Jay-Zeezer

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In the department of You Have Got to Be Fucking Kidding:

Flee! Flee while you can escape with your lives!

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I tried it, and wasn't impressed. I probably would've been more charitable in judging it if it weren't for the obnoxious Pitchfork-y "I'm indie" introduction on the front page.

― Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"With rap-esque lyrics like, "What's with these homies dissin' my girl?", it practically remixed itself."

Guh. Quah? Bluh.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Next up: Cam'ron's _Purple Haze_ / _Pinkerton_

"With rap-esque lyrics like 'God damn those half-Japanese girls'..."

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"99 Problems (and an internet girlfriend ain't one)"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

The "December 4th/Say It Ain't So" one is actually pretty good.

― Randy Reiss (undeadsinatra), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:02 (twenty-two years ago)

no it isn't

― Nik (Nik), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

however many times a day this guy is getting his ass kicked, it isnt enough.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Great, now all music is ruined for me! You guys have any suggestions as to how I could occupy my time now?

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:29 (twenty-two years ago)

remix the black album and resurrect music

― scissors (Honda), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd do it, but all the obvious combinations are already spoken for (Beatles, Metallica, Prince...uh, Weezer).

Maybe someone should mix it with Fear of a Black Planet.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:33 (twenty-two years ago)

urk. i'll try one more time but this is pretty bad on first listen.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:34 (twenty-two years ago)

call it Fear of Another Stupid Fucking 'Conceptually' Remixed Black Album

― scissors (Honda), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Save yourself the trouble and jab a screwdriver in your ear.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:37 (twenty-two years ago)

White people have ruined Jay-Z for me.

― Rollie Pemberton (Rollie Pemberton), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Remix it with "Stillmatic".

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ETHANP23: ok wtf did you see this 'jay-zeezer' thing!!!!
Dubplatestyle: no
ETHANP23: its a black album remix over weezer
ETHANP23: i just want to post 'I FUCKING WARNED YALL' to the TWO threads abt it
Dubplatestyle: well cmon ethan, the rap game is corny now
ETHANP23: oh man this guy is from philly too, can you go kick his ass for me
Dubplatestyle: GIVE ME HIS NAME
ETHANP23: mike
Dubplatestyle: i'll start with all the mikes in south philly
Dubplatestyle: that should only take 10 years
ETHANP23: 'the black and blue album'
Dubplatestyle: "the black and blueprint"
Dubplatestyle: however many times this guy is getting his ass kicked its not enough
ETHANP23: http://www.jay-zeezer.com/images/full.jpg
ETHANP23: that really is what makes it
ETHANP23: the turquoise checkerboard looks like a sonic the hedgehog level
ETHANP23: i have to admit this isnt that far from my disgust at the beatles thing
ETHANP23: it works pretty well as an indictment of that
Dubplatestyle: haha oh come on
ETHANP23: its kind of funny how everything i dont like ends up turning into rock music
ETHANP23: outkast, the black album, ilm
Dubplatestyle: i am still moderately disturbed by this
ETHANP23: haha im just happy to be proved right
Dubplatestyle: god i even know that bar, i've been there, and yes its just as as you can imagine
ETHANP23: yeah he talks abt going to see the roots 'spin' at fluid too, is that in philly??
Dubplatestyle: haha yes
Dubplatestyle: its the boho soul bar
ETHANP23: thats the part where he says his previous impression of jayz ws just 'the roots = cool, so jay-z = not cool'
ETHANP23: maybe it is a parody
ETHANP23: tho that just makes me think of the ppl who call geir a troll
Dubplatestyle: its very arch if it is!
ETHANP23: yeah if it is a parody its like a reichstag fire for indie kids
ETHANP23: the story abt him getting into jayz is the funniest thing ive ever read, it makes pfork look like murder dog

― RAW&UNCUT$$, Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope this dissuades people from ever naming their album after a color again.

― Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:40 (twenty-two years ago)

unless that colour is "puce"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

PERHAPSSOMEONECOULDMIXITWITHTENACIOUSDANDCALLITTHEJACKBLACKALBUM

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:47 (twenty-two years ago)

That, or Tenacious Z.

― m.e.a. (m.e.a.), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Black Blood Sells = Greatest idea ever

― Sym (shmuel), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Not too shoddy an idea mea... Jay-Z rhymes over a guy with one leg? Perhaps they could remix it with Randy Savage's album.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Were these not some of the same qualities that I loved about Steve Malkamus' vocals? Holy shit! Did I actually just say that?
Oh the horror etc

― Sym (shmuel), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:54 (twenty-two years ago)

So what is it about the Black Album that makes so many people want to MESS with it? Is it just a bandwagon thing or does the album actually scream for molestation?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the fact that the acapellas are more readily availible and touted than any other rap album ever, coupled with the facts that 9th Wonder set off the 'let's be an asshole and change a whole album' trend with Nas on God's Stepson right before the Black Album was going to drop, have something to do with this. Oh and everyone is trying to get on MTV News like Danger "I Made An Album With Jemini Once" Mouse.

