Phrases that should never be used to describe your band unless you're honestly attempting to commit career suicide

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"The coolest and most musical thing to grace your ears since Dream Theater"

(I am dying of laughter)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

dude, "musical" is gonna make these guys huge in the prog sphere!!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

please remember "commercial success" doesnt just mean getting yr picture taken with 50 cent and paris hilton

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"fusion"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

(sometimes it means dirty hippies and guys who play ad&d in their moms basement en masse.)

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

-10 charisma, esoj

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"the future of microhouse"

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"britpop"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"Intelligent Dance Music"

― Sym (shmuel), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Can't it be both, Jess?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I hear 50 Cent has, like, a level 523 wizard

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:20 (twenty-two years ago)

you roll: guns the size of lil bow wow

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"Produced by the Butcher Bros..."

"We decided to get back to basics with this one, and ended up writing most of the songs under deadline in the studio..."

"Concept album about the events on 9-11..."

"a band that met in an underage Thai whorehouse...sez guitarist 'Roots' Sauerbrucken: 'We Germans don't look down on that kind of thing, actually.'"

"as featured in an ad campaign for Nike"

"Nazi Socialist Black Metal"

I hear 50 Cent has, like, a level 523 wizard

Really? I gotta check this cat OWT...

― Ian Christe (Ian Christe), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:46 (twenty-two years ago)

"..promises a more aggressive, 'back to basics' kinda sound..."

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"back to basics" was actually the first thing that popped into my head too, even though there's nothing intrinsically unpleasant about the statement..

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"...more 'mature' second album"

― Mil, Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Dream Theater. Jesus fuck.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 03:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd see a band named "Jesus Fuck"

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

"... have teamed up yet again with producer Ian Broudie..."

― Dr. Annabel Lies (Michael Kelly), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Abacab-era Genesis"

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"tasty"

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus Fuck's guitarist Adam Everett says "We picked at the rough scabs of Creed's sound and feasted on the sweet goo that leaked forth, resulting in this nu-grunge Christian metal hybrid."

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:17 (twenty-two years ago)

What have I wrought.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:18 (twenty-two years ago)

We will need pictures.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"Funkin'" as a jokey way of saying "fuckin'." ("The best funkin' band in the Shreveport metro area!")

Actually, slummed gerunds in general will pretty much do you in.

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"leaves you reelin' with the feelin' not unlike getting your dick stuck in a blender"
-Pete Bagge

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 05:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahah!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 05:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"The next best thing to Creed"

― J-rock (Julien Sandiford), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 07:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Grunge is alive!"

Sadly, this is real.

― Ben Dot (1977), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"We've got a lot of variety, a good mix of heavy and melodic stuff."

Friends don't let friends be in bands like these.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Taking [adjective or noun] to a whole 'nutha level!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Our sound is 1/4 Puddle of Mudd, 1/2 Oasis, 1/8 Sting (circa Mercury Falling), 1/16 Korn....

― Doobie Keebler (Charles McCain), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"Christraping black metal"

― Phil Freeman (Phil Freeman), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Chinstrapping black metal"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"an eclectic musical gumbo"

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that band 'The Music' should change their name to 'The Musical'.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you have given me the creeping horrors.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Or they could just be honest and call themselves 'Jane's Recovery'.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

If it's a pop-punk/emo/hardcore band who namecheck cheap trick, the cars, elvis costello or the police when citing their influences, avoid them like the fucking plaugue.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

eh, "plague". Mr. High Verbal Score again.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Or they could just be honest and call themselves 'Jane's Recovery'.

Great, now I hate them even more.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's like [band or artiste] meets [band or artiste that sounds slightly different from previously mentioned band or artiste]!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

The best British rock band since Oasis!

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

"Not since Menswear has a band so epitomized the best parts of Britpop"

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:12 (twenty-two years ago)

It's like [band or musical artist] meets [very different band or musical artist].....on ACID!!!!!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"We're like Britney Speared."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"we're so heavy we're like Limp Bizkits n Gravy"

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"mature sound"

― anode (anode), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"Kid tested -- mother approved"

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"we're like g-unit except we don't dress like a damn faggot parade. plus we can dance."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"We've got an eight page interview in the new issue of The Big Takeover."

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Pop-ROCKED!"
"Art damaged"
"Angular guitar rock" Like, I know what you mean but why did you have to say THAT? Dude, angular like a BC Rich or a Charvel? Fuckin' sweet.

