2004 01:56 (twenty-one years ago)

The same person reviewed "Theme from Sparta F.C." in the singles thingy PF does now. The review is better because it is shorter, but...

"This is what it would sound like if King Leonidas met Xerxes in the UEFA cup final at Thermopylae, their men soaking the pitch with blood and sweat."

???

I'm angry at the person who wrote this stuff. My anger is compounded by the fact that I think both "Theme from Sparta F.C." and the Blechdom album are great.

― Ryan WS (fffv), Saturday, 6 March 2004 02:02 (twenty-one years ago)

This reviewer writes like a post-graduate student who no longer knows how to connect to anyone on a normal level.

fwiw, I really liked the Blechdom album in question - her hyperactive presence is contagious.

― Michael F Gill (Michael F Gill), Saturday, 6 March 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

good god. ryan - please don't hire this guy fulltime!

― full-grown, sex-positive gadfly (scott pl.), Saturday, 6 March 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh this reads like the papers I write in my Modernity in Latin American Art class to taunt the professor--what failure in our educational system is it that somehow turns elaborately saying nothing into "meaningful" discourse? This is and always will be Pitchfork's high point.

― adam (adam), Saturday, 6 March 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

That's when their cover of "Come On Eileen" came on. I think I came. Great music that won't be soon forgotten by anyone who's heard them.

Oh those wacky mid-nineties.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 6 March 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

what about when that singles thing called that one song featuring slug a banger

― $corpium, Saturday, 6 March 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

haha yeah, lord knows he doesn't have good beats or anything

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Saturday, 6 March 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

ah never mind, that subject can only lead to another nervous breakdown

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Saturday, 6 March 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

(I hereby retract my snarky assertion that Kevin is talentless; but I really do think that Blevin is the shit and the much more compelling artist.)

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Saturday, 6 March 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

its awesome when a bunch of talentless shits get together to have a chat about music.....

― buddy jokealot, Saturday, 6 March 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

>Blevin is the shit

absolutely agreed.

― (Jon L), Saturday, 6 March 2004 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

if it makes you feel better, most of the submissions I get are nowhere near as littered with unchecked sexual assumptions about other people

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Saturday, 6 March 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

What about references to the CRUX OF THE POSTMODERN CONDITION though?

― Broheems (diamond), Saturday, 6 March 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

you know, it does.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 6 March 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

no postmodern cruxes, just a lot of unchecked assumptions about indie rock being the one true way. sigh.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Saturday, 6 March 2004 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

[removed by request]

― Stephen Malkmus, Sunday, 7 March 2004 01:36 (twenty-one years ago)

who the fuck is stephen malkmus?

it's really irresponsible to post someone's private address to a public page, especially under a cloak of anonymity. up until my address was posted, i thought that this thread was on point and even funny. you see, i'm happy to hear criticism, but this has gone too far. in fact, i think it's cowardly and unfair.

― jt. r, Sunday, 7 March 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

almost as good as unchecked assumptions that Chartpop is the Way

― jack cole (jackcole), Sunday, 7 March 2004 05:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have time for that, either.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Sunday, 7 March 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, I do have time for people who want to say interesting things about chartpop, and I also have time for people who want to say interesting things about indie rock. And classical music and jazz and metal and anything else. But believe me, the pitches/queries I get tend to be at LEAST 60% people who want to write about indie rock indie rock indie rock. And it's tiresome. Whereas I can think of probably two people I didn't know beforehand who approached me and asked to write about something that was actually on the radio (that wasn't hip-hop).

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Sunday, 7 March 2004 05:44 (twenty-one years ago)

You have to have lived in or near Williamsburg to decode half of this crap. I honestly feel bad for Pitchfork writers though, with all the hip and wit they're supposed to spit up, this review is inevitable.

The first thing Pitchfork should do is cut the word count requirement. I read this as someone trying to meet a word count when they don't have anything to say.

I also want descriptive adjetives instead of inane name dropping to give me an idea of what the album actually sounds like, and of course I'd like it to be a bit simpler, because I don't want to (I won't) read this review enough times to understand what it's trying to say.

― Shaun (shaun), Sunday, 7 March 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"its awesome when a bunch of talentless shits get together to have a chat about music....."

Thing is, I've got stuff out there under my own name (and more coming this summer), so people can actually be the judge, you anonymous coward.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Sunday, 7 March 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm just kinda surprised to find out that Kevin is a girl's name.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 7 March 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a pseudonym.

― gygax! (gygax!), Sunday, 7 March 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

hmm i was kinda suprised to find that jel was a bloke's name!

― Amy Smart, Saturday, 13 March 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread reads like a short story with a few pages ripped out.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 13 March 2004 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)


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