― Rollie Pemberton (Rollie Pemberton), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 00:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I was now Jay-Z's pupil. Apparently his real name is Shawn Carter. (Don't look at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing that either. Do you know Black Francis' real name?) He grew up in the projects and rose to mega stardom in '96. He made a career out of rapping about his prior life as a street thug, but has put that all behind now him and is ready to "Get his grown man on". I learned all that in the first two songs! Most surprisingly of all is the fact that this is Jay-Z's last album and that he is retiring from the music business.

― Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Charles Thompson, IV (or is it III?)

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:21 (twenty-two years ago)

http://graphics.theonion.com/onion_global/jackie_harvey.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:23 (twenty-two years ago)

easy hawks, that homepage reads straight out of the onion stylebook.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

dammit, Dom, that Jackie Harvey pic had me in a giggle fit while checking out books to a cute girl! arrrgh

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Shouldn't a whitestripesjayz be on the way shortly?
The Zebra album or somesuch?

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:34 (twenty-two years ago)

The Eleprint.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Dom fucking wins. Beautiful. (The Ethan/Jess chat is equally worthy, but also reminds me that I need to ask Jess about cheesesteaks again sometime.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I quoted $$ in my review, running Wednesday

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 02:01 (twenty-two years ago)

:-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 02:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Seems harmless enough to me. Why are't we talking about scandanavian black metal, anyway? Or micro-house, or some other stupid shit? Oh, right, the Internet.

― scottontharox (scottkundla), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 07:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe I'll move on to "Ice-T-Rex" or the "Beastie Dead Boys."

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

This IS a parody, right?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I take it this means no one is interested in hearing my fantastic maship of '99 Problems' and 'Stand' then?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 12:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Only if you'll listen to my Merzbow / William Hung mindmeld.

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 16 March 2004 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You people take yourselves too goddamn seriously! I think it's quite the brill spoof.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Praytell, what is this thang trying to spoof? Remixes? Hip-hop? Cloistered undie sensibilities? Sucking?

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I think he's trying to parody people who don't "get" rap, until it's turned into "art", like with the Grey Album.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Rollie, Jess, and Matthew are all featured on his "reviews" page!!

http://www.jay-zeezer.com/reviews.html

(if this is a parody, it's genius)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

my own humble foray: http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0411/040317_music_jz.php

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

hook line and sinker.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm almost wondering if this was an inside-job prank on ILM....whoever did this knew how to push this board's buttons remarkably well....the truth is out there!

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

The fact that he's featuring negative criticism on his own page is beginning to persuade me it's all a big glorious hoax. If that's indeed the case, then I wish him the best (and wish I'd thought of it first).

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

From his FAQ page:

"Q: Do you realize that you suck as a DJ?
A: Guess what? I already said it on the home page, I'm not a DJ. I'm just a smart-ass with a computer and a lot of time on his hands. But if I wanted to, I could remix the shit out of this shit, because I rule. "

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I sure hope it's a joke. I'd hate to think that someone wrote that introduction on the front page with total earnestness.

― Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

For the record, I like two of the songs and the other two are okay. And neither Jay-Z nor Weezer hold enough of a sacred place in my life that I feel their music is in any empirical or personal way ruined for me. I also felt the indie-rock journal entry was, well, hilarious.

I just wanted to point out something that I see too many times on these things. People on internet message boards calling other people who do things like this on the internet "nerds," "dorks," and "losers." Hello! You guys are doing that on an -internet message board-. We're not out there fighting fires or doing extreme sports or brokering peace among warring nations. Let's just assume for the purposes of internet discussion that the pot and the kettle are both black, okay?

― Murphy, Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Errr... nobody used the term "nerds", "dorks", or "losers" on this thread before you turned up. But thanks for playing, anyway.

PERHAPSSOMEONECOULDDOAJAYZREMIXALBUMWITHAWEAPONSOFMASSDESTRUCTIONANGLECALLEDTHEBLIXALBUMLOLOLOL

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, Dom, could you parse a little less next time? I almost read what you typed. K THX.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

This album was worth it if only for the snarky ethan and jess chat.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

four years pass...

White people have ruined Jay-Z for me.

― The Saving Grace of Gospel House (The Reverend), Friday, 28 November 2008 10:36 (seventeen years ago)

You don't think Jay was complicit in that, though?

― dumb pseud (some dude), Friday, 28 November 2008 13:58 (seventeen years ago)

im white

― :) Mrs Edward Cullen XD (max), Friday, 28 November 2008 13:59 (seventeen years ago)

White people have ruined Jay-Z for me.

http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t39/marhabaa/make%20up/beyonce.jpg

― Peter "One Dart" Manley (The stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics), Friday, 28 November 2008 14:14 (seventeen years ago)

Blueprint 3 - or what I've heard of it thus far - makes Chinese Democracy look like a Triad tiff in Doncaster.