― bren, Wednesday, 10 March 2004 23:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"We've got an eight page interview in the new issue of The Big Takeover."

I dunno about this one. I think those BT interviews are the only things keeping Bad Religion, the Buzzcocks and Stiff Little Fingers together.

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Thursday, 11 March 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I like "art damaged."

― anode (anode), Thursday, 11 March 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"A _____ band with brains."

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 11 March 2004 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"Slummin' Gerunds" would be an OK name for a bar-rock band.

― jazz odysseus, Thursday, 11 March 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Anything thats just described as "pop/rock" garners immediate dismissal.

Also once read a press sheet thing describing a band's sound as "Everclear meets Godsmack"

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Thursday, 11 March 2004 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Christ almighty, that's dire.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 11 March 2004 04:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"Grunge is alive!"

Magic is a foot.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 11 March 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus Fuck's guitarist Adam Everett says "We picked at the rough scabs of Creed's sound and feasted on the sweet goo that leaked forth, resulting in this nu-grunge Christian metal hybrid."

-- Gear! (drink_to_remembe...), March 10th, 2004.

How is this not brilliant?

for me "Detroit rock sound"

― Sasha (sgh), Thursday, 11 March 2004 05:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"Formerly the drummer with Gay Dad..."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 11 March 2004 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Gay Dad's "Leisure Noise" album: Amazon.com Sales Rank: 32,748

somehow I think it will creep up ever so slightly as a sort of "butterfly effect" from all this. I'm checking back in a week.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 11 March 2004 06:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Best New Band in Britain"

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 11 March 2004 08:50 (twenty-one years ago)

The boss of a record label here in London was telling me the other week that he primes every new artist with a set of rules on being on the label. One of them is 'never say to a journalist "we just make music and if anyone else likes it, it's a bonus". If I read that in an interview with you, you're dropped.'

― Canada Briggs (Canada Briggs), Thursday, 11 March 2004 10:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Me: [reading sleeve notes] Are they really like 'Fugazi meets The Strokes'?
Friend: Well, in the sense that Fugazi, The Strokes and these guys are all bands, then yes. Otherwise no.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 11 March 2004 10:30 (twenty-one years ago)

"Straight Outta [band's hometown]."

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Thursday, 11 March 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

quite simply a good time rock n roll band.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 11 March 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

The boss of a record label here in London was telling me the other week that he primes every new artist with a set of rules on being on the label. One
of them is 'never say to a journalist "we just make music and if anyone else likes it, it's a bonus". If I read that in an interview with you, you're dropped.'

I guess Alan McGee was burned by all those Ride interviews in 1990, then.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 11 March 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i kinda like [band a] meets [band b] on [drug] if it's funny (intentionally or otherwise)

― donny dorko, Thursday, 11 March 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"The phunkiest shit since White Castle bathrooms"

(another sadly real one)

― rainman (rainman), Thursday, 11 March 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

"we just make music and if anyone else likes it, it's a bonus"

That was a classic Melody Maker joke-trope of yore, was it not? They used it so often as a way to take the piss out of bands I'd sorta assumed everyone'd kinda learnt not even to bother saying it anymore.

See also, "oh, there's always been a [insert wildly inappropriate genre here] element to our music"

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 11 March 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

of them is 'never say to a journalist "we just make music and if anyone else likes it, it's a bonus". If I read that in an interview with you, you're dropped.

Me and some friends used to play 'interview bingo'. Points for every deathly cliche, winner gets off buying a round. We'd be too busy laughing at the crap people come out with to remember who had bought drinks though.

X-post with Charlie - yes they really still do. And they say it like it's never been said before.

We don't care if everyone hates us. We'd rather have that than complete indifference"

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 11 March 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

quite simply a good time rock n roll band.
-- Anna (Fieldingann...), March 11th, 2004.

More generically, the phrase "quite simply" does the trick for me.

― Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Thursday, 11 March 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

From the original band mentioned in this thread:

Let's not even pretend this kid doesn't get all kinds of poon. Don't front.

― David Allen (David Allen), Thursday, 11 March 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

"retooled acoustic versions of our greatest hits"

― mike a, Thursday, 11 March 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn; someone else already said "sounds like ___ on acid."

― mike a, Thursday, 11 March 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"Beatlesque."

― mike a, Thursday, 11 March 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

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