― Brother Belcher (Marcello Carlin), Friday, 28 November 2008 14:14 (seventeen years ago)

".. and you don't want that!"

― Mark G, Friday, 28 November 2008 14:20 (seventeen years ago)

Jay-Z's Glastonbury appearance has prompted a mini-resurgence in this horrendous bootleg. I've heard two or three pub DJs play it in the last six months.

― Chopper Aristotle (Matt DC), Friday, 28 November 2008 14:45 (seventeen years ago)

ETHANP23: yeah if it is a parody its like a reichstag fire for indie kids

― BIG HOOS is those british white steens (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:20 (seventeen years ago)

'Definitely Jay-Z' didn't actually happen in the end right?

― GSOHSHIT (blueski), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:21 (seventeen years ago)

well, it was call "OJayZis," but yeah, it did.

― dumb pseud (some dude), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:27 (seventeen years ago)

called

― dumb pseud (some dude), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:27 (seventeen years ago)

prove it.

― Mark G, Friday, 28 November 2008 16:33 (seventeen years ago)

― Peter "One Dart" Manley (The stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:35 (seventeen years ago)

omg

― gabbneb, Friday, 28 November 2008 16:46 (seventeen years ago)

backbeat the word is on the street that the fire in your flow went out

OH SHI-

― BIG HOOS is those british white steens (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:48 (seventeen years ago)

i didn't get that far

― gabbneb, Friday, 28 November 2008 16:48 (seventeen years ago)

*takes the shame*

― BIG HOOS is those british white steens (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, 28 November 2008 16:49 (seventeen years ago)

"Theey weren't cheering you they were cheering me!" ftw.

oh it's not a poll...

― Mark G, Friday, 28 November 2008 17:05 (seventeen years ago)

Max and WHITE BEYONCE have ruined Jay-Z for me.

― The Saving Grace of Gospel House (The Reverend), Saturday, 29 November 2008 05:54 (seventeen years ago)

http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/7457/beyoncejayzcourtsiderf0.jpg

― circles, Saturday, 29 November 2008 06:31 (seventeen years ago)

oops
http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/7457/beyoncejayzcourtsiderf0.jpg

― circles, Saturday, 29 November 2008 06:32 (seventeen years ago)

one month passes...

Happy new year guys!

http://www.jaydiohead.com/

― The boy with the Arab money (The stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics), Monday, 5 January 2009 01:49 (seventeen years ago)

i listen to "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" from the Slack album quite a lot. Yes that's the Black album acapellas over Slanted & Disenchanted-derived beats.

― subroc back to haunt, Monday, 5 January 2009 02:18 (seventeen years ago)

holy shit these don't even line up right.

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 5 January 2009 02:58 (seventeen years ago)

man, its shit like that that make me think people who enforce copyright law might have a point.

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 5 January 2009 03:00 (seventeen years ago)

two years pass...

White people have ruined Jay-Z for me.

― The Reverend, Friday, 4 February 2011 05:39 (fifteen years ago)

they handed him the gun, jay did the hit himself

― basedketball (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:16 (fifteen years ago)

white people ruined Wayne worse than Jay imo

― hercudeez and nuts affair (some dude), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:24 (fifteen years ago)

sorry dudes

― just sayin, Friday, 4 February 2011 16:25 (fifteen years ago)

as a white ppl i can't help but feel some level of culpability here

― basedketball (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:26 (fifteen years ago)

as someone who found and consumed this music unironically in my pre-ILM days, me too
(in my own defense, tho, I only really liked the "My Name is Jonas" one. "99 Problems" w/ "Buddy Holly" was entertaining maybe once, if that)

― proso_Opopoeia (bernard snowy), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:50 (fifteen years ago)

http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/3827/nooneisinnocent.jpg

― basedketball (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 4 February 2011 16:58 (fifteen years ago)

Thought this thread was about Jay-Z being a geezer.

― President Keyes, Friday, 4 February 2011 17:10 (fifteen years ago)

Ha, so did i

― Number None, Friday, 4 February 2011 17:22 (fifteen years ago)

White people have ruined Jay-Z for me.

― Rollie Pemberton (Rollie Pemberton), Monday, March 15, 2004 4:38 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― The Reverend, Friday, 4 February 2011 18:26 (fifteen years ago)

Jay-Z has ruined white ppl for me.

― President Keyes, Friday, 4 February 2011 18:42 (fifteen years ago)

Otm.

― The Reverend, Friday, 4 February 2011 19:20 (fifteen years ago)

Fuga-Z

― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 February 2011 19:23 (fifteen years ago)

Patrick Sway-Z in "Stashhouse"

― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Friday, 4 February 2011 19:25 (fifteen years ago)